Depressed about my kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid (gender neutral to prevent doxxing) is a rising junior at a top Ivy. That’s the only good part—they basically peaked in high school. In a useless humanities major at their school with a low GPA. Got rejected from all 50 internships they applied to this summer, so they’re currently working as a camp counselor. I’m distraught. We’re middle class and my kid gets a ton of aid from their school, so we can’t afford to have them major in something useless while not working in important, resume-building internships. But they don’t listen. So frustrating. Can anyone else relate? It’s just so frustrating seeing them sabotage every single chance they get.

nice trolling ... free-lancing for some web publisher?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid (gender neutral to prevent doxxing) is a rising junior at a top Ivy. That’s the only good part—they basically peaked in high school. In a useless humanities major at their school with a low GPA. Got rejected from all 50 internships they applied to this summer, so they’re currently working as a camp counselor. I’m distraught. We’re middle class and my kid gets a ton of aid from their school, so we can’t afford to have them major in something useless while not working in important, resume-building internships. But they don’t listen. So frustrating. Can anyone else relate? It’s just so frustrating seeing them sabotage every single chance they get.

nice trolling ... free-lancing for some web publisher?

OP has been around for a while. Kid is a Columbia or Dartmouth student, an ORM, engineer parent, etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child has a 3.7 in philosophy at Columbia, you have absolutely NOTHING to worry about.

Philosophy is a VERY respected major. Among humanities, at most colleges it is one of the toughest. A 3.7 is nothing to sneeze at--especially after only 2 years. (Most students' GPAs go up their last 2 years.)

I don't know the median GPA at Columbia, but I seriously doubt it's a 3.8--probably more like a 3.6. I am absolutely positive that a 3.7 doesn't put you in the bottom quarter of the class. Even those in the bottom of the class will be able to get jobs.

Do you KNOW that the gpa was the reason your DC didn't get an internship? I doubt it. I assume there were lots of applicants and those who were successul have completed 3 years of college.

I think the GPA + useless major was part of it. The other reasons might be low relevant work experience in general (spent last summer working at Chipotle instead of at an internship) and weak ECs in college (only in fun/frivolous art clubs at Columbia and not in any serious academic or professional clubs). Most middle class Columbia students are aggressively building their resumes, taking useful classes, and finding relevant internships (both in the summer and during the school year).

Clubs are very hard to get into at Columbia. They are very competitive and social connections help. Philosophy is a well respected major. It is not easy. 3.7 is a strong GPA. It was very difficult to get an internship this year especially for first and second year students. Many companies decided not to do them because of Covid. You sound nuts. Leave your kid alone.

So things you might want to do to expand your horizons are also part of a rat race rigged to benefit the rich and connected? That's awful.

[Anonymous]

Is anyone surprised that OP's kid is pushing back and rebelling against their crazy parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes when you work a kid too much in high school they burn out and peak then. It's a hard lesson.

Sometimes it's much better to let them be average and go to an ok in state university and save their energy and interests for undergrad and grad school.

Middle class and LMC teens are going to have a hard time at expensive schools, no matter how much aid they receive. Sometimes it's best to skip it and go to a university that you will fit into better.

This is false as it’s statistically proven that low and middle class kids benefit the most from elite schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child has a 3.7 in philosophy at Columbia, you have absolutely NOTHING to worry about.

Philosophy is a VERY respected major. Among humanities, at most colleges it is one of the toughest. A 3.7 is nothing to sneeze at--especially after only 2 years. (Most students' GPAs go up their last 2 years.)

I don't know the median GPA at Columbia, but I seriously doubt it's a 3.8--probably more like a 3.6. I am absolutely positive that a 3.7 doesn't put you in the bottom quarter of the class. Even those in the bottom of the class will be able to get jobs.

Do you KNOW that the gpa was the reason your DC didn't get an internship? I doubt it. I assume there were lots of applicants and those who were successul have completed 3 years of college.

I think the GPA + useless major was part of it. The other reasons might be low relevant work experience in general (spent last summer working at Chipotle instead of at an internship) and weak ECs in college (only in fun/frivolous art clubs at Columbia and not in any serious academic or professional clubs). Most middle class Columbia students are aggressively building their resumes, taking useful classes, and finding relevant internships (both in the summer and during the school year).

Clubs are very hard to get into at Columbia. They are very competitive and social connections help. Philosophy is a well respected major. It is not easy. 3.7 is a strong GPA. It was very difficult to get an internship this year especially for first and second year students. Many companies decided not to do them because of Covid. You sound nuts. Leave your kid alone.

So things you might want to do to expand your horizons are also part of a rat race rigged to benefit the rich and connected? That's awful.

Welcome to capitalism (?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes when you work a kid too much in high school they burn out and peak then. It's a hard lesson.

Sometimes it's much better to let them be average and go to an ok in state university and save their energy and interests for undergrad and grad school.

