Depressed about my kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. I thought the reason people scramble to go to Ivies and the like is that you can major in whatever you want and be virtually set for life? That’s what you’d think from reading here.

Nope. Ivy is no gaurentee of anything. It helps, but not a “set for life” thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I had a long, hard talk with DC yesterday. Part of the reason why they don’t want to do STEM is because of their lack of “math confidence.” While they have always worked hard at math in high school, their math and science grades have been variable (B minus to A minus) while their humanities grades in high school and college have always been much higher. When I told them this was because of grade inflation in the humanities (not as much in STEM) and not because they were bad at math and hard sciences, DC wouldn’t believe me. I told them that I think they’d be able to reasonably handle STEM at their school if they just worked really hard, but his math and science confidence is shot.

This makes me so sad. DH (an engineering PhD) tutored this kid nearly every day in math in high school, so all that work has gone to waste now that my kid is in a fluffy major. We also made my kid do Science Olympiad and Robotics Team in high school, and he said that turned him off from STEM in college. This is disappointing, to say the least. Does anyone know how we can rekindle his interest in STEM and boost his confidence? Thanks.

So basically, you tried to force your kid to have a mind like her father, but she doesn't. Instead of recognizing that and growing the seed you have into the flower it is meant to be, you tried to engineer it into a facsimile of some other plant by chopping off the flower and leaves and trying paste on different ones. That sort of grafting rarely takes, and if it does, all you have left of your original plant is the part buried underground.

Oh, and there is nothing to rekindle. You somehow missed the part where he was never interested in the first place; in your own words, you "made" him do it.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I had a long, hard talk with DC yesterday. Part of the reason why they don’t want to do STEM is because of their lack of “math confidence.” While they have always worked hard at math in high school, their math and science grades have been variable (B minus to A minus) while their humanities grades in high school and college have always been much higher. When I told them this was because of grade inflation in the humanities (not as much in STEM) and not because they were bad at math and hard sciences, DC wouldn’t believe me. I told them that I think they’d be able to reasonably handle STEM at their school if they just worked really hard, but his math and science confidence is shot.

This makes me so sad. DH (an engineering PhD) tutored this kid nearly every day in math in high school, so all that work has gone to waste now that my kid is in a fluffy major. We also made my kid do Science Olympiad and Robotics Team in high school, and he said that turned him off from STEM in college. This is disappointing, to say the least. Does anyone know how we can rekindle his interest in STEM and boost his confidence? Thanks.

Post this again next year like you do every year and you’ll get a better response?

“Re-kindle”? Nothing you’ve said suggests your kid ever had any interest in STEM.

Yep, OP you have his completely wrong. Your DC who was prodded through HS math could very likely make it through an engineering degree at some state school with the sort diligence you suggest. But studying math at Columbia? (or whatever the fiction we're entertaining is), the other students would mop the floor with your DC. They are passionate and driven, yours would flunk out for sure. Be glad he's got more sense than to put himself through that. Not that sociology, (or humanities) are necessarily easier, just those are fields people take up in earnest in college, and are suited to someone who needs a new direction.

Wrong. Few kids these days major in what they’re passionate about. Why do you think CS is the most popular major at Harvard? Do you think all those CS majors are passionate about CS? Some are, but most are in it for the career prospects. And they are diligent enough to work through a degree they aren’t all that interested in.

OP, your kid lacks diligence and work ethic. Were they lazy in high school as well?

Your first paragraph was fine.

But the bolded... I don’t know what to tell you. *Most* kids cannot handle majoring in computer science. It’s hard. That doesn’t make them lazy. Why is that so shameful to say?

Newsflash, there are people passionate about CS and they often turn up at prestige schools. If you want a CS grunt, there are more to be found at state schools. But OP's kid is neither.

OP here. First, it’s rude of you to call state school CA majors “grunts.” But they are infinitely more employable than my humanities major kid. I’d rather have my kid be a “grunt” (whatever that means) than be a starry-eyed philosopher.

