Reply to My man introduced me to a guy i was previously intimate with. Help!

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Reply to "My man introduced me to a guy i was previously intimate with. Help!"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What you are asking us is, "how do I keep my boyfriend from finding out who I really am so that he will continue to love the person I have told him I am?"  The answer is, you don't.  While I agree that there is no reason why everyone needs to bring up every sexual encounter they have ever had in a relationship, this is not just you glossing over the details of your past.  You are being actively deceptive about the person that you have been in the past. If you don't think he can handle finding out who you really are and continue to treat you with affection, grace, and respect, then he is not the guy for you.  Those things that you did are a part of who you are. It may not be a part that you are proud of, or even a big part, but it is something that happened in your life and made you who you are. If he wants the right to love the woman that you have become, then he needs to be man enough to love the woman that you had to be to get here. If he can't handle the basic idea that you have had a past, then he needs to be with someone who has truly not had one, not someone who is going to spend the rest of her life lying if she has to. That is no way to build a life.[/quote]

This.

I think about some of the high profile news stories of drunken revelry and accusations of non-consensual activities etc and both accused and accusers manage to find long-term relationships in cases where the past isn't able to be hidden.  They find someone to love them in spite of or perhaps the person they became due to the events that happened.

I have friends that have done some crazy stuff that they later regret and my question is always do you understand why.  Saying you got drunk is a cop out.  Going to a luxury suite filled with guys you just met and then both you and your friend start drinking heavily is setting the scene for something to happen.  What was the plan to get home if both of you were going to drink?  In this day and age of people recording everything on their phone, how do you know the stupid stuff you do while drinking won't be recorded?  If you drink heavily again is there the possibility of another "oops"?  If the behavior really wasn't you, were you doing it for attention, to feel liked etc, do you have a problem with drinking in general?  If this was actual a fantasy for you and you enjoy an alternative lifestyle, there are communities where that is accepted and you would want a partner that has a similar outlook.  There are really two issues here, understanding your behavior and coming to terms and then finding  a guys that can accept you from either the perspective of this isn't who I am anymore but I have a past that I learned from OR that you enjoy alternative lifestyles.[/quote]

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