Do men regret their divorces?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re willing to break up your kids’ home so you can get laid, it says a lot about who you are as a person and why perhaps your spouse doesn’t want sex with you in the first place.

It says you are a normal person who desires sex with their spouse, which is natural, admirable, and indeed the basis of the marital contract.

The person who broke up the kids home... is the person denying sex to their spouse, not the person who leaves.

Yes. If you sign up for a monogamous married relationship, you agree to have regular sex with your husband. If you don't, you are ruining the marriage.

Because if your spouse doesn’t shower, or abuses you verbally or physically, or is just plain bad in bed, it’s your fault that you aren’t attracted to them, and not theirs?

What is this, the Middle Ages?

I thought we had moved beyond the mentality where you could beat your wife and then demand sex without any introspection on your part.

Sorry, but you need to divorce your husband, or at least separate, if he is abusing you. If he has hygiene problems, you knew this when you married him so why the change now. Denying your husband sex is never an answer to marital problems. its the same with an affair, deal with the problem. Leave, or prepare to leave but don't play games. If you thought sex was an option when you married, why didn't you just co-parent with them and leave marriage out of the equation? You can be roommates. Oh, wait, that doesn't come with the financial benefits, and status that being married does.

And men . . . you need to reclaim your "B*lls" because your wife is emasculating you. If she voluntarily voids your marriage PARTNERSHIP by denying you sex, then WHY are you still married?

Yuck.

Why is it her fault if you don’t turn her on? Take some responsibility here. Are you the poster who is always asking women if they got fat as a justification for the husband’s affairs? If so, back to you in spades. Lose that extra 50 lbs, trim those nose hairs, stop leaving your toenail clippings all over the place, brush your teeth. Heck, stop sulking around the house and put more effort into the things SHE needs, like flowers and conversation.

Also, XDH developed hygiene problems in the last 2 years of a 21-year marriage.

Yuck? Are you a child? Because your response is childish. And yes, i am a woman.

When you decide to be married, you accept the responsibilities that come with it.

Don’t assume you know anything about me. XDH was the one who cut off sex in the six months before he left, not me. Also, I didn’t leave, XDH did because, he said, he didn’t want to pay for DC’s Ivy any more (and instead he bought not 1 but 2 sports cars in the year after he left and his relationship with DC is in the toilet). It was a relief that he left, frankly, even though my mom and I had to pay for DC’s remaining two years at the college.

So you got me wrong. My issue is with these cavemen who demand sex and deny any responsibility for making the marriage, including sex, work.

Kinda doubt you’re a woman.

Yep, i was born and remain that way. Your post sounds unhinged and crazy. If that is your argument, we agree. Both parties are responsible for keeping a marriage alive.

[Anonymous]

I think there needs to be a very good reason for women to deny husbands sex....

If my wife decided to quit having sex with me for no good reason .. I think I'd probably tell her I need sex with someone else

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re willing to break up your kids’ home so you can get laid, it says a lot about who you are as a person and why perhaps your spouse doesn’t want sex with you in the first place.

It says you are a normal person who desires sex with their spouse, which is natural, admirable, and indeed the basis of the marital contract.

The person who broke up the kids home... is the person denying sex to their spouse, not the person who leaves.

Yes. If you sign up for a monogamous married relationship, you agree to have regular sex with your husband. If you don't, you are ruining the marriage.

Because if your spouse doesn’t shower, or abuses you verbally or physically, or is just plain bad in bed, it’s your fault that you aren’t attracted to them, and not theirs?

What is this, the Middle Ages?

I thought we had moved beyond the mentality where you could beat your wife and then demand sex without any introspection on your part.

Sorry, but you need to divorce your husband, or at least separate, if he is abusing you. If he has hygiene problems, you knew this when you married him so why the change now. Denying your husband sex is never an answer to marital problems. its the same with an affair, deal with the problem. Leave, or prepare to leave but don't play games. If you thought sex was an option when you married, why didn't you just co-parent with them and leave marriage out of the equation? You can be roommates. Oh, wait, that doesn't come with the financial benefits, and status that being married does.

And men . . . you need to reclaim your "B*lls" because your wife is emasculating you. If she voluntarily voids your marriage PARTNERSHIP by denying you sex, then WHY are you still married?

