What are your views on living together before marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Against it because I'm a Christian and such an arrangement is dishonoring to God.

It has nothing to do with God. It's about trying to live your life with someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I think that it’s fun to maintain two residences when you are dating and then to move in together after marriage.
Those early dreamy days of adjusting to our new lives together was pretty exciting. The stresses of setting up a new life together are best saved for a committed relationship as well.

You want a dramatic beginning to your marriage. Just like in a movie!

What's wrong with that? It's nice to feel that the wedding opens a new phase of your life vs. just formalizing what already exists.

No, it's nice to formalize what already exists that is worth sticking with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's going to be different for every person and for every couple. Some people would be smart to live together first, others may be better off not. There really isn't a right answer on this one.

For me personally, I lived with a partner in a LTR before we eventually split and I met and married DH. Leaving someone you live with is incredibly challenging. Even if you are able to resist relationship inertia, there are financial and logistical considerations that make it that much harder to break up when you live together. I was in an abusive relationship much longer than I otherwise would have been - like, years longer - if I hadn't had to overcome those practical challenges.

If you had gotten yourself entangled in the guy's finances - cosigned for his car loan, kept him afloat during episodes of joblessness, leased furniture with him, that sort of thing, I can see how it would have been difficult for you to extricate yourself from that situation. Ideally, you don't get all financially wrapped up with each other unless you know how that person handles responsibility and his money.

FWIW, I had a boyfriend try to persuade me to cosign on a car loan for him and he also used my credit card w/o my permission and wrote checks on my bank acct w/o my permission (I put an abrupt end to that sh*t when I found out about it). He couldn't hold a job to save his life. Thankfully I did not ever share a place with that guy nor did I cosign any loans with him. If I had, that would have been pretty disastrous for me. I honestly don't know what my life would look like now if I had allowed that. You have got to look out for yourself. People who are financially irresponsible with their own money and credit will sometimes try to take you down with them.

On an up note, the boyfriend that I did share a place with was on the same page with me financially which is vitally important. If things hadn't worked out between us, we really could have just walked away from each other. By the time I purchased a house with him I considered him to be a good investment partner. It doesn't sound too romantic, but having the ability to trust someone like that is just the most amazing thing ever. Especially after what the last boyfriend had put me through, KWIM?

NP here. I take your point, especially because I have a good friend who ended up $40k in debt after her live-in boyfriend took out credit cards in her name and ran up huge charges.

However, in my case, my LTR wasn't some deadbeat or cheat. He was very financially responsible, but moved into a home I owned. Do you know how hard it is to evict? And it's not like I could move out. I had to wait for him to decide to go on his own. Ironically, he waited to do that until he had saved enough money for a down payment on his new place because he wanted to make smart decisions.

Being financially responsible and having a financially responsible partner may protect you against some of the problems of living together, but certainly not all.

Well thank God you didn't marry the jerk, right? You may never have found out what an azz he was until you made it official. It's easier to hide things when you have your own separate places.

[Anonymous]

I haven't lived with a man I have dated (I'm 32 BTW not 60) They stayed over plenty of course but, in my mind you either get married or break up. I saw growing up what dividing your possessions with an ex bf looks like and it is a mess! I also didn't want to invite unintended legal or financial issues by mixing households.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't lived with a man I have dated (I'm 32 BTW not 60) They stayed over plenty of course but, in my mind you either get married or break up. I saw growing up what dividing your possessions with an ex bf looks like and it is a mess! I also didn't want to invite unintended legal or financial issues by mixing households.

Then never marry, because a relationship failure then means 10 times the problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't lived with a man I have dated (I'm 32 BTW not 60) They stayed over plenty of course but, in my mind you either get married or break up. I saw growing up what dividing your possessions with an ex bf looks like and it is a mess! I also didn't want to invite unintended legal or financial issues by mixing households.

Then never marry, because a relationship failure then means 10 times the problems.

X1000 if kids are involved

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I think that it’s fun to maintain two residences when you are dating and then to move in together after marriage.
Those early dreamy days of adjusting to our new lives together was pretty exciting. The stresses of setting up a new life together are best saved for a committed relationship as well.

You want a dramatic beginning to your marriage. Just like in a movie!

What's wrong with that? It's nice to feel that the wedding opens a new phase of your life vs. just formalizing what already exists.

No, it's nice to formalize what already exists that is worth sticking with.

That's a matter of opinion. Everyone has a different comfort level, and a different vision of married life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Against it because I'm a Christian and such an arrangement is dishonoring to God.

It has nothing to do with God. It's about trying to live your life with someone.

That's the secular viewpoint. Christians see things differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My opinion is that it is a calculated risk; you can't see the future. I lived with my now husband for several years before we married and I never doubted my decision once. We've been together for close to 30 years. However, I'm fairly certain that my brother got married out of entropy. It was just the next step and the marriage didn't last a year. He is now happily remarried to a woman he moved in with before marriage so who knows.

Bottom line: gotta go with your gut.

That is inertia, not entropy. Entropy is the state of disorder. I got married because I was to disorganzined to move out would be getting married out of entropy

[Anonymous]

It’s 2018, not 1950.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Against it because I'm a Christian and such an arrangement is dishonoring to God.

It has nothing to do with God. It's about trying to live your life with someone.

That's the secular viewpoint. Christians see things differently.

With all due respect, I think that a lot of the religious views evolved from a time when husbands were the breadwinners and property owners, while wives had babies (no birth control), cooked and kept the home tidy. Obviously, a single man and woman living a life like that while unmarried would not be in the best interests of the young woman or the children. A real cad could potentially take in and cast off dozens of women (and their children) throughout his lifetime. So it became wise to insist on chastity before marriage - which, of course, means no living together in sin. We need to be engaged before you hold my hand, Buster, or people will talk!

Today men and women both have the ability to support themselves financially, they both have the ability to own property, they have access to education and trade school training. Barring religious restrictions, there is birth control available to both men and women. Pregnancy is not necessarily the inevitable result of sex. Lifespan has gone from 40 to well into the 70's. So I think we need to take all of that into consideration when we consider what is right and appropriate for ourselves in this day and age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Against it because I'm a Christian and such an arrangement is dishonoring to God.

It has nothing to do with God. It's about trying to live your life with someone.

That's the secular viewpoint. Christians see things differently.

Not worshipping any deity that cares who touches your hoohoo when.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Against it because I'm a Christian and such an arrangement is dishonoring to God.

It has nothing to do with God. It's about trying to live your life with someone.

That's the secular viewpoint. Christians see things differently.

Not worshipping any deity that cares who touches your hoohoo when.

Whatever.

[Anonymous]

My thoughts are if you are ready to make a commitment make it legally official.

If you’re not, make it as easy as possible to break up.