Stepdaughter wants to move in full time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"you have to get to the bottom of what's going on at mom's house that SD doesn't feel comfortable there. Teens are very self centered and often times only see their own point of view in a given situation. What's actually happening may be very different that what she says is happening. This is easily resolved by having a conversation among the adults and also saying to SD "we'd love to have you here but let's get to the bottom of what's going on at your mom's house b/c you'll still be spending time there too and we want to make sure you're comfortable when you see her for visits."

This is what I would do.....teenagers tend to twist facts to their own advantage and she is probably acting out at home and that is why she is confined to her room. Have your DH chat with bio mom to get to the bottom of this. I have a step-DD and she is constantly wants to be #1 in the house. She lives with us full time, as bio-mom is not a capable adult. The tears get turned on every time she does not get things her way and my DH falls for it a lot. She tried to pull a fast one the other day by completely twisting my kind words towards her and going behind my back to complain to my DH (her father) of me being unkind and not caring. She forgot my MIL heard the original convo and my MIL stood by me and set the record straight. My step-DD always tries to do silly things, like get in the front seat of the car....to force me to ride in the back. I make her move to the back....every single time.

You have every right to keep the current arrangement going "as is."

--signed, fellow step-mom.

are you the step-mom who berated her SD for asking where the towels were? you're pretty awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is she? I can't imagine turning down that request.

This. How old is the daughter??

Has this been answered?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, her issue is she’s upset that her mom is pregnant and she thinks her mom will forget all about her when the baby is born. My husband told her she’s overreacting and that they’ll continue with the current arrangement for now and will revisit the issue when the baby gets here.

Its a reasonable way to feel that she is being replace. She needs to know she still will get the same love, attention and time and will not be replaced. Telling her she is overreacting is the worst thing he can do. She needs to work thing out with her mom and her mom needs to reassure her but her dad just made things worse vs. better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, her issue is she’s upset that her mom is pregnant and she thinks her mom will forget all about her when the baby is born. My husband told her she’s overreacting and that they’ll continue with the current arrangement for now and will revisit the issue when the baby gets here.

I am the PP from above, a fellow step-mom.....we went through the same ordeal and my step-DD still has these issues after two more kids. She is used to being "the one and only" and she feels slighted (for no reason/completely overreacting). We actually spend more time shuttling her around and she has more activities than the younger kids and understandable so since she is 16. This is the conversation bio-mom and dad need to have with her to make it clear it is not so and foster a loving relationship between her and the new baby. She can be the "big sis" and set the example. If the child is extremely self-centered, she will need therapy to overcome this. My step-DD still feels "slighted" even though her needs are completely different and more time and resources are spent on her than my own bio-kids.

let me put this to you simply.

she feels slighted because her mom is unable to parent her, her step-mom is an evil b, and her dad doesn't stand up for her.

[Anonymous]

My husband wouldn’t even ask me if she could move in. It would already be done.


You married a man who had a child before you, I can’t believe it’s even a discussion.

You may like the arrangement bc you get “time off” but your husband is still her dad 100% of the time and probably feels heartbroken to hear how she is being treated, and excited about having his DD full time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"you have to get to the bottom of what's going on at mom's house that SD doesn't feel comfortable there. Teens are very self centered and often times only see their own point of view in a given situation. What's actually happening may be very different that what she says is happening. This is easily resolved by having a conversation among the adults and also saying to SD "we'd love to have you here but let's get to the bottom of what's going on at your mom's house b/c you'll still be spending time there too and we want to make sure you're comfortable when you see her for visits."

This is what I would do.....teenagers tend to twist facts to their own advantage and she is probably acting out at home and that is why she is confined to her room. Have your DH chat with bio mom to get to the bottom of this. I have a step-DD and she is constantly wants to be #1 in the house. She lives with us full time, as bio-mom is not a capable adult. The tears get turned on every time she does not get things her way and my DH falls for it a lot. She tried to pull a fast one the other day by completely twisting my kind words towards her and going behind my back to complain to my DH (her father) of me being unkind and not caring. She forgot my MIL heard the original convo and my MIL stood by me and set the record straight. My step-DD always tries to do silly things, like get in the front seat of the car....to force me to ride in the back. I make her move to the back....every single time.

You have every right to keep the current arrangement going "as is."

--signed, fellow step-mom.

are you the step-mom who berated her SD for asking where the towels were? you're pretty awful.

Yes. I am the "awful" towel step-parent. Teenagers (my own or step) are perfectly capable of keeping track and fetching their own towels. I certainly didn't ask my mom or step-dad to fetch me one. DCUM is so full of enablers!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"you have to get to the bottom of what's going on at mom's house that SD doesn't feel comfortable there. Teens are very self centered and often times only see their own point of view in a given situation. What's actually happening may be very different that what she says is happening. This is easily resolved by having a conversation among the adults and also saying to SD "we'd love to have you here but let's get to the bottom of what's going on at your mom's house b/c you'll still be spending time there too and we want to make sure you're comfortable when you see her for visits."

