Reply to s/o what is the solution to lack of desire?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Men should remaining wining and dining their wives 3 times a week, and the frequency of all the other charming things they did for their wives when they were dating and first married; vacations, surprises, etc. They should keep up with that frequency as well.

Many husbands and wives are not so self-centered that they cannot see how everything is so much different than it was during those honeymoon years. If all the self centered spouses found each other, they could implode together and reasonable people could marry each other and enjoy their lives.

Unfortunately, there is an imbalance because men have been taught that their sexual desires triumph everything. They should stay single and focus on sexual partners.

[/quote]
At no point was I ever "wining/dining/vacations/surprising" my wife (or any girlfriend) 3 times a week, so that's a ridiculous frequency to expect for grand romantic gestures. Besides, we still do all of those things: yes maybe less often than before we had any real life responsibilities or financial concerns, but I am not [u]rejecting[/u] her offers to wine/dine. And she's not coming to me saying that she feels unloved because she needs more wining and dining. And if she did, I would take that seriously and find a way for us to do more wining and dining.

Besides, wine and dine is NOT a prerequisite to a married woman wanting sex. All it really takes is to be the new and exciting guy. In other words, [u]just don't be her husband[/u] and a married women will rapidly experience desire if you just show her some attention, impress her with your intelligence, get her started talking about herself. No wining and dining necessary, the main ingredient is [b]novelty[/b] which is not something any husband can offer.

Your primary argument seems to be that people change over time and it is self-centered to not see how everything is different? Therefore it's OK to stop doing things that you used to do frequently (and which remain important to your spouse) because hey you've changed, lost interest, and your spouse should accept that? For example, is it OK to stop being monogamous, even though it remains important to you, because hey I've changed, lost interest in monogamy, and you should not be self-centered and see that differences like this are to be expected once those honeymoon years of monogamy are over?[/quote]

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