s/o what is the solution to lack of desire?

[Anonymous]

I'm bored with masturbating, not sexually interested in DH, and don't have time for an affair. What to do, what to do...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm bored with masturbating, not sexually interested in DH, and don't have time for an affair. What to do, what to do...

You need a F budy. Just look for the first married man you see, assume his wife has no desire for him, smile and say Hello then off to the nearest no-tell Motel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you read Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Are? One thing she discusses is that women tend to have a more reactive sex drive — we don’t sit there and just get turned on the way men do, it’s usually in the context of things already getting sexy. So building in time to your schedule when you can want it helps.

Definitely go buy this book and you and your DH should read it. It is a wonderful, wonderful book for just this topic.

We hit a real lull where like you it was one more item on my long to-do list. For us, it was really about me figuring out what did work to get me more interested. We definitely schedule it now and on those nights, I am very focused on thinking about it and planning mentally. If we just wait to see if I am "in the mood" at night, it just kept getting postponed. We send each other suggestive texts, I drink more wine, read a bit of erotica (which I had NEVER considered doing before reading "Come as you Are"), hand off the kids and kitchen duty to DH, relax a bit, wear something sexy. Context matters a lot to me - knowing that the kids might come in is a libido buster for me so we plan around when we know that won't be a problem (and put a lock on the door). We also do a few longer effort nights but also plan on quickies when I know I can rally but don't need to be prepared for a marathon session when I know it's a tough week for me.

It's still a lot of work for me to keep it up, but I know it is super, super important to DH and I've just made myself stay focused on it because I love him and I love our relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you read Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Are? One thing she discusses is that women tend to have a more reactive sex drive — we don’t sit there and just get turned on the way men do, it’s usually in the context of things already getting sexy. So building in time to your schedule when you can want it helps.

Definitely go buy this book and you and your DH should read it. It is a wonderful, wonderful book for just this topic.

We hit a real lull where like you it was one more item on my long to-do list. For us, it was really about me figuring out what did work to get me more interested. We definitely schedule it now and on those nights, I am very focused on thinking about it and planning mentally. If we just wait to see if I am "in the mood" at night, it just kept getting postponed. We send each other suggestive texts, I drink more wine, read a bit of erotica (which I had NEVER considered doing before reading "Come as you Are"), hand off the kids and kitchen duty to DH, relax a bit, wear something sexy. Context matters a lot to me - knowing that the kids might come in is a libido buster for me so we plan around when we know that won't be a problem (and put a lock on the door). We also do a few longer effort nights but also plan on quickies when I know I can rally but don't need to be prepared for a marathon session when I know it's a tough week for me.

It's still a lot of work for me to keep it up, but I know it is super, super important to DH and I've just made myself stay focused on it because I love him and I love our relationship.

A perfect response if you, like many women, are unfortunate to lose all interest in regular sex, yet want to stay married with a faithful husband. It's not supposed to be work and this really is a foreign concept for most men who view sex as the polar opposite of work/effort. Goon on you PP for taking mindful action to get yourself into the mood!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm bored with masturbating, not sexually interested in DH, and don't have time for an affair. What to do, what to do...

Well if you were a man and masturbating all the time, women here would say you have a porn problem. They would say you have desensitized yourself to having sex with real people. So maybe you should stop masturbating and stop fantasizing about of people, situations, etc and instead have sex with your DH?
But that only applies to men so carry on.