I wish women would demand more in a relationship before getting intimate

[Anonymous]

Also I, the immediate PP, am still mocked if people find out I've only had one partner - usually when I mention it online, or mentioned, when I was dating, that I was a virgin. I've thought so much about it, and still don't understand why it's ok to mock someone who (purposeful) limited experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:100% NP here.

I think the disconnect is that many women simply want not to be judged poorly if they have a high number of partners. I get that, but the fact is many WILL judge you poorly for that.

That said, women should do what they want. But also expect people to judge you accordingly. You might like that, but it is what it is.

The fact that some or many would judge me for it has zero impact on my decisions. Many still judge gay marriage and think that's immoral. That also has very little bearing on my life. (I'm not gay by the way, just using it as an example of how society often plays catch up)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:100% NP here.

I think the disconnect is that many women simply want not to be judged poorly if they have a high number of partners. I get that, but the fact is many WILL judge you poorly for that.

That said, women should do what they want. But also expect people to judge you accordingly. You might like that, but it is what it is.

The fact that some or many would judge me for it has zero impact on my decisions. Many still judge gay marriage and think that's immoral. That also has very little bearing on my life. (I'm not gay by the way, just using it as an example of how society often plays catch up)

PP here. And that's fine. But there seems to be a number of people who deny that they'll be judged poorly by a large segment of society. It's one thing not to care (as you say), it's another to claim it won't happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 30, and I completely agree.

Many women want marriage but have been conditioned to be the "cool girl" and not to talk about it in a relationship. So they bumble along, giving the guy everything he wants and just hoping he'll eventually bring up marriage.

I don't like her radio show, too screechy, but Dr. Laura's advice in 10 Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives is very good. Her books are excellent, even if they aren't what people want to hear.

I'm a liberal atheist, by the way. It has absolutely nothing to do with conservative values or thinking sex before marriage is bad for me. It's all about how much I see women not getting what they want or not even being honest with themselves about what they want until they've wasted a lot of prime years.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 30, and I completely agree.

Many women want marriage but have been conditioned to be the "cool girl" and not to talk about it in a relationship. So they bumble along, giving the guy everything he wants and just hoping he'll eventually bring up marriage.

I don't like her radio show, too screechy, but Dr. Laura's advice in 10 Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives is very good. Her books are excellent, even if they aren't what people want to hear.

I'm a liberal atheist, by the way. It has absolutely nothing to do with conservative values or thinking sex before marriage is bad for me. It's all about how much I see women not getting what they want or not even being honest with themselves about what they want until they've wasted a lot of prime years.

+1

I really have to agree too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 30, and I completely agree.

Many women want marriage but have been conditioned to be the "cool girl" and not to talk about it in a relationship. So they bumble along, giving the guy everything he wants and just hoping he'll eventually bring up marriage.

I don't like her radio show, too screechy, but Dr. Laura's advice in 10 Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives is very good. Her books are excellent, even if they aren't what people want to hear.

I'm a liberal atheist, by the way. It has absolutely nothing to do with conservative values or thinking sex before marriage is bad for me. It's all about how much I see women not getting what they want or not even being honest with themselves about what they want until they've wasted a lot of prime years.

+1

I really have to agree too.

+2

I'm also 30, and I saw how the "hookup" culture worked in college, and how only frat boys seemed very happy about it.

Sometimes I think our culture is really gross.

[Anonymous]

It seems to me this is how dating works: all relationships fail until one doesn't. She's 26, having some failed relationships isn't a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems to me this is how dating works: all relationships fail until one doesn't. She's 26, having some failed relationships isn't a big deal.

I think the whole point of the OP is that she's banging these guys before a meaningful relationship has been established.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 30, and I completely agree.

Many women want marriage but have been conditioned to be the "cool girl" and not to talk about it in a relationship. So they bumble along, giving the guy everything he wants and just hoping he'll eventually bring up marriage.

I don't like her radio show, too screechy, but Dr. Laura's advice in 10 Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives is very good. Her books are excellent, even if they aren't what people want to hear.

I'm a liberal atheist, by the way. It has absolutely nothing to do with conservative values or thinking sex before marriage is bad for me. It's all about how much I see women not getting what they want or not even being honest with themselves about what they want until they've wasted a lot of prime years.

+1

I really have to agree too.

28 year old. I agree too.

My entire life all I wanted to do was being married. I'm very romantic. I didn't want to seem like that kind of girl though, so I never, ever brought up marriage with DH. I pretty much had a breakdown on our 3rd anniversary though. I don't know why I felt like I couldn't bring up marriage- DH and I had the best relationship ever, but I just couldn't. Women who want to get married are very stigmatized. DH proposed a few weeks later because he wanted marriage too but didn't know that I wanted it just yet. Women are often afraid to show a female side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems to me this is how dating works: all relationships fail until one doesn't. She's 26, having some failed relationships isn't a big deal.