Middle class and LMC teens are going to have a hard time at expensive schools, no matter how much aid they receive. Sometimes it's best to skip it and go to a university that you will fit into better.

This is false as it’s statistically proven that low and middle class kids benefit the most from elite schools.

Link of proof?

[Anonymous]

OP is the only purpose of college to get a high paying career? Not to be a well educated person? You realize that’s the purpose of Columbia’s Core right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is the only purpose of college to get a high paying career? Not to be a well educated person? You realize that’s the purpose of Columbia’s Core right?

We are not independently wealthy. The main purpose of college for all but the 1% is to get a stable high paying job after graduation (or get into law school or med school). Frankly, we chose Columbia in spite of the Core — colossal waste of time making my kid take useless classes like Art History or African Lit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is the only purpose of college to get a high paying career? Not to be a well educated person? You realize that’s the purpose of Columbia’s Core right?

We are not independently wealthy. The main purpose of college for all but the 1% is to get a stable high paying job after graduation (or get into law school or med school). Frankly, we chose Columbia in spite of the Core — colossal waste of time making my kid take useless classes like Art History or African Lit.

If you really want to make it (top of your field) you need cultural capital, which classes like art history confer. Class distinctions go beyond income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is the only purpose of college to get a high paying career? Not to be a well educated person? You realize that’s the purpose of Columbia’s Core right?

NP. For 99% of people it is. Maybe not for the 1% who get vanity degrees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is the only purpose of college to get a high paying career? Not to be a well educated person? You realize that’s the purpose of Columbia’s Core right?

NP. For 99% of people it is. Maybe not for the 1% who get vanity degrees.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid (gender neutral to prevent doxxing) is a rising junior at a top Ivy. That’s the only good part—they basically peaked in high school. In a useless humanities major at their school with a low GPA. Got rejected from all 50 internships they applied to this summer, so they’re currently working as a camp counselor. I’m distraught. We’re middle class and my kid gets a ton of aid from their school, so we can’t afford to have them major in something useless while not working in important, resume-building internships. But they don’t listen. So frustrating. Can anyone else relate? It’s just so frustrating seeing them sabotage every single chance they get.

This sounds inconsistent. Tons of aid and you can’t afford to be embarrassed basically. Is that what you really mean, OP? Try to be proud of your adult child for making it this far. Everyone in college doesn’t make straight As like in high school. They are obviously in good academic standing or they would not still be there. Due to the ongoing pandemic, many companies may not be at full capacity with internships. Camp counselors are in demand this summer because there’s a shortage due to the pandemic. It sounds like you are the saboteur, OP, Your kid likely senses your disappointment.

Also do not understand the "a ton of aid from their school" part. If your kid gets a ton of aid from their school, you should be less depressed because your kid can afford to take a job with less pay. I would be more depressed if kids have debts and cannot get a good paying job.

I understand — it means that, unlike a family that can afford full pay for one or more kids, we don’t have the resources to finance grad/professional school for DC — much less a few years of finding him-/herself while living on our dime in some cool location. College is DC’s best shot at a UMC career and DC isn’t acting like s/he recognizes that.

Then they shouldn't have gone to an IVY! Or started out with a major that leads to direct out of school hiring into a professional field. Or had the GPA conversations and say "you are on our own when you graduate so if you make a great GPA some consumting form will pick upu ip and pay ypu bank for crazy hours. But you cant move back home"

Depending on class and where parents were raised, the family may not have understood this. I say this as a first-gen Harvard grad. The billing is this is a top school, for the best and the brightest, go there and your future is bright. When really these are schools that were designed by/for well-connected young men with access to (often generational) wealth and power. They’ve been tweaked/pressured to accommodate a more diverse student body (and the faculty may have different values than the institution), but the norm is still an affluent student body with room/resources to maneuver. Family may see kid gravitating to a lifestyle they can’t support.

Yes yes yes you get it! DC is delusional that they can follow the same path as their underachieving wealthy peers and still end up in the same place as them. Not true! It’s especially disappointing because college IS the one and only shot they get at UMC careers, but they have no interest. I think this is mainly because all of their friends are slackers; they’re the rich artsy stoner types who wish they went to Wesleyan or Brown instead of this particular school because it’s “too stressful.” It’s disappointing to have DC’s friends be recreational drug users who mainly major in the arts or humanities. Why can’t they be friends with the try-hard upwardly mobile middle class kids at their school?

I realize this sounds harsh and lots of you think I’m a troll. But those of you who have struggled to make ends meet and then have had your kid receive a wonderful opportunity like this only to squander it will be able to relate. Probably not most of DCUM.

