I wanted to have sex with DH today

[Anonymous]

OP, you spontaneously scheduled sex on the busiest night. What a passive aggressive bitchy thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you spontaneously scheduled sex on the busiest night. What a passive aggressive bitchy thing to do.

For whatever you wish to believe, it didn't cross my mind that way and wasn't purposeful.

[Anonymous]

I don't believe that op is having sex 1-2x every two weeks. If you ask her husband it is probable 1x/month, tops.

Op, start a spreadsheet. You'll see how often you are really having sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you have so much to do. I have two kids, 5 and 3. We both work full time though I work from home. The house looks pretty good. Life is easy and relaxed.

Does your partner help you with the chores you do have?

Yes but he also watches a lot of TV. And I am known for my "lazy ass parenting" which I argue is a scientifically supported approach (I am a PhD psychologist).

At the end of the day we are happy and relaxed. Your day seems very intense in a bad way. You are not doing anything really important yet just reading about it feels stressful and exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't believe that op is having sex 1-2x every two weeks. If you ask her husband it is probable 1x/month, tops.

Op, start a spreadsheet. You'll see how often you are really having sex.

it feels like OP already has the spreadsheet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I again reiterate you didn't actually want sex. You wanted him to have an impetus to help you out. The problem seems to me though that YOU think it's necessary to stay up till midnight killing yourself with 2 dinners, breaking down boxes, laundry, FIVE FACE TIMES, picking up kids rooms, and cleaning for the cleaner. He doesn't- nor would I! Damn, I would not be blowing my whole evening on this crap till midnight and I am the wife here. It's ludicrous.

The only way this was going to work for him is if he felt your carrot of sex was only going to be achieved by pulling a Cinderella alongside you on a Wednesday evening. Either he didn't pick up on that or decided not staying up til midnight doing chores was preferable to having sex. It's as simple as that. He didn't know the trade off was chores til midnight or he didn't deem the trade off worth it.

Sex was clearly not the end goal for you. You chose to break down trash instead of go upstairs with your husband. Think about that. Then he went to bed and instead of going too you hopped on dcum.

Thank you. By the time all was said and done, I was disappointed and frustrated that he didn't help out without my requesting his help. By that point, no, I would say I did not want to have sex with him. Before I had to break my back doing all those things, I did.

Some of the things I mentioned, like the FTs, were extras that are atypical for a weeknight. But every couple nights we do FT a set of grandparents-all our family live on east coast and we no longer do. FWIW, half those birthday calls last night were to his family, while he was doing something else like exercising.

All of those things had to get finished last night because of some circumstances like birthday and cleaners coming. He knew that. Why is it that I am not making sex a priority when he is also not prioritizing? Per our many conversations up to this point, he knows I need help with these chores. Instead he prioritized watching tv and working out. Neither of which I had the opportunity to do, either.

Sex is for you as well as him. Once we had kids, neither my DH nor I exercised during the evening hours - that time is the only time we have as a family. Your DH should exercise with you and the kids, or else early morning or on his lunch hour. No TV until all household chores are done.

That's a recipe for obesity. Exercise is important for a healthy relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you spontaneously scheduled sex on the busiest night. What a passive aggressive bitchy thing to do.

My feeling is that every night looks like this for OP.

[Anonymous]

Just think of how productive OP would be if she actually stepped away from DCUM. I appreciate the quick responses but it's not making your case for being soooo busy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you have so much to do. I have two kids, 5 and 3. We both work full time though I work from home. The house looks pretty good. Life is easy and relaxed.

Does your partner help you with the chores you do have?

Yes but he also watches a lot of TV. And I am known for my "lazy ass parenting" which I argue is a scientifically supported approach (I am a PhD psychologist).

At the end of the day we are happy and relaxed. Your day seems very intense in a bad way. You are not doing anything really important yet just reading about it feels stressful and exhausting.

Thanks. I will give that some more thought. It's hard to feel relaxed when there is lot of clutter around and the feeling that there are a lot of. Ores left to be done. Even if doing them offers no real secondary gains.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I again reiterate you didn't actually want sex. You wanted him to have an impetus to help you out. The problem seems to me though that YOU think it's necessary to stay up till midnight killing yourself with 2 dinners, breaking down boxes, laundry, FIVE FACE TIMES, picking up kids rooms, and cleaning for the cleaner. He doesn't- nor would I! Damn, I would not be blowing my whole evening on this crap till midnight and I am the wife here. It's ludicrous.

