s/o what is the solution to lack of desire?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone needs to invent a pill, like viagra for the female libido.

Viagra produces boners. A female pill would have to produce the feeling you have when there is more than enough money in your accounts, your body and your partner's body look amazing and are healthy, the kids are doing great and they are asleep, the house is clean and everything is set for tomorrow, etc...etc...

So, you are punishing him by withholding sex because he doesn't earn enough money? You knew this when you married him. If it was a condition of your marriage vows, then this should have been clearly spelled out before marriage.

"I will cut off sex after 10 years if you don't earn enough money."

I was inspired by a pp who wrote about the difference 10 years can make. Truth is, I enjoy sex and could probably get down even if the house was on fire.

Well sure. Because female desire just isn't contingent on all that crap any more than male desire is. Those distractions are mostly an after-the-fact rationalization for why she doesn't want to have sex with her husband. Find a woman an affair partner, get those novelty hormones flowing, and all the hectic life stuff magically fades into the background.

Said the MRA Guy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone needs to invent a pill, like viagra for the female libido.

Why not a pill to calm a man's libido?

Because sex feels amazing when you want it.

It does but it feels just as amazing when it happens once every three weeks.

There may come a time when having sex isn't an option, due to illness, injury, age, divorce. You may regret not taking advantage of a willng partner who is literally in your bed.

This logic doesn't work with food and it doesn't work with sex, either.

Huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone needs to invent a pill, like viagra for the female libido.

Why not a pill to calm a man's libido?

Because sex feels amazing when you want it.

It does but it feels just as amazing when it happens once every three weeks.

There may come a time when having sex isn't an option, due to illness, injury, age, divorce. You may regret not taking advantage of a willng partner who is literally in your bed.

This logic doesn't work with food and it doesn't work with sex, either.

Huh?

If you don't feel hungry right now, you won't feel compelled to eat again if someone tells you leaner times may be ahead when you won't have enough food.

Likewise, it's silly to think that a woman who isn't in the mood for sex will suddenly feel frisky if you remind her than ten years from now, opportunities to have sex might be limited. You don't stock up on sex you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone needs to invent a pill, like viagra for the female libido.

Why not a pill to calm a man's libido?

Because sex feels amazing when you want it.

It does but it feels just as amazing when it happens once every three weeks.

There may come a time when having sex isn't an option, due to illness, injury, age, divorce. You may regret not taking advantage of a willng partner who is literally in your bed.

This logic doesn't work with food and it doesn't work with sex, either.

Huh?

If you don't feel hungry right now, you won't feel compelled to eat again if someone tells you leaner times may be ahead when you won't have enough food.

Likewise, it's silly to think that a woman who isn't in the mood for sex will suddenly feel frisky if you remind her than ten years from now, opportunities to have sex might be limited. You don't stock up on sex you know.

Ooh... I get it now. I guess I have a fear of missing out and want to enjoy all things available to me while I still have youth and energy. I didn't get the food reference because that is one area where people tend to OVER indulge. Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My solution was easy - I divorced my ex and my desire for sex returned almost immediately. Funny how that works.

Exactly. This is the correct answer, man or woman. Once the sex slows down, either because you are not interested, or your partner rejects you, just divorce or open the marriage. Problem solved for everybody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone needs to invent a pill, like viagra for the female libido.

Why not a pill to calm a man's libido?

Because sex feels amazing when you want it.

It does but it feels just as amazing when it happens once every three weeks.

There may come a time when having sex isn't an option, due to illness, injury, age, divorce. You may regret not taking advantage of a willng partner who is literally in your bed.

This logic doesn't work with food and it doesn't work with sex, either.

+1. lol. I think some men on DCUM are addicted to sex and are entitled to their addiction.

Anyway, the unmarried versions of these men should tell their potential spouses that they require sex 3 times a week(or however often) in order to be in a happy marriage.

I know that such information would have been useful to me and some women. I would run for the hills if a man told me that.

Thank goodness I do not have that problem. I am the high libido and very understanding spouse in my marriage.

Um, hello! Did you get married at the courthouse during your first date? If not, remember having sex 3 times per week while dating, while engaged, and the first 2 years of marriage? That was him telling you that sex 3 times per week is a requirement for a happy marriage. Why did you not run for the hills?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My solution was easy - I divorced my ex and my desire for sex returned almost immediately. Funny how that works.