Yuck.

Why is it her fault if you don’t turn her on? Take some responsibility here. Are you the poster who is always asking women if they got fat as a justification for the husband’s affairs? If so, back to you in spades. Lose that extra 50 lbs, trim those nose hairs, stop leaving your toenail clippings all over the place, brush your teeth. Heck, stop sulking around the house and put more effort into the things SHE needs, like flowers and conversation.

Also, XDH developed hygiene problems in the last 2 years of a 21-year marriage.

Yuck? Are you a child? Because your response is childish. And yes, i am a woman.

When you decide to be married, you accept the responsibilities that come with it.

Don’t assume you know anything about me. XDH was the one who cut off sex in the six months before he left, not me. Also, I didn’t leave, XDH did because, he said, he didn’t want to pay for DC’s Ivy any more (and instead he bought not 1 but 2 sports cars in the year after he left and his relationship with DC is in the toilet). It was a relief that he left, frankly, even though my mom and I had to pay for DC’s remaining two years at the college.

So you got me wrong. My issue is with these cavemen who demand sex and deny any responsibility for making the marriage, including sex, work.

Kinda doubt you’re a woman.

Your XDH sounds like my current STBXDW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re willing to break up your kids’ home so you can get laid, it says a lot about who you are as a person and why perhaps your spouse doesn’t want sex with you in the first place.

It says you are a normal person who desires sex with their spouse, which is natural, admirable, and indeed the basis of the marital contract.

The person who broke up the kids home... is the person denying sex to their spouse, not the person who leaves.

Yes. If you sign up for a monogamous married relationship, you agree to have regular sex with your husband. If you don't, you are ruining the marriage.

Because if your spouse doesn’t shower, or abuses you verbally or physically, or is just plain bad in bed, it’s your fault that you aren’t attracted to them, and not theirs?

What is this, the Middle Ages?

I thought we had moved beyond the mentality where you could beat your wife and then demand sex without any introspection on your part.

Sorry, but you need to divorce your husband, or at least separate, if he is abusing you. If he has hygiene problems, you knew this when you married him so why the change now. Denying your husband sex is never an answer to marital problems. its the same with an affair, deal with the problem. Leave, or prepare to leave but don't play games. If you thought sex was an option when you married, why didn't you just co-parent with them and leave marriage out of the equation? You can be roommates. Oh, wait, that doesn't come with the financial benefits, and status that being married does.

And men . . . you need to reclaim your "B*lls" because your wife is emasculating you. If she voluntarily voids your marriage PARTNERSHIP by denying you sex, then WHY are you still married?

Yuck.

Why is it her fault if you don’t turn her on? Take some responsibility here. Are you the poster who is always asking women if they got fat as a justification for the husband’s affairs? If so, back to you in spades. Lose that extra 50 lbs, trim those nose hairs, stop leaving your toenail clippings all over the place, brush your teeth. Heck, stop sulking around the house and put more effort into the things SHE needs, like flowers and conversation.

Also, XDH developed hygiene problems in the last 2 years of a 21-year marriage.

Yuck? Are you a child? Because your response is childish. And yes, i am a woman.

When you decide to be married, you accept the responsibilities that come with it.

Don’t assume you know anything about me. XDH was the one who cut off sex in the six months before he left, not me. Also, I didn’t leave, XDH did because, he said, he didn’t want to pay for DC’s Ivy any more (and instead he bought not 1 but 2 sports cars in the year after he left and his relationship with DC is in the toilet). It was a relief that he left, frankly, even though my mom and I had to pay for DC’s remaining two years at the college.

So you got me wrong. My issue is with these cavemen who demand sex and deny any responsibility for making the marriage, including sex, work.

Kinda doubt you’re a woman.

Yep, i was born and remain that way. Your post sounds unhinged and crazy. If that is your argument, we agree. Both parties are responsible for keeping a marriage alive.

Then we agree that it’s not all on the woman, that the man has to do some work too—which is something these MRA nut jobs still refuse to say, unless outright abuse is involved. So why not just say we agree without calling me unhinged and crazy? Still doubt you’re a woman.

