Divorced parents late in life drama

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is not a child. She is an adult. Most likely a spoiled millennial. We have people posting here who take care full time of their terminally ill parent, and she is resentful that mom won't watch her kids when goes has to go to visit a dying dad? Once again, it is all about OP, mom is not sympathetic, nobody is helping me, this sucks.... You know what sucks? Listening to entitled OP and how she and her sister are piling up blame on their mom. "Mom isn't there for us during this hard time, mom won't help, mom won't do my homework...." Grow up people, stop whining.

Most parents love their children in adulthood just as much, PP. Not acknowledging OP's situation and making demands is just awful. I can't believe there are mothers there who can justify this.

Are you a younger person or middle aged? That seems to be the gap between opinions here. I am happy to help my kids as much as I can, but they are draining and demanding as so many of teens are in this area. These teens turn into young adults who are incompetent and don't want to work hard in any area of life. OP's situation might be emotionally difficult, but quite frankly it is not that physically demanding, she lives hours away from her Dad and only visits here and there. Drama is not the parents, drama is her's and her sister's. As for parents love their children forever, sure they do, but love doesn't have to translate into servitude. If her mom was miserable in her marriage, dad has no friends or family that will see him, according to OP, last thing she wants to listen to is her DDs talking about the man that either dumped her late in life or/and made her miserable till old age.

Not that pp, but I'm a 50 year old mother of two really great teen boys and I totally agree that most parents love their children in adulthood as much as they did when they were kids. I am there for them now and I will continue to be there for them as long as I live. So will my husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is not a child. She is an adult. Most likely a spoiled millennial. We have people posting here who take care full time of their terminally ill parent, and she is resentful that mom won't watch her kids when goes has to go to visit a dying dad? Once again, it is all about OP, mom is not sympathetic, nobody is helping me, this sucks.... You know what sucks? Listening to entitled OP and how she and her sister are piling up blame on their mom. "Mom isn't there for us during this hard time, mom won't help, mom won't do my homework...." Grow up people, stop whining.

You are crazy. The fact that the OP probably gets more sympathy from her neighbors and coworkers - people she barely knows really, or at least not intimately - than her own freaking mother tells you everything you need to know about this situation.

[Anonymous]

Children always end up paying for their parents divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Children always end up paying for their parents divorce.

Amen to that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe anyone is taking the mother's side. Insanity! She sounds terribly selfish (the "grandmas don't babysit - they visit" tells you everything you need to know about her in a nutshell IMO). I'm sorry you're struggling OP. I'm glad for your sake that you have a supportive sister. Many people in your position don't.

14:33 here again and yes OP is lucky she is not fighting with her sister. I no longer live in my hometown but my two siblings do and they are now doing most of the caregiving. They are angry at me for supposedly not doing my share. At the moment none of us are really speaking to each other and we are all really burned out. My parents divorce and aging has pitted us against each other.

This happens even in intact families.

[Anonymous]

Divorce just makes adults look immature for the choice they made. OP's mom basically wiped her hands of OP's father and now OP is stuck taking on what used to be her mother's role. Divorce sucks for kids.

[Anonymous]

I have read through this whole thread. I find it fascinating how many PP's went on about how much mom suffered at the hands of ex, how ex was so horrible, how mom did her time, etc. Of course, OP offered zero details that could lead someone to conclude that ex was the problem in the marriage rather than mom. Seems like a lot of projecting going on.

I also generally disagree with most of the posters on the thread. We all owe mutual obligations to love and cherish our family. Mom is clearly falling down the job. OP is taking care of children and a dying father. Mom is going on cruises and refuses to babysit.

Is mom going to expect OP to be there for her if she gets sick? Where will cruise guy be then?

Those who firmly believe they owe no obligations to others, be careful you do not reap what you sow.

[Anonymous]

PP, maybe you're too young to understand that decades of a quietly miserable marriage can wear you down until you've had enough and want to get out and finally do something for yourself in your final years of life. No one is a monster.

Put together the clues--the man has no friends at all, and no relatives involved enough to be there for him at this time aside from his daughters. The daughter is griping because she still sees her parents from a childish perspective of one unit that exists to serve her, and she blames Mom for breaking out and not finishing out her life sentence with Dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, maybe you're too young to understand that decades of a quietly miserable marriage can wear you down until you've had enough and want to get out and finally do something for yourself in your final years of life. No one is a monster.

