My man introduced me to a guy i was previously intimate with. Help!

[Anonymous]

What you are asking us is, "how do I keep my boyfriend from finding out who I really am so that he will continue to love the person I have told him I am?" The answer is, you don't. While I agree that there is no reason why everyone needs to bring up every sexual encounter they have ever had in a relationship, this is not just you glossing over the details of your past. You are being actively deceptive about the person that you have been in the past. If you don't think he can handle finding out who you really are and continue to treat you with affection, grace, and respect, then he is not the guy for you. Those things that you did are a part of who you are. It may not be a part that you are proud of, or even a big part, but it is something that happened in your life and made you who you are. If he wants the right to love the woman that you have become, then he needs to be man enough to love the woman that you had to be to get here. If he can't handle the basic idea that you have had a past, then he needs to be with someone who has truly not had one, not someone who is going to spend the rest of her life lying if she has to. That is no way to build a life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just got back on the forum. I don't get why people are saying "37" guys. I"m not even really sure but it was more like 3 or 4 so not even close to the 30s like some of you are saying. I just don't get that. ANyway, even the actual number would freak Ted out.

I'm worried that Ted will "re-evaluate" things if that makes sense. I'm scared that he might break up with me and I don't want that at all!!! He's really a great guy and to be honest I haven't met too many of those.

I also know that guys brag about stuff like that. Also if I remembered him, he can remember me too you know. I know everyone has a past. When Ted and I had the talk we both said we have a past. Ted's past is not quite so out there. When he asked about casual and short flings I said I didn't do that stuff. I know - not truthful but I thought it would bring us closer and in fact we really have gotten closer. Anyway, I can't now say it was just a fling or a one nighter or whatever without making it obvious that I wasn't truthful before.

It's great that some of you support me, butt was a huge mistake that never should have happened. No, I'm not doing it to every guy or anything but Ted would freak I think if he found out. It's just that if it comes from me it may be better than if he hears about it from somebody else.

I know that people will say that the past is the past and you don't owe Ted any details about it. But I don't agree with that. I think that you should feel comfortable enough with the person that you care about that you don't have to fib or cover up unpleasant truths about yourself. The person either accepts you faults and all, or they don't. Better to find out early on if they can't accept some things about you.

You care about Ted but telling him what he wants to hear instead of answering his questions honestly isn't fair to him or to YOU. I would sit down and fess up. Let him know that you are embarrassed that you weren't more straight forward sooner but you care enough about him to set a few things straight....

[Anonymous]

No way would they talk about it. Unless this guy is a lunatic, he would never say to his colleague, "oh, by the way Ted, your girlfriend blew me and a bunch of other guys last year."
I really don't think it came up and I think you're being paranoid. If Ted is acting differently this week it 'so probably because he's reacting to whatever vibes you're putting out there with your worry. Regardless, don't say anything! It's irrelevant - you didn't date the guy or anything. If he doesn't already know, and you "fess up", then you'll be opening up a can of worms unnecessarily.

[Anonymous]

"It was more like 3 or 4?" OP you are either a hooker, whore, a teenager who has hacked their mom or dad's DCUM account or you are out your mind. OR I am quite simply a prude and do not get out enough! Who knew that it's common place to not remember whether or not you gave blowies to 3 or 4 guys in one night. I hope you floss.

1. If you are a hooker, how do you have so much internet access?

2. I think you might simply be a whore - how sad for you.

3. If you are in fact a teenager (or younger) who is on your parents DCUM account - GET OFF NOW GO TO BED.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"It was more like 3 or 4?" OP you are either a hooker, whore, a teenager who has hacked their mom or dad's DCUM account or you are out your mind. OR I am quite simply a prude and do not get out enough! Who knew that it's common place to not remember whether or not you gave blowies to 3 or 4 guys in one night. I hope you floss.

1. If you are a hooker, how do you have so much internet access?

2. I think you might simply be a whore - how sad for you.

3. If you are in fact a teenager (or younger) who is on your parents DCUM account - GET OFF NOW GO TO BED.

Ted? Is that you?

But seriously, yes - it sounds like a really unlikely story. But if it did happen, Op needs to pick her self up, dust herself off and move forward.

[Anonymous]

Really, am I THAT naive that a woman would give blow jobs to three men (possibly four - can't remember, giggle!?!?!)

Sick.

[Anonymous]

I am PP above and I did not mean in a lifetime - I meant IN ONE NIGHT.

[Anonymous]

Don't say anything. It's itrrlevant to the relationship between you and Ted.

[Anonymous]

I am a man and I feel that it's really not a big deal. She is not obligated to explain her previous sexual history to this guy. No one is obligated to do that unless it involves something that could affect the other person.

If he finds out and doesn't like it then he'll have to decide what he wants to do.

IMO, some of you are remarkably prudish.

[Anonymous]

Don't tell. I am assuming everyone was drunk that night - he can't be sure it was you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really, am I THAT naive that a woman would give blow jobs to three men (possibly four - can't remember, giggle!?!?!)

Sick.

I am guessing she is in her late 20s.

Sounds like the antics of the crowd my cousin used to run with. They were very pretty girls who would often get invited to VIP suites, after game parties with professional atheletes, etc. Then they would drink and do stupid shit like this under the guise of oops I got a little drunk.

I am not 100% doubtful of OP.

Sad to say it does not sound unusual.

My question always is, don't the guys feels weird dropping their pants and having an orgasm in front of their buddies and work collegues?

I always am amazed at the guys when I hear something like this. I don't know of any of my girl buddies that i would have been comfortable or drunk enough to willlingly drop my pants around as a guy moves around the room performing oral sex on us one after another. Ewww!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a man and I feel that it's really not a big deal. She is not obligated to explain her previous sexual history to this guy. No one is obligated to do that unless it involves something that could affect the other person.

If he finds out and doesn't like it then he'll have to decide what he wants to do.

IMO, some of you are remarkably prudish.

Yes it likely does affect him because a personale lr female that slutty was also not likely to be using protection and very likely to be carrying around a few stds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a man and I feel that it's really not a big deal. She is not obligated to explain her previous sexual history to this guy. No one is obligated to do that unless it involves something that could affect the other person.

If he finds out and doesn't like it then he'll have to decide what he wants to do.

IMO, some of you are remarkably prudish.

Yes it likely does affect him because a personale lr female that slutty was also not likely to be using protection and very likely to be carrying around a few stds.

Well, if she has an STD, then she needs to let him know.

Also, just because she blew some dudes at a party doesn't necessarily mean she is slutty. Sometimes people do things that are out of character.

[Anonymous]

Well I wouldn't tell Ted anything at all. That would be putting the cart before the horse. When if you tell him and then nothing comes of it? Then you would have created this awkward relationship for him out of nothing.

I personally think if this other guy does in fact remember you, he won't be so stupid to tell your current guy what happened, most esp. since they work together at the same firm. Why would HE want to create an awkward work environment for himself?

I also think you may be over thinking this whole thing way too much. Ted is probably not acting any differently lately, you just may be more paranoid.

Trust me, if he knew or suspected anything between you + this other guy, he would have confronted you about it I am positive. Men can be insanely jealous about their women.

I would just let this go and try not to stress too much about it.

If you encounter this other guy again, simply act casual and try to have as little as possible contact w/him as you can.

[Anonymous]

You all are such prudes. I remember everyone I've slept with. But if you remember everyone you've blown you haven't blown enough guys.