Depressed about my kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid (gender neutral to prevent doxxing) is a rising junior at a top Ivy. That’s the only good part—they basically peaked in high school. In a useless humanities major at their school with a low GPA. Got rejected from all 50 internships they applied to this summer, so they’re currently working as a camp counselor. I’m distraught. We’re middle class and my kid gets a ton of aid from their school, so we can’t afford to have them major in something useless while not working in important, resume-building internships. But they don’t listen. So frustrating. Can anyone else relate? It’s just so frustrating seeing them sabotage every single chance they get.

This sounds inconsistent. Tons of aid and you can’t afford to be embarrassed basically. Is that what you really mean, OP? Try to be proud of your adult child for making it this far. Everyone in college doesn’t make straight As like in high school. They are obviously in good academic standing or they would not still be there. Due to the ongoing pandemic, many companies may not be at full capacity with internships. Camp counselors are in demand this summer because there’s a shortage due to the pandemic. It sounds like you are the saboteur, OP, Your kid likely senses your disappointment.

Also do not understand the "a ton of aid from their school" part. If your kid gets a ton of aid from their school, you should be less depressed because your kid can afford to take a job with less pay. I would be more depressed if kids have debts and cannot get a good paying job.

[Anonymous]

Docus on the grades and not the major. People dont go to an ivy for a job degree. They go to an ivy/humanities focused majors in other places, to learn, learn how to write, how to construct an argument, proper research methods etc.

[Anonymous]

2 years out of HS seems like a really weird time to conclude that your kid peaked in HS — especially bizarre when most of those two years have been in the midst of a global pandemic.

So step back and get some perspective.

How low is the GPA in question? Under 3.0 at a top Ivy could indicate something is wrong (it’s pretty easy to get Bs at these schools in humanities majors). But if you’re just freaked out that DC’s Ivy grades aren’t as good as DC’s HS grades well, that just means that in a more competitive pool, DC isn’t top of the class. Not surprising and not an indicator of laziness or self-sabotage.

Re useless majors. Elite private colleges in the US pride themselves on not being vocational schools. (What that’s all about and whether it’s an effed-up or laudable or class-specific POV is a topic for another day. Take it as a given in this context. Your kid is an an environment that is structured this way and is there by choice (yours presumably included).) Some companies hire kids with BAs and many/most? don’t really care about majors. It’s not as if your DC could have majored in marketing or pharmacy or education or nursing or accounting at a top Ivy — engineering isn’t even always an option at these schools. And, yet, their grads are employable…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid (gender neutral to prevent doxxing) is a rising junior at a top Ivy. That’s the only good part—they basically peaked in high school. In a useless humanities major at their school with a low GPA. Got rejected from all 50 internships they applied to this summer, so they’re currently working as a camp counselor. I’m distraught. We’re middle class and my kid gets a ton of aid from their school, so we can’t afford to have them major in something useless while not working in important, resume-building internships. But they don’t listen. So frustrating. Can anyone else relate? It’s just so frustrating seeing them sabotage every single chance they get.

This sounds inconsistent. Tons of aid and you can’t afford to be embarrassed basically. Is that what you really mean, OP? Try to be proud of your adult child for making it this far. Everyone in college doesn’t make straight As like in high school. They are obviously in good academic standing or they would not still be there. Due to the ongoing pandemic, many companies may not be at full capacity with internships. Camp counselors are in demand this summer because there’s a shortage due to the pandemic. It sounds like you are the saboteur, OP, Your kid likely senses your disappointment.

Also do not understand the "a ton of aid from their school" part. If your kid gets a ton of aid from their school, you should be less depressed because your kid can afford to take a job with less pay. I would be more depressed if kids have debts and cannot get a good paying job.

I understand — it means that, unlike a family that can afford full pay for one or more kids, we don’t have the resources to finance grad/professional school for DC — much less a few years of finding him-/herself while living on our dime in some cool location. College is DC’s best shot at a UMC career and DC isn’t acting like s/he recognizes that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid (gender neutral to prevent doxxing) is a rising junior at a top Ivy. That’s the only good part—they basically peaked in high school. In a useless humanities major at their school with a low GPA. Got rejected from all 50 internships they applied to this summer, so they’re currently working as a camp counselor. I’m distraught. We’re middle class and my kid gets a ton of aid from their school, so we can’t afford to have them major in something useless while not working in important, resume-building internships. But they don’t listen. So frustrating. Can anyone else relate? It’s just so frustrating seeing them sabotage every single chance they get.

This sounds inconsistent. Tons of aid and you can’t afford to be embarrassed basically. Is that what you really mean, OP? Try to be proud of your adult child for making it this far. Everyone in college doesn’t make straight As like in high school. They are obviously in good academic standing or they would not still be there. Due to the ongoing pandemic, many companies may not be at full capacity with internships. Camp counselors are in demand this summer because there’s a shortage due to the pandemic. It sounds like you are the saboteur, OP, Your kid likely senses your disappointment.

Also do not understand the "a ton of aid from their school" part. If your kid gets a ton of aid from their school, you should be less depressed because your kid can afford to take a job with less pay. I would be more depressed if kids have debts and cannot get a good paying job.

I understand — it means that, unlike a family that can afford full pay for one or more kids, we don’t have the resources to finance grad/professional school for DC — much less a few years of finding him-/herself while living on our dime in some cool location. College is DC’s best shot at a UMC career and DC isn’t acting like s/he recognizes that.

Then they shouldn't have gone to an IVY! Or started out with a major that leads to direct out of school hiring into a professional field. Or had the GPA conversations and say "you are on our own when you graduate so if you make a great GPA some consumting form will pick upu ip and pay ypu bank for crazy hours. But you cant move back home"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t tell if this is a conserva-troll just using this post to slam Ivys and liberal arts majors, or not.
If so: my response is “send your kid to Hillsdale. Their job prospects will go way way way down… unless they want a conservative affirmative action job paid by billionaires. Charles Koch is always hiring ideologues.”