Put together the clues--the man has no friends at all, and no relatives involved enough to be there for him at this time aside from his daughters. The daughter is griping because she still sees her parents from a childish perspective of one unit that exists to serve her, and she blames Mom for breaking out and not finishing out her life sentence with Dad.

Clues? The father could have no siblings or siblings that are too old themselves to help. Friends? Maybe he has none for the same reasons or he just tended to keep to himself. My DH is a wonderful man and friendly. He has no siblings and no friends close enough who would care for him on his sick or death bed. Like the PP said, stop projecting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, maybe you're too young to understand that decades of a quietly miserable marriage can wear you down until you've had enough and want to get out and finally do something for yourself in your final years of life. No one is a monster.

Put together the clues--the man has no friends at all, and no relatives involved enough to be there for him at this time aside from his daughters. The daughter is griping because she still sees her parents from a childish perspective of one unit that exists to serve her, and she blames Mom for breaking out and not finishing out her life sentence with Dad.

Are you for real? Do you know actual examples of old people having friends and distant relatives as caretakers (assuming there's no financial gain)? I can assure you that when you're old and helpless, no friends or relatives will come to your rescue. You will be lucky to have children like OP. Otherwise, county social services will have to do.

I can't believe the naivite of some folks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is not a child. She is an adult. Most likely a spoiled millennial. We have people posting here who take care full time of their terminally ill parent, and she is resentful that mom won't watch her kids when goes has to go to visit a dying dad? Once again, it is all about OP, mom is not sympathetic, nobody is helping me, this sucks.... You know what sucks? Listening to entitled OP and how she and her sister are piling up blame on their mom. "Mom isn't there for us during this hard time, mom won't help, mom won't do my homework...." Grow up people, stop whining.

Most parents love their children in adulthood just as much, PP. Not acknowledging OP's situation and making demands is just awful. I can't believe there are mothers there who can justify this.

Are you a younger person or middle aged? That seems to be the gap between opinions here. I am happy to help my kids as much as I can, but they are draining and demanding as so many of teens are in this area. These teens turn into young adults who are incompetent and don't want to work hard in any area of life. OP's situation might be emotionally difficult, but quite frankly it is not that physically demanding, she lives hours away from her Dad and only visits here and there. Drama is not the parents, drama is her's and her sister's. As for parents love their children forever, sure they do, but love doesn't have to translate into servitude. If her mom was miserable in her marriage, dad has no friends or family that will see him, according to OP, last thing she wants to listen to is her DDs talking about the man that either dumped her late in life or/and made her miserable till old age.

You'd like to think it doesn't, but it does. While your children are young, you serve them. When you get old and unable to change your own diaper, they serve you. This is how the world works. Except when you love your child or your parent, it's service with a positive connotation, not servitude. I'm in my forties, if it matters, and it never occurred to me to see what I do for my family as servitude or sacrifice. I started a family, because I wanted a family. I enjoy taking care of them. They're not a burden. I'm not a martyr.

If you don't find loving and serving others gratifying, you should remain single and enjoy your freedom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is not a child. She is an adult. Most likely a spoiled millennial. We have people posting here who take care full time of their terminally ill parent, and she is resentful that mom won't watch her kids when goes has to go to visit a dying dad? Once again, it is all about OP, mom is not sympathetic, nobody is helping me, this sucks.... You know what sucks? Listening to entitled OP and how she and her sister are piling up blame on their mom. "Mom isn't there for us during this hard time, mom won't help, mom won't do my homework...." Grow up people, stop whining.

Most parents love their children in adulthood just as much, PP. Not acknowledging OP's situation and making demands is just awful. I can't believe there are mothers there who can justify this.

Are you a younger person or middle aged? That seems to be the gap between opinions here. I am happy to help my kids as much as I can, but they are draining and demanding as so many of teens are in this area. These teens turn into young adults who are incompetent and don't want to work hard in any area of life. OP's situation might be emotionally difficult, but quite frankly it is not that physically demanding, she lives hours away from her Dad and only visits here and there. Drama is not the parents, drama is her's and her sister's. As for parents love their children forever, sure they do, but love doesn't have to translate into servitude. If her mom was miserable in her marriage, dad has no friends or family that will see him, according to OP, last thing she wants to listen to is her DDs talking about the man that either dumped her late in life or/and made her miserable till old age.

You'd like to think it doesn't, but it does. While your children are young, you serve them. When you get old and unable to change your own diaper, they serve you. This is how the world works. Except when you love your child or your parent, it's service with a positive connotation, not servitude. I'm in my forties, if it matters, and it never occurred to me to see what I do for my family as servitude or sacrifice. I started a family, because I wanted a family. I enjoy taking care of them. They're not a burden. I'm not a martyr.

