12-YO was irresponsible, will cost us thousands; appropriate consequence?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because it involves the puppy- I would get him involved in fixing the damage. If that isn't possible, I would let him know that he needs to take on extra household chores because you have to deal with the damage.
I wouldn't take away priveleges as much as I would (at least temporarily) add responsibilities. I think the message will be more positive.
I would also explain that dogs are like babies- they don't know any better and it's our responsibility to care for and protect them. That means that we cannot be impulsive or forgetful- they absolutely depend on us.
7K is awful-- it may be a great learning experience for your son, but I feel for you.

I would also add that, at age ten, there is some responsibility that you can expect out of your son. Some people are saying that the dog is entirely an adult responsibility. I think a pet is a family responsibility. I would not leave a seven year old in charge of a dog- but at ten, I think you can have some expectations of your DS.
Read Farmer Boy (Laura Ingalls Wilder). Anytime I think I'm too hard on my kid, I remind myself that this generation has it easier than any generation so far.

[Anonymous]

He takes the puppy to training classes with you.

Fixes the damages he can help with (paint, etc).

Everything else is on you OP. It is not a fair consequence to cancle camps or trips.

[Anonymous]

He already feels terrible. Have him do extra chores for a month and garnish allowance for a month or two and call it a day. He's only 12. Maybe not ready for the responsibility you gave him.

[Anonymous]

Here is what my dogs have destroyed over the years:

Dog 1 (before child):

5 or 6 pairs of DW's shoes ~$500, 1 rattan chair ~500; 1 lazy boy recliner, $800; chewed through drywall, $250 to fix, chewed up carpet, $600.....

The thing about a dog is they are expensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is what my dogs have destroyed over the years:

Dog 1 (before child):

5 or 6 pairs of DW's shoes ~$500, 1 rattan chair ~500; 1 lazy boy recliner, $800; chewed through drywall, $250 to fix, chewed up carpet, $600.....

The thing about a dog is they are expensive.

But there are things that you can do to manage that. For example, if your strategy is to keep the puppy in a crate if no one is home, that will mitigate some of the damage.

[Anonymous]

I posted before with the point that if a spouse had done this it would be treated more as a family situation to deal with and less as the fault of one particular person who has to pay somehow to make it up to the family. Knowing more I think it's even more true. Anyone can make a mistake

I actually think this is a fabulous chance to teach DS about money management and household budgeting. OP could loop DS in on the fixing of the problem way more than she otherwise would. Make clear she's not doing so as punishment but as lesson for what consequences are like in the real world. Since he feels bad about it, he presumably wants to do something to make it up, so why go punishment when you could go learning experience/give DS a chance to grow? Sit down with the family budget and show him what $7K looks like to his family. How it means that vacation and camp is now a stretch, and that if you don't want to forgo such luxuries it means you have to make sacrifices in everyday living. Have him help you come up with options. e.g. cancel the housecleaning service for a few months to get $1000 back, have him do the cleaning in that time, but also make sure he knows that even all that cleaning work he did only got the family a small part of the way to making up the damage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I must warn you. The puppy is going to do thousands of dollars of damage more until it grows up, and you won't be able to blame all of it on your DS. Puppies are incredibly destructive.

Yup. Everyone in our house has made a puppy error. Puppies damage things. The only reason my dog couldn't do as much damage as your dog is that I don't own a $7k rug.

[Anonymous]

wait, an expensive rug? THAT'S what's driving this? or is pp guessing?

[Anonymous]

Please don't be so hard on your son. Our dog systematically destroyed thousands in furnishings over several months as a puppy. We kept him crated when we couldn't watch him and offered him lots of great chew toys but it only took seconds for him to wreak havoc. He chewed up living room sofas and ate chunks out of our coffee table. He chewed through a rug and our family room sofa and chair. He also ate several computer and electronics cables. It was a little damage here and a little there and every single time we were supervising him. All it took was leaving the room for a ringing phone, doorbell, kid calling from the bathroom, etc. Some even happened while I was reading a book or watching tv next to him. He was pretty quiet about it. I was ready to give him away but someone with an animal rescue convinced us to keep him and he's such a good dog now. We actually just replaced the furniture because we're out of the danger zone. My point is just that if if could happen on a 40 year olds watch, you can't exactly blame a 12 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: Good guess. It was the puppy.

OP DELIVERED!

Ok. yeah. Accidents happen. He should simply have to do extra chores for a period of time. No denial of camp. That is just too much.

Thank you-- the suspense was killing me!! My DS8 pulled the drain on bathroom sink on the other night, left the water running, and flooded the bathroom. Thank goodness, I walked in 2 minutes later or it would have been an epic disaster. I was cleaning and drying cabinets, floor, drawers, countertop. OMG I was pissed.

My mom did it when I was a kid. It flooded the ceiling and caused damage but not huge. It happens.

[Anonymous]

I agree with others who say it is reasonable for an 11 year old to share responsibility for an animal, and it's reasonable for you to use this sulutuation as a way to help show him how much $7000 really is. Show where it is going to come from in the budget. Decide as a family what you can cut out to make up for it. (like, if you pay $300/month in lawn service, that's now DS's job.) Eat out less to save $$. Keep a tally to shoe how long it takes to make up $7000.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I must warn you. The puppy is going to do thousands of dollars of damage more until it grows up, and you won't be able to blame all of it on your DS. Puppies are incredibly destructive.

My dog never destroyed anything when she was a puppy. Zero dollars of damage. The key to preventing damage is to know where the puppy is at ALL times. 24/7. Keep it on a short leash so if it tries to sneak away you can grab the leash. If it looks like it needs to go out, you can do it quickly because the leash is on. Use a crate when you leave the house or can't be watching it until you know the puppy won't do anything bad. Let the dog know when it's doing something wrong like chewing something. Tell it no! And redirect it by giving it a toy that it's allowed to chew.

[Anonymous]

The only thing I would do here is put him in charge of daily dog walks for a long time, along with other basics of puppy care - feeding, playtime, etc. I just replaced a coffee table and couch (that were new when we got our dog) 8 years after she took huge chunks out of the table and ate the underside of the couch (why, I'll never know!) This is in addition to numerous ruined pillows, walls, toys, etc.

[Anonymous]

I think you should punish the puppy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only thing I would do here is put him in charge of daily dog walks for a long time, along with other basics of puppy care - feeding, playtime, etc. I just replaced a coffee table and couch (that were new when we got our dog) 8 years after she took huge chunks out of the table and ate the underside of the couch (why, I'll never know!) This is in addition to numerous ruined pillows, walls, toys, etc.

Dog walks. I don't know how big this dog is, but my 11 year old couldn't walk the puppy without one of us. He could have walked a dog, but a puppy still needing training and working out the family hierarchy.... Not possible. Certainly I did make him participate i. Dog care, but a kid can only do what a kid can do.