I think the whole point of the OP is that she's banging these guys before a meaningful relationship has been established.

I guess I don't think "banging" guys is a big deal either. Anecdotally, I don't know many who want to get too "meaningful" before having sex. Harder to leave if the sex doesn't work out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems to me this is how dating works: all relationships fail until one doesn't. She's 26, having some failed relationships isn't a big deal.

I think the whole point of the OP is that she's banging these guys before a meaningful relationship has been established.

I guess I don't think "banging" guys is a big deal either. Anecdotally, I don't know many who want to get too "meaningful" before having sex. Harder to leave if the sex doesn't work out.

Again, that's fine. But don't be surprised when you're judged accordingly for your actions by many people, including potential partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 30, and I completely agree.

Many women want marriage but have been conditioned to be the "cool girl" and not to talk about it in a relationship. So they bumble along, giving the guy everything he wants and just hoping he'll eventually bring up marriage.

I don't like her radio show, too screechy, but Dr. Laura's advice in 10 Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives is very good. Her books are excellent, even if they aren't what people want to hear.

I'm a liberal atheist, by the way. It has absolutely nothing to do with conservative values or thinking sex before marriage is bad for me. It's all about how much I see women not getting what they want or not even being honest with themselves about what they want until they've wasted a lot of prime years.

+1

I really have to agree too.

28 year old. I agree too.

My entire life all I wanted to do was being married. I'm very romantic. I didn't want to seem like that kind of girl though, so I never, ever brought up marriage with DH. I pretty much had a breakdown on our 3rd anniversary though. I don't know why I felt like I couldn't bring up marriage- DH and I had the best relationship ever, but I just couldn't. Women who want to get married are very stigmatized. DH proposed a few weeks later because he wanted marriage too but didn't know that I wanted it just yet. Women are often afraid to show a female side.

You mean women are often afraid to say what they really want and act accordingly. If marriage is what you want, there is no shame in that. Just don't date a perpetual bachelor and hope to change him. If you don't want to get married, nothing wrong with that either. Have as much sex as you want and don't let anyone make you feel guilty about it.

Oh, and regarding the "don't date the perpetual bachelor" please don't tell me that you can't help who you love. Yes, you very much can. I have never, ever, EVER fallen in love with a person without actually trying to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems to me this is how dating works: all relationships fail until one doesn't. She's 26, having some failed relationships isn't a big deal.

I think the whole point of the OP is that she's banging these guys before a meaningful relationship has been established.

I guess I don't think "banging" guys is a big deal either. Anecdotally, I don't know many who want to get too "meaningful" before having sex. Harder to leave if the sex doesn't work out.

Again, that's fine. But don't be surprised when you're judged accordingly for your actions by many people, including potential partners.

They wouldn't want to be with the type of man who would have a problem with those actions (which I always thought was just dating). And no one else judging them equates to anything more than a dirty look or a whisper, if that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems to me this is how dating works: all relationships fail until one doesn't. She's 26, having some failed relationships isn't a big deal.

I think the whole point of the OP is that she's banging these guys before a meaningful relationship has been established.

I guess I don't think "banging" guys is a big deal either. Anecdotally, I don't know many who want to get too "meaningful" before having sex. Harder to leave if the sex doesn't work out.

Again, that's fine. But don't be surprised when you're judged accordingly for your actions by many people, including potential partners.

They wouldn't want to be with the type of man who would have a problem with those actions (which I always thought was just dating). And no one else judging them equates to anything more than a dirty look or a whisper, if that.

Right. They'll end up with the sorts of guys the OP described. If that's what you want, great.

But you'd be surprised how many decent men won't be attracted to women who "don't think banging guys is a big deal." Guys who just want to bang chicks, yeah, you'll be popular.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems to me this is how dating works: all relationships fail until one doesn't. She's 26, having some failed relationships isn't a big deal.

I think the whole point of the OP is that she's banging these guys before a meaningful relationship has been established.

I guess I don't think "banging" guys is a big deal either. Anecdotally, I don't know many who want to get too "meaningful" before having sex. Harder to leave if the sex doesn't work out.

Again, that's fine. But don't be surprised when you're judged accordingly for your actions by many people, including potential partners.

They wouldn't want to be with the type of man who would have a problem with those actions (which I always thought was just dating). And no one else judging them equates to anything more than a dirty look or a whisper, if that.

Right. They'll end up with the sorts of guys the OP described. If that's what you want, great.

But you'd be surprised how many decent men won't be attracted to women who "don't think banging guys is a big deal." Guys who just want to bang chicks, yeah, you'll be popular.

Or, they'll end up with the type of guys they want. Just not at 26.