"Starry-eyed philosopher" is not a thing. The philosophy majors are running AI programs, while the CS majors are doing the work at their direction. Oxford has a dual degree program in philosophy and CS because they are so importantly related. https://www.ox.ac.uk/admissions/undergraduate/courses-listing/computer-science-and-philosophy

[Anonymous]

This thread is crazy. I grew up middle class, graduated from a state school in 2012 with an English degree and a 3.5 GPA. Worked in the nonprofit sector for 5 years after that, then got a scholarship to grad school in public policy based on the work experience I accrued.

My husband and I bought a house last summer and are on track to own it outright, no mortgage, in six years. 3BR, yard, good school district, less than a half hour commute to our jobs. The secret is we left the DC area and moved to Pittsburgh. Once you get out of the major metro areas, you can have a perfectly happy financially stable life without needing to worry about striver jobs and salaries. I make 52k and my husband makes 56k and we both honestly have more money than we know what to do with. We can cover all of our expenses on one salary and plow the rest into savings and investments. Not UMC, but completely financially stable and very happy.

There is more than one path, there is more than one way to do things. Stop pushing your child into a life they clearly don't want. Let them actually try to be happy instead.

[Anonymous]

I'm begging you all, end this thread. It's gone on way too long. I recognize by commenting I'm popping it back up top. But I know no other way to stop this thing. It's the endless Reply All of DCUM threads.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP here. I had a long, hard talk with DC yesterday. Part of the reason why they don’t want to do STEM is because of their lack of “math confidence.” While they have always worked hard at math in high school, their math and science grades have been variable (B minus to A minus) while their humanities grades in high school and college have always been much higher. When I told them this was because of grade inflation in the humanities (not as much in STEM) and not because they were bad at math and hard sciences, DC wouldn’t believe me. I told them that I think they’d be able to reasonably handle STEM at their school if they just worked really hard, but his math and science confidence is shot.

This makes me so sad. DH (an engineering PhD) tutored this kid nearly every day in math in high school, so all that work has gone to waste now that my kid is in a fluffy major. We also made my kid do Science Olympiad and Robotics Team in high school, and he said that turned him off from STEM in college. This is disappointing, to say the least. Does anyone know how we can rekindle his interest in STEM and boost his confidence? Thanks.

Post this again next year like you do every year and you’ll get a better response?

“Re-kindle”? Nothing you’ve said suggests your kid ever had any interest in STEM.

Yep, OP you have his completely wrong. Your DC who was prodded through HS math could very likely make it through an engineering degree at some state school with the sort diligence you suggest. But studying math at Columbia? (or whatever the fiction we're entertaining is), the other students would mop the floor with your DC. They are passionate and driven, yours would flunk out for sure. Be glad he's got more sense than to put himself through that. Not that sociology, (or humanities) are necessarily easier, just those are fields people take up in earnest in college, and are suited to someone who needs a new direction.

Wrong. Few kids these days major in what they’re passionate about. Why do you think CS is the most popular major at Harvard? Do you think all those CS majors are passionate about CS? Some are, but most are in it for the career prospects. And they are diligent enough to work through a degree they aren’t all that interested in.

OP, your kid lacks diligence and work ethic. Were they lazy in high school as well?

Your first paragraph was fine.

But the bolded... I don’t know what to tell you. *Most* kids cannot handle majoring in computer science. It’s hard. That doesn’t make them lazy. Why is that so shameful to say?

Newsflash, there are people passionate about CS and they often turn up at prestige schools. If you want a CS grunt, there are more to be found at state schools. But OP's kid is neither.

OP here. First, it’s rude of you to call state school CA majors “grunts.” But they are infinitely more employable than my humanities major kid. I’d rather have my kid be a “grunt” (whatever that means) than be a starry-eyed philosopher.

"Starry-eyed philosopher" is not a thing. The philosophy majors are running AI programs, while the CS majors are doing the work at their direction. Oxford has a dual degree program in philosophy and CS because they are so importantly related. https://www.ox.ac.uk/admissions/undergraduate/courses-listing/computer-science-and-philosophy

It’s a dual degree program. Meaning the kids still have the CA foundation. Which my kid unfortunately refuses to have.

[Anonymous]

*CS foundation not CA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I had a long, hard talk with DC yesterday. Part of the reason why they don’t want to do STEM is because of their lack of “math confidence.” While they have always worked hard at math in high school, their math and science grades have been variable (B minus to A minus) while their humanities grades in high school and college have always been much higher. When I told them this was because of grade inflation in the humanities (not as much in STEM) and not because they were bad at math and hard sciences, DC wouldn’t believe me. I told them that I think they’d be able to reasonably handle STEM at their school if they just worked really hard, but his math and science confidence is shot.

This makes me so sad. DH (an engineering PhD) tutored this kid nearly every day in math in high school, so all that work has gone to waste now that my kid is in a fluffy major. We also made my kid do Science Olympiad and Robotics Team in high school, and he said that turned him off from STEM in college. This is disappointing, to say the least. Does anyone know how we can rekindle his interest in STEM and boost his confidence? Thanks.

So basically, you tried to force your kid to have a mind like her father, but she doesn't. Instead of recognizing that and growing the seed you have into the flower it is meant to be, you tried to engineer it into a facsimile of some other plant by chopping off the flower and leaves and trying paste on different ones. That sort of grafting rarely takes, and if it does, all you have left of your original plant is the part buried underground.

Oh, and there is nothing to rekindle. You somehow missed the part where he was never interested in the first place; in your own words, you "made" him do it.

This is, um, a bit dramatic, don’t you think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I had a long, hard talk with DC yesterday. Part of the reason why they don’t want to do STEM is because of their lack of “math confidence.” While they have always worked hard at math in high school, their math and science grades have been variable (B minus to A minus) while their humanities grades in high school and college have always been much higher. When I told them this was because of grade inflation in the humanities (not as much in STEM) and not because they were bad at math and hard sciences, DC wouldn’t believe me. I told them that I think they’d be able to reasonably handle STEM at their school if they just worked really hard, but his math and science confidence is shot.

This makes me so sad. DH (an engineering PhD) tutored this kid nearly every day in math in high school, so all that work has gone to waste now that my kid is in a fluffy major. We also made my kid do Science Olympiad and Robotics Team in high school, and he said that turned him off from STEM in college. This is disappointing, to say the least. Does anyone know how we can rekindle his interest in STEM and boost his confidence? Thanks.

Post this again next year like you do every year and you’ll get a better response?

“Re-kindle”? Nothing you’ve said suggests your kid ever had any interest in STEM.

Yep, OP you have his completely wrong. Your DC who was prodded through HS math could very likely make it through an engineering degree at some state school with the sort diligence you suggest. But studying math at Columbia? (or whatever the fiction we're entertaining is), the other students would mop the floor with your DC. They are passionate and driven, yours would flunk out for sure. Be glad he's got more sense than to put himself through that. Not that sociology, (or humanities) are necessarily easier, just those are fields people take up in earnest in college, and are suited to someone who needs a new direction.

Wrong. Few kids these days major in what they’re passionate about. Why do you think CS is the most popular major at Harvard? Do you think all those CS majors are passionate about CS? Some are, but most are in it for the career prospects. And they are diligent enough to work through a degree they aren’t all that interested in.

OP, your kid lacks diligence and work ethic. Were they lazy in high school as well?

Your first paragraph was fine.

But the bolded... I don’t know what to tell you. *Most* kids cannot handle majoring in computer science. It’s hard. That doesn’t make them lazy. Why is that so shameful to say?

Newsflash, there are people passionate about CS and they often turn up at prestige schools. If you want a CS grunt, there are more to be found at state schools. But OP's kid is neither.

OP here. First, it’s rude of you to call state school CA majors “grunts.” But they are infinitely more employable than my humanities major kid. I’d rather have my kid be a “grunt” (whatever that means) than be a starry-eyed philosopher.

"Starry-eyed philosopher" is not a thing. The philosophy majors are running AI programs, while the CS majors are doing the work at their direction. Oxford has a dual degree program in philosophy and CS because they are so importantly related. https://www.ox.ac.uk/admissions/undergraduate/courses-listing/computer-science-and-philosophy

It’s a dual degree program. Meaning the kids still have the CA foundation. Which my kid unfortunately refuses to have.

