Reply to My husband is very stupid

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "My husband is very stupid"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am in a relationship with an untreated ADHD Inattentive husband. 
It was hell until our youngest was 5 yo. 
We both work FT in demanding jobs but I was getting run down doing everything. Absolutely everything and then trying to remind him, correct stuff he broke/forgot/half-assed, he'd forget kids' private school interviews, he'd forget prescriptions for the kdis for days, I'd return for a 2 day biz trip to mess/sick kids/ lost items. 
He absolutely hit a wall trying to work in sr mgmt, take care of a house/yard, be a husband, no close how to be a father or actually "parent" kids, no goals for kids or family. His brain and focus was only on work. He was never "present" when home - just look at work Iphone every 5 minutes or disappear into the bathroom with his phone for 20 minutes at least 5 times a weekday and 10x a weekend. 
As kids got older they realized he couldn't keep track of anything, never was listening to what they said so they'd act up more around him. He response was to be a pushover. He has a poor relationship with them now. 
As for the marriage I frequently thought about divorce. He was falling into this defensive temper tantrum eruption every couple months. He knew he wasn't keeping track of life, but would still throw excuses at it.

The TURNING POINT, was when I stopped caring to get angry or hurt or upset but I would continue to point out F UPS. They were not minor and they were negatively affecting the family.  The sheer frequency of them and consistently of the same one became crystal clear to him - he knew he had a problem. I was not going to quit my career to take care of him and baby him and the household. My two daughters were not learning what being a parent team or man of the house was supposed to be about. It was clear we were at a turning point. He had to start shifting his ADHD hyper focus to the family, not just kssing ass at work. I read, and then he read the book ADHD marriage. He agreed with everything in it.

He went for a physical, he got a pysch rec, did the ADHD tests, had it, got meds, got therapy.  It's not perfect but much better.  He is now thinking of how to approach his brother about his ADHD issues - for brother it manifests itself every work, no job, no relationships, all excuses, no organizational skills, no social skills for work.

5 yaers later, turns out his mother knew the whole time there was likely this issue for her husband and two sons. But she just wanted to get them out of the house. Younger son is highly co-dependent on them for housing, money, "advice" and even social. [/quote]

Sounds like a couple we know. Unfortunately the husband has now “high functioned” his way to a new girlfriend along with all the other upgrades in his life. Be careful what you wish for! [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics