My sister is marrying a non-Jew. Help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(sympathetic C Jew again) To note the kids will be halachically Jewish (lets leave off with the "culturally Jewish" BS - the kids won't be speaking Yiddish, vaguely aware of Judaism is not "culturally Jewish") and at some point may have curiosity about Judaism. If you, OP, are involved in their lives, and can model a happy successful O life, they may be drawn either to O, or at least to some more Torah focused life.

I would also suggest you talk with an Orthodox rabbi familiar with the situation among non O in America (IE a mainstream modern O rabbi, esp one familiar with BT issues) Not sure a rabbi in Israel would be a good source on the sociology, even if you follow them on halacha.

So the kids are only worth being involved with if they are "halachically" Jewish through the mother? Such bullsh*t reasoning is why the numbers of Jews will decrease in the U.S. My son is not "halachically" Jewish because I (the mom) am not, but I make a lot of effort to educate him and expose him to the faith. If what you're intending is to alienate Jews and decrease your numbers, good job.

Good for you. However halachically Jewish kids will find an easier path to traditional Judaism, especially given that in this case the Jewish parent is an atheist so they will not be educated as Jews.

And that matters, why? Being obsessed with the gender of the Jewish parent only makes the child less likely to find their way to traditional Judaism, because it's so arbitrary. The only reason the path is easier for the halachically Jewish kid is because you discriminated against the non-halachic kid based solely on the gender of the Jewish parent.

You are correct. Interfaith marriages are the reason that Reform Judaism is dying out. While I think the OP is wrong if she doesn’t attend her sidter’s wedding, statistics show that there is a significant chance that her future nieces and nephews will not raise Jewish children.

You're ignoring the point: if Jewish congregations (of all types) were more welcoming to intermarriage and half-Jewish children, then numbers would grow.

Umm, reform Judaism is not dying out in the US - it is very welcoming to intermarriage and half-Jewish children. It also considers children to be Jewish who are born to Jewish fathers and non-Jewish mothers that attend Hebrew school and have a Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Judaism is about bloodlines
Purity of the bloodlines is more important


Sound a whole lot like the certain dictatorships of the past.

Yes, this is so bizarre to me.

[Anonymous]

As the product of a mixed religion marriage, I implore OP to support your sister and your in-laws fully. Go to the wedding, participate, do not criticize, do not complain, and love them. Do not try and change anyone's mind. Support them.

I can't tell you how much it sucked to have my bigoted relatives not support my parents, and not be there for us, because they though we were going to hell. You might think you're "right" - others will see you as a bigot. And you can absolutely be a Jewish bigot.

But that was the early 1970s. Provided the other person is a decent and kind human being, I can't believe people still object to this different religion sh!t today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Judaism is about bloodlines
Purity of the bloodlines is more important

Sound a whole lot like the certain dictatorships of the past.

Yes, this is so bizarre to me.

I find that all societies, cultures, regimes, and groups that place high value on the idea of bloodline purity and separatness usually have hard time with other groups or even worse. Bizarrely, they are often in conflict with other bloodline focused groups, each maintaining "superiority". In fact, they are based on the same premise.

[Anonymous]

purity of bloodlines is NOT what judaism is about.
There is a small element of this in cohanim and levys, but that is really irrelevant.
Hitler made it about bloodlines.

[Anonymous]

I'm Jewish and really bristled at your idea that a couple can't be happy unless they're Jewish.

I know many very happy Christian couples, Jain (Indian, sorry not sure of spelling) couples, UU couples, Greek Orthodox couples, etc.

You should go to the wedding to be there for your sister on her big day and to get to know the man she's marrying, who is becoming the most important person in her life.

[Anonymous]

Do them a favor- NO.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're probably not reading anymore. But consider that whether you attend or not, your sister has already chosen her path in life, and that path will not be affected by your presence or absence. What will be affected is your relationship with your sister. If you value it and want to be close in spite of your religious differences, do attend. If you do not think you can or want to be close to her given her atheism and intermarriage, don't go and you will most likely be naturally distant from her and her future family for the rest of your lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Judaism is about bloodlines
Purity of the bloodlines is more important

Sound a whole lot like the certain dictatorships of the past.

Yes, this is so bizarre to me.

The idea that Jewish identity has a family history component to it was present before Hitler was alive. Just because he and other white supremacists exploited it to justify genocide does not mean it is not part of Jewish identity for SOME Jews.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(sympathetic C Jew again) To note the kids will be halachically Jewish (lets leave off with the "culturally Jewish" BS - the kids won't be speaking Yiddish, vaguely aware of Judaism is not "culturally Jewish") and at some point may have curiosity about Judaism. If you, OP, are involved in their lives, and can model a happy successful O life, they may be drawn either to O, or at least to some more Torah focused life.

I would also suggest you talk with an Orthodox rabbi familiar with the situation among non O in America (IE a mainstream modern O rabbi, esp one familiar with BT issues) Not sure a rabbi in Israel would be a good source on the sociology, even if you follow them on halacha.

So the kids are only worth being involved with if they are "halachically" Jewish through the mother? Such bullsh*t reasoning is why the numbers of Jews will decrease in the U.S. My son is not "halachically" Jewish because I (the mom) am not, but I make a lot of effort to educate him and expose him to the faith. If what you're intending is to alienate Jews and decrease your numbers, good job.

Good for you. However halachically Jewish kids will find an easier path to traditional Judaism, especially given that in this case the Jewish parent is an atheist so they will not be educated as Jews.

And that matters, why? Being obsessed with the gender of the Jewish parent only makes the child less likely to find their way to traditional Judaism, because it's so arbitrary. The only reason the path is easier for the halachically Jewish kid is because you discriminated against the non-halachic kid based solely on the gender of the Jewish parent.

You are correct. Interfaith marriages are the reason that Reform Judaism is dying out. While I think the OP is wrong if she doesn’t attend her sidter’s wedding, statistics show that there is a significant chance that her future nieces and nephews will not raise Jewish children.

You're ignoring the point: if Jewish congregations (of all types) were more welcoming to intermarriage and half-Jewish children, then numbers would grow.

On the contrary, Reform, reconstructionist and even conservative synagogues have bent over backwards to welcome everyone and anyone to keep their numbers strong to no avail. Interfaith marriages, same sex marriages, adoption without conversion. It’s not lack of acceptance. It’s the fact that these places of worship lack any seblance to actual religion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(sympathetic C Jew again) To note the kids will be halachically Jewish (lets leave off with the "culturally Jewish" BS - the kids won't be speaking Yiddish, vaguely aware of Judaism is not "culturally Jewish") and at some point may have curiosity about Judaism. If you, OP, are involved in their lives, and can model a happy successful O life, they may be drawn either to O, or at least to some more Torah focused life.

I would also suggest you talk with an Orthodox rabbi familiar with the situation among non O in America (IE a mainstream modern O rabbi, esp one familiar with BT issues) Not sure a rabbi in Israel would be a good source on the sociology, even if you follow them on halacha.

So the kids are only worth being involved with if they are "halachically" Jewish through the mother? Such bullsh*t reasoning is why the numbers of Jews will decrease in the U.S. My son is not "halachically" Jewish because I (the mom) am not, but I make a lot of effort to educate him and expose him to the faith. If what you're intending is to alienate Jews and decrease your numbers, good job.

Good for you. However halachically Jewish kids will find an easier path to traditional Judaism, especially given that in this case the Jewish parent is an atheist so they will not be educated as Jews.

And that matters, why? Being obsessed with the gender of the Jewish parent only makes the child less likely to find their way to traditional Judaism, because it's so arbitrary. The only reason the path is easier for the halachically Jewish kid is because you discriminated against the non-halachic kid based solely on the gender of the Jewish parent.

You are correct. Interfaith marriages are the reason that Reform Judaism is dying out. While I think the OP is wrong if she doesn’t attend her sidter’s wedding, statistics show that there is a significant chance that her future nieces and nephews will not raise Jewish children.

You're ignoring the point: if Jewish congregations (of all types) were more welcoming to intermarriage and half-Jewish children, then numbers would grow.

Umm, reform Judaism is not dying out in the US - it is very welcoming to intermarriage and half-Jewish children. It also considers children to be Jewish who are born to Jewish fathers and non-Jewish mothers that attend Hebrew school and have a Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

Absolutely welcoming and absolutely dying out. The only segment of Judaism that is growing is Orthodoxy.

[Anonymous]

Sarah Silverman is an atheist and her sister is a rabbi and they have a great relationship. I think Jesus would go to the wedding and he was a pretty good Jew.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is not an Orthodox-friendly board. Notice what is missing from all the horrified responses you are getting: anything about what Hashem wants, or what the Torah says to do, even if it's hard. It's all about what you feel, or what you like. That is the gap in understanding. Ask your rabbi and ignore this thread. There may be a heter to go and there may not. DCUM cannot pasken for you.

[Anonymous]

What?! You would put your family before your RELIGION? No way that’s crazy. They are all just going to hell anyway by supporting your “sister’s” impure marriage. Just do the right thing according to the Jewish rules and pretend she is dead. Of course you shouldn’t go to the wedding. It’s a shame she is doing this. The unhappiness and all. Sorry OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is not an Orthodox-friendly board. Notice what is missing from all the horrified responses you are getting: anything about what Hashem wants, or what the Torah says to do, even if it's hard. It's all about what you feel, or what you like. That is the gap in understanding. Ask your rabbi and ignore this thread. There may be a heter to go and there may not. DCUM cannot pasken for you.

If by Orthodox you mean intolerance and hatred then sure. We’re not friendly to that.