Why so many single men not interested in dating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 36 and Indian male. Sr. Architect at a FAANG making $500k TC. I know I’m ugly but not disfigured like my cousin. I’m finding it very hard to even get a first date in the DMV. I go for women in my culture but also others too. Not picky on looks because I value true connection and see the beauty in all women.

I’m not fat but not muscular either (long distance runner). Not sure what I can do to find a gf leading to marriage. My friends suggest I go to Thailand to get experience with women but I’m not interested in that. Plus I’m a devout Catholic and attend mass regularly. Women at church seem distant and I haven’t had luck inviting a few for coffee.

What should I do?

I believe the mix of people in the DC area is quite toxic, sorry to tell you.

You sound like a great guy and quite a catch!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m married but honestly I’d probably stay single if anything happened to my wife. I’m early 40s now and I just wouldn’t want to make the lifestyle changes and compromises involved in a new marriage. Also, although I’d never leave my marriage, there are some things that I’ve learned about my wife over time that were not at all apparent when we were dating (a social media addiction and now a fixation on my trying to increase my salary from $150k to $500k), and I can’t really trust that a new woman wouldn’t develop those traits.

Same here. The insane amount of games a man has to play these days would make daring undesirable.

I think social media is ruining society. My wife sees shit on her Facebook feed and over time has come to believe it’s the norm. She thinks with a combined income of nearly $300k we are “low income” and wishes we could go on more fancy vacations. Oh, and she doesn’t really like taking care of the kids that much, so I do the bulk of the childcare on the weekends and also handle bedtime and wake-up during the week. I think she’d really hate her life a lot more if I actually made her desired salary and she got stuck with nearly all the housework and childcare while I spent all my time working… but in social media fantasy land it sounds amazing!

[Anonymous]

Divorced dad of 2 here. My ex wife is wonderful but also turned out to be a totally different person. Lost the house and now pay child support and alimony. I’m ok because she’s good with the kids but gd if I don’t dream about smashing her face in with a shovel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 36 and Indian male. Sr. Architect at a FAANG making $500k TC. I know I’m ugly but not disfigured like my cousin. I’m finding it very hard to even get a first date in the DMV. I go for women in my culture but also others too. Not picky on looks because I value true connection and see the beauty in all women.

I’m not fat but not muscular either (long distance runner). Not sure what I can do to find a gf leading to marriage. My friends suggest I go to Thailand to get experience with women but I’m not interested in that. Plus I’m a devout Catholic and attend mass regularly. Women at church seem distant and I haven’t had luck inviting a few for coffee.

What should I do?

Can you not have your parents set you up with some suitable candidates?

For what it’s worth, white American woman here, I dated an Indian man (first gen American) pretty seriously in my 20s. He was actually not that attractive and didn’t make near as much as you but I liked his personality and we had a lot of fun together. We eventually split when I realized his views were way more patriarchal and traditional than he had let on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorced dad of 2 here. My ex wife is wonderful but also turned out to be a totally different person. Lost the house and now pay child support and alimony. I’m ok because she’s good with the kids but gd if I don’t dream about smashing her face in with a shovel.

How did yo lose the house? And you are paying child support and alimony on top of it?.wow

Did you get to keep any assets at all???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorced dad of 2 here. My ex wife is wonderful but also turned out to be a totally different person. Lost the house and now pay child support and alimony. I’m ok because she’s good with the kids but gd if I don’t dream about smashing her face in with a shovel.

How did yo lose the house? And you are paying child support and alimony on top of it?.wow

Did you get to keep any assets at all???

Married for 14 years. This is how Virginia family court divided up the net assets. She quit working after the first kid. This was her choice because I made good money and offered to pay for childcare and also a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always assumed they are able to hookup which fulfills that need, without having to introduce further complexities to their life.

Men are pretty simple creatures overall. I think that from mens perspective its even more simple than hookups. They can get their sexual needs met through internet-corn and then turn it off when they’re done and get back to their life’s interests.

Aside from that and some companionship, which they can get from friends and pets, everything else adds life complexity and costs.

Being in a serious relationship with a woman means accomplishing the things she needs to be fullfilled. She needs a wedding, children, a nice house, private school for the kids, vacations for all, prestigious college for the kids, a husband with a prestigious job and good money, non-whimsical fiscal responsibility - thats a LOT. By the time our sone is done with college we’ll be $1m in pretty much just for education.

Guy’s only goals are really to have a girlfriend and sex. If you read these forums, once women get the wedding and the kids, none of the girlfriend stuff is left. He’s left being a rage punching bag for her resentment and forget about sex completely. Oh, and when the marriage doesn’t work out, he loses half of his stuff for life.

I know that women feel like free labor but guys really don’t need all of that stuff. Clean house, clean clothes, dishes, all of that can be done on their timeframe with no yelling or micromanagement. In the dame way that modern women are discovering peace, men are too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 36 and Indian male. Sr. Architect at a FAANG making $500k TC. I know I’m ugly but not disfigured like my cousin. I’m finding it very hard to even get a first date in the DMV. I go for women in my culture but also others too. Not picky on looks because I value true connection and see the beauty in all women.

I’m not fat but not muscular either (long distance runner). Not sure what I can do to find a gf leading to marriage. My friends suggest I go to Thailand to get experience with women but I’m not interested in that. Plus I’m a devout Catholic and attend mass regularly. Women at church seem distant and I haven’t had luck inviting a few for coffee.

What should I do?

You might try changing your parish or trying catholicmatch or another Catholic dating site. I never really had much luck with the Catholic dating sites, but I know multiple couples who met that way and seem very happy. One couple I’m friends with met when he was around 40 or so on Catholicmatch, so definitely not too late.

