Would you not reciprocate a play date if friend’s house was too big?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it seems like most people are really glossing over the bit about you having a housekeeper and friends talking about how you don't know what it's like to do your own cleaning and laundry, but to me it seems like a potential sign of the real issue. I have a hard time imagining how those comments are coming up unless it's in response to you trying to be "one of the girls" when everyone else is complaining about the never-ending stream of laundry, when they know you're full of it because you don't do your own laundry. Pretending to be more "common" than you are can feel patronizing to others.

Does OP do that?

[Anonymous]

I would thank you for the play date but be hesitant to invite you and your child to my very modest ~2,400 square foot home in a non-fancy, non-trendy suburb. I would feel self conscious and like you would probably judge me (and you probably would, at least a little, even if you didn't mean to.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure there's the odd person out there who "happens" to live in gigantic houses and who I could get along with (I live in a $1.6M 900 square ft apartment, but that's NYC real estate), but the sheer environmental footprint of that building - creating, maintaining, etc - is honestly just gross to me. I may be hypocritical and judgemental on this, I certainly dont live a zero-waste life, but 15,000 just feels so gratuitously wasteful. I can't think of a valid justification for so much space (and OP certainly hasn't offered one) and such waste. So, no matter how much I liked someone, unless I found out they lived in such a giant house in order to accommodate the 30 refugee children they regularly fostered, or something else so obviously charitable and connected to home size, I'd question my friend's core values.

+1 million

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure there's the odd person out there who "happens" to live in gigantic houses and who I could get along with (I live in a $1.6M 900 square ft apartment, but that's NYC real estate), but the sheer environmental footprint of that building - creating, maintaining, etc - is honestly just gross to me. I may be hypocritical and judgemental on this, I certainly dont live a zero-waste life, but 15,000 just feels so gratuitously wasteful. I can't think of a valid justification for so much space (and OP certainly hasn't offered one) and such waste. So, no matter how much I liked someone, unless I found out they lived in such a giant house in order to accommodate the 30 refugee children they regularly fostered, or something else so obviously charitable and connected to home size, I'd question my friend's core values.

What if they sponsor 30 (or more) refugee children with their money, but don't make it a practice to talk about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure there's the odd person out there who "happens" to live in gigantic houses and who I could get along with (I live in a $1.6M 900 square ft apartment, but that's NYC real estate), but the sheer environmental footprint of that building - creating, maintaining, etc - is honestly just gross to me. I may be hypocritical and judgemental on this, I certainly dont live a zero-waste life, but 15,000 just feels so gratuitously wasteful. I can't think of a valid justification for so much space (and OP certainly hasn't offered one) and such waste. So, no matter how much I liked someone, unless I found out they lived in such a giant house in order to accommodate the 30 refugee children they regularly fostered, or something else so obviously charitable and connected to home size, I'd question my friend's core values.

What if they sponsor 30 (or more) refugee children with their money, but don't make it a practice to talk about it?

Does OP do that?

OP, do you do that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure there's the odd person out there who "happens" to live in gigantic houses and who I could get along with (I live in a $1.6M 900 square ft apartment, but that's NYC real estate), but the sheer environmental footprint of that building - creating, maintaining, etc - is honestly just gross to me. I may be hypocritical and judgemental on this, I certainly dont live a zero-waste life, but 15,000 just feels so gratuitously wasteful. I can't think of a valid justification for so much space (and OP certainly hasn't offered one) and such waste. So, no matter how much I liked someone, unless I found out they lived in such a giant house in order to accommodate the 30 refugee children they regularly fostered, or something else so obviously charitable and connected to home size, I'd question my friend's core values.

What if they sponsor 30 (or more) refugee children with their money, but don't make it a practice to talk about it?

Does OP do that?

OP, do you do that?

Again, read.

[Anonymous]

I have a very good friend with a 15,000 home and ours is just under 3. We have them over all the time. We love them- they love us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a very good friend with a 15,000 home and ours is just under 3. We have them over all the time. We love them- they love us.

