I’m 20w pregnant. My fiance told me he has herpes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you all not discuss STD's when you became sexually active? What did he say when you all became sexually active?

This. How are people still not requiring new partners to be tested? This is crazy to me. And yeah, herpes is a required test for me. It costs like $50 without insurance. There is no excuse.

It’s not a standard STD panel. Even when you’re pregnant they don’t test for it. Your partner can show you their medical history and it’ll more than likely not have herpes on it. Heck, for men they don’t even test for HPV.

But you can ASK to be tested for it. It’s not like it’s not available. So you ask for the test yourself and you have the person you are planning on sleeping with ask as well-it’s really not that complicated. There is no HPV test for men-that’s why they can’t test for it. But Herpes tests are widely available. You can go online right now, order a test, get a lab appointment the same day and have your results in 1-2 days.

I’m telling you, if doctors aren’t testing for it, and you don’t have symptoms most people don’t request the test.

Yet the OP’s fiancé was tested for it not once, but twice. Which begs the question…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you all not discuss STD's when you became sexually active? What did he say when you all became sexually active?

This. How are people still not requiring new partners to be tested? This is crazy to me. And yeah, herpes is a required test for me. It costs like $50 without insurance. There is no excuse.

It’s not a standard STD panel. Even when you’re pregnant they don’t test for it. Your partner can show you their medical history and it’ll more than likely not have herpes on it. Heck, for men they don’t even test for HPV.

That’s why PP literally called out that herpes test is required for her and the dollar amount. Clearly she knows it’s not standard…

Curious to know if PP asks for a HPV too.

Also curious to know if you’re not showing any symptoms how often do people request the test.

It’s clear you don’t know how this stuff works at all-there is no male HPV test. They diagnose based on symptoms exclusively for men.

I know exactly what I’m talking about. As common as HPV is they don’t test men, not because there isn’t a test, they just choose not to/see it as pointless - there’s a difference:

“most HPV infections in men are harmless, asymptomatic, and cleared by the immune system within one to two years”

There is no approved HPV test for men. But ok.

As in there is no FDA approved test for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you all not discuss STD's when you became sexually active? What did he say when you all became sexually active?

This. How are people still not requiring new partners to be tested? This is crazy to me. And yeah, herpes is a required test for me. It costs like $50 without insurance. There is no excuse.

It’s not a standard STD panel. Even when you’re pregnant they don’t test for it. Your partner can show you their medical history and it’ll more than likely not have herpes on it. Heck, for men they don’t even test for HPV.

But you can ASK to be tested for it. It’s not like it’s not available. So you ask for the test yourself and you have the person you are planning on sleeping with ask as well-it’s really not that complicated. There is no HPV test for men-that’s why they can’t test for it. But Herpes tests are widely available. You can go online right now, order a test, get a lab appointment the same day and have your results in 1-2 days.

I’m telling you, if doctors aren’t testing for it, and you don’t have symptoms most people don’t request the test.

Yet the OP’s fiancé was tested for it not once, but twice. Which begs the question…

Because the doctor included it, not because it was requested. I’ve had herpes tests done as well but not because I requested it. All the times I’ve been tested I can only think of a few times I’ve had a herpes test, which means most times, it’s the doctor deciding to add it. Like I said, it’s very telling that they don’t even test pregnant women for it, which most people would think it’s a part of the screen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His lying is deeply troubling. You are not being overly dramatic.

+1 He's had it for years but he never looked at the lab report? I call BS on that. The dr would've seen the results and called him.

He didn't want to tell you, full stop. He couldn't get erect because he knew he would have to eventually tell you because you are now pregnant, and this could put the baby's health in danger.

Did you get yourself tested?

Wednesday - I have my anatomy scan then, so I’m going to tell my OB what’s going on and get tested.

thinking good thoughts for you, OP.

FWIