Do men regret their divorces?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Statistically, women are much more likely than men to initiate divorces.
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/08/150822154900.htm

HA! Emotional labor!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is a societal construct, not a romantic one. Its purpose is to accumulate shared assets and raise children. When you exit this contract, you incur costs in the assets and children line items. Again, not sure why you find it so objectionable to see this fact spelled out.

Make sure you point this out to all the women in the world who think they should get all the money and full custody of the children.

The same way men think they get all the retirement just because it's from their employment.

In the end doesn't matter what someone "thinks" because a judge will decide. If it were up to men they wouldn't ever support their kids, why we have judges! To ensure kids are supported.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is a societal construct, not a romantic one. Its purpose is to accumulate shared assets and raise children. When you exit this contract, you incur costs in the assets and children line items. Again, not sure why you find it so objectionable to see this fact spelled out.

Make sure you point this out to all the women in the world who think they should get all the money and full custody of the children.

Dear MRA loon: If you were the sort of abusive, aggressive jerk your post implies, then yes, your ex-wife probably did think this and wanted to get the kids away from you. But don’t conflate your own situation with “all women.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is a societal construct, not a romantic one. Its purpose is to accumulate shared assets and raise children. When you exit this contract, you incur costs in the assets and children line items. Again, not sure why you find it so objectionable to see this fact spelled out.

Make sure you point this out to all the women in the world who think they should get all the money and full custody of the children.

The same way men think they get all the retirement just because it's from their employment.

In the end doesn't matter what someone "thinks" because a judge will decide. If it were up to men they wouldn't ever support their kids, why we have judges! To ensure kids are supported.

BS, many men financially support their kids and would take full custody. My husband fully supported his kids and would happily had custody. His ex was a piece of work and refused contact and the judges would just tell her she needs to allow contact but no consequences. We have consequences for those that do not pay child support but none when a parent refuses the other parent contact. After thousands and thousands in court and going into huge debt, that is why many men give up and walk away. Judges do what is easy not what is always best. Everything in court is he said/she said and evaluations and all that are all subjective and can be very easily bias.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Statistically, men who divorce end up with women identical to or similar to the women they married in the first place. They repeat the same issues over and over because they refuse to do the work to address their own issues or understand why they are drawn to certain women.

Statistically, men who divorce end up with second wives who are on average 8 years younger.

and likely the same or identical in personality to the first wife - which is why most second marriages end in divorce.

No, not in my experience. All my divorced male friends who remarried are with the exact opposite (looks, and personality) from their exes. One of those friends is getting close to his 25th anniversary with wife #2, and one is at his 15th anniversary with wife #2. 100 percent of these friends report relationship #2 is night-and-day better.

Speaking just for myself, it has amazed me how kind my girlfriend is. She is the exact opposite from my ex-wife. My new love never has a tantrum, never gaslights, never does guilt trips, never calls me names, never uses sex as a weapon, never nags, and she makes as much as me and owns her own house and investment property. Plus she is younger and thinner than the ex and has family money.

I think I'm going to write a book about divorced men, their miserable lives with their shrews, and their happily ever after lives after divorce.

I suggest you title your book "How I'm Right and Statistics on Second Marriage Success are Total Lies."

There are a lot of different people in the world. Some have very high rates first divorce, and second divorce. Some are trashier than others. Some are poorer than others. Some have no morals. Some have IQs below 80.

The sample I observe are highly educated, well-off, and extremely conscientious and generous men. They are not likely to divorce in the first place, but if they do, they are unlikely to divorce again. Men like that tend to attract a lazy woman who sees nice guys as a no-hassle meal ticket, and causes trouble in the marriage when her entitlement needs aren't being met.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading through this thread, it's not the men who are bitter, but the women. The women on DCUM think they are somehow God's gift to men - perfect bodies that can wear yoga pants (that's the white women anyway), have multiple degrees or are partners in law firms and are the best moms on the face of the planet and any many that would divorce such a woman is obviously a loser.

Sorry to break it to you ladies, but if you can't be a loving and respectful wife to your husband, he will leave. No man (or woman for that matter) needs to spend their life with someone who makes them miserable.

