Why so many single men not interested in dating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son got married last summer..he had 8 groomsmen. My son is 31. I don't know the ages of all the groomsmen, but they are around his age. I know 4 are definitely single because they are my son's closest friends. To make a long story short tell me why none of those guys approached any of the women that were equally single??

I think men are suffering from anxiety probably more than we want to admit. And if that's the case we need fix it asap because our society still operates on the "male protector" mindset. We can't hand our "protection " due to a bunch of anxious people who can't admit they are.

A lot of men today can't even make eye contact, they wouldn't know how to approach a woman and find something about her that they instantly like.

These men grew up in an atmosphere where every interaction is liable to be filmed and ridiculed. This is why no one dances anymore either. Instead of being embarrassed in front of a roomful of people you can be humiliated in front of the entire internet.

That could be true, but cowering in fear is a turn off. Taking a bit of a risk and a show of confidence is incredibly attractive.

How about you make a move since taking a risk is so attractive? You sound entitled AF. You're not worth the risk or effort.

[Anonymous]

LOL at you for treating relationships like a Prisoner’s Dilemma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL at you for treating relationships like a Prisoner’s Dilemma.

With you? There's no dilemma, LOL.

[Anonymous]

I'm happily married. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For 35 plus and divorced men, flirting and asking someone out is really high stakes stuff. Most people are at work at that stage in life, which is where you meet people. But if a man gets that wrong and gets shot down for a coffee, that can be pretty darn devastating for careers and the work environment. So most men won't engage with colleagues these days.

So that leaves online, which has its issues.

If looking for a partner, I don't think this is a man or woman issue. We don't seem to have neutral third spaces where people can meet each other organically. But the costs are much higher for men who choose to flirt these days. So any man that has professional ambitions shuts that down. The risk-reward calculation is very unfavorable. Even when they really like someone. Don't go there is what every ambitious man has internalized.

And the apps are garbage these days. So, many men are checked out. Not because they don't want to meet a partner, but because there are few healthy and interesting ways to get to know someone in a non-dating context.

So men choose careers where they have no time after work and then whine about not having time to meet women. Got it. If everyone refused to work 60 hour weeks, 3 employees would have to do the work currently done by w employees, and these men would have more time. But nope, men want to work "hard" because money is e erything. Yet money cannot buy them partners. Poor men. Booboo!

Men believe “money is everything” because women tell them money is everything.

There are countless examples, as you know. Countless.

Here is an older one: Have you seen this?

Women YOU DATE tell you money is everything. Most people are married to partners within 3 years of their own age and women contribute 40% towards marital budget.

You want to date young chicks so obviously they make it clear from the start what they want

Yup. Why else would they want to be with old flabby guys with low T?

[Anonymous]

I’m 36 and Indian male. Sr. Architect at a FAANG making $500k TC. I know I’m ugly but not disfigured like my cousin. I’m finding it very hard to even get a first date in the DMV. I go for women in my culture but also others too. Not picky on looks because I value true connection and see the beauty in all women.

I’m not fat but not muscular either (long distance runner). Not sure what I can do to find a gf leading to marriage. My friends suggest I go to Thailand to get experience with women but I’m not interested in that. Plus I’m a devout Catholic and attend mass regularly. Women at church seem distant and I haven’t had luck inviting a few for coffee.

What should I do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 36 and Indian male. Sr. Architect at a FAANG making $500k TC. I know I’m ugly but not disfigured like my cousin. I’m finding it very hard to even get a first date in the DMV. I go for women in my culture but also others too. Not picky on looks because I value true connection and see the beauty in all women.

I’m not fat but not muscular either (long distance runner). Not sure what I can do to find a gf leading to marriage. My friends suggest I go to Thailand to get experience with women but I’m not interested in that. Plus I’m a devout Catholic and attend mass regularly. Women at church seem distant and I haven’t had luck inviting a few for coffee.

What should I do?

On OLD only post photos from far with great travel scenery overall. Invest in profile - tell what you can bring to table not what you want.

During first date charm the ladies with humor, smiles and compliments.

I date Indian guys - they are the best imho . Educated, well traveled, cultured, respectful.

You are well off and relatively fit, should do great

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 36 and Indian male. Sr. Architect at a FAANG making $500k TC. I know I’m ugly but not disfigured like my cousin. I’m finding it very hard to even get a first date in the DMV. I go for women in my culture but also others too. Not picky on looks because I value true connection and see the beauty in all women.

I’m not fat but not muscular either (long distance runner). Not sure what I can do to find a gf leading to marriage. My friends suggest I go to Thailand to get experience with women but I’m not interested in that. Plus I’m a devout Catholic and attend mass regularly. Women at church seem distant and I haven’t had luck inviting a few for coffee.

What should I do?

On OLD only post photos from far with great travel scenery overall. Invest in profile - tell what you can bring to table not what you want.

During first date charm the ladies with humor, smiles and compliments.

I date Indian guys - they are the best imho . Educated, well traveled, cultured, respectful.

You are well off and relatively fit, should do great

Meant to say take photos from afar. No portraits.
Also make sure you have great fitted clothing and smell expensive . A lot of Indian men of modest upbringing use cheap cologne and wear cheap shirts.

Looks are relative - if you are dressed well and expensive you’ll look attractive if you are not fat

[Anonymous]

I have spent money on professional social photos and assistance on Hinge profile but gotten very few matches and fewer first dates.

If looks are a hard road block for me I need someone to tell me straight to my face because I’ve been working on my personality for a while. I know Indians get a bad rap for smelling bad so I take extra showers and stopped cooking with heavy masalas since college. I asked for guidance from my priest but he refused to acknowledge that I’m ugly. Which honestly felt patronizing.

Professional matchmaking is an option but they are very expensive and seem designed for attractive people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have spent money on professional social photos and assistance on Hinge profile but gotten very few matches and fewer first dates.

If looks are a hard road block for me I need someone to tell me straight to my face because I’ve been working on my personality for a while. I know Indians get a bad rap for smelling bad so I take extra showers and stopped cooking with heavy masalas since college. I asked for guidance from my priest but he refused to acknowledge that I’m ugly. Which honestly felt patronizing.

Professional matchmaking is an option but they are very expensive and seem designed for attractive people.

It’s hard to say before seeing your profile but I’ve seen ugly men with very hot women . You may be trying to hit very hot much younger girls

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 36 and Indian male. Sr. Architect at a FAANG making $500k TC. I know I’m ugly but not disfigured like my cousin. I’m finding it very hard to even get a first date in the DMV. I go for women in my culture but also others too. Not picky on looks because I value true connection and see the beauty in all women.

I’m not fat but not muscular either (long distance runner). Not sure what I can do to find a gf leading to marriage. My friends suggest I go to Thailand to get experience with women but I’m not interested in that. Plus I’m a devout Catholic and attend mass regularly. Women at church seem distant and I haven’t had luck inviting a few for coffee.

What should I do?

You might try changing your parish or trying catholicmatch or another Catholic dating site. I never really had much luck with the Catholic dating sites, but I know multiple couples who met that way and seem very happy. One couple I’m friends with met when he was around 40 or so on Catholicmatch, so definitely not too late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 36 and Indian male. Sr. Architect at a FAANG making $500k TC. I know I’m ugly but not disfigured like my cousin. I’m finding it very hard to even get a first date in the DMV. I go for women in my culture but also others too. Not picky on looks because I value true connection and see the beauty in all women.

I’m not fat but not muscular either (long distance runner). Not sure what I can do to find a gf leading to marriage. My friends suggest I go to Thailand to get experience with women but I’m not interested in that. Plus I’m a devout Catholic and attend mass regularly. Women at church seem distant and I haven’t had luck inviting a few for coffee.

What should I do?

You might try changing your parish or trying catholicmatch or another Catholic dating site. I never really had much luck with the Catholic dating sites, but I know multiple couples who met that way and seem very happy. One couple I’m friends with met when he was around 40 or so on Catholicmatch, so definitely not too late.

Thank you. I will do the needful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son got married last summer..he had 8 groomsmen. My son is 31. I don't know the ages of all the groomsmen, but they are around his age. I know 4 are definitely single because they are my son's closest friends. To make a long story short tell me why none of those guys approached any of the women that were equally single??

I think men are suffering from anxiety probably more than we want to admit. And if that's the case we need fix it asap because our society still operates on the "male protector" mindset. We can't hand our "protection " due to a bunch of anxious people who can't admit they are.

A lot of men today can't even make eye contact, they wouldn't know how to approach a woman and find something about her that they instantly like.

These men grew up in an atmosphere where every interaction is liable to be filmed and ridiculed. This is why no one dances anymore either. Instead of being embarrassed in front of a roomful of people you can be humiliated in front of the entire internet.

That could be true, but cowering in fear is a turn off. Taking a bit of a risk and a show of confidence is incredibly attractive.

How about you make a move since taking a risk is so attractive? You sound entitled AF. You're not worth the risk or effort.

I’m married. Also I did make a move on my husband. You sound very angry. I hope you don’t bring this energy into real life - very off putting!

[Anonymous]

I’m married but honestly I’d probably stay single if anything happened to my wife. I’m early 40s now and I just wouldn’t want to make the lifestyle changes and compromises involved in a new marriage. Also, although I’d never leave my marriage, there are some things that I’ve learned about my wife over time that were not at all apparent when we were dating (a social media addiction and now a fixation on my trying to increase my salary from $150k to $500k), and I can’t really trust that a new woman wouldn’t develop those traits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m married but honestly I’d probably stay single if anything happened to my wife. I’m early 40s now and I just wouldn’t want to make the lifestyle changes and compromises involved in a new marriage. Also, although I’d never leave my marriage, there are some things that I’ve learned about my wife over time that were not at all apparent when we were dating (a social media addiction and now a fixation on my trying to increase my salary from $150k to $500k), and I can’t really trust that a new woman wouldn’t develop those traits.

Same here. The insane amount of games a man has to play these days would make daring undesirable.