My husband is very stupid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I started this thread on p.7 because I knew the hit dogs would have overrun the thread by then. Sure enough, MRA, lazy husband, braindead wife and others who play the lazy idiot in someone else’s life is here to bash op.

How dare op think a man who is a risk to his child is subpar? How emasculating!!

You misread my posts.

I never claimed OP's husband wasn't subpart. I claimed that due to her noxious personality, as displayed clearly across all those pages you skipped, would repel any man who wasn't, so she was hound to end up with a loser from the get go and deserves her fate.

It's a very blunt position and I pulled few punches but I did not blame OP for correctly recognizing her husband was a loser.

PP. You really must be a hit dog. The post you quoted didn’t point to any particular post, yet you responded as if she was talking about you. Which one are you: the MRA, lazy husband, or braindead wife?

Maybe all of the above??? Muhahahaha!

In all seriousness, OP deserves every ounce of flak she's getting and more. Otherwise she'll never learn.

Some people think of life as just a giant conspiracy of events designed to screw them over and can't even conceive about how their own behaviour leads to certain outcomes.

Sometimes people are in the wrong place at the wrong time but in a free country like this most people substantially impact their fate through their own choice and behaviour.

It's obvious to me as well as others on this thread that OP must be s nightmare to live with. So even generously assuming OP is describing the situation wholly accurately, tell us, why does she deserve a man more competent than the one that's at least resigned to put up with her so far?

You’re way too invested in this thread.

[Anonymous]

I think you are looking for a servant not a man. I remember that part in Bringing Up Bebe where the author points out that French women find their husbands adorably clueless about this kind of stuff. Try to channel that mindset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in a relationship with an untreated ADHD Inattentive husband.
It was hell until our youngest was 5 yo.
We both work FT in demanding jobs but I was getting run down doing everything. Absolutely everything and then trying to remind him, correct stuff he broke/forgot/half-assed, he'd forget kids' private school interviews, he'd forget prescriptions for the kdis for days, I'd return for a 2 day biz trip to mess/sick kids/ lost items.
He absolutely hit a wall trying to work in sr mgmt, take care of a house/yard, be a husband, no close how to be a father or actually "parent" kids, no goals for kids or family. His brain and focus was only on work. He was never "present" when home - just look at work Iphone every 5 minutes or disappear into the bathroom with his phone for 20 minutes at least 5 times a weekday and 10x a weekend.
As kids got older they realized he couldn't keep track of anything, never was listening to what they said so they'd act up more around him. He response was to be a pushover. He has a poor relationship with them now.
As for the marriage I frequently thought about divorce. He was falling into this defensive temper tantrum eruption every couple months. He knew he wasn't keeping track of life, but would still throw excuses at it.

The TURNING POINT, was when I stopped caring to get angry or hurt or upset but I would continue to point out F UPS. They were not minor and they were negatively affecting the family. The sheer frequency of them and consistently of the same one became crystal clear to him - he knew he had a problem. I was not going to quit my career to take care of him and baby him and the household. My two daughters were not learning what being a parent team or man of the house was supposed to be about. It was clear we were at a turning point. He had to start shifting his ADHD hyper focus to the family, not just kssing ass at work. I read, and then he read the book ADHD marriage. He agreed with everything in it.

He went for a physical, he got a pysch rec, did the ADHD tests, had it, got meds, got therapy. It's not perfect but much better. He is now thinking of how to approach his brother about his ADHD issues - for brother it manifests itself every work, no job, no relationships, all excuses, no organizational skills, no social skills for work.

5 yaers later, turns out his mother knew the whole time there was likely this issue for her husband and two sons. But she just wanted to get them out of the house. Younger son is highly co-dependent on them for housing, money, "advice" and even social.

Sounds like a couple we know. Unfortunately the husband has now “high functioned” his way to a new girlfriend along with all the other upgrades in his life. Be careful what you wish for!

[Anonymous]

^^You hear that, ladies? Play mommy to yor husbands or they’ll become high functioning and leave!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are looking for a servant not a man. I remember that part in Bringing Up Bebe where the author points out that French women find their husbands adorably clueless about this kind of stuff. Try to channel that mindset.

You’re very stupid and lazy, aren’t you?

[Anonymous]

Anyone normal would be frustrated with what OP describes.

Her situation is worse than single parenting. She has a completely worthless adult thwarting the household and endangering the child.

The people who think this situation is anything except very unfortunate have a horse in this race (i.e., just like OP’s husband or misogynists).

OP, you have only one life. Don’t let this asshole steal it from you. Live life as a single mother for now, but get out the second your child is able to take care of herself when with your irresponsible STBX.

