My man introduced me to a guy i was previously intimate with. Help!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, she does not need to "own her sluttiness." She got drunk and went wild once.

If you're so big on being public about your dark side, why don't you sign your real name to your posts and "own" your harshness and your bitchiness and your self-righteousness? Until you do that, and "own" your ugly side, zip it.[/quote

Good post. Like others, I also tend to doubt that this was the only casual sexual encounter for the Op - you don't go from dinner and the movies dates to THAT in one giant step (I'm guessing that there were also some bar hookups/ONS in there somewhere that led up to this). At the same time, just because she went w-a-y overboard this once doesn't mean that she did THAT sort of thing more than once.

Regardless, Op has said that she is ashamed about this incident and there is absolutely no need to kick her and call her names. She should tell Ted the general truth about her past casual encounters (assuming that she has a bit of a history of that) - but no need to get into vivid details.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What you are asking us is, "how do I keep my boyfriend from finding out who I really am so that he will continue to love the person I have told him I am?" The answer is, you don't. While I agree that there is no reason why everyone needs to bring up every sexual encounter they have ever had in a relationship, this is not just you glossing over the details of your past. You are being actively deceptive about the person that you have been in the past. If you don't think he can handle finding out who you really are and continue to treat you with affection, grace, and respect, then he is not the guy for you. Those things that you did are a part of who you are. It may not be a part that you are proud of, or even a big part, but it is something that happened in your life and made you who you are. If he wants the right to love the woman that you have become, then he needs to be man enough to love the woman that you had to be to get here. If he can't handle the basic idea that you have had a past, then he needs to be with someone who has truly not had one, not someone who is going to spend the rest of her life lying if she has to. That is no way to build a life.

This.

I think about some of the high profile news stories of drunken revelry and accusations of non-consensual activities etc and both accused and accusers manage to find long-term relationships in cases where the past isn't able to be hidden. They find someone to love them in spite of or perhaps the person they became due to the events that happened.

I have friends that have done some crazy stuff that they later regret and my question is always do you understand why. Saying you got drunk is a cop out. Going to a luxury suite filled with guys you just met and then both you and your friend start drinking heavily is setting the scene for something to happen. What was the plan to get home if both of you were going to drink? In this day and age of people recording everything on their phone, how do you know the stupid stuff you do while drinking won't be recorded? If you drink heavily again is there the possibility of another "oops"? If the behavior really wasn't you, were you doing it for attention, to feel liked etc, do you have a problem with drinking in general? If this was actual a fantasy for you and you enjoy an alternative lifestyle, there are communities where that is accepted and you would want a partner that has a similar outlook. There are really two issues here, understanding your behavior and coming to terms and then finding a guys that can accept you from either the perspective of this isn't who I am anymore but I have a past that I learned from OR that you enjoy alternative lifestyles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, she does not need to "own her sluttiness." She got drunk and went wild once.

If you're so big on being public about your dark side, why don't you sign your real name to your posts and "own" your harshness and your bitchiness and your self-righteousness? Until you do that, and "own" your ugly side, zip it.

Not the equivalent, is it. No one is asking the OP to post her real name. She is only owning her ugly side anonymously. The true reciprocity would be someone revealing one of their own deep dark secrets. On an anonymous board.

[Anonymous]

OP, as you can tell, opinions vary.

I would gauge:

- how traditional/uptight this guy is.
- how much you are willing to pretend to be someone else in order it fit in

You might be better off going with men who are more tolerant and easy going. They are out there, just not usually working at "firms." If you want to be a status climber and try fit in with an upscale, conservative crowd, you'll have to pretend to be a "good girl."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Know why I think the OP is a troll? I know all kinds of guys and 99% of them would not want a woman to give them a bj right after her mouth was sucking off another man.

You're adorable if you think 99% of guys wouldn't participate in something like this. It's not like OP was kissing them afterwards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i think this is why sexual histories should be honestly shared and people should get together primarily with others who have similar histories.

otherwise it just gets messy IMO

If anything, this thread proves why sexual histories should NOT be shared. Someone gets drunk, blows a few guys, now she's tainted goods in the eyes of many of you. She'd be better off just denying it.

I feel like I am reading the Scarlet Letter. I guess some things don't change.

PP here, that's for individuals to decide. There are also guys that wouldn't care and if a guy doesn't accept you for who you are virtually entirely are you really better off wit him?

that's why i also added the part about it helps a lot when people together are of similar experience and history.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love giving a blow job, but it seems so sad to me how younger women do this casually, like shaking hands. These men don't give you any oral in return, right? I can only see doing it if you're getting it back.

How did the women's movement go so far backwards? This isn't sexual freedom, it's being made a fool of and letting yourself be used.

I'm 31 with sisters college-aged sisters and agree.

That said, I vote for DENY, DENY, DENY.

[Anonymous]

I am beginning to think this is a troll...do you know why?

Right before this thread was made, a huge story in england broke regarding a girl in Magaluf.

Just google "magaluf girl".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I came here by mistake. Sorry I think I'm out of my depth - I don't know what an arctrol is. Anyway, thanks to those who were nice and understanding. Bye.

THIS is why she's a troll. Right on page 2. Probably a kid accessing mommy's DCUM account.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Getting drunk and giving head to men you just met at a sporting event is now considered "intimate."

You have no morals and you are a bad person. You should feel ashamed of yourself. Being drunk is no excuse.

are you the morals cops? Why are you reading this thread?

[Anonymous]

You're a whore. Do you kiss your kids with that canker sore?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Know why I think the OP is a troll? I know all kinds of guys and 99% of them would not want a woman to give them a bj right after her mouth was sucking off another man.

You're adorable if you think 99% of guys wouldn't participate in something like this. It's not like OP was kissing them afterwards.

+1. I don't think this is as rare as a lot of us more naive posters think. I asked my DH about this and he didn't even blink. He was like "Yeah, I've heard of that happening, esp in college and in people's 20s, at parties where the girls get wasted." The key phrase here, and in OP's story as well, is "wasted." Sure, you can yell at her now for getting so drunk, but why? We've all made mistakes.

Which is suddenly reminding me that I heard a story like this about a high school sophomore who drank her face off at a party in my hometown. Also wasted, and parked herself in the bathroom blowing guys one after the other. THAT is a sad story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love giving a blow job, but it seems so sad to me how younger women do this casually, like shaking hands. These men don't give you any oral in return, right? I can only see doing it if you're getting it back.

How did the women's movement go so far backwards? This isn't sexual freedom, it's being made a fool of and letting yourself be used.

+1000

[Anonymous]

SICK. That is all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love giving a blow job, but it seems so sad to me how younger women do this casually, like shaking hands. These men don't give you any oral in return, right? I can only see doing it if you're getting it back.

How did the women's movement go so far backwards? This isn't sexual freedom, it's being made a fool of and letting yourself be used.

+1000

Yes. You are completely right.

How the heck do wome equate this behavior with being liberated?