My sister is marrying a non-Jew. Help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any religion that instructs you to shun family who are not as devout as you is not a good influence in your life. This is how cults work.

Life is long and varied. You will need to learn how to reconcile your idea of "support" of the way people live who do not follow the same religion as you.

X1,000,000. It's your beliefs that are interfering with a normal, loving relationship with your sister. Think about that for a moment.

[Anonymous]

This is so very sad. Your post talks about honoring family and valuing tight bonds, yet you want to essentially shut out your sister for...falling in love with someone of a different religion? Just as you chose your path, she chose hers, and I fail to see how her path would slight you, as she is under no obligation to be any religion in particular or even at all.

If you don't go to her wedding I suppose you'll be able to pat yourself on the back for honoring your religious mandates, and your fellow believers will stand by you, but you'll be making a decisions that is perplexing in its intolerance and in my view, really cruel.

It's the 21st century - people come in all stripes and make lots of choices for their lives that are different than your own but still right for them: get on board, OP.

[Anonymous]

(sympathetic C Jew again) To note the kids will be halachically Jewish (lets leave off with the "culturally Jewish" BS - the kids won't be speaking Yiddish, vaguely aware of Judaism is not "culturally Jewish") and at some point may have curiosity about Judaism. If you, OP, are involved in their lives, and can model a happy successful O life, they may be drawn either to O, or at least to some more Torah focused life.

I would also suggest you talk with an Orthodox rabbi familiar with the situation among non O in America (IE a mainstream modern O rabbi, esp one familiar with BT issues) Not sure a rabbi in Israel would be a good source on the sociology, even if you follow them on halacha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh lord. Wow.

Your sister and her husband can achieve just as much happiness in an interfaith household as they could if they were both orthodox Jews. That is also true if they were both atheists.

You sound incredibly intolerant.

- Reform Jew who married a Jew who was raised Conservative. We are cultural Jews who plan to have our daughter go through Hebrew school to learn about her family history and culture more than anything else.

Also, my mom is Catholic and dad is Jewish, so I guess you also have ideological problems with my parent's marriage and my entire upbringing which was--newsflash!--quite happy.

+ a million

[Anonymous]

If this was your best friend and your weren't related would you go? Yes you go. You're a POS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(sympathetic C Jew again) To note the kids will be halachically Jewish (lets leave off with the "culturally Jewish" BS - the kids won't be speaking Yiddish, vaguely aware of Judaism is not "culturally Jewish") and at some point may have curiosity about Judaism. If you, OP, are involved in their lives, and can model a happy successful O life, they may be drawn either to O, or at least to some more Torah focused life.

I would also suggest you talk with an Orthodox rabbi familiar with the situation among non O in America (IE a mainstream modern O rabbi, esp one familiar with BT issues) Not sure a rabbi in Israel would be a good source on the sociology, even if you follow them on halacha.

Wow, you and the OP are really making religious Jews look bad.

"Cultural Jewish" BS? You realize most Orthodox Jews consider Conservative Judaism to be BS and not really Jewish, right?

Maybe lay off the judgment a little about how others engage with Judaism?

[Anonymous]

(sym C Jew)

as she is under no obligation to be any religion in particular or even at all.

To be clear, according to normative traditional Judaism, any born Jew DOES have an obligation to follow Torah, to not do so is a sin. It's not a matter of choice or conscience. It is an obligation taken on at Sinai (rabbinic legend says ALL Jewish souls were present at Sinai and took on the obligation)

OP - you should be clear that the people you asked (assuming OP was NOT a troll post) about this situation, are mostly people who not only do not share your ideological position, but are either ignorant of it or hostile to it. Not sure why you would expect a useful discussion here. There IS a serious case for attending the wedding, that makes sense within an Orthodox ideology, I believe - and I think you might find that in a BT forum (perhaps on Facebook?) But here you will mostly get expressions of disgust from people who do not really understand your situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(sympathetic C Jew again) To note the kids will be halachically Jewish (lets leave off with the "culturally Jewish" BS - the kids won't be speaking Yiddish, vaguely aware of Judaism is not "culturally Jewish") and at some point may have curiosity about Judaism. If you, OP, are involved in their lives, and can model a happy successful O life, they may be drawn either to O, or at least to some more Torah focused life.

I would also suggest you talk with an Orthodox rabbi familiar with the situation among non O in America (IE a mainstream modern O rabbi, esp one familiar with BT issues) Not sure a rabbi in Israel would be a good source on the sociology, even if you follow them on halacha.

So the kids are only worth being involved with if they are "halachically" Jewish through the mother? Such bullsh*t reasoning is why the numbers of Jews will decrease in the U.S. My son is not "halachically" Jewish because I (the mom) am not, but I make a lot of effort to educate him and expose him to the faith. If what you're intending is to alienate Jews and decrease your numbers, good job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(sym C Jew)

as she is under no obligation to be any religion in particular or even at all.

