Sleeping in on family vacation: what is reasonable?

[Anonymous]

OP, are you (A) an early bird and (B) someone who was very isolated for the past 15 months?

It seems as though you might really have missed your son and grandchildren, and you can't think of anything better than spending every moment together. But dealing with kids' needs and life generally has been exhausting for parents, and the kids have probably had to give up a lot of things they really liked in life. So when the parents agreed to go on vacation with your, they were sort of happy at the thought of getting to spend some time with you, but they were also looking forward to a lot more freedom than they got under lockdown.

And now it turns out that they're expected to follow someone else's rules and schedule all day, every day, and they gave up annual leave to do so. No matter how glad they are to see you, they don't want to relive life during covid: different strictures, different location, still miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With small children, I understand, but not that our granddaughters are 8 and 5, we are wondering what is reasonable on a family vacation. We rented two rooms at a lake resort for a long weekend, our treat. Breakfast service ends at 9, and for each morning, son and DIL emerge with the kids at 8:30 or even 8:40. Breakfast is rushed. One morning, they hadn’t even showered yet, so went back to the room for an hour after breakfast, so we get a late start on the day and miss out on activities.

What is reasonable? Tomorrow is last day and I don’t want to rush breakfast. Again.

We have similarly aged (slightly younger) kids. Our regular weekday mornings center around having to have everyone up and ready by a deadline. One of the best things about vacations is being able to wake up and get ready on a leisurely schedule, which is something I think the who have that luxury on a daily basis forget/don’t appreciate. If my in-laws expected us to show up for breakfast before 8:30 am each morning I would absolutely stop vacationing with them regardless of who was paying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is like this. I deliberately slow-play things by at least 10 minutes just to irk her. If her son wanted to meet her expectations, he could move things along, but he doesn’t.

So you’re immature and passive aggressive. Got it

Sure am! She plays stupid games, and I supply the stupid prizes.

I'm with you PP. Needling my crazy MIL is one of my favorite hobbies.

You both sound like petty losers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is like this. I deliberately slow-play things by at least 10 minutes just to irk her. If her son wanted to meet her expectations, he could move things along, but he doesn’t.

So you’re immature and passive aggressive. Got it

Sure am! She plays stupid games, and I supply the stupid prizes.

I'm with you PP. Needling my crazy MIL is one of my favorite hobbies.

You both sound like petty losers.

Shrug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With small children, I understand, but not that our granddaughters are 8 and 5, we are wondering what is reasonable on a family vacation. We rented two rooms at a lake resort for a long weekend, our treat. Breakfast service ends at 9, and for each morning, son and DIL emerge with the kids at 8:30 or even 8:40. Breakfast is rushed. One morning, they hadn’t even showered yet, so went back to the room for an hour after breakfast, so we get a late start on the day and miss out on activities.

What is reasonable? Tomorrow is last day and I don’t want to rush breakfast. Again.

We have similarly aged (slightly younger) kids. Our regular weekday mornings center around having to have everyone up and ready by a deadline. One of the best things about vacations is being able to wake up and get ready on a leisurely schedule, which is something I think the who have that luxury on a daily basis forget/don’t appreciate. If my in-laws expected us to show up for breakfast before 8:30 am each morning I would absolutely stop vacationing with them regardless of who was paying.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

OP, I’ll give you a view from the other side. We’re going on an all-inclusive vacation with elderly relatives this summer and we’re paying. We have a range of ages going on the trip and a lot of activities planned. The way I’m approaching this is to be flexible and non-judgmental. The fact that we’re paying is mute. I just want everyone to come away feeling like they had a great time. If the elderly relatives are overwhelmed by all of the activity and want more downtime, I understand. I don’t know all of their needs and don’t require them to keep up with my kids. I also don’t think that the fact that I’m paying means that I should dictate how they spend their time on the trip.

It sounds like the group vacation thing isn’t a good idea for your family right now. Maybe it will be once the kids have grown. And going forward, plan things with your son and leave your DIL out of it. She will be grateful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't control other people. Bend a little.