This is what I would do.....teenagers tend to twist facts to their own advantage and she is probably acting out at home and that is why she is confined to her room. Have your DH chat with bio mom to get to the bottom of this. I have a step-DD and she is constantly wants to be #1 in the house. She lives with us full time, as bio-mom is not a capable adult. The tears get turned on every time she does not get things her way and my DH falls for it a lot. She tried to pull a fast one the other day by completely twisting my kind words towards her and going behind my back to complain to my DH (her father) of me being unkind and not caring. She forgot my MIL heard the original convo and my MIL stood by me and set the record straight. My step-DD always tries to do silly things, like get in the front seat of the car....to force me to ride in the back. I make her move to the back....every single time.

You have every right to keep the current arrangement going "as is."

--signed, fellow step-mom.

are you the step-mom who berated her SD for asking where the towels were? you're pretty awful.

Yes. I am the "awful" towel step-parent. Teenagers (my own or step) are perfectly capable of keeping track and fetching their own towels. I certainly didn't ask my mom or step-dad to fetch me one. DCUM is so full of enablers!

Knew it. You are emotionally abusive, and it's even more disturbing now that I know your SD's mom is not in the picture. That poor girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"you have to get to the bottom of what's going on at mom's house that SD doesn't feel comfortable there. Teens are very self centered and often times only see their own point of view in a given situation. What's actually happening may be very different that what she says is happening. This is easily resolved by having a conversation among the adults and also saying to SD "we'd love to have you here but let's get to the bottom of what's going on at your mom's house b/c you'll still be spending time there too and we want to make sure you're comfortable when you see her for visits."

This is what I would do.....teenagers tend to twist facts to their own advantage and she is probably acting out at home and that is why she is confined to her room. Have your DH chat with bio mom to get to the bottom of this. I have a step-DD and she is constantly wants to be #1 in the house. She lives with us full time, as bio-mom is not a capable adult. The tears get turned on every time she does not get things her way and my DH falls for it a lot. She tried to pull a fast one the other day by completely twisting my kind words towards her and going behind my back to complain to my DH (her father) of me being unkind and not caring. She forgot my MIL heard the original convo and my MIL stood by me and set the record straight. My step-DD always tries to do silly things, like get in the front seat of the car....to force me to ride in the back. I make her move to the back....every single time.

You have every right to keep the current arrangement going "as is."

--signed, fellow step-mom.

are you the step-mom who berated her SD for asking where the towels were? you're pretty awful.

Yes. I am the "awful" towel step-parent. Teenagers (my own or step) are perfectly capable of keeping track and fetching their own towels. I certainly didn't ask my mom or step-dad to fetch me one. DCUM is so full of enablers!

Knew it. You are emotionally abusive, and it's even more disturbing now that I know your SD's mom is not in the picture. That poor girl.

+1. "pull a fast one," "twisting my kind words." "I make her move to the back...every single time."

There are plenty of women out there who make decent stepmothers. I always wonder how women like PP manage to charm fathers into marrying them instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"you have to get to the bottom of what's going on at mom's house that SD doesn't feel comfortable there. Teens are very self centered and often times only see their own point of view in a given situation. What's actually happening may be very different that what she says is happening. This is easily resolved by having a conversation among the adults and also saying to SD "we'd love to have you here but let's get to the bottom of what's going on at your mom's house b/c you'll still be spending time there too and we want to make sure you're comfortable when you see her for visits."

This is what I would do.....teenagers tend to twist facts to their own advantage and she is probably acting out at home and that is why she is confined to her room. Have your DH chat with bio mom to get to the bottom of this. I have a step-DD and she is constantly wants to be #1 in the house. She lives with us full time, as bio-mom is not a capable adult. The tears get turned on every time she does not get things her way and my DH falls for it a lot. She tried to pull a fast one the other day by completely twisting my kind words towards her and going behind my back to complain to my DH (her father) of me being unkind and not caring. She forgot my MIL heard the original convo and my MIL stood by me and set the record straight. My step-DD always tries to do silly things, like get in the front seat of the car....to force me to ride in the back. I make her move to the back....every single time.

You have every right to keep the current arrangement going "as is."

--signed, fellow step-mom.

are you the step-mom who berated her SD for asking where the towels were? you're pretty awful.

Yes. I am the "awful" towel step-parent. Teenagers (my own or step) are perfectly capable of keeping track and fetching their own towels. I certainly didn't ask my mom or step-dad to fetch me one. DCUM is so full of enablers!

NP. You do sound pretty awful. You freaked out on two people because one person asked where she might find a towel? You took a teenager's woter bottle to work so as to control you husband and keep him from taking it to her-and I would never bring my child a water bottle at school, but you sound very controlling and like you're setting up toxic dynamics in your family. But, you won't listen because you're right, so your SD will leave in a couple years and never look back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, her issue is she’s upset that her mom is pregnant and she thinks her mom will forget all about her when the baby is born. My husband told her she’s overreacting and that they’ll continue with the current arrangement for now and will revisit the issue when the baby gets here.