[Anonymous]

I think most men agree the men have to do their part too. Stay decently in shape, do a decently good job of keeping things happy and romantic. That seems to be a minimum standard to avoid a total dry spell.

Doing better at both of those things should hopefully lead to more avg better sex too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the grass is always greener, male or female. People don't know what they've got til it's gone....

For me the grass was much greener and had nothing to do with sex. Within six months of being married a "bitch switch' went on in her head that she simply could not turn off. It was exhausting to get home every evening knowing I would face some new crisis. Couples therapy was useless with the therapist eventually saying she needed a different type of therapist which my ex resisted. After a year I simply said I was leaving and she was stunned...."why?". We didn't have a lot of assets but I was more than happy to give her far more than her fair share so I could quickly wipe the slate clean. I've been married for 7 years to a lovely, very sane woman and I love getting home in the evening.

[Anonymous]

Then we agree that it’s not all on the woman, that the man has to do some work too—which is something these MRA nut jobs still refuse to say, unless outright abuse is involved. So why not just say we agree without calling me unhinged and crazy?

Because you’re pretending someone wrote that men had to put no effort into things, you denounce people for this figment of your imagination, you complain to the website owner, and basically you act unhinged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Then we agree that it’s not all on the woman, that the man has to do some work too—which is something these MRA nut jobs still refuse to say, unless outright abuse is involved. So why not just say we agree without calling me unhinged and crazy?

Because you’re pretending someone wrote that men had to put no effort into things, you denounce people for this figment of your imagination, you complain to the website owner, and basically you act unhinged.

Show me where one poster on this thread said that women have a right to refuse sex for anything other than straight-up abuse? You can’t. In fact, one guy said that moms should make sure their daughters offer unrestricted sex (that post was deleted). Another guy said that women have to figure it all out and tell the guy, but nothing about whether he even has to follow through. Just give him sex.

Any woman would see the hypocrisy in this. You’re no woman.

Meh, you’re a waste of time. Bye.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mutual friends divorced. He says “hell no!” when asked if he’d go back to her but then proceeds to talk about her and their divorce for over an hour. Makes me wonder...

Denial. No matter what decisions people make they still carry scars. You are equally scarred if you stay in a miserable marriage. You know deep in your heart you didn't have the guts to leave and almost can't face people who did it and found beautiful mates. At the same time the ones that ended up with beautiful mates have damage from divorce that never really goes away. Only people with very high emotional capacity can handle the complexity of the wounds with honesty. When most people feel pain they want a fake definite emotion like joy , anger or hate to cover up the actual debilitating reality.

100% agree with this. Well said

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mutual friends divorced. He says “hell no!” when asked if he’d go back to her but then proceeds to talk about her and their divorce for over an hour. Makes me wonder...

Denial. No matter what decisions people make they still carry scars. You are equally scarred if you stay in a miserable marriage. You know deep in your heart you didn't have the guts to leave and almost can't face people who did it and found beautiful mates. At the same time the ones that ended up with beautiful mates have damage from divorce that never really goes away. Only people with very high emotional capacity can handle the complexity of the wounds with honesty. When most people feel pain they want a fake definite emotion like joy , anger or hate to cover up the actual debilitating reality.

100% agree with this. Well said

x 2!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Then we agree that it’s not all on the woman, that the man has to do some work too—which is something these MRA nut jobs still refuse to say, unless outright abuse is involved. So why not just say we agree without calling me unhinged and crazy?

Because you’re pretending someone wrote that men had to put no effort into things, you denounce people for this figment of your imagination, you complain to the website owner, and basically you act unhinged.

Show me where one poster on this thread said that women have a right to refuse sex for anything other than straight-up abuse? You can’t. In fact, one guy said that moms should make sure their daughters offer unrestricted sex (that post was deleted). Another guy said that women have to figure it all out and tell the guy, but nothing about whether he even has to follow through. Just give him sex.

Any woman would see the hypocrisy in this. You’re no woman.

Meh, you’re a waste of time. Bye.

NP. Finally. That troll you just dismissed has enough leftovers to last him all week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mutual friends divorced. He says “hell no!” when asked if he’d go back to her but then proceeds to talk about her and their divorce for over an hour. Makes me wonder...