Get uo and have breakfast when you want.

Agree to meet up in the early afternoon for a mutually agreeable activity. Stop blaming your DIL! Why does your son escape your ire?

So many good points. OP is very hung up on the idea that she paid. One of those people who controls others via money. No thanks.

+1. So *kind* to give this *gift* and demand every moment of their time be filled as you prescribe. What a *vacation* for them. So relaxing. Do you not remember what it's like to have young children, OP? It's exhausting. You should be happy they can sleep in a little and roll a little slow in the mornings. I'll bet that your DIL recommended this place because you asked and/or you were too lazy to do the damn research yourself. She tried to make a suggestion that would fit your standards and you are hell bent on blaming her for the family schedule which is your son's fault. Good god. Writing this down for notes for my future self.

Really? I'm thinking that DIL picked a place that she and sonny boy could never afford on their own, and believes that she can operate as though this vacation is her due.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you still around? How many hours of the day do you think they should spend with you?

I could imagine 3. Three hours during the day, then a couple more hours in the evening. So, maybe 5. I think 5 would be my limit for any 24 hour period. No more than 6

[Anonymous]

when on vacation, anyone should be able to sleep in as late as they want...it's VACATION!

[Anonymous]

Wow you sound like a nightmare of a MIL. Your poor dil and son are exhausted. Let them sleep in.

[Anonymous]

NP. Ideally 3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't control other people. Bend a little.

Get uo and have breakfast when you want.

Agree to meet up in the early afternoon for a mutually agreeable activity. Stop blaming your DIL! Why does your son escape your ire?

So many good points. OP is very hung up on the idea that she paid. One of those people who controls others via money. No thanks.

+1. So *kind* to give this *gift* and demand every moment of their time be filled as you prescribe. What a *vacation* for them. So relaxing. Do you not remember what it's like to have young children, OP? It's exhausting. You should be happy they can sleep in a little and roll a little slow in the mornings. I'll bet that your DIL recommended this place because you asked and/or you were too lazy to do the damn research yourself. She tried to make a suggestion that would fit your standards and you are hell bent on blaming her for the family schedule which is your son's fault. Good god. Writing this down for notes for my future self.

Really? I'm thinking that DIL picked a place that she and sonny boy could never afford on their own, and believes that she can operate as though this vacation is her due.

Why are you laying this all at the feet of the DIL?

For all you know, OP **asked for suggestions,*** and even if “sonny body” didn’t physically send the link, he clearly co-signed the plan.

Oh, is getting kids ready in the morning and getting them down to breakfast only women’s work?

Nice worldview.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot even imagine eating breakfast on vacation before 9 am. What kind of vacation is that?!

If you're need to sleep why wouldn't you just take time off to sleep at home? Why would you pay money to go somewhere new and different just to stay in bed half the day?

“Half the day” is midafternoon, you rigid, uptight Puritan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’ll give you a view from the other side. We’re going on an all-inclusive vacation with elderly relatives this summer and we’re paying. We have a range of ages going on the trip and a lot of activities planned. The way I’m approaching this is to be flexible and non-judgmental. The fact that we’re paying is mute. I just want everyone to come away feeling like they had a great time. If the elderly relatives are overwhelmed by all of the activity and want more downtime, I understand. I don’t know all of their needs and don’t require them to keep up with my kids. I also don’t think that the fact that I’m paying means that I should dictate how they spend their time on the trip.

It sounds like the group vacation thing isn’t a good idea for your family right now. Maybe it will be once the kids have grown. And going forward, plan things with your son and leave your DIL out of it. She will be grateful.

Im assuming this is a typo or an autocorrect and that you know the word you want here is moot, not mute.

[Anonymous]

OP, please chill, go have your leisurely breakfast, and plan to see your family members right before 9am. Take a book, newspaper to breakfast. Problem solved.

Personally, I would be unhappy I had to get up and get breakfast before 9am on my vacation, but would do it in order to see my parents.