I wish women would demand more in a relationship before getting intimate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you, OP, 100%!

I haven’t read all the posts, but I can bet there are a lot of people who disagree and are telling you to MYOB.
It is sad that the morals in our society have sunk so low.
There was a time when sleeping around was not condoned. Now, it seems to be a badge of honor.
Pitiful.

LOL at the people decrying the promiscuity of "this generation" of young women. This outrage goes back centuries; do some reading on Victorian home and outside life.

In my own life, I know quite a few people--women and men--who were teenagers in the '60s, went to Woodstock and all of that. None of them angels. And most of them very happy in their late-middle age, monogamous now, and married for over 30 years.

On a related note, the highest incidence of STI transmission in America now are elderly people who are finding their sexual freedom in communities geared toward their age group, particularly in Florida. So yes, recent, but certainly not "this generation." And they're having the time of their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe how many women still equate low number of sexual partners with morality and emotional health.

No we are relating it to physical health, did you read?

I'm one of the first one that responded to this thread. I specifically said the only problem I might see with women having a high number of sexual partners is physical health (if they don't protect themselves appropriately). That is the only straw the OP can grasp for. The rest is BS. Women can and should be sexual beings.

You can be a "sexual being" with one partner.

You absolutely can. But if it is more than one partner, that's totally ok too.

Thanks for the input, but how many partners I do or don't sleep with isn't anyone's business but mine. (And maybe my partner(s).) One, two, twenty, two thousand... not your business.

That's EXACTLY MY POINT!!!!

Wow, the PP before you clearly just wants to be mad for no reason.
Don't worry, I'm sure most of us got your very reasonable point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The point I was trying to get across is that you can get STDs even when you are in a committed relationship. And yes, my uncle was in a committed relationship as well; he is utterly devoted to my aunt. He just happens to be a sex addict. And I suppose he probably has a virgin/whore complex. And yes, my aunt is not a virgin, but he definitely held her up on a pedestal and cheated on her with a lot of prostitutes and strippers.

The really tragic part is that he also squandered their money, and my aunt - who became a SAHM soon after the birth of her first child - had no clue until it was all gone. She has a husband still and beautiful children, but her newfound 'chastity' got her nothing else.

Meanwhile, while she was 'whoring' in her 20s, she was amazing, had a career, had traveled extensively, had crazy adventures, and was a very wealthy single woman.

My takeaway from your story, pp, is that it is not very encouraging that an "experienced" woman could not detect that her DH was a sex addict. What was the point of having all these experiences if none of them gave her the insight to stay away from a crappy potential spouse, arguably the most important decision of your life? And no, I don't believe that he "hid" this behavior completely, without red flags.

Yes, he did a good job hiding his behavior. He traveled extensively for work and had a lot of clients who were in contact with him constantly. He took women out on fancy dinners on these trips, but my aunt thought that he was just having business dinners. He was old fashioned and had a crappy phone, so he never texted or sent/received pictures. He's not on social media.

Also, he was not a crappy spouse, except for the sex addiction and the money. He catered and caters to my aunt's every need, is a devoted father, and was present for every event, including the family dinner every night he was home. That he often cooked. He just happened to take advantage of every time he was not home - i.e. he would go to strip clubs and/or seek out prostitutes every chance he had.

Some people happen to be very good liars, and can hide infidelities for a long long time.

[Anonymous]

I have no issues with people sleeping around. But I have issues with the new direction of women, who now have the ability to sleep around, then redefining the rules that everything is assault or harassment or rape because somehow their new actions do not align with either the values/hormones/biological urges of their body. They have become the new tut tutting victorian sexual morality experts. Either be outright and forbid sex, but don't come up with these ridiculous rules.

I was watching a favorite drama where the guy kissed the girl, the girl then wrapped her arms around him and kissed him back. There was one ridiculous commentor talking about how it looked like "acquiesce" and not "true consent", even though the couple was shown to be in love with each other. Thank god everyone else on the forum ignored her.

But either way if you want to sleep around and be a sexual being, be responsible for your actions. I'm totally cool with that. But this counter culture swing where now because there is more sexual freedom everything is constituted as a sexual offence is concerning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The point I was trying to get across is that you can get STDs even when you are in a committed relationship. And yes, my uncle was in a committed relationship as well; he is utterly devoted to my aunt. He just happens to be a sex addict. And I suppose he probably has a virgin/whore complex. And yes, my aunt is not a virgin, but he definitely held her up on a pedestal and cheated on her with a lot of prostitutes and strippers.

The really tragic part is that he also squandered their money, and my aunt - who became a SAHM soon after the birth of her first child - had no clue until it was all gone. She has a husband still and beautiful children, but her newfound 'chastity' got her nothing else.

Meanwhile, while she was 'whoring' in her 20s, she was amazing, had a career, had traveled extensively, had crazy adventures, and was a very wealthy single woman.

My takeaway from your story, pp, is that it is not very encouraging that an "experienced" woman could not detect that her DH was a sex addict. What was the point of having all these experiences if none of them gave her the insight to stay away from a crappy potential spouse, arguably the most important decision of your life? And no, I don't believe that he "hid" this behavior completely, without red flags.

Yes, he did a good job hiding his behavior. He traveled extensively for work and had a lot of clients who were in contact with him constantly. He took women out on fancy dinners on these trips, but my aunt thought that he was just having business dinners. He was old fashioned and had a crappy phone, so he never texted or sent/received pictures. He's not on social media.

Also, he was not a crappy spouse, except for the sex addiction and the money. He catered and caters to my aunt's every need, is a devoted father, and was present for every event, including the family dinner every night he was home. That he often cooked. He just happened to take advantage of every time he was not home - i.e. he would go to strip clubs and/or seek out prostitutes every chance he had.

Some people happen to be very good liars, and can hide infidelities for a long long time.

Ok pp I bolded the "hmm" or "red flag" moments your aunt should have had. These would warrant a little more investigation or discussion before marriage. More important question- why on earth would you know about your aunt's stds?

And pp, I don't know how old you are or how experienced you are, but someone who is a sex addict who squanders all your money is, indeed, a crappy spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how do you suggest women break out of that circle?

I guess I'm kinda like your friend, minus living with guys and the STD's, outside of two short relationships, I've been single my whole adult life (I'm 31).
I don't think I know how to have a normal healthy relationship because I was never in one (broke up with my last bf after 4 months because he didn't treat me very nice) and my parents had a terrible relationship.

I tried therapy but that did nothing to help matters.

I think people are quick to judge but not everyone is as lucky to be taught what a real healthy relationship should be like and how to find one and be in one.

OP here, first, don't look for perfection. That will make you keep looking forever. Start with a set of good acceptable characteristics and go from there. Remember that you are not perfect. Throw out the men who carry the deal breakers. Work with the ones who are reasonable. At your age, try not to date only one man at a time. I am NOT suggesting sex with them, I am suggesting DATES. Having more than one friend will help you relax and feel less desperate. You might have flaws but a good man will see that you are working on them and appreciate that.
I got married late, and noticed success when I told the men I DATED straight up that I wanted marriage. I also had a rule that I shared with them: I would never have sex with a man I would not marry.

+1. Very, very good advice, OP, from another who married later in life (38).

PP, at 31, you are not in the same situation you were when you were in college or in your early 20s. Decent single men at this age will be where decent single people go -- work, cultural events, church, travel, exercise activities, etc. It truly is a numbers game at this point, so date a LOT but sort them out early. No more than 3 dates with someone you do not click with or in whom you see red flags, and that is BEFORE sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK I have an issue with one thing you posted and that is the word "promiscuous." Honestly, who cares how many people she chooses to sleep with.

From a health stand point, I absolutely agree. Women should make sure that their partners are healthy before having sex, but this is a health issue, not a moral one.

She clearly ins't protecting herself and that's a problem. I would also venture to say she isn't mature enough to handle all these boyfriends and that's her issue, not a woman's issue. Some women wait for the perfect guy and still get "screwed." So, knowing what you want out of a relationship, and demanding that is what you need. Sometimes that's just sex, and I think that's ok. If that something is marriage, than the expectations need to be made clear.

Well said. +100000

[Anonymous]

OP -- I agree. It is the whole "Sex and the City" mentality.

It is sad.

[Anonymous]

I am so tired of liberals saying we are not allowed to "slut shame."

Of course we can. Being slutty is awful. it is bad for a person's physical and emotional health and bad for their future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so tired of liberals saying we are not allowed to "slut shame."

Of course we can. Being slutty is awful. it is bad for a person's physical and emotional health and bad for their future.

How is your shaming working out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe how many women still equate low number of sexual partners with morality and emotional health.

I can't believe you don't.

Of course these things are related.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe how many women still equate low number of sexual partners with morality and emotional health.

I can't believe you don't.

Of course these things are related.

Of course I don't. It's pathetic that you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so tired of liberals saying we are not allowed to "slut shame."

Of course we can. Being slutty is awful. it is bad for a person's physical and emotional health and bad for their future.

What's slutty? Selling your body for money? (even that I'm not opposed to from a moral stand point, only from a practical one)

Is slutty having multiple partners? Is slutty having partner of the same sex? How many is too many? Why is that bad? Let's say it makes a person extremely happy to have lots of sex. Is it still wrong?

[Anonymous]

100% NP here.

I think the disconnect is that many women simply want not to be judged poorly if they have a high number of partners. I get that, but the fact is many WILL judge you poorly for that.

That said, women should do what they want. But also expect people to judge you accordingly. You might like that, but it is what it is.

[Anonymous]

I also wish people weren't promiscuous. They don't see how their actions affect other people.

The fact that HPV, among other STD's, is laughed off because "everyone has it" is proof that too many people are having sex with too many people.