If not, my response is: What do you call a Princeton grad with a low GPA who worked their junior summer as a camp counselor? “A Princeton grad.”
Your kid will be fine. They should commit themselves more to school, but don’t sweat it.

Princeton grad here. Can confirm.

[Anonymous]

Jesus Christ.

[Anonymous]

Newsflash: overbearing, selfish parents send heir child to a school that enables her to think for herself. She gets a voice and refuses to continue living like her parent's puppet.

OP-you control your own life. That is all you are in charge of any more, and it sounds like it needs work.

[Anonymous]

I was kind of like this, OP. I was motivated in HS and went to a top school (not an Ivy, though) that my immigrant parents stretched and took loans to pay for. I totally slacked off while I was there (also had some mild depression issues) and, while I got my act together senior year, I graduated with only a 3.2 GPA. I did want to go to law school, so I studied my ass off for the LSAT, did well, and went to any Ivy law school after a few years of working. Yes, definitely graduating with a low GPA is going to make it harder, but for grad school, other things also matter. Make sure your kid is on top of the job search this year, and maybe gently offer some advice about professional school options - MBA programs also put great weight on work experience, moreso than GPA. And while I only recommend law school with some qualifications - i.e., only if you want to be a lawyer, preferably a top 14-20 school, and with a plan for how to pay the loans back - it’s an option that won’t be foreclosed with a low-ish GPA if your kid can do well on the LSAT.

Also, don’t underestimate the connections a good school will get your kid. I got my first job out of undergrad basically through an alum.

[Anonymous]

OP I would kill for a happy and healthy child. Try to appreciate what you have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t tell if this is a conserva-troll just using this post to slam Ivys and liberal arts majors, or not.
If so: my response is “send your kid to Hillsdale. Their job prospects will go way way way down… unless they want a conservative affirmative action job paid by billionaires. Charles Koch is always hiring ideologues.”

If not, my response is: What do you call a Princeton grad with a low GPA who worked their junior summer as a camp counselor? “A Princeton grad.”
Your kid will be fine. They should commit themselves more to school, but don’t sweat it.

Tell me you went to a Liberal Arts school, without telling you went to a Liberal Arts college

[Anonymous]

I have a useless humanities degree from a non-Ivy and have a successful corporate career so your completely superficial dreams for your child may still come true!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid (gender neutral to prevent doxxing) is a rising junior at a top Ivy. That’s the only good part—they basically peaked in high school. In a useless humanities major at their school with a low GPA. Got rejected from all 50 internships they applied to this summer, so they’re currently working as a camp counselor. I’m distraught. We’re middle class and my kid gets a ton of aid from their school, so we can’t afford to have them major in something useless while not working in important, resume-building internships. But they don’t listen. So frustrating. Can anyone else relate? It’s just so frustrating seeing them sabotage every single chance they get.

This sounds inconsistent. Tons of aid and you can’t afford to be embarrassed basically. Is that what you really mean, OP? Try to be proud of your adult child for making it this far. Everyone in college doesn’t make straight As like in high school. They are obviously in good academic standing or they would not still be there. Due to the ongoing pandemic, many companies may not be at full capacity with internships. Camp counselors are in demand this summer because there’s a shortage due to the pandemic. It sounds like you are the saboteur, OP, Your kid likely senses your disappointment.

Also do not understand the "a ton of aid from their school" part. If your kid gets a ton of aid from their school, you should be less depressed because your kid can afford to take a job with less pay. I would be more depressed if kids have debts and cannot get a good paying job.

I understand — it means that, unlike a family that can afford full pay for one or more kids, we don’t have the resources to finance grad/professional school for DC — much less a few years of finding him-/herself while living on our dime in some cool location. College is DC’s best shot at a UMC career and DC isn’t acting like s/he recognizes that.

Then they shouldn't have gone to an IVY! Or started out with a major that leads to direct out of school hiring into a professional field. Or had the GPA conversations and say "you are on our own when you graduate so if you make a great GPA some consumting form will pick upu ip and pay ypu bank for crazy hours. But you cant move back home"

Depending on class and where parents were raised, the family may not have understood this. I say this as a first-gen Harvard grad. The billing is this is a top school, for the best and the brightest, go there and your future is bright. When really these are schools that were designed by/for well-connected young men with access to (often generational) wealth and power. They’ve been tweaked/pressured to accommodate a more diverse student body (and the faculty may have different values than the institution), but the norm is still an affluent student body with room/resources to maneuver. Family may see kid gravitating to a lifestyle they can’t support.

[Anonymous]

I only hope that you are not telling your child that despite their achievement of getting admitted into an Ivy, you are disappointed, they have already peaked and that the subject that motivates them is useless.

Unless your goal is to become estranged from your child. In that case, you are doing everything right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid (gender neutral to prevent doxxing) is a rising junior at a top Ivy. That’s the only good part—they basically peaked in high school. In a useless humanities major at their school with a low GPA. Got rejected from all 50 internships they applied to this summer, so they’re currently working as a camp counselor. I’m distraught. We’re middle class and my kid gets a ton of aid from their school, so we can’t afford to have them major in something useless while not working in important, resume-building internships. But they don’t listen. So frustrating. Can anyone else relate? It’s just so frustrating seeing them sabotage every single chance they get.

They applied to 50 internships! And they were rejected. Rather than curl up into a ball or turn to drinking or playing video games they got a job and are earning money. How are they sabotaging? Did they get interviews and did not prepare?