Wait wait wait I feel lol everyone just glossed over this part. Peer group plays a huge role in your time at college, and if OP’s kid’s friends are all rich kids who expect to live off of their trust fund in Brooklyn after graduation, s/he’s in for a disappointment. Why doesn’t your kid want to be friends with all the hard working middle class kids majoring in STEM? Does she find them too aggressive and competitive? I know Columbia has a reputation for cutthroat students. I would also be concerned if all my friend’s kids were artsy slackers whose faulty work ethic was rubbing off on my kid. It’s hard for your kid to choose the right major and plot out a good career path if none of their friends are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is the only purpose of college to get a high paying career? Not to be a well educated person? You realize that’s the purpose of Columbia’s Core right?

We are not independently wealthy. The main purpose of college for all but the 1% is to get a stable high paying job after graduation (or get into law school or med school). Frankly, we chose Columbia in spite of the Core — colossal waste of time making my kid take useless classes like Art History or African Lit.

If you really want to make it (top of your field) you need cultural capital, which classes like art history confer. Class distinctions go beyond income.

Highly doubt one Intro to Art History class will confer “cultural capital,” but ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid (gender neutral to prevent doxxing) is a rising junior at a top Ivy. That’s the only good part—they basically peaked in high school. In a useless humanities major at their school with a low GPA. Got rejected from all 50 internships they applied to this summer, so they’re currently working as a camp counselor. I’m distraught. We’re middle class and my kid gets a ton of aid from their school, so we can’t afford to have them major in something useless while not working in important, resume-building internships. But they don’t listen. So frustrating. Can anyone else relate? It’s just so frustrating seeing them sabotage every single chance they get.

This sounds inconsistent. Tons of aid and you can’t afford to be embarrassed basically. Is that what you really mean, OP? Try to be proud of your adult child for making it this far. Everyone in college doesn’t make straight As like in high school. They are obviously in good academic standing or they would not still be there. Due to the ongoing pandemic, many companies may not be at full capacity with internships. Camp counselors are in demand this summer because there’s a shortage due to the pandemic. It sounds like you are the saboteur, OP, Your kid likely senses your disappointment.

Also do not understand the "a ton of aid from their school" part. If your kid gets a ton of aid from their school, you should be less depressed because your kid can afford to take a job with less pay. I would be more depressed if kids have debts and cannot get a good paying job.

I understand — it means that, unlike a family that can afford full pay for one or more kids, we don’t have the resources to finance grad/professional school for DC — much less a few years of finding him-/herself while living on our dime in some cool location. College is DC’s best shot at a UMC career and DC isn’t acting like s/he recognizes that.

Then they shouldn't have gone to an IVY! Or started out with a major that leads to direct out of school hiring into a professional field. Or had the GPA conversations and say "you are on our own when you graduate so if you make a great GPA some consumting form will pick upu ip and pay ypu bank for crazy hours. But you cant move back home"

Depending on class and where parents were raised, the family may not have understood this. I say this as a first-gen Harvard grad. The billing is this is a top school, for the best and the brightest, go there and your future is bright. When really these are schools that were designed by/for well-connected young men with access to (often generational) wealth and power. They’ve been tweaked/pressured to accommodate a more diverse student body (and the faculty may have different values than the institution), but the norm is still an affluent student body with room/resources to maneuver. Family may see kid gravitating to a lifestyle they can’t support.

Yes yes yes you get it! DC is delusional that they can follow the same path as their underachieving wealthy peers and still end up in the same place as them. Not true! It’s especially disappointing because college IS the one and only shot they get at UMC careers, but they have no interest. I think this is mainly because all of their friends are slackers; they’re the rich artsy stoner types who wish they went to Wesleyan or Brown instead of this particular school because it’s “too stressful.” It’s disappointing to have DC’s friends be recreational drug users who mainly major in the arts or humanities. Why can’t they be friends with the try-hard upwardly mobile middle class kids at their school?

I realize this sounds harsh and lots of you think I’m a troll. But those of you who have struggled to make ends meet and then have had your kid receive a wonderful opportunity like this only to squander it will be able to relate. Probably not most of DCUM.

Wait wait wait I feel lol everyone just glossed over this part. Peer group plays a huge role in your time at college, and if OP’s kid’s friends are all rich kids who expect to live off of their trust fund in Brooklyn after graduation, s/he’s in for a disappointment. Why doesn’t your kid want to be friends with all the hard working middle class kids majoring in STEM? Does she find them too aggressive and competitive? I know Columbia has a reputation for cutthroat students. I would also be concerned if all my friend’s kids were artsy slackers whose faulty work ethic was rubbing off on my kid. It’s hard for your kid to choose the right major and plot out a good career path if none of their friends are.

Came here just to comment on this. It seems odd that a middle class kid broke into a circle of rich kids though — at least in my Ivy UG experience, the rich kids just circled off by themselves.

In a lot of ways, I’m really glad my kid went to our state school. He wouldn’t be delusional that a useless degree would get him anywhere, and going to a large flagship in the honors program means all of his friends are hardworking upper/middle class kids majoring in Engineering/Accounting/Nursing or something similarly practical.