Stepdaughter wants to move in full time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"you have to get to the bottom of what's going on at mom's house that SD doesn't feel comfortable there. Teens are very self centered and often times only see their own point of view in a given situation. What's actually happening may be very different that what she says is happening. This is easily resolved by having a conversation among the adults and also saying to SD "we'd love to have you here but let's get to the bottom of what's going on at your mom's house b/c you'll still be spending time there too and we want to make sure you're comfortable when you see her for visits."

This is what I would do.....teenagers tend to twist facts to their own advantage and she is probably acting out at home and that is why she is confined to her room. Have your DH chat with bio mom to get to the bottom of this. I have a step-DD and she is constantly wants to be #1 in the house. She lives with us full time, as bio-mom is not a capable adult. The tears get turned on every time she does not get things her way and my DH falls for it a lot. She tried to pull a fast one the other day by completely twisting my kind words towards her and going behind my back to complain to my DH (her father) of me being unkind and not caring. She forgot my MIL heard the original convo and my MIL stood by me and set the record straight. My step-DD always tries to do silly things, like get in the front seat of the car....to force me to ride in the back. I make her move to the back....every single time.

You have every right to keep the current arrangement going "as is."

--signed, fellow step-mom.

are you the step-mom who berated her SD for asking where the towels were? you're pretty awful.

Yes. I am the "awful" towel step-parent. Teenagers (my own or step) are perfectly capable of keeping track and fetching their own towels. I certainly didn't ask my mom or step-dad to fetch me one. DCUM is so full of enablers!

NP. You do sound pretty awful. You freaked out on two people because one person asked where she might find a towel? You took a teenager's woter bottle to work so as to control you husband and keep him from taking it to her-and I would never bring my child a water bottle at school, but you sound very controlling and like you're setting up toxic dynamics in your family. But, you won't listen because you're right, so your SD will leave in a couple years and never look back.

Where is this thread? I want to read it!

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, her issue is she’s upset that her mom is pregnant and she thinks her mom will forget all about her when the baby is born. My husband told her she’s overreacting and that they’ll continue with the current arrangement for now and will revisit the issue when the baby gets here.

Well, that gives you a few months to come up with a strategy to keep her there. Unless she starts failing in school, self- injures, or runs away...

Has she talked with her mom about this? Anyone gotten her to a counselor? It seems like there are plenty of reasonable steps to take within the current arrangement.

[Anonymous]

Any recent updates OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, her issue is she’s upset that her mom is pregnant and she thinks her mom will forget all about her when the baby is born. My husband told her she’s overreacting and that they’ll continue with the current arrangement for now and will revisit the issue when the baby gets here.

Thanks OP. She is overreacting and it will likely be another reason or reasons after the baby is born. Also, the current arrangement is just fine so really no reason to change it. She'll still need to have a relationship with her step dad, and new sibling. If anything she needs to address all that to her mom and step-dad. Glad your husband doesn't want to undermine his ex and the dh.

For those wondering the arrangement is staying the same.

[Anonymous]

Good on you for standing your ground OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All four people need to meet and discuss this together. Why are people shitting on the OP when it's the new stepdad who is also the problem?

Because OPs daughter is not asking to live with stepdad. She is asking to live with her real dad and his wife.

Yes, but the OP's daughter can't just willy nilly choose a parent without a valid reason.

Sure she can.

They are her parents.

Their only response should be "Yes, of course. We would love to have you."

This is why we have an issue with entitled children with no coping skills to manage any type of discomfort. If the child is being abused, then she should be removed from her mother's home. However, there does not appear to be any direct evidence of that according to OP. Many of you act as though you have never interacted with teenagers before. The parents all need to sit down and talk, find a good therapist, and work it out. Why would you want to teach your children that they never have to deal with any type of adversity or conflict? You are setting them up to be incapable adults.

Because a child of divorce should not be made to feel like an unwelcomed burden in both of her parents' homes, just because the step parent doesn't want them.

What evidence of feeling unwelcome?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any recent updates OP?

Her mom had a miscarriage so now she no longer wants to move in full time. According to her, that's not the reason she changed her mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any recent updates OP?

Her mom had a miscarriage so now she no longer wants to move in full time. According to her, that's not the reason she changed her mind.

You're a nasty piece of work, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That poor girl.

Give her a home with her family.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That poor girl... She must feel unwanted in BOTH households.

The world doesn't revolve around someone just because they're a kid. They can't say 'Jump' and expect to be catered to. That is how the world works. The OP is not being mean or spiteful. That is her house, in her name and she gets to veto. It's not as if the girl isn't allowed at all in their house. She's already there for half the week.

She married a guy with a kid, if he says yes, the kid comes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That poor girl... She must feel unwanted in BOTH households.

The world doesn't revolve around someone just because they're a kid. They can't say 'Jump' and expect to be catered to. That is how the world works. The OP is not being mean or spiteful. That is her house, in her name and she gets to veto. It's not as if the girl isn't allowed at all in their house. She's already there for half the week.

She married a guy with a kid, if he says yes, the kid comes.

Actually if mom has custody mom has to agree, not just dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any recent updates OP?

Her mom had a miscarriage so now she no longer wants to move in full time. According to her, that's not the reason she changed her mind.

Don't let her move in full-time OP. Stand your ground! Btw, do you split the house bills 50-50? Or 60-40 given that your SD probably showers for an hour and leaves the lights regardless of whether she's in the room?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any recent updates OP?

Her mom had a miscarriage so now she no longer wants to move in full time. According to her, that's not the reason she changed her mind.

Don't let her move in full-time OP. Stand your ground! Btw, do you split the house bills 50-50? Or 60-40 given that your SD probably showers for an hour and leaves the lights regardless of whether she's in the room?

Do you seriously not see where it says she no longer wants to move in full time? Really? Missed that part?

While I'm sorry about the way it all came about, I think this girl not living with OP is one of the better things that could happen to her right now.

[Anonymous]

This thread summarized:

“Step children, learn coping skills, and leave me alone!”

-Step Mom

[Anonymous]

Hey OP, any new updates?