If you don't find loving and serving others gratifying, you should remain single and enjoy your freedom.

I will never expect my children to "serve" me like that. I hope that they can visit me when I'm older but diaper changes? No way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is not a child. She is an adult. Most likely a spoiled millennial. We have people posting here who take care full time of their terminally ill parent, and she is resentful that mom won't watch her kids when goes has to go to visit a dying dad? Once again, it is all about OP, mom is not sympathetic, nobody is helping me, this sucks.... You know what sucks? Listening to entitled OP and how she and her sister are piling up blame on their mom. "Mom isn't there for us during this hard time, mom won't help, mom won't do my homework...." Grow up people, stop whining.

Most parents love their children in adulthood just as much, PP. Not acknowledging OP's situation and making demands is just awful. I can't believe there are mothers there who can justify this.

Are you a younger person or middle aged? That seems to be the gap between opinions here. I am happy to help my kids as much as I can, but they are draining and demanding as so many of teens are in this area. These teens turn into young adults who are incompetent and don't want to work hard in any area of life. OP's situation might be emotionally difficult, but quite frankly it is not that physically demanding, she lives hours away from her Dad and only visits here and there. Drama is not the parents, drama is her's and her sister's. As for parents love their children forever, sure they do, but love doesn't have to translate into servitude. If her mom was miserable in her marriage, dad has no friends or family that will see him, according to OP, last thing she wants to listen to is her DDs talking about the man that either dumped her late in life or/and made her miserable till old age.

You'd like to think it doesn't, but it does. While your children are young, you serve them. When you get old and unable to change your own diaper, they serve you. This is how the world works. Except when you love your child or your parent, it's service with a positive connotation, not servitude. I'm in my forties, if it matters, and it never occurred to me to see what I do for my family as servitude or sacrifice. I started a family, because I wanted a family. I enjoy taking care of them. They're not a burden. I'm not a martyr.

If you don't find loving and serving others gratifying, you should remain single and enjoy your freedom.

I will never expect my children to "serve" me like that. I hope that they can visit me when I'm older but diaper changes? No way.

Maybe you will die young and healthy.

American hubris can be quite entertaining. It's fun to read how people know what will happen to them and who will end up cleaning up their shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is not a child. She is an adult. Most likely a spoiled millennial. We have people posting here who take care full time of their terminally ill parent, and she is resentful that mom won't watch her kids when goes has to go to visit a dying dad? Once again, it is all about OP, mom is not sympathetic, nobody is helping me, this sucks.... You know what sucks? Listening to entitled OP and how she and her sister are piling up blame on their mom. "Mom isn't there for us during this hard time, mom won't help, mom won't do my homework...." Grow up people, stop whining.

Most parents love their children in adulthood just as much, PP. Not acknowledging OP's situation and making demands is just awful. I can't believe there are mothers there who can justify this.

Are you a younger person or middle aged? That seems to be the gap between opinions here. I am happy to help my kids as much as I can, but they are draining and demanding as so many of teens are in this area. These teens turn into young adults who are incompetent and don't want to work hard in any area of life. OP's situation might be emotionally difficult, but quite frankly it is not that physically demanding, she lives hours away from her Dad and only visits here and there. Drama is not the parents, drama is her's and her sister's. As for parents love their children forever, sure they do, but love doesn't have to translate into servitude. If her mom was miserable in her marriage, dad has no friends or family that will see him, according to OP, last thing she wants to listen to is her DDs talking about the man that either dumped her late in life or/and made her miserable till old age.

You'd like to think it doesn't, but it does. While your children are young, you serve them. When you get old and unable to change your own diaper, they serve you. This is how the world works. Except when you love your child or your parent, it's service with a positive connotation, not servitude. I'm in my forties, if it matters, and it never occurred to me to see what I do for my family as servitude or sacrifice. I started a family, because I wanted a family. I enjoy taking care of them. They're not a burden. I'm not a martyr.

If you don't find loving and serving others gratifying, you should remain single and enjoy your freedom.

I will never expect my children to "serve" me like that. I hope that they can visit me when I'm older but diaper changes? No way.

Maybe you will die young and healthy.

American hubris can be quite entertaining. It's fun to read how people know what will happen to them and who will end up cleaning up their shit.

That is not my children's responsibility. That is not my expectation of them. End of story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

That is not my children's responsibility. That is not my expectation of them. End of story.

That's cool. Enjoy dying alone.