Denial. No matter what decisions people make they still carry scars. You are equally scarred if you stay in a miserable marriage. You know deep in your heart you didn't have the guts to leave and almost can't face people who did it and found beautiful mates. At the same time the ones that ended up with beautiful mates have damage from divorce that never really goes away. Only people with very high emotional capacity can handle the complexity of the wounds with honesty. When most people feel pain they want a fake definite emotion like joy , anger or hate to cover up the actual debilitating reality.

100% agree with this. Well said

x 2!

The most insightful thing said in the entire 13 pages. Well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re willing to break up your kids’ home so you can get laid, it says a lot about who you are as a person and why perhaps your spouse doesn’t want sex with you in the first place.

It says you are a normal person who desires sex with their spouse, which is natural, admirable, and indeed the basis of the marital contract.

The person who broke up the kids home... is the person denying sex to their spouse, not the person who leaves.

Yes. If you sign up for a monogamous married relationship, you agree to have regular sex with your husband. If you don't, you are ruining the marriage.

Because if your spouse doesn’t shower, or abuses you verbally or physically, or is just plain bad in bed, it’s your fault that you aren’t attracted to them, and not theirs?

What is this, the Middle Ages?

I thought we had moved beyond the mentality where you could beat your wife and then demand sex without any introspection on your part.

I was none of these things, and was still cut off, and pushed away from any affection at all. I also did most of the housework and earned most of the money.

My girlfriend is thrilled I'm divorced. She doesn't play any of the games that the ex did.

So you generalize from your own anecdote to all relationships everywhere and make all-encompassing pronouncements about all marriages?

I'm not generalizing to all, but I know quite a few men who bailed out of long-term marriages because their wives broke. One friend was 10 years older, he could predict with certainty why my wife, and then ex-wife, would do next because he'd lived it. I know several others now who have gone through the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re willing to break up your kids’ home so you can get laid, it says a lot about who you are as a person and why perhaps your spouse doesn’t want sex with you in the first place.

It says you are a normal person who desires sex with their spouse, which is natural, admirable, and indeed the basis of the marital contract.

The person who broke up the kids home... is the person denying sex to their spouse, not the person who leaves.

Yes. If you sign up for a monogamous married relationship, you agree to have regular sex with your husband. If you don't, you are ruining the marriage.

Because if your spouse doesn’t shower, or abuses you verbally or physically, or is just plain bad in bed, it’s your fault that you aren’t attracted to them, and not theirs?

What is this, the Middle Ages?

I thought we had moved beyond the mentality where you could beat your wife and then demand sex without any introspection on your part.

I was none of these things, and was still cut off, and pushed away from any affection at all. I also did most of the housework and earned most of the money.

My girlfriend is thrilled I'm divorced. She doesn't play any of the games that the ex did.

So you generalize from your own anecdote to all relationships everywhere and make all-encompassing pronouncements about all marriages?

I'm not generalizing to all, but I know quite a few men who bailed out of long-term marriages because their wives broke. One friend was 10 years older, he could predict with certainty why my wife, and then ex-wife, would do next because he'd lived it. I know several others now who have gone through the same thing.

Yes, you are generalizing based on your own anecdote.


Definition of anecdotal

1 : based on or consisting of reports or observations of usually unscientific observers anecdotal evidence health benefits that may be more anecdotal than factual

Definition of generalizing

1. to infer (a general principle, trend, etc.) from particular facts, statistics, or the like.
2. to infer or form (a general principle, opinion, conclusion, etc.) from only a few facts, examples, or the like.
3. to give a general rather than a specific or special character or form to.
4. to make general; bring into general use or knowledge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Then we agree that it’s not all on the woman, that the man has to do some work too—which is something these MRA nut jobs still refuse to say, unless outright abuse is involved. So why not just say we agree without calling me unhinged and crazy?

Because you’re pretending someone wrote that men had to put no effort into things, you denounce people for this figment of your imagination, you complain to the website owner, and basically you act unhinged.

I've posted several times that women have to communicate with their spouses about what they want from the sexually, financially, emotionally, etc. I've not argued at all that men have to make no effort, yet that is what gets inferred. Women cannot expect us to read minds.