Hard to imagine anybody divorcing this gem. Hard to know what’s worse: the blatant racism, misogyny, or the narcissism that leads him to think he doesn’t have any flaws and it’s always the women who are flawed. Submit, ladies, and be “loving and respectful” no matter how abusive/cheating/lazy your DH is.

Totally gross.

Nothing said about submission, but if you cannot or will not treat your partner with love and respect why should s/he stay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Ok.... My husband left me and the kids. Walked out the door for his mistress. He told me he regrets it. He doesn't cry himself to sleep every night (I don't think), he made peace (to some degree?) with the fact he pretty much f-ed up his life. We are friends.

Another story from a woman. I wonder what he would tell me if I met him in a bar.

You do realize that the story he tells you at the bar may not be the truth either, right? Most people don't like to admit when they have made a mistake, so they put on a happy front.

My ex told me on numerous occasions that he felt like our divorce was a mistake and that he wanted to get back together-- he cheated and he filed for the divorce. He never got back on his feet after the divorce (we had a 50/50 split so there was no child support) and he died from heart disease exactly two years after we split. He was only 44 at the time of his death.

I thrived after the divorce and would have never gone back to him.

Same thing with my SIL. Her husband stupidly left her at age 50 for another woman. The other woman was broke having gone through bankruptcy and a divorce with her husband. I don't think SIL's husband researched her. Nasty divorce. He wanted the new tart and the home that was paid off. Judge gave her the home since she had the kids, and took less of the retirement. Home really appreciated. He and the new woman almost had to start over. Not a good age to do that. The OW ended up dying of a heart valve problem, and he died 3 years after that. He also tried to get back with SIL, but she refused his calls. Never talked to him after the divorce. He wasn't even invited to the sons wedding.

A lot of people don't factor in health problems, or changes in the job market etc. There's a reason 2nd marriages fail at a greater rate.

Wow, your SIL did a fantastic job alienating the children so that they didn't even invite their own father to the wedding.

lol He was grown fyi. The ex cheater alienated many by his actions.

So kids unlearn the alienation when they turn 18?

Why didn't he win their affection while he was married to their mother?

Having to "win affection" isn't normal. Children typically love both parents unless the child has been alienated. The alienation process starts long before divorce, and can be the cause of divorce.

[Anonymous]

Alienation is perpetrated by evil exes who use the children as a tool in their petty revenge fantasies against whatever real or perceived injustice they suffered at the hands of the ex.

My ex tried it with our DD. It didn’t work. The simply continued to model great parenting while my ex continued to weave her evil spells.

DD realizes her mother is not normal, will see her but doesn’t want to live with her. It’s sad. In fact, once she moved in with me a lot of her anxiety, which manifested physically in her stomach went away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is a societal construct, not a romantic one. Its purpose is to accumulate shared assets and raise children. When you exit this contract, you incur costs in the assets and children line items. Again, not sure why you find it so objectionable to see this fact spelled out.

Make sure you point this out to all the women in the world who think they should get all the money and full custody of the children.

The same way men think they get all the retirement just because it's from their employment.

In the end doesn't matter what someone "thinks" because a judge will decide. If it were up to men they wouldn't ever support their kids, why we have judges! To ensure kids are supported.

That's simply a lie. As a percentage of the population, there are more women in arrears of child support payment than men. In other words, proportionally, there are more deadbeat moms than dads.

[Anonymous]

Why is divorce for men so expensive?

Because it's worth every penny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok.... My husband left me and the kids. Walked out the door for his mistress. He told me he regrets it. He doesn't cry himself to sleep every night (I don't think), he made peace (to some degree?) with the fact he pretty much f-ed up his life. We are friends.

Another story from a woman. I wonder what he would tell me if I met him in a bar.

You do realize that the story he tells you at the bar may not be the truth either, right? Most people don't like to admit when they have made a mistake, so they put on a happy front.

My ex told me on numerous occasions that he felt like our divorce was a mistake and that he wanted to get back together-- he cheated and he filed for the divorce. He never got back on his feet after the divorce (we had a 50/50 split so there was no child support) and he died from heart disease exactly two years after we split. He was only 44 at the time of his death.

I thrived after the divorce and would have never gone back to him.

