Widower with three kids - am I crazy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you needed to drop some papers off at his house and it turned into an all day multi-event thing with his kids and family? sounds a bit awkward...

If it had been awkward, I imagine they wouldn't have scheduled a date.

[Anonymous]

kids thing doesn't bother me but id be careful about getting involved with a business associate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:kids thing doesn't bother me but id be careful about getting involved with a business associate

They don't work at the same company. But if they did I would agree though I did marry a business associate!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here-

I'd go to the first day of school over a funeral any day. The funeral is full of people who can give support. Kids come first.

I think this attitude does a disservice to the kids.

Part of being in a family means learning to support each other, and the best way to teach empathy is to model it. Some examples include sometimes going to your sister's soccer game even though you would rather stay home and play legos. Sometimes it means that mom and dad can't make it to an important event because they have a work trip, or they're attending a funeral to support extended family. Other times, your whole family shows up to see your play or your graduation to support YOU.

A child old enough to be in school is old enough to understand empathy.

I can't believe this is even a question! Wow. Just wow.

+ 10000 some people are really clueless and wonder why they end up divorced or in a cold marriage. Kid going to school is not more important than a funeral especially one of a close family member. Pps husband was wrong period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:You have to love the kids as well as him to make this work. He would have to respect that you are now their mom. Blended family next door is breaking up because dad overrides his new wife's perfectly reasonable household rules. Shoes off, wash hands, no jumping on sofa.

Yup this. I married into a similar situation OP. I loved the man. I loved the kids. But I was always relegated to second place. I don’t mean trivial things like Valentines dates vs school plays. Or stuff like sex being interrupted by a nightmare or sick kid. No I mean stuff like pp mentioned , I mean that when my aunt who raised me became ill and passed away it was an actual argument if he would go to the funeral and support me or skip it for the first day of school.

Yes his kids are important but this doesn’t mean you deserve to be treated like an afterthought.

Looking back I believed I went to fast with my ex because I was late 30s .

This could be a great thing, but take your time and really get to know him and what he expects your role to be.

[b]


Maybe I'm weird but I think the first day of school is more important that your aunt's funeral. I don't have kids but I work with them. I assume you had other family at the funeral?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to love the kids as well as him to make this work. He would have to respect that you are now their mom. Blended family next door is breaking up because dad overrides his new wife's perfectly reasonable household rules. Shoes off, wash hands, no jumping on sofa.

Yup this. I married into a similar situation OP. I loved the man. I loved the kids. But I was always relegated to second place. I don’t mean trivial things like Valentines dates vs school plays. Or stuff like sex being interrupted by a nightmare or sick kid. No I mean stuff like pp mentioned , I mean that when my aunt who raised me became ill and passed away it was an actual argument if he would go to the funeral and support me or skip it for the first day of school.

Yes his kids are important but this doesn’t mean you deserve to be treated like an afterthought.

Looking back I believed I went to fast with my ex because I was late 30s .

This could be a great thing, but take your time and really get to know him and what he expects your role to be.

[b]


Maybe I'm weird but I think the first day of school is more important that your aunt's funeral. I don't have kids but I work with them. I assume you had other family at the funeral?

Pp said this was the aunt who raised her so basically a parent. Spouses go to parent funerals period.

What? This is nuts. All that happens on the first day of school is parents take a picture. It’s NBD. Any grandparent or babysitter can do that. They’ll have the sand teacher, the sand classroom, the same classmates all year. I say that as a mom of two kids. I would absolutely attend a close family members funeral. The first day of school wouldn’t even register as a possible reason to skip it.

Some people are all about being helicopter parents. I see no value to that approach, I prefer to model independence and treating family with respect.

Maybe if it was the first ever day of school (PK or K) and kid was really freaked out? Then I could totally see it. Remember that these are kids who have been through the trauma of losing a parent already; of course he coddles them. Also, "aunt who raised me" is a little different than parent depending on exactly what you mean, so he may not have "gotten" that aspect of it.

I took my aunt who raised me to mean exactly that. Regardless she asked him to go. She asked for his support. When your spouse asks you for that kind of support you do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Hey we need an update!

OP here! I can't believe I just logged on but here is the update. There is nothing to report since our date on Saturday except texts and a couple of very nice calls. He really wants to spend time with me and now we are just working on how and when but I did invite him to my place for dinner this weekend. He's sure he will find a sitter but he said it's the first weekend sitter he's had to arrange. I've never dated a guy with kids before so I guess that this is something I will need to get use to but I think he's worth it. We are very much in agreement that we need to move slowly as it relates to his children getting to know me. We also have to deal with the fact that are companies do business together and that just adds another level of complexity. It's never easy!

I hope he has a big wang. That would really be the icing on cake, so to speak.

Since she invited him to dinner at her place you can be pretty sure her intent is to check the icing on the cake. That must be the dessert she has planned. lol kidding aside, good luck OP!

