Getting married in a month and I can't decide if I want to take his last name

[Anonymous]

I always wanted to have the same last name as my children but it feels so archaic and anti feminist to take his name. We both have long last names so hyphenating would be tedious- 6 syllables. He doesn't care either way. My career wouldn't be affected. How did you decide? Has anyone regretted it either way?

[Anonymous]

It was easy for me. I wanted our family to all share a last name. I have no regrets about changing my name.

[Anonymous]

Why doesn't he change his last name to yours?

[Anonymous]

We both kept our names, and the kids have my last name as a middle, and his last name as their surname. No regrets, and no issues with the kids having a different surname than mine.

That being said, if it's important to you to have the same last name as your kids, change it if you want to. You don't stop being a feminist just because you take your husband's name.

[Anonymous]

I didn't take my husband's last name. But I would have taken a different last name (e.g. if he'd changed, too). I probably would have changed my name for 1) a different last name or 2) a different man.

So, both I'm happy I didn't, and a little sad that I didn't want to.

[Anonymous]

No, kids have two last names.

[Anonymous]

I didn't take his and he didn't want me to. By the time I got married at 32 I had a career and was established etc. now we have a kid and she has his last name and my name as a middle name. We have had a lot of health things with her so going to the doctor and making sure they know I'm her mom even though I have a different last name, not an issue at all.
You can wait and see how you feel when you have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was easy for me. I wanted our family to all share a last name. I have no regrets about changing my name.

Same here. I love having the same last name as my kids, and I wasn't tied to my old last name. Didn't affect my career. I hesitated on "principle" years ago, but no regrets now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always wanted to have the same last name as my children but it feels so archaic and anti feminist to take his name. We both have long last names so hyphenating would be tedious- 6 syllables. He doesn't care either way. My career wouldn't be affected. How did you decide? Has anyone regretted it either way?

leave that thought at the door

[Anonymous]

I didnt want to change my name at first (got married at 34). Then I decided to just change it legally but still use my maiden name as my professional name. That got challenging (specifically when going on client visits where I had to show my ID/get a visitor badge to enter, and my visitor badge had a different last name on it than the client knew), then I got pregnant and I decided just to change it before the kid came as I envisioned more confusion to come.

In retrospect, it was a silly thing for me to get to worked up about/fight so much, because a different name on my drivers license doesnt make me a different person. My values and morals and beliefs and personality are all the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didnt want to change my name at first (got married at 34). Then I decided to just change it legally but still use my maiden name as my professional name. That got challenging (specifically when going on client visits where I had to show my ID/get a visitor badge to enter, and my visitor badge had a different last name on it than the client knew), then I got pregnant and I decided just to change it before the kid came as I envisioned more confusion to come.

In retrospect, it was a silly thing for me to get to worked up about/fight so much, because a different name on my drivers license doesnt make me a different person. My values and morals and beliefs and personality are all the same.

PP again. I thought that changing my last name when I was pregnant would be SUCH a pain (insurance, doctors records, etc.) and it was not. No one noticed at all. My doctor nor anyone else in the office never once commented on my having a different last name from one visit to the next. I kind of felt like I was "special" for changing my name and expected people to notice more than they did...clearly I wasn't/they didnt.

[Anonymous]

I changed it and it's fine. I like that our family shares the same name - I wouldn't want to have a different name than my kids.

I use my maiden name as a middle name on social media and LinkedIn, so hopefully people can find me fairly easily still, but in everyday life I just use my married name.

[Anonymous]

I'm remarried, and I kept my last name through both marriages. My son from the previous marriage has his father's last name. Our mailing labels have all THREE names I think my name is part of my identity; for people who have changed their names, do you always think of yourself as your maiden name or your married name? I considered changing my name for my second marriage, but haven't yet and maybe never will. Modern times!

[Anonymous]

I did not change. Feel really dated to me. So many people do not change now that it is no big deal. My name seems like it is part of me and should not change. Also DH's name is very different ethnically than mine and I wanted to keep my link.

You can always wait and decide later.

[Anonymous]

I kept my maiden name after I married and was still working. When I had my first child I changed it - I was not planning on going back to work.