Same thing with my SIL. Her husband stupidly left her at age 50 for another woman. The other woman was broke having gone through bankruptcy and a divorce with her husband. I don't think SIL's husband researched her. Nasty divorce. He wanted the new tart and the home that was paid off. Judge gave her the home since she had the kids, and took less of the retirement. Home really appreciated. He and the new woman almost had to start over. Not a good age to do that. The OW ended up dying of a heart valve problem, and he died 3 years after that. He also tried to get back with SIL, but she refused his calls. Never talked to him after the divorce. He wasn't even invited to the sons wedding.

A lot of people don't factor in health problems, or changes in the job market etc. There's a reason 2nd marriages fail at a greater rate.

Wow, your SIL did a fantastic job alienating the children so that they didn't even invite their own father to the wedding.

lol He was grown fyi. The ex cheater alienated many by his actions.

So kids unlearn the alienation when they turn 18?

Why didn't he win their affection while he was married to their mother?

Having to "win affection" isn't normal. Children typically love both parents unless the child has been alienated. The alienation process starts long before divorce, and can be the cause of divorce.

Or, quite possibly, the kids were traumatized by their father leaving for the OW and trying to take the house they grew up in, so they didn't want anything to do with him. You make it sound like the parent can do whatever and the kids will still love him or her but that's not the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok.... My husband left me and the kids. Walked out the door for his mistress. He told me he regrets it. He doesn't cry himself to sleep every night (I don't think), he made peace (to some degree?) with the fact he pretty much f-ed up his life. We are friends.

Another story from a woman. I wonder what he would tell me if I met him in a bar.

You do realize that the story he tells you at the bar may not be the truth either, right? Most people don't like to admit when they have made a mistake, so they put on a happy front.

My ex told me on numerous occasions that he felt like our divorce was a mistake and that he wanted to get back together-- he cheated and he filed for the divorce. He never got back on his feet after the divorce (we had a 50/50 split so there was no child support) and he died from heart disease exactly two years after we split. He was only 44 at the time of his death.

I thrived after the divorce and would have never gone back to him.

Same thing with my SIL. Her husband stupidly left her at age 50 for another woman. The other woman was broke having gone through bankruptcy and a divorce with her husband. I don't think SIL's husband researched her. Nasty divorce. He wanted the new tart and the home that was paid off. Judge gave her the home since she had the kids, and took less of the retirement. Home really appreciated. He and the new woman almost had to start over. Not a good age to do that. The OW ended up dying of a heart valve problem, and he died 3 years after that. He also tried to get back with SIL, but she refused his calls. Never talked to him after the divorce. He wasn't even invited to the sons wedding.

A lot of people don't factor in health problems, or changes in the job market etc. There's a reason 2nd marriages fail at a greater rate.

Wow, your SIL did a fantastic job alienating the children so that they didn't even invite their own father to the wedding.

lol He was grown fyi. The ex cheater alienated many by his actions.

So kids unlearn the alienation when they turn 18?

Why didn't he win their affection while he was married to their mother?

Having to "win affection" isn't normal. Children typically love both parents unless the child has been alienated. The alienation process starts long before divorce, and can be the cause of divorce.

Or, quite possibly, the kids were traumatized by their father leaving for the OW and trying to take the house they grew up in, so they didn't want anything to do with him. You make it sound like the parent can do whatever and the kids will still love him or her but that's not the case.

Something like that happened to a friend of mine. But he took the high road--didn't tell the children that his exDW had cut him off from sex for the previous 5 years, among other things. So they all blamed dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Something like that happened to a friend of mine. But he took the high road--didn't tell the children that his exDW had cut him off from sex for the previous 5 years, among other things. So they all blamed dad.

Why would any parent share details of his/her sex life with the children. How creepy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Something like that happened to a friend of mine. But he took the high road--didn't tell the children that his exDW had cut him off from sex for the previous 5 years, among other things. So they all blamed dad.

You are delusional if you think your children care how much you and their mother are having sex. They don't even want to think of you as a sexual being. And they absolutely will not their teenage heads understandingly, murmuring to themselves, well of course, poor dad, how could he possibly go through life without sex, he is totally right to leave us and try to take the house so he and his new lady friend can have all the sex they want. It's OK, dad, we're gonna go get ourselves an apartment.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, but failing to meet your spouse's sexual needs is a grounds for divorce.