12-YO was irresponsible, will cost us thousands; appropriate consequence?

[Anonymous]

DS, 12, was very irresponsible (in a situation in which many times previously he had been responsible, and in which he knew he needed to be). As a result, we will have to spend many thousands of dollars (roughly 7K give or take). It did not involve anyone else, no one was hurt, and it wasn't anything at all risky/dangerous. Also, it wasn't a case of active irresponsibility, it was a case of negligence. (In other words, he didn't actively DO anything wrong, but he was thoughtless/careless.) We are struggling as to an appropriate consequence. It's not like he can reimburse us out of his allowance, LOL. Thinking of explaining to him that now we can't do a trip he would have gone on, and that now he can't go to camp, since we now have to use that money to pay for his mistake. (That is all true, although theoretically we could cover the cost and wouldn't literally have to cancel those items, but I think we should.) OTOH, he is only twelve, mistakes happen, he feels terrible, and if he doesn't go to camp, he won't really have anything to do over the summer. Hoping that someone out there has been in a similar situation and can offer some suggestions? TIA.

[Anonymous]

What in the world did he do?

[Anonymous]

You really need to tell us what the mistake was or there's no real way for us to suggest ideas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You really need to tell us what the mistake was or there's no real way for us to suggest ideas.

Agree. It might be that you're expecting too much from a 12 year old, in which case, no consequences. Or he might have done something beyond dumb...we have no idea.

[Anonymous]

Did he leave a faucet running and flood something?

[Anonymous]

Take it out of his 529 plan!

[Anonymous]

Cancel the trip, send him to camp. That's what I would do. 12-year-olds can only shoulder so much responsibility in their still-developing brains.

[Anonymous]

Dying of curiosity. What did he do???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did he leave a faucet running and flood something?

OP here. Prefer not to be specific for privacy reasons, but something along these lines--it was a case of forgetting something--again, in a situation where under no uncertain terms he knew he had to be responsible about it.

[Anonymous]

I would reduce his allowance by a small percentage for a while. No, he can't pay you back but he can understand how mistakes can have financial consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS, 12, was very irresponsible (in a situation in which many times previously he had been responsible, and in which he knew he needed to be). As a result, we will have to spend many thousands of dollars (roughly 7K give or take). It did not involve anyone else, no one was hurt, and it wasn't anything at all risky/dangerous. Also, it wasn't a case of active irresponsibility, it was a case of negligence. (In other words, he didn't actively DO anything wrong, but he was thoughtless/careless.) We are struggling as to an appropriate consequence. It's not like he can reimburse us out of his allowance, LOL. Thinking of explaining to him that now we can't do a trip he would have gone on, and that now he can't go to camp, since we now have to use that money to pay for his mistake. (That is all true, although theoretically we could cover the cost and wouldn't literally have to cancel those items, but I think we should.) OTOH, he is only twelve, mistakes happen, he feels terrible, and if he doesn't go to camp, he won't really have anything to do over the summer. Hoping that someone out there has been in a similar situation and can offer some suggestions? TIA.

The details matter. I have no idea if we've experienced a similar situation, as I do not know what your situation is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would reduce his allowance by a small percentage for a while. No, he can't pay you back but he can understand how mistakes can have financial consequences.

I think this is a good idea, and cancel the trip. Keep summer camp for your own sanity. Maybe even reduce bday, xmas gift. $7000 is a lot.

[Anonymous]

Take away 2 weeks of camp. Make him pay you $200 out of his own money.

[Anonymous]

Maybe I am offbase but to me this is like if you break something at work. Even if it was your fault and the mistake costs thousands they can't expect you to be financially responsible.

There can be consequences, but the idea that you would somehow hold a 12 year liable for $7k seems a little crazy.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he left sports equipment or an instrument behind. If that's the case, I don't know that I'd punish too severely. We all forget things once in a while, even when trying to be careful. I like the idea of reducing his allowance a bit.