The only way this was going to work for him is if he felt your carrot of sex was only going to be achieved by pulling a Cinderella alongside you on a Wednesday evening. Either he didn't pick up on that or decided not staying up til midnight doing chores was preferable to having sex. It's as simple as that. He didn't know the trade off was chores til midnight or he didn't deem the trade off worth it.

Sex was clearly not the end goal for you. You chose to break down trash instead of go upstairs with your husband. Think about that. Then he went to bed and instead of going too you hopped on dcum.

Thank you. By the time all was said and done, I was disappointed and frustrated that he didn't help out without my requesting his help. By that point, no, I would say I did not want to have sex with him. Before I had to break my back doing all those things, I did.

Some of the things I mentioned, like the FTs, were extras that are atypical for a weeknight. But every couple nights we do FT a set of grandparents-all our family live on east coast and we no longer do. FWIW, half those birthday calls last night were to his family, while he was doing something else like exercising.

All of those things had to get finished last night because of some circumstances like birthday and cleaners coming. He knew that. Why is it that I am not making sex a priority when he is also not prioritizing? Per our many conversations up to this point, he knows I need help with these chores. Instead he prioritized watching tv and working out. Neither of which I had the opportunity to do, either.

Sex is for you as well as him. Once we had kids, neither my DH nor I exercised during the evening hours - that time is the only time we have as a family. Your DH should exercise with you and the kids, or else early morning or on his lunch hour. No TV until all household chores are done.

That's a recipe for obesity. Exercise is important for a healthy relationship.

I agree and I do exercise, but not between the hours after work before the children go to bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you have so much to do. I have two kids, 5 and 3. We both work full time though I work from home. The house looks pretty good. Life is easy and relaxed.

Does your partner help you with the chores you do have?

Yes but he also watches a lot of TV. And I am known for my "lazy ass parenting" which I argue is a scientifically supported approach (I am a PhD psychologist).

At the end of the day we are happy and relaxed. Your day seems very intense in a bad way. You are not doing anything really important yet just reading about it feels stressful and exhausting.

Thanks. I will give that some more thought. It's hard to feel relaxed when there is lot of clutter around and the feeling that there are a lot of. Ores left to be done. Even if doing them offers no real secondary gains.

Do you have a bit of clinical anxiety or depression, OP? Why otherwise would you choose to do chores that offer no real secondary gains, instead of having sex and bonding with your life partner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does it have to be with your DH? A lot of guys are willing I am sure if you are, at least, a 7 or so.

Yeah, but where and how?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you have so much to do. I have two kids, 5 and 3. We both work full time though I work from home. The house looks pretty good. Life is easy and relaxed.

Does your partner help you with the chores you do have?

Yes but he also watches a lot of TV. And I am known for my "lazy ass parenting" which I argue is a scientifically supported approach (I am a PhD psychologist).

At the end of the day we are happy and relaxed. Your day seems very intense in a bad way. You are not doing anything really important yet just reading about it feels stressful and exhausting.

Thanks. I will give that some more thought. It's hard to feel relaxed when there is lot of clutter around and the feeling that there are a lot of. Ores left to be done. Even if doing them offers no real secondary gains.

why is there so much clutter? do you buy a lot of stuff?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you have so much to do. I have two kids, 5 and 3. We both work full time though I work from home. The house looks pretty good. Life is easy and relaxed.

Does your partner help you with the chores you do have?

Yes but he also watches a lot of TV. And I am known for my "lazy ass parenting" which I argue is a scientifically supported approach (I am a PhD psychologist).

At the end of the day we are happy and relaxed. Your day seems very intense in a bad way. You are not doing anything really important yet just reading about it feels stressful and exhausting.

Thanks. I will give that some more thought. It's hard to feel relaxed when there is lot of clutter around and the feeling that there are a lot of. Ores left to be done. Even if doing them offers no real secondary gains.

why is there so much clutter? do you buy a lot of stuff?

Amazon on the commute!

[Anonymous]

OP, you are bringing this upon yourself. You are the prototypical "busy" martyr mom where raising kids and doing homework is "so hard". Chill out. Life is too short to go on living this way.