To be clear, according to normative traditional Judaism, any born Jew DOES have an obligation to follow Torah, to not do so is a sin. It's not a matter of choice or conscience. It is an obligation taken on at Sinai (rabbinic legend says ALL Jewish souls were present at Sinai and took on the obligation)

OP - you should be clear that the people you asked (assuming OP was NOT a troll post) about this situation, are mostly people who not only do not share your ideological position, but are either ignorant of it or hostile to it. Not sure why you would expect a useful discussion here. There IS a serious case for attending the wedding, that makes sense within an Orthodox ideology, I believe - and I think you might find that in a BT forum (perhaps on Facebook?) But here you will mostly get expressions of disgust from people who do not really understand your situation.

Oh no -- we understand her situation quite well. We understand she's placing adherence to her religion above showing love towards her sister.

Don't patronize us by casting us as ignorant.

[Anonymous]

Well, either you're a troll or a deeply intolerant person. Either way, you have my pity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(sympathetic C Jew again) To note the kids will be halachically Jewish (lets leave off with the "culturally Jewish" BS - the kids won't be speaking Yiddish, vaguely aware of Judaism is not "culturally Jewish") and at some point may have curiosity about Judaism. If you, OP, are involved in their lives, and can model a happy successful O life, they may be drawn either to O, or at least to some more Torah focused life.

I would also suggest you talk with an Orthodox rabbi familiar with the situation among non O in America (IE a mainstream modern O rabbi, esp one familiar with BT issues) Not sure a rabbi in Israel would be a good source on the sociology, even if you follow them on halacha.

So the kids are only worth being involved with if they are "halachically" Jewish through the mother? Such bullsh*t reasoning is why the numbers of Jews will decrease in the U.S. My son is not "halachically" Jewish because I (the mom) am not, but I make a lot of effort to educate him and expose him to the faith. If what you're intending is to alienate Jews and decrease your numbers, good job.

Exactly this. I am the PP with a Catholic mom and Jewish dad. There are a lot of reasons why I gravitated away from Judaism after my Bat Mitzvah, but one big one was recognizing how many Jews don't even consider me Jewish, no matter what I do.

I am very spiritual but have found my own path because I found most Jewish communities intolerant.

[Anonymous]

This thread is a classic example of people trying to actually reason with a brainwashed fanatic (OP).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(sympathetic C Jew again) To note the kids will be halachically Jewish (lets leave off with the "culturally Jewish" BS - the kids won't be speaking Yiddish, vaguely aware of Judaism is not "culturally Jewish") and at some point may have curiosity about Judaism. If you, OP, are involved in their lives, and can model a happy successful O life, they may be drawn either to O, or at least to some more Torah focused life.

I would also suggest you talk with an Orthodox rabbi familiar with the situation among non O in America (IE a mainstream modern O rabbi, esp one familiar with BT issues) Not sure a rabbi in Israel would be a good source on the sociology, even if you follow them on halacha.

Wow, you and the OP are really making religious Jews look bad.

"Cultural Jewish" BS? You realize most Orthodox Jews consider Conservative Judaism to be BS and not really Jewish, right?

Maybe lay off the judgment a little about how others engage with Judaism?

I won't bother explaining to you about Orthodox - Conservative relations since you probably won't believe me.

I don't think real cultural Jewishness is BS. I admire the early 20th century Yiddishists, Yiddish literature, theater, etc. I admire secular Israelis who have built a vibrant secular Hebrew culture and have integrated the Jewish past into that. I wish I knew more about Ladino and Judeo-Arabic culture.

But that is not what the PP was referring to. Kids of intermarriages (where the Jewish partner is an atheist) in the USA today are not really "culturally Jewish". They are people whose lives are effectively non-Jewish, but may be fed some stereotypical Ashkenazi food once in a while, and will get to light candles at hanukkah. Before playing with the toys under the tree. Only their genes are (half) Jewish.

[Anonymous]

Raised conservative but belong to a Reform temple now. I appreciate that you are orthodox and that is completely different from R and C but the C and R movements are embracing interfaith couples and families. There is no stigma. My brother married a wonderful woman who was raised Catholic (no longer practices) but has raised my nieces and nephews Jewish. They still celebrate Easter and Christmas (as they should) because those are her holidays and her family comes to Seder. Our temple just hired a rabbi who is a product of an interfaith marriage. You can have your views without imposing judgement on others. We are all Jews even if we observe in different ways.

[Anonymous]

OP sounds like an a**hole.

Maybe the sister would be better off with fewer jerks in attendance?

Show your sister your true colors, OP. She’ll probably be shocked at what you’ve become, but it’s better to know sooner than later.