My sister is marrying a non-Jew. Help?

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04/02/2019 19:07

Subject: Re:My sister is marrying a non-Jew. Help?

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Anonymous

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Anonymous wrote:(sympathetic C Jew again) To note the kids will be halachically Jewish (lets leave off with the "culturally Jewish" BS - the kids won't be speaking Yiddish, vaguely aware of Judaism is not "culturally Jewish") and at some point may have curiosity about Judaism. If you, OP, are involved in their lives, and can model a happy successful O life, they may be drawn either to O, or at least to some more Torah focused life.

I would also suggest you talk with an Orthodox rabbi familiar with the situation among non O in America (IE a mainstream modern O rabbi, esp one familiar with BT issues) Not sure a rabbi in Israel would be a good source on the sociology, even if you follow them on halacha.

So the kids are only worth being involved with if they are "halachically" Jewish through the mother? Such bullsh*t reasoning is why the numbers of Jews will decrease in the U.S. My son is not "halachically" Jewish because I (the mom) am not, but I make a lot of effort to educate him and expose him to the faith. If what you're intending is to alienate Jews and decrease your numbers, good job.

Good for you. However halachically Jewish kids will find an easier path to traditional Judaism, especially given that in this case the Jewish parent is an atheist so they will not be educated as Jews.

And that matters, why? Being obsessed with the gender of the Jewish parent only makes the child less likely to find their way to traditional Judaism, because it's so arbitrary. The only reason the path is easier for the halachically Jewish kid is because you discriminated against the non-halachic kid based solely on the gender of the Jewish parent.

You are correct. Interfaith marriages are the reason that Reform Judaism is dying out. While I think the OP is wrong if she doesn’t attend her sidter’s wedding, statistics show that there is a significant chance that her future nieces and nephews will not raise Jewish children.

You're ignoring the point: if Jewish congregations (of all types) were more welcoming to intermarriage and half-Jewish children, then numbers would grow.

On the contrary, Reform, reconstructionist and even conservative synagogues have bent over backwards to welcome everyone and anyone to keep their numbers strong to no avail. Interfaith marriages, same sex marriages, adoption without conversion. It’s not lack of acceptance. It’s the fact that these places of worship lack any seblance to actual religion.

Anecdata, I know, but:

I’m a Reformer Jew married to an atheist who was raised atheist by parents who were raised Methodist. DH considers himself “Jew-ish,” and has embraced our culture wholeheartedly. He even chants in Hebrew now. We’re raising our children Jewish.

Many of our friends are also in mixed marriages—almost all with one Jewish and one atheist/agnostic spouse from a Christian/Catholic background. All are committed to raising Jewish children. One family’s children even call them Ima and Abba.

Our Reform congregation is absolutely “actual religion.” Shabbat services are well-attended, especially Tot Shabbats and other events aimed at families. Holidays are traditionally celebrated. And we also adhere to the Reform tenets of tikkun olam and gemilut chasadim by doing service throughout our community. We are committed.