That misses the point. They recognize the interconnection. It's OK to have one or the other or both and go into AI or CS fields. Philosophy is logic based thinking. If you haven't done both (I have) it may be hard to understand, but the real power minds are in philosophy making the big picture decisions and designs, not just asking how do we make this program or robot do X, Y, Z, but should we, and why, and with what kinds of failsafes?

[Anonymous]

I’m an Ivy Philosophy grad. After a couple of years in the Peace Corps in the world’s poorest country I went to an Ivy law school. All is not lost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m an Ivy Philosophy grad. After a couple of years in the Peace Corps in the world’s poorest country I went to an Ivy law school. All is not lost.

The job market for lawyers is really, really bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I had a long, hard talk with DC yesterday. Part of the reason why they don’t want to do STEM is because of their lack of “math confidence.” While they have always worked hard at math in high school, their math and science grades have been variable (B minus to A minus) while their humanities grades in high school and college have always been much higher. When I told them this was because of grade inflation in the humanities (not as much in STEM) and not because they were bad at math and hard sciences, DC wouldn’t believe me. I told them that I think they’d be able to reasonably handle STEM at their school if they just worked really hard, but his math and science confidence is shot.

This makes me so sad. DH (an engineering PhD) tutored this kid nearly every day in math in high school, so all that work has gone to waste now that my kid is in a fluffy major. We also made my kid do Science Olympiad and Robotics Team in high school, and he said that turned him off from STEM in college. This is disappointing, to say the least. Does anyone know how we can rekindle his interest in STEM and boost his confidence? Thanks.

Post this again next year like you do every year and you’ll get a better response?

“Re-kindle”? Nothing you’ve said suggests your kid ever had any interest in STEM.

Yep, OP you have his completely wrong. Your DC who was prodded through HS math could very likely make it through an engineering degree at some state school with the sort diligence you suggest. But studying math at Columbia? (or whatever the fiction we're entertaining is), the other students would mop the floor with your DC. They are passionate and driven, yours would flunk out for sure. Be glad he's got more sense than to put himself through that. Not that sociology, (or humanities) are necessarily easier, just those are fields people take up in earnest in college, and are suited to someone who needs a new direction.

Wrong. Few kids these days major in what they’re passionate about. Why do you think CS is the most popular major at Harvard? Do you think all those CS majors are passionate about CS? Some are, but most are in it for the career prospects. And they are diligent enough to work through a degree they aren’t all that interested in.

OP, your kid lacks diligence and work ethic. Were they lazy in high school as well?

Your first paragraph was fine.

But the bolded... I don’t know what to tell you. *Most* kids cannot handle majoring in computer science. It’s hard. That doesn’t make them lazy. Why is that so shameful to say?

Newsflash, there are people passionate about CS and they often turn up at prestige schools. If you want a CS grunt, there are more to be found at state schools. But OP's kid is neither.

OP here. First, it’s rude of you to call state school CA majors “grunts.” But they are infinitely more employable than my humanities major kid. I’d rather have my kid be a “grunt” (whatever that means) than be a starry-eyed philosopher.

"Starry-eyed philosopher" is not a thing. The philosophy majors are running AI programs, while the CS majors are doing the work at their direction. Oxford has a dual degree program in philosophy and CS because they are so importantly related. https://www.ox.ac.uk/admissions/undergraduate/courses-listing/computer-science-and-philosophy

It’s a dual degree program. Meaning the kids still have the CA foundation. Which my kid unfortunately refuses to have.

That misses the point. They recognize the interconnection. It's OK to have one or the other or both and go into AI or CS fields. Philosophy is logic based thinking. If you haven't done both (I have) it may be hard to understand, but the real power minds are in philosophy making the big picture decisions and designs, not just asking how do we make this program or robot do X, Y, Z, but should we, and why, and with what kinds of failsafes?

You can’t do this without knowing CS.