So, you know what it is to be a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a very good friend with a 15,000 home and ours is just under 3. We have them over all the time. We love them- they love us.

So, you know what it is to be a friend.

PP here. Sometimes (on the other hand, unlike this PP), misery loves company.

[Anonymous]

OP, is your house comfortable to hang out in? Would I feel okay putting my toddler down the moment we walked in the front door, or would I feel the need to pick him up at the door until we'd walked through the "formal" part of the house to the "play" part of the house? While I would have no problem being "grown-up" friends independent of my kids with someone whose house was that kind of showpiece, I probably wouldn't end up becoming "mom" friends, where a big part of our friend centers around getting our kids together for play dates, with someone who lived in that kind of house because I don't know that I'd ever feel truly comfortable having my kid in the space for fear of damaging something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure there's the odd person out there who "happens" to live in gigantic houses and who I could get along with (I live in a $1.6M 900 square ft apartment, but that's NYC real estate), but the sheer environmental footprint of that building - creating, maintaining, etc - is honestly just gross to me. I may be hypocritical and judgemental on this, I certainly dont live a zero-waste life, but 15,000 just feels so gratuitously wasteful. I can't think of a valid justification for so much space (and OP certainly hasn't offered one) and such waste. So, no matter how much I liked someone, unless I found out they lived in such a giant house in order to accommodate the 30 refugee children they regularly fostered, or something else so obviously charitable and connected to home size, I'd question my friend's core values.

What if they sponsor 30 (or more) refugee children with their money, but don't make it a practice to talk about it?

Does OP do that?

OP, do you do that?

I'm gonna go with. . . .OP doesn't do that.

SmartAss, I am not sure why you have made it your hill to die on, arguing in favor of all people in the world thinking gratuitiously and favorably towards people who live in 15K sq foot homes, but darned if you aren't passionate about it. Kudos to you. I guess. . .this is . . .important to you.

Please realize however that there are always people in the world who may disagree with you. I am one of them on this particular issue. Seems to be others on here who think similarly. Let's just agree to disagree.

If you are able to get on with your day, that is. Knowing that there ARE people out there who think differently from you.

Good luck.

Again, read.

[Anonymous]

Funny, I thought this thread was going to be about how a house was too big for baby/toddler playdates because they would wander off too far. Or the kids would feel uncomfortable in a big house.

I am surprised by a number of the responses - "you need to hang with wealthy people" or "no, I wouldn't be friends with you because your values are different" I am not sure I would know enough about someone's values just because they live in a huge house or they would be so different just because they are rich. Anyway I found the number of these responses interesting. Sad though, people may be missing out on a nice friend and a fun place for playdates because of quick judgments.

[Anonymous]

OP, people are going to claim all kinds of things like “values”.

The crux of it is, yes, yiu have more than they do, and they don’t like that. Most people want someone they can compete with, usually mostly so they can feel better about their own choices and “position” in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure there's the odd person out there who "happens" to live in gigantic houses and who I could get along with (I live in a $1.6M 900 square ft apartment, but that's NYC real estate), but the sheer environmental footprint of that building - creating, maintaining, etc - is honestly just gross to me. I may be hypocritical and judgemental on this, I certainly dont live a zero-waste life, but 15,000 just feels so gratuitously wasteful. I can't think of a valid justification for so much space (and OP certainly hasn't offered one) and such waste. So, no matter how much I liked someone, unless I found out they lived in such a giant house in order to accommodate the 30 refugee children they regularly fostered, or something else so obviously charitable and connected to home size, I'd question my friend's core values.

What if they sponsor 30 (or more) refugee children with their money, but don't make it a practice to talk about it?

Than my hypocrisy and judgmental nature would have gotten the better of me. But I'd also find it odd (and disappointing! Tell me more bc you're keeping an awesome side of your life a secret!) to keep that a secret, so maybe I'm just too judgmental for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, people are going to claim all kinds of things like “values”.

The crux of it is, yes, yiu have more than they do, and they don’t like that. Most people want someone they can compete with, usually mostly so they can feel better about their own choices and “position” in life.

Do you have a source for this fact? If not, speak for yourself!