OP here - I just caught up with this. He is coming to dinner tomorrow night and we'll see how it goes. I would be receptive to the icing on the cake but I will leave it up to him. Maybe I should serve oysters!

Has this man taken you on a proper date yet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey we need an update!

OP here! I can't believe I just logged on but here is the update. There is nothing to report since our date on Saturday except texts and a couple of very nice calls. He really wants to spend time with me and now we are just working on how and when but I did invite him to my place for dinner this weekend. He's sure he will find a sitter but he said it's the first weekend sitter he's had to arrange. I've never dated a guy with kids before so I guess that this is something I will need to get use to but I think he's worth it. We are very much in agreement that we need to move slowly as it relates to his children getting to know me. We also have to deal with the fact that are companies do business together and that just adds another level of complexity. It's never easy!

I hope he has a big wang. That would really be the icing on cake, so to speak.

Since she invited him to dinner at her place you can be pretty sure her intent is to check the icing on the cake. That must be the dessert she has planned. lol kidding aside, good luck OP!

OP here - I just caught up with this. He is coming to dinner tomorrow night and we'll see how it goes. I would be receptive to the icing on the cake but I will leave it up to him. Maybe I should serve oysters!

Has this man taken you on a proper date yet?

I think they've been friends for a few years so they are beyond the early get to know you phase. But who know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey we need an update!

OP here! I can't believe I just logged on but here is the update. There is nothing to report since our date on Saturday except texts and a couple of very nice calls. He really wants to spend time with me and now we are just working on how and when but I did invite him to my place for dinner this weekend. He's sure he will find a sitter but he said it's the first weekend sitter he's had to arrange. I've never dated a guy with kids before so I guess that this is something I will need to get use to but I think he's worth it. We are very much in agreement that we need to move slowly as it relates to his children getting to know me. We also have to deal with the fact that are companies do business together and that just adds another level of complexity. It's never easy!

I hope he has a big wang. That would really be the icing on cake, so to speak.

Since she invited him to dinner at her place you can be pretty sure her intent is to check the icing on the cake. That must be the dessert she has planned. lol kidding aside, good luck OP!

OP here - I just caught up with this. He is coming to dinner tomorrow night and we'll see how it goes. I would be receptive to the icing on the cake but I will leave it up to him. Maybe I should serve oysters!

Has this man taken you on a proper date yet?

I think they've been friends for a few years so they are beyond the early get to know you phase. But who know?

And? Does not mean a proper date shouldn’t happen.

[Anonymous]

OP, please update us. I love this thread.

[Anonymous]

OP here - we had a wonderful evening at my place on Saturday though it ended too early for me! He said that his oldest is getting curious about Dad having two dates but he said she likes me which helps. I think the advice people have provided has been very helpful as while I'm crazy about him we need to move slowly. I did tell him that I was very interested in this being an exclusive relationship but I didn't say anything about it being long term. I think the hard part for me will be knowing that we will only be able to be together maybe once a week or twice if I'm lucky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - we had a wonderful evening at my place on Saturday though it ended too early for me! He said that his oldest is getting curious about Dad having two dates but he said she likes me which helps. I think the advice people have provided has been very helpful as while I'm crazy about him we need to move slowly. I did tell him that I was very interested in this being an exclusive relationship but I didn't say anything about it being long term. I think the hard part for me will be knowing that we will only be able to be together maybe once a week or twice if I'm lucky.

Did you get lucky???? Thanks for the update!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - we had a wonderful evening at my place on Saturday though it ended too early for me! He said that his oldest is getting curious about Dad having two dates but he said she likes me which helps. I think the advice people have provided has been very helpful as while I'm crazy about him we need to move slowly. I did tell him that I was very interested in this being an exclusive relationship but I didn't say anything about it being long term. I think the hard part for me will be knowing that we will only be able to be together maybe once a week or twice if I'm lucky.

How old is the guy, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - we had a wonderful evening at my place on Saturday though it ended too early for me! He said that his oldest is getting curious about Dad having two dates but he said she likes me which helps. I think the advice people have provided has been very helpful as while I'm crazy about him we need to move slowly. I did tell him that I was very interested in this being an exclusive relationship but I didn't say anything about it being long term. I think the hard part for me will be knowing that we will only be able to be together maybe once a week or twice if I'm lucky.

Did you get lucky???? Thanks for the update!

Yes I did! He said it had been a long time so I joked that he should just relax and let me take charge which I did. It was too bad he couldn't stay longer because it was happy to continue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - we had a wonderful evening at my place on Saturday though it ended too early for me! He said that his oldest is getting curious about Dad having two dates but he said she likes me which helps. I think the advice people have provided has been very helpful as while I'm crazy about him we need to move slowly. I did tell him that I was very interested in this being an exclusive relationship but I didn't say anything about it being long term. I think the hard part for me will be knowing that we will only be able to be together maybe once a week or twice if I'm lucky.

How old is the guy, OP?

42

[Anonymous]

Woo hoo! Thanks for the update, OP! Keep us posted!