12-YO was irresponsible, will cost us thousands; appropriate consequence?
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Anonymous
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Ummm…. given the fact that we so often call "troll" here on DCUM, doesn't anyone think it's extremely likely that some other poster -- not OP, but someone wanting to jerk chains or put an end to the questioning -- just posted that 'it was the puppy' to calm down the questions….. (I totally believe it could be a puppy situation, and they can do 7K of damage pretty quickly, but I also think that of *all* the things that are least likely to 'give away' privacy, a destructive dog is hardly the thing OP would keep secret…..)
And perhaps I missed it, but if there were/are other sibs, is it really fair to punish the whole family by taking away a vacation, regardless of an 'offense'? |
Anonymous
Totally agree!! Trolls can do this too. Plus because OP is asking a question but had kept it so unspecific, these trolls would definitely want to mess with it!! I can't see anything that would identify OP unless it may have hit the press. Eg. A house party gone bad or a flooded basement. But whatever it is, we should respect OPs privacy. We will also only be able to advice based on whatever conjecture we might be able to associate the behaviour with. |
Anonymous
| Accidents happen. Don't shame the child if he made an honest mistake. Ask yourself whether it will matter 10 years from now. If not. Be angry and let it go. If you get it fixed/replaced then get it insured. |
Anonymous
| If this WAS about the puppy then he doesn't deserve all that punishment. You got a puppy, you accept that the puppy will destroy your shit. It happens. They chew cords, shoes, furniture, ruin carpets and door frames and doors - that's on you, not him. |
Anonymous
| No way any adult in their right mind expects a 12 year old boy to be fully and personally responsible for something worth 7000 dollars. You are at least as culpable as him. |
Anonymous
This is really the crux of the matter. |
Anonymous
| Return or sell the puppy. |
Anonymous
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Agree with making him do all the manual labor you can think of to work off the damages.
As an aside, I just recently got a dog. I have a child turning 12 in June. No matter what responsibilities I delegate to her regarding the dog, I consiider *myself* as being the one truly responsible for both her and the dog's behavior and consequences. I wouldn't leave the dog and the kid in a situation where her negligence could cost $7000. Because something bad could easily happen, and in addition to the damage, what if the dog got sick or died? My child would never get over the guilt. Sorry to say I think it's your fault, OP. So while your son does have to do manual labor as punishment and learn about the consequences of irresponsibility, I think that going forward, when your child is supervising the dog - you have to be supervising the kid. |
Anonymous
12 year old boys forget very easily. My pediatrician told me that boys brains are just a mess around ages 9-15 or so, lots of misfiring synapsis - which is why many boys in that age range show signs of ticks (which can be associated with tourettes), but that the majority of boys grow out of it. I don't think your 12 year old son should be responsible for any activity that has that large a consequence if he forgets to do it. Try having him take out the garbage and being responsible for pets, homework & activities. That's enough to think about! |
Anonymous
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If it was OP saying that it was leaving a puppy out who damaged items in the house, I would try to avoid exacting punishing, but use it as a lesson in responsibility and how to fix such a problem.
If you need repairmen to come and fix items, he has to be there and sit and watch the repairmen work to see how much work that is. He has to help clean up the initial mess and then help with household cleaning for an hour or so each weekend for X weekends where he has to do cleaning chores especially in rooms that the puppy damaged. If there is something that is harder to do because an item was broken, he gets to do that. If there is something that the family can fix, like broken chair or replacing upholstery, then he has to help and/or watch and learn. I learned many home DIY skills by doing them with my father while growing up. It was why I had no problems buying my first house as a single 25 yo and doing my own home upgrades and repairs. So skills like tiling walls, making or repairing wood furniture, repairing/installing closet shelving, replacing lighting fixtures, replacing plumbing fixtures were all things that I had learned from my dad in my youth. Take the time to show him some DIY skills while repairing the damage. The point is that at this stage of his life, yes, he will be irresponsible about some things. As a parent, your job is to teach that responsibility. Teaching how to repair damages or teaching consequences is your responsibility here. I prefer that to exacting punishment. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
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Never have nice/expensive things while you have children and puppies. That's the real takeaway!
I think punishment should be to accompany you on a trip to IKEA to replace said furnishings and he must single handedly build at least one piece of furniture. |
Anonymous
| I agree. Make him walk the dog twice a day for thirty minutes at least. It is what they need anyway. Rain or shine. Maybe you can make him enroll in an agility class with the dog, too, to give the dog a hobby. Seems only fitting that any punishment should benefit the dog and teach him how important engaging / mot neglecting a dog is. |
Anonymous
No puppy should cost $7,000! |
Anonymous
As the owner of a destructive dog when left out of the crate when nobody is home I completely agree with this setiment. Your dog. Your problem. |