Getting married in a month and I can't decide if I want to take his last name

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don't take his last name, he shouldn't have to wear a wedding ring.

Does that mean that if he doesn't take my name, I don't have to wear a wedding ring?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hillary and Michelle took their husbands' last names, none of you have an excuse and are not important. suck it.

??? It's not an excuse.

Also, I don't make my decisions based upon what politicians do. If I did, then I would be okay with DH having affairs. But go ahead, live your life based upon what celebrities do. I'll pass.

Who said she was okay with it?

She didn't divorce him.

Anyway, you're the one using politicians' lives to justify your life choices. I specifically said that I do not make decisions for my family to copy politicians personal decisions - or anyone else for that matter. I guess it goes back to having an identity of my own...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hillary and Michelle took their husbands' last names, none of you have an excuse and are not important. suck it.

Hillary did not take on her husband's name until he was running for Governor and it became an issue in the election. I see you neglect to mention that Kaine's wife did not take his name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hillary and Michelle took their husbands' last names, none of you have an excuse and are not important. suck it.

??? It's not an excuse.

Also, I don't make my decisions based upon what politicians do. If I did, then I would be okay with DH having affairs. But go ahead, live your life based upon what celebrities do. I'll pass.

Who said she was okay with it?

She didn't divorce him.

Anyway, you're the one using politicians' lives to justify your life choices. I specifically said that I do not make decisions for my family to copy politicians personal decisions - or anyone else for that matter. I guess it goes back to having an identity of my own...

I wasn't the original PP, I think it's silly to use politicians' lives to justify one's life choices but I also don't think it's fair to judge other people's lives either. Marriage isn't black and white, just because they're still married doesn't mean she was okay with his affairs, we don't know much about their private lives. She could have just prioritized her career.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I kept my name. No regrets. My husband thought it was really weird that women changed their names in the first place, so it was not an issue. For me, it was like-- this is my name. It has been my name for 30 years. Why would I change it? I would have changed it if we both took a new last name, but I didn't see why I would change my name when he didn't.

Sometimes I think about having the same last name as my kids, but, meh. It wouldn't make me feel any closer to them than I already do. I don't care if I get called by their last name by people at school. My kids aren't remotely confused, and it's never been a problem.

Let me ask you something PP.

When you got married, did you have a ceremony of any kind? A big party? Did you wear a fancy dress? Was there a cake? Was there any kind of ritualistic procedure other than just taking 10 minutes at City Hall to get hitched?

Did you have a gift registry? Were there announcements? Did you send invitations?

If you did any of those things, then you are just mired in that old patriarchal tradition anyway. But go ahead pick and choose however arbitrarily you need to to tell yourself you make any sense.

What? What kind of black and white world do you live? The world is full of color. Open your eyes. People can choose to do different things for different reasons.

Right. Selfish people pretend to be acting from priniciple but really aren't. So women who claim to be acting from principle by not taking the husband's last name because it's a defunct patriarchal tradition show their rank hypocrisy by happily availing themselves of "traditional" bennies of getting married when it suits them. That's why none of these posters make any sense at all. They're petulant children who think they are proving something by keeping their own last name. It has nothing to do with any principles unless they dispense with the traditions of weddings that are to their benefit--which is basically ALL of them, even for the most part getting married itself. If you don't like tradition, don't get married. Very simple. Of course then you don't get the bennies of marriage, either.

You are very angry about something that I do not think you know how you sound. You are throwing out the baby with the bath water.

Awww, PP, did it just hit home that if a woman is going to be principled about eliminating the patriarchal defunct traditions of a marriage, that means she has to do without the "good stuff" as well as the traditions she doesn't like? "But...but...but....if we don't do a traditional wedding....that means no expensive ring...no gifts....no big party making me the center of attention like a Disney Princess...no honeymoon....we go straight home from the justice of the peace and I have to fix the toilet [because #women can do ANYTHING men can do]? No cake????" LOL

You need to relax and step away from the screen. Go for a walk.

pp makes a valid point.

. Not really. They have gone off the deep end.

[Anonymous]

Personally I don't care if people have a big fancy wedding and don't take their husbands name. I don't find it hypocritical. I eloped to the courthouse but took his name. I simply don't buy that taking his name because I CHOSE to (I knew that our kids were going to have his name, as well. This was my main motivation for switching) is somehow automatically a non-feminist choice. Being given my fathers name was also technically paternalistic, but I didn't have a choice in that one!

[Anonymous]

However, I do agree that engagement rings are a relic of the past.

But a couple who pay for their own wedding and invite their friends/family to celebrate with them are doing something positive and honorable.

[Anonymous]

My husband is European and found my taking his last name to be a little odd, but he didn't mind either. I did it because to me it felt romantic, I like his name better than my maiden name, and I wanted us all (kids) to have the same last name.

I think this is a very personal choice you have to make for yourself, OP. Weigh heavy philosiphical things all the way down to shallow things, such as whose name you like better.

At the end of thr day your name is kind of like the color of your front door - not that important in the scheme of things.

Good luck and congratulations!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is European and found my taking his last name to be a little odd, but he didn't mind either. I did it because to me it felt romantic, I like his name better than my maiden name, and I wanted us all (kids) to have the same last name.

I think this is a very personal choice you have to make for yourself, OP. Weigh heavy philosiphical things all the way down to shallow things, such as whose name you like better.

At the end of thr day your name is kind of like the color of your front door - not that important in the scheme of things.

Good luck and congratulations!

What do you do for a living?

[Anonymous]

Curious why it matters pp? Are you in a field where you work with people too stupid to understand a name change for marriage? It wasn't any issue at all in my field (finance) because it is so common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids have my last name for kind of complicated family politics reasons, even though my husband is their biological father and we're happily married.

We've never regretted it, even though everyone said it would be confusing. It has literally never been an issue with registration, international travel, or anything else.

This is our plan too, glad to hear it's worked out well!

[Anonymous]

My wife didn't take my last name, culturally it's not something that is usually done (muslim). It's not a very big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Curious why it matters pp? Are you in a field where you work with people too stupid to understand a name change for marriage? It wasn't any issue at all in my field (finance) because it is so common.

No dear in some fields your name carries prestige and you don't muck it up with hyphens and name changes. That's not relevant to someone just in finance.

[Anonymous]

Don't be that annoying mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't be that annoying mom

Take the damn last name and move on.

Oh the front door is important it's the first impression, just like not taking it is a sign of a difficult annoying person...