Getting married in a month and I can't decide if I want to take his last name

[Anonymous]

I like my name and kept it. I don't have a problem having a different last name than my kids. My mom kept her name and I loved that about her.

[Anonymous]

I didn't change my name. I don't judge whatever people do, but I am a historian and DH is a lawyer so we couldn't claim to be ignorant on reason behind it. There are lots of ways to have a family name that don't have the loaded implications that the female in a relationship changing her name does.

[Anonymous]

Don't do it to make a statement either way. Just do what feels more natural/instinctual to you. What do you want your name to be?

I kept my name, but I do understand the pull of wanting a single family name. I am not bothered when people call me Mrs. Husbandslastname.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:it feels so archaic and anti feminist to take his name...

Okay, but it is REALLY practical to just have one family name. Just pick one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was easy for me. I wanted our family to all share a last name. I have no regrets about changing my name.

+1 I'm a feminist, but I had no issue changing my name. My maiden name is Smith, and my new surname is unique, but recognizable/memorable.

[Anonymous]

I didn't take my DH's last name. I wanted to keep my maiden name for career and family reasons. I actually love my maiden name. Our kids have DH's last name. Ideally the kids could've had my maiden name as a middle name but it doesn't work well. I have been called Mrs. DH's Last Name on occasion and it doesn't bother me. We haven't encountered any issues with me having a different last name. The only time it threw me off was when my first child was born, and at the hospital he was known as Baby My Last Name. All of his records and ID tags had my name on them. I told the nurses that wasn't his last name but they informed me that for their purposes, the baby's name follows the mom's name. My MIL flipped when she saw my last name on everything at the hospital until we explained the situation and reassured her that the baby would have DH's last name.

OP - you don't have to change your name right away. You can do it at any time, so don't feel like you have to make this decision by your wedding date. I know a few women who didn't change their last names until they had kids.

[Anonymous]

I didn't change my last name. I just couldn't wrap my head around doing it. As in, why would I one day wake up and start calling myself a different name? I couldn't come up with any good reasons and neither could my DH.

I have two elementary-age kids and it's a total non-issue having a different last name. And also not uncommon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it feels so archaic and anti feminist to take his name...

Okay, but it is REALLY practical to just have one family name. Just pick one.

I don't understand this. When does it make a huge difference in your day-to-day life?

[Anonymous]

Kept my name and never had plans to change it.

Do what you feel comfortable with, but do it for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it feels so archaic and anti feminist to take his name...

Okay, but it is REALLY practical to just have one family name. Just pick one.

I don't understand this. When does it make a huge difference in your day-to-day life?

It doesn't. I do not understand this argument at all. Three last names in our house (due to nephew living w us) and we've never experienced a single complication anywhere. Not at school, not at the dr office, not at the airport, nowhere. There is no logistical reason to change your name.

[Anonymous]

PSA - Dont change it until after your honeymoon, if you bought tickets, etc already.

[Anonymous]

I didn't change my name and it's never been an issue for me and my son to have different last names. I'd go with whichever name you like better.

[Anonymous]

I've been married 30 years, and did not change my name.

We are about the most "married" people you'd ever meet. And our son has my very unusual last name as his middle name. It's worked out beautifully. And it's nice because we know if someone calls and asks for Mr. wife'slastname, they dont' really know us.

I made the decision partly because I saw friends' marriages crash and burn after only a year, and then they were walking around with someone else's name. After a while, it's weird to keep changing names because of whatever man you are attached to.

[Anonymous]

I kept my birth name. Felt the same way as you. Adamantly. Changed it three years into marriage, after having a kid. More because it felt right to be the same as my kid, not the same as my husband.

I now have much more empathy for any woman's choice. I see that it's not as cut and dried as I had thought.

You can change your mind any time. The first name change is free. The next one might cost some court fees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PSA - Dont change it until after your honeymoon, if you bought tickets, etc already.

Good advice. I didnt change my last name for a while because after honeymoon I then had some other personal and work travel internationally and didnt want to run into airport problems.