Her parents turned her life as she knew it upside-down and are being the opposite of responsive. Nor is her stepmom open, loving and welcoming.

I feel terrible for your stepdaughter. Shame on you all.[/quote

NP. What the hell are you expecting? The OP doesn't sound abusive but she shouldn't serve as her stepdaughter's maternal figure. The whole "open, loving and welcoming" expectation is only because OP is a woman. It's kind of how my DH's stepson comes to our house and expects me to help him out with his kid only because of my gender but I'm childfree for a reason. She's her husband's wife and this girl already has a mother.

[Anonymous]

NP. What the hell are you expecting? The OP doesn't sound abusive but she shouldn't serve as her stepdaughter's maternal figure. The whole "open, loving and welcoming" expectation is only because OP is a woman. It's kind of how my DH's stepson comes to our house and expects me to help him out with his kid only because of my gender but I'm childfree for a reason. She's her husband's wife and this girl already has a mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"you have to get to the bottom of what's going on at mom's house that SD doesn't feel comfortable there. Teens are very self centered and often times only see their own point of view in a given situation. What's actually happening may be very different that what she says is happening. This is easily resolved by having a conversation among the adults and also saying to SD "we'd love to have you here but let's get to the bottom of what's going on at your mom's house b/c you'll still be spending time there too and we want to make sure you're comfortable when you see her for visits."

This is what I would do.....teenagers tend to twist facts to their own advantage and she is probably acting out at home and that is why she is confined to her room. Have your DH chat with bio mom to get to the bottom of this. I have a step-DD and she is constantly wants to be #1 in the house. She lives with us full time, as bio-mom is not a capable adult. The tears get turned on every time she does not get things her way and my DH falls for it a lot. She tried to pull a fast one the other day by completely twisting my kind words towards her and going behind my back to complain to my DH (her father) of me being unkind and not caring. She forgot my MIL heard the original convo and my MIL stood by me and set the record straight. My step-DD always tries to do silly things, like get in the front seat of the car....to force me to ride in the back. I make her move to the back....every single time.

You have every right to keep the current arrangement going "as is."

--signed, fellow step-mom.

are you the step-mom who berated her SD for asking where the towels were? you're pretty awful.

Yes. I am the "awful" towel step-parent. Teenagers (my own or step) are perfectly capable of keeping track and fetching their own towels. I certainly didn't ask my mom or step-dad to fetch me one. DCUM is so full of enablers!

NP. You do sound pretty awful. You freaked out on two people because one person asked where she might find a towel? You took a teenager's woter bottle to work so as to control you husband and keep him from taking it to her-and I would never bring my child a water bottle at school, but you sound very controlling and like you're setting up toxic dynamics in your family. But, you won't listen because you're right, so your SD will leave in a couple years and never look back.

Where is this thread? I want to read it!

[Anonymous]

I would let her move in. She follows the rules and everyone lives happy. When you married him you signed on to be there through thick and thin, this is one of those times. You might learn to love it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. What the hell are you expecting? The OP doesn't sound abusive but she shouldn't serve as her stepdaughter's maternal figure. The whole "open, loving and welcoming" expectation is only because OP is a woman. It's kind of how my DH's stepson comes to our house and expects me to help him out with his kid only because of my gender but I'm childfree for a reason. She's her husband's wife and this girl already has a mother.

Did you tell your now-husband all this before you were engaged?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"you have to get to the bottom of what's going on at mom's house that SD doesn't feel comfortable there. Teens are very self centered and often times only see their own point of view in a given situation. What's actually happening may be very different that what she says is happening. This is easily resolved by having a conversation among the adults and also saying to SD "we'd love to have you here but let's get to the bottom of what's going on at your mom's house b/c you'll still be spending time there too and we want to make sure you're comfortable when you see her for visits."

This is what I would do.....teenagers tend to twist facts to their own advantage and she is probably acting out at home and that is why she is confined to her room. Have your DH chat with bio mom to get to the bottom of this. I have a step-DD and she is constantly wants to be #1 in the house. She lives with us full time, as bio-mom is not a capable adult. The tears get turned on every time she does not get things her way and my DH falls for it a lot. She tried to pull a fast one the other day by completely twisting my kind words towards her and going behind my back to complain to my DH (her father) of me being unkind and not caring. She forgot my MIL heard the original convo and my MIL stood by me and set the record straight. My step-DD always tries to do silly things, like get in the front seat of the car....to force me to ride in the back. I make her move to the back....every single time.

You have every right to keep the current arrangement going "as is."

--signed, fellow step-mom.

Ugh.

Poor children of divorce.

Very few step moms deserve the title of mom.