Do men regret their divorces?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re willing to break up your kids’ home so you can get laid, it says a lot about who you are as a person and why perhaps your spouse doesn’t want sex with you in the first place.

It says you are a normal person who desires sex with their spouse, which is natural, admirable, and indeed the basis of the marital contract.

The person who broke up the kids home... is the person denying sex to their spouse, not the person who leaves.

Yes. If you sign up for a monogamous married relationship, you agree to have regular sex with your husband. If you don't, you are ruining the marriage.

Because if your spouse doesn’t shower, or abuses you verbally or physically, or is just plain bad in bed, it’s your fault that you aren’t attracted to them, and not theirs?

What is this, the Middle Ages?

I thought we had moved beyond the mentality where you could beat your wife and then demand sex without any introspection on your part.

I was none of these things, and was still cut off, and pushed away from any affection at all. I also did most of the housework and earned most of the money.

My girlfriend is thrilled I'm divorced. She doesn't play any of the games that the ex did.

So you generalize from your own anecdote to all relationships everywhere and make all-encompassing pronouncements about all marriages?

I'm not generalizing to all, but I know quite a few men who bailed out of long-term marriages because their wives broke. One friend was 10 years older, he could predict with certainty why my wife, and then ex-wife, would do next because he'd lived it. I know several others now who have gone through the same thing.

Yes, you are generalizing based on your own anecdote.


Definition of anecdotal

1 : based on or consisting of reports or observations of usually unscientific observers anecdotal evidence health benefits that may be more anecdotal than factual

Definition of generalizing

1. to infer (a general principle, trend, etc.) from particular facts, statistics, or the like.
2. to infer or form (a general principle, opinion, conclusion, etc.) from only a few facts, examples, or the like.
3. to give a general rather than a specific or special character or form to.
4. to make general; bring into general use or knowledge.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Then we agree that it’s not all on the woman, that the man has to do some work too—which is something these MRA nut jobs still refuse to say, unless outright abuse is involved. So why not just say we agree without calling me unhinged and crazy?

Because you’re pretending someone wrote that men had to put no effort into things, you denounce people for this figment of your imagination, you complain to the website owner, and basically you act unhinged.

I've posted several times that women have to communicate with their spouses about what they want from the sexually, financially, emotionally, etc. I've not argued at all that men have to make no effort, yet that is what gets inferred. Women cannot expect us to read minds.

Um no, you posted once yesterday that wives have to figure it all out and tell the husbands, but you said nothing about whether husbands need to follow through. I remember your one post and it was remarkably tone deaf, to the point that it got parodied later and the parody got a “this, so much, this” endorsement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Then we agree that it’s not all on the woman, that the man has to do some work too—which is something these MRA nut jobs still refuse to say, unless outright abuse is involved. So why not just say we agree without calling me unhinged and crazy?

Because you’re pretending someone wrote that men had to put no effort into things, you denounce people for this figment of your imagination, you complain to the website owner, and basically you act unhinged.

I've posted several times that women have to communicate with their spouses about what they want from the sexually, financially, emotionally, etc. I've not argued at all that men have to make no effort, yet that is what gets inferred. Women cannot expect us to read minds.

Um no, you posted once yesterday that wives have to figure it all out and tell the husbands, but you said nothing about whether husbands need to follow through. I remember your one post and it was remarkably tone deaf, to the point that it got parodied later and the parody got a “this, so much, this” endorsement.

Page 13 of this thread at 10:59 has your post, the parody and “this.”

[Anonymous]

DHs, you have no agency or responsibility for happiness in your marriage. Your DW is responsible for figuring everything out and telling you, a grown man, what is going wrong.

This was the parody, and this wasn’t that guy’s message. If you honestly think it was, you’ve got issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

DHs, you have no agency or responsibility for happiness in your marriage. Your DW is responsible for figuring everything out and telling you, a grown man, what is going wrong.

This was the parody, and this wasn’t that guy’s message. If you honestly think it was, you’ve got issues.

Why did you cut out his original post and the rest of the parody? Didn’t want people to see either?

Anyway, apparently several people thought that was indeed the guy’s message.

[Anonymous]

You’re welcome.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DWs, if you love your DHs, you will have sex with them. You will make an effort to teach them to be a good lover to you if they are not. If you are not willing or able to do this, then let him know that your marriage is companionate and you do not expect sexual fidelity. If you refuse sex on a regular basis when it is important to your spouse, either you need to be GGG or you need to him/her and out. Marriage is not the priesthood. I certainly did not sign up for a life of celibacy.

Translation:

DHs, you have no agency or responsibility for happiness in your marriage. Your DW is responsible for figuring everything out and telling you, a grown man, what is going wrong. You don’t have to agree with her. Your behavior outside the bedroom is irrelevant and doesn’t weaken your entitlement to her services in the bedroom. If she is “unable,” as you say, to convince you to change your technique/grooming habits/behavior outside the bed (including your abuse if any), then you are entitled to find an AP.

This. So much this. I can't say it enough.

This.

[Anonymous]

I am that poster, and that was not my message, but ladies please do not wish us to be mind readers. You have voices and can express yourselves with them and in ways that are clear and express your intent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am that poster, and that was not my message, but ladies please do not wish us to be mind readers. You have voices and can express yourselves with them and in ways that are clear and express your intent.