[Anonymous]

Leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am in a relationship with an untreated ADHD Inattentive husband.
It was hell until our youngest was 5 yo.
We both work FT in demanding jobs but I was getting run down doing everything. Absolutely everything and then trying to remind him, correct stuff he broke/forgot/half-assed, he'd forget kids' private school interviews, he'd forget prescriptions for the kdis for days, I'd return for a 2 day biz trip to mess/sick kids/ lost items.
He absolutely hit a wall trying to work in sr mgmt, take care of a house/yard, be a husband, no close how to be a father or actually "parent" kids, no goals for kids or family. His brain and focus was only on work. He was never "present" when home - just look at work Iphone every 5 minutes or disappear into the bathroom with his phone for 20 minutes at least 5 times a weekday and 10x a weekend.
As kids got older they realized he couldn't keep track of anything, never was listening to what they said so they'd act up more around him. He response was to be a pushover. He has a poor relationship with them now.
As for the marriage I frequently thought about divorce. He was falling into this defensive temper tantrum eruption every couple months. He knew he wasn't keeping track of life, but would still throw excuses at it.

The TURNING POINT, was when I stopped caring to get angry or hurt or upset but I would continue to point out F UPS. They were not minor and they were negatively affecting the family. The sheer frequency of them and consistently of the same one became crystal clear to him - he knew he had a problem. I was not going to quit my career to take care of him and baby him and the household. My two daughters were not learning what being a parent team or man of the house was supposed to be about. It was clear we were at a turning point. He had to start shifting his ADHD hyper focus to the family, not just kssing ass at work. I read, and then he read the book ADHD marriage. He agreed with everything in it.

He went for a physical, he got a pysch rec, did the ADHD tests, had it, got meds, got therapy. It's not perfect but much better. He is now thinking of how to approach his brother about his ADHD issues - for brother it manifests itself every work, no job, no relationships, all excuses, no organizational skills, no social skills for work.

5 yaers later, turns out his mother knew the whole time there was likely this issue for her husband and two sons. But she just wanted to get them out of the house. Younger son is highly co-dependent on them for housing, money, "advice" and even social.

Sounds like a couple we know. Unfortunately the husband has now “high functioned” his way to a new girlfriend along with all the other upgrades in his life. Be careful what you wish for!

No, that's him courting new girlfriend w his "hyper focus" on her. No way I'd want to be "new girlfriend" beyond that stage, if at all.
Hope he keeps his life real simple and does not have to be relied on for much. Once a ManChild, always a ManChild. Just do not have responsibilities, focus on 1-2 things only and don't F up too frequently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Since I'm a scientist in a biomedical field, I happen to know that ADHD is real, and not fake.

It is also extremely frustrating, and couples struggling with ADHD have an increased risk of divorce.

My husband and my son have ADHD and their lives are severely impacted by it. My son is medicated and that is the only way he can function in school. My husband has a very high IQ and thinks he compensates well without meds, when in reality he doesn't completely, not nearly as much as he thinks. I live in hope that one day, he will start taking his meds daily. Then he wouldn't be let go regularly from his jobs, he wouldn't forget to enroll us in COBRA, he wouldn't be late for everything, he wouldn't misplace his glasses on a daily basis, he would actually remember what he's been told, etc!

Do you think Isaac Newton would have been diagnosed with ADHD? Are you sure that lack of broad-based executive functioning isn't a pathology as much as a side effect of high intelligence and super focus? Do you think the world's greatest discoveries and innovations could have happened if geniuses were splitting their time between discovering that the world is spherical and remembering to pick up bread on the way home for wifie?

who cares, I wouldn't want to be married to any of them unless they made millions of $$$ a year and I could hire all the help and private schools the family, house, yard and I needed.
like aspergers Zuckerberg wealthy or ADHD steve jobs or elon musk. Those are not loving, communicative, "with it" people to be married to. They only care about their job and their reputation outside of the home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Treat him like an idiot and give him clear rules.

- Go to the doctor and WRITE DOWN everything they say.
- Only fill THIS portion cup with the medicine.

Whatever it takes. Or leave him, up to you.

OP, so, basically become his mom or share custody with a dummy. I feel defrauded, honestly. Annulments should be granted on the grounds of undisclosed mental problems.

Actually, this is a grounds for annulment, but only when the other party knew of the mental illness and hid it.

[Anonymous]

interesting, so if he mother has known for years DH has ADHD, no one told me, we can get a quick annulment a few years after marriage?

ring ring

[Anonymous]

Why are you complaining here? You’re the one that F’ing married him. Who is stupid now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you complaining here? You’re the one that F’ing married him. Who is stupid now?

That's already been covered a few times, try to keep up or be more creative.

[Anonymous]

OP hasn't once addressed the possibility that a few posters have raised of hiring a nanny/help to manage the kid and household. She doesn't want solution. She wants to berate her husband. She's a terrible person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone normal would be frustrated with what OP describes.

Her situation is worse than single parenting. She has a completely worthless adult thwarting the household and endangering the child.

The people who think this situation is anything except very unfortunate have a horse in this race (i.e., just like OP’s husband or misogynists).

OP, you have only one life. Don’t let this asshole steal it from you. Live life as a single mother for now, but get out the second your child is able to take care of herself when with your irresponsible STBX.

+1

This.