Thank you. I will do the needful.

If you are trolling, this was an excellent touch lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 36 and Indian male. Sr. Architect at a FAANG making $500k TC. I know I’m ugly but not disfigured like my cousin. I’m finding it very hard to even get a first date in the DMV. I go for women in my culture but also others too. Not picky on looks because I value true connection and see the beauty in all women.

I’m not fat but not muscular either (long distance runner). Not sure what I can do to find a gf leading to marriage. My friends suggest I go to Thailand to get experience with women but I’m not interested in that. Plus I’m a devout Catholic and attend mass regularly. Women at church seem distant and I haven’t had luck inviting a few for coffee.

What should I do?

I believe the mix of people in the DC area is quite toxic, sorry to tell you.

You sound like a great guy and quite a catch!

A zebra feels ugly among giraffes and vice versa but in reality they both look fine. Beauty standards are different according to geography and culture so you don’t need to feel insecure at all. This is no different than squirrels calling a fish stupid because it can’t climb a tree. Its not a reflection on fish’s IQ.

[Anonymous]

Men feel comfortable with women with lower education and less income but women can’t do that. It’s a Mars and Venus issue, nothing personal.

[Anonymous]

Once women start earning significantly more than their man, they want out of that equation and start looking for someone who with similar or higher income. This is going to change after a few more generations of working women.Evolution takes time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once women start earning significantly more than their man, they want out of that equation and start looking for someone who with similar or higher income. This is going to change after a few more generations of working women.Evolution takes time.

Men also should evolve and stop placing such value in women's looks, if they can't be providers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always assumed they are able to hookup which fulfills that need, without having to introduce further complexities to their life.

Men are pretty simple creatures overall. I think that from mens perspective its even more simple than hookups. They can get their sexual needs met through internet-corn and then turn it off when they’re done and get back to their life’s interests.

Aside from that and some companionship, which they can get from friends and pets, everything else adds life complexity and costs.

Being in a serious relationship with a woman means accomplishing the things she needs to be fullfilled. She needs a wedding, children, a nice house, private school for the kids, vacations for all, prestigious college for the kids, a husband with a prestigious job and good money, non-whimsical fiscal responsibility - thats a LOT. By the time our sone is done with college we’ll be $1m in pretty much just for education.

Guy’s only goals are really to have a girlfriend and sex. If you read these forums, once women get the wedding and the kids, none of the girlfriend stuff is left. He’s left being a rage punching bag for her resentment and forget about sex completely. Oh, and when the marriage doesn’t work out, he loses half of his stuff for life.

I know that women feel like free labor but guys really don’t need all of that stuff. Clean house, clean clothes, dishes, all of that can be done on their timeframe with no yelling or micromanagement. In the dame way that modern women are discovering peace, men are too.

I’m lucky in that I got married at 25 and she was 23. We’ve had a great marriage and none of the resentment or no sex part. We built a great life and grown together.

But the bolded part is true. We can extend on the house because it’s in a top notch school high school, and we don’t need to take vacations..it’s more important for all of to be comfortable at home. Well a couple years go by and…the public schools are very crowded so we should send them to private high school and “we really need a family vacation.” She does work and earns well so cooking and cleaning isn’t in the cards…so on top of the big house, private high school, and vacations, it’s a litany of $350 monthly expenses to keep the household running, and about $500 a month in hair/personal care products and services and about $1k in clothes for her and our daughter. Oh, and all these milestones “only happen once” so we shouldn’t be “cheap” when they come up. So the promise of being frugal to pay for the house or private school just never happens. And since I’m responsible for the finances, every attempt at discussion substantial transaction feels like an interrogation to her.

Here’s what a guy needs, a roof over his head, food in the fridge, a loving family, and the sense that the family financial future is secure. I think guys in their mid 30’s are hearing stories from guys like me and saying “no thanks.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s why society used to prioritize no premarital sex and early marriage. It stabilizes society and nuclear families. Regular sex is very valuable to a male under 25.

How does that benefit women, though? Having to sooth and calm an man under 25??? Not. At. All.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always assumed they are able to hookup which fulfills that need, without having to introduce further complexities to their life.

Men are pretty simple creatures overall. I think that from mens perspective its even more simple than hookups. They can get their sexual needs met through internet-corn and then turn it off when they’re done and get back to their life’s interests.

Aside from that and some companionship, which they can get from friends and pets, everything else adds life complexity and costs.

Being in a serious relationship with a woman means accomplishing the things she needs to be fullfilled. She needs a wedding, children, a nice house, private school for the kids, vacations for all, prestigious college for the kids, a husband with a prestigious job and good money, non-whimsical fiscal responsibility - thats a LOT. By the time our sone is done with college we’ll be $1m in pretty much just for education.

Guy’s only goals are really to have a girlfriend and sex. If you read these forums, once women get the wedding and the kids, none of the girlfriend stuff is left. He’s left being a rage punching bag for her resentment and forget about sex completely. Oh, and when the marriage doesn’t work out, he loses half of his stuff for life.

I know that women feel like free labor but guys really don’t need all of that stuff. Clean house, clean clothes, dishes, all of that can be done on their timeframe with no yelling or micromanagement. In the dame way that modern women are discovering peace, men are too.

To the bolded: That is because men stop behaving like boyfriends. You cannot have a girlfriend if you are stop being a boyfriend. When we were dating, my DH pulled out the red carpet on emotional connection. Once we got married, he relaxed completely. Every woman i know has the same story. Men love bomb women, agree to every dream and plan she has while they are dating. Once they get married, they no longer care about any of it. They just want "peace" then. Where was all this need for "peace" above everything else when they were dating?