How about asking her directly what would put her in the mood? How about asking yourself what you could do differently? Good conversation, flowers, date nights, shaving that stubble before kissing, showering beforehand if you’re one of those guys who shakes it at the urinal, technique tips? Not every woman wants these things, but many do.

It’s also possible there are bigger problems on the relationship. If you’re dismissive or rude to her, she’s not going to be in the mood. If you both work full time but you don’t get home until 9 and she has to feed and bathe the kids, yep, she’ll be exhausted. Ask her directly about these things, too.

And then make the changes. Don’t just decide that you can’t leave work before 9 and so you’re entitled to an AP while your wife deals with the kids.

The idea that you have no role to play in resolving this is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am that poster, and that was not my message, but ladies please do not wish us to be mind readers. You have voices and can express yourselves with them and in ways that are clear and express your intent.

To borrow your own phrase, you’re expecting her to “read your mind” that you’re unhappy, before you go off and get yourself the AP you think you’re entitled to.

How about you starting a conversation with her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

DHs, you have no agency or responsibility for happiness in your marriage. Your DW is responsible for figuring everything out and telling you, a grown man, what is going wrong.

This was the parody, and this wasn’t that guy’s message. If you honestly think it was, you’ve got issues.

Why did you cut out his original post and the rest of the parody? Didn’t want people to see either?

Anyway, apparently several people thought that was indeed the guy’s message.

Uh, the same 2 women is several people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

DHs, you have no agency or responsibility for happiness in your marriage. Your DW is responsible for figuring everything out and telling you, a grown man, what is going wrong.

This was the parody, and this wasn’t that guy’s message. If you honestly think it was, you’ve got issues.

Why did you cut out his original post and the rest of the parody? Didn’t want people to see either?

Anyway, apparently several people thought that was indeed the guy’s message.

Uh, the same 2 women is several people?

How do you know that?

Clearly you can’t listen to criticism, constructive or otherwise. I don’t know why you think getting your wife to tell you what to change is going to help anything.

In fact, communication seems to be a huge problem with you. Initiating an actual discussion with your wife doesn’t seem to occur to you-you want her to figure everything out and tell you.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am that poster, and that was not my message, but ladies please do not wish us to be mind readers. You have voices and can express yourselves with them and in ways that are clear and express your intent.

To borrow your own phrase, you’re expecting her to “read your mind” that you’re unhappy, before you go off and get yourself the AP you think you’re entitled to.

How about you starting a conversation with her?

The XW: "I only gave him once a month starfish duty sex but he expected me to read his mind that this was unacceptable!"

Her friend: "Oh I know, men are such clueless, entitled pigs!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am that poster, and that was not my message, but ladies please do not wish us to be mind readers. You have voices and can express yourselves with them and in ways that are clear and express your intent.

To borrow your own phrase, you’re expecting her to “read your mind” that you’re unhappy, before you go off and get yourself the AP you think you’re entitled to.

How about you starting a conversation with her?

The XW: "I only gave him once a month starfish duty sex but he expected me to read his mind that this was unacceptable!"

Her friend: "Oh I know, men are such clueless, entitled pigs!"

XDH: “She only did it 2-3 times a week, it took her much longer than me, she wanted me to shower after I worked out (so unspontaneous and you’d think she’d appreciate my great abs) and she actually asked me to slow down and use toys. I had no choice but to get an AP, she drove me to it!”

Bro: “Dude, you had to do it. Don’t let her emasculate you.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

DHs, you have no agency or responsibility for happiness in your marriage. Your DW is responsible for figuring everything out and telling you, a grown man, what is going wrong.

This was the parody, and this wasn’t that guy’s message. If you honestly think it was, you’ve got issues.

Why did you cut out his original post and the rest of the parody? Didn’t want people to see either?

Anyway, apparently several people thought that was indeed the guy’s message.

Uh, the same 2 women is several people?

How do you know that?

Clearly you can’t listen to criticism, constructive or otherwise. I don’t know why you think getting your wife to tell you what to change is going to help anything.

In fact, communication seems to be a huge problem with you. Initiating an actual discussion with your wife doesn’t seem to occur to you-you want her to figure everything out and tell you.

Good luck.

Wow, you think you know anything about me or my wife when I haven’t provided any information? You’re a psycho.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

DHs, you have no agency or responsibility for happiness in your marriage. Your DW is responsible for figuring everything out and telling you, a grown man, what is going wrong.

This was the parody, and this wasn’t that guy’s message. If you honestly think it was, you’ve got issues.

Why did you cut out his original post and the rest of the parody? Didn’t want people to see either?

Anyway, apparently several people thought that was indeed the guy’s message.

Uh, the same 2 women is several people?

How do you know that?

Clearly you can’t listen to criticism, constructive or otherwise. I don’t know why you think getting your wife to tell you what to change is going to help anything.

In fact, communication seems to be a huge problem with you. Initiating an actual discussion with your wife doesn’t seem to occur to you-you want her to figure everything out and tell you.

Good luck.

Wow, you think you know anything about me or my wife when I haven’t provided any information? You’re a psycho.

Meh. Lots of people here have given you advice or criticism and you’ve shut them all out. Non-responsive posts, brushing posters off, tons of insults and name-calling (like right above). It’s not rocket science to conclude you have communication problems.