Exactly. This is the correct answer, man or woman. Once the sex slows down, either because you are not interested, or your partner rejects you, just divorce or open the marriage. Problem solved for everybody.

The solution to lack of desire is to meet someone new. It’s so simple. And it’s true. Any other answer is a rationalization. If you lose desire it generally never comes back for same person. Only way to get it again is newness.

[Anonymous]

The desire thing can be mysterious in women. I've always been high desire, including through two pregnancies (with boy babies).

In my third pregnancy, it was like a switch turned off. This time I was pregnant with a girl, and I don't know if the hormones were different or what, but it was freakish. And after she was born, it took a while to come back, and it has never been quite the same since.

I love sex, and have easy, amazing orgasms. I would give anything to feel desire the way I used to. I miss it.

Guys, imagine you're with someone you repulsed by, and you have to force yourself to go through the motions. Now at some point physical reaction to stimulation will kick in, so it'll feel good and you can have orgasms, but so much is missing. (And if sex itself was never that enjoyable or took a lot of effort, you'd really really not want to do it.)

The way I handle it is to just make myself get in bed and get naked and cuddle. And sometimes I'll feel a hint of desire at some point. If not, I still enjoy the sensuality of skin on skin, and of course, when/if sex happens, I enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone needs to invent a pill, like viagra for the female libido.

Why not a pill to calm a man's libido?

Because sex feels amazing when you want it.

It does but it feels just as amazing when it happens once every three weeks.

There may come a time when having sex isn't an option, due to illness, injury, age, divorce. You may regret not taking advantage of a willng partner who is literally in your bed.

This logic doesn't work with food and it doesn't work with sex, either.

+1. lol. I think some men on DCUM are addicted to sex and are entitled to their addiction.

Anyway, the unmarried versions of these men should tell their potential spouses that they require sex 3 times a week(or however often) in order to be in a happy marriage.

I know that such information would have been useful to me and some women. I would run for the hills if a man told me that.

Thank goodness I do not have that problem. I am the high libido and very understanding spouse in my marriage.

Um, hello! Did you get married at the courthouse during your first date? If not, remember having sex 3 times per week while dating, while engaged, and the first 2 years of marriage? That was him telling you that sex 3 times per week is a requirement for a happy marriage. Why did you not run for the hills?

Men should remaining wining and dining their wives 3 times a week, and the frequency of all the other charming things they did for their wives when they were dating and first married; vacations, surprises, etc. They should keep up with that frequency as well.

Many husbands and wives are not so self-centered that they cannot see how everything is so much different than it was during those honeymoon years. If all the self centered spouses found each other, they could implode together and reasonable people could marry each other and enjoy their lives.

Unfortunately, there is an imbalance because men have been taught that their sexual desires triumph everything. They should stay single and focus on sexual partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men should remaining wining and dining their wives 3 times a week, and the frequency of all the other charming things they did for their wives when they were dating and first married; vacations, surprises, etc. They should keep up with that frequency as well.

Many husbands and wives are not so self-centered that they cannot see how everything is so much different than it was during those honeymoon years. If all the self centered spouses found each other, they could implode together and reasonable people could marry each other and enjoy their lives.

Unfortunately, there is an imbalance because men have been taught that their sexual desires triumph everything. They should stay single and focus on sexual partners.

At no point was I ever "wining/dining/vacations/surprising" my wife (or any girlfriend) 3 times a week, so that's a ridiculous frequency to expect for grand romantic gestures. Besides, we still do all of those things: yes maybe less often than before we had any real life responsibilities or financial concerns, but I am not rejecting her offers to wine/dine. And she's not coming to me saying that she feels unloved because she needs more wining and dining. And if she did, I would take that seriously and find a way for us to do more wining and dining.

Besides, wine and dine is NOT a prerequisite to a married woman wanting sex. All it really takes is to be the new and exciting guy. In other words, just don't be her husband and a married women will rapidly experience desire if you just show her some attention, impress her with your intelligence, get her started talking about herself. No wining and dining necessary, the main ingredient is novelty which is not something any husband can offer.

Your primary argument seems to be that people change over time and it is self-centered to not see how everything is different? Therefore it's OK to stop doing things that you used to do frequently (and which remain important to your spouse) because hey you've changed, lost interest, and your spouse should accept that? For example, is it OK to stop being monogamous, even though it remains important to you, because hey I've changed, lost interest in monogamy, and you should not be self-centered and see that differences like this are to be expected once those honeymoon years of monogamy are over?

[Anonymous]

Reading this thread it is easy to see the old adage is true: Men are nothing but big walking dicks. Their sense of entitlement and their self-absorption is astonishing.

I have been with my spouse 32 years. The first 25 years were fabulous sexually, even after kids. But menopause hit me hard. It was like a switch was thrown. All thoughts of sex were gone. Lubrication was gone and sex





Felt like being knifed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reading this thread it is easy to see the old adage is true: Men are nothing but big walking dicks. Their sense of entitlement and their self-absorption is astonishing.

I have been with my spouse 32 years. The first 25 years were fabulous sexually, even after kids. But menopause hit me hard. It was like a switch was thrown. All thoughts of sex were gone. Lubrication was gone and sex





Felt like being knifed.

Not all men are. Younger women should be more thorough in vetting, and they will avoid men who lack empathy, logic reasoning skills and awareness.

You have to be an idiot to leave a great marriage because you do not regularly have sex 3 times a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men should remaining wining and dining their wives 3 times a week, and the frequency of all the other charming things they did for their wives when they were dating and first married; vacations, surprises, etc. They should keep up with that frequency as well.

Many husbands and wives are not so self-centered that they cannot see how everything is so much different than it was during those honeymoon years. If all the self centered spouses found each other, they could implode together and reasonable people could marry each other and enjoy their lives.

Unfortunately, there is an imbalance because men have been taught that their sexual desires triumph everything. They should stay single and focus on sexual partners.

At no point was I ever "wining/dining/vacations/surprising" my wife (or any girlfriend) 3 times a week, so that's a ridiculous frequency to expect for grand romantic gestures. Besides, we still do all of those things: yes maybe less often than before we had any real life responsibilities or financial concerns, but I am not rejecting her offers to wine/dine. And she's not coming to me saying that she feels unloved because she needs more wining and dining. And if she did, I would take that seriously and find a way for us to do more wining and dining.

Besides, wine and dine is NOT a prerequisite to a married woman wanting sex. All it really takes is to be the new and exciting guy. In other words, just don't be her husband and a married women will rapidly experience desire if you just show her some attention, impress her with your intelligence, get her started talking about herself. No wining and dining necessary, the main ingredient is novelty which is not something any husband can offer.

Your primary argument seems to be that people change over time and it is self-centered to not see how everything is different? Therefore it's OK to stop doing things that you used to do frequently (and which remain important to your spouse) because hey you've changed, lost interest, and your spouse should accept that? For example, is it OK to stop being monogamous, even though it remains important to you, because hey I've changed, lost interest in monogamy, and you should not be self-centered and see that differences like this are to be expected once those honeymoon years of monogamy are over?

Do you know why some of these women do not focus on all these pre-marital wining and dining? Because they understand that time, energy and resources are limited, and they understand that their husbands may be busy and preoccupied with other things that are more important. They would enjoy the same or even more "me" time, but they know that life does not revolve around them and their desires.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reading this thread it is easy to see the old adage is true: Men are nothing but big walking dicks. Their sense of entitlement and their self-absorption is astonishing.

Uh huh. And women are nothing but big walking resource pits. They think they deserve a man's time, attention, and money even when they provide little or nothing in return, least of all something that is important to their man (i.e., sex). The female sense of entitlement and self-absorption is only astonishing to men who have no experience with women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reading this thread it is easy to see the old adage is true: Men are nothing but big walking dicks. Their sense of entitlement and their self-absorption is astonishing.

I have been with my spouse 32 years. The first 25 years were fabulous sexually, even after kids. But menopause hit me hard. It was like a switch was thrown. All thoughts of sex were gone. Lubrication was gone and sex





Felt like being knifed.

You'll find many glowing testimonials about coconut oil from us over at the 50+ forum. Apply daily, inside and out, and it almost feels rejuvenating in its effect. As for the hormonal off switch, I hear you on that too. With the coconut oil regimen and having extra lube on hand for when you need it, you can probably feel good again. And then it's just about making yourself get in bed together to start the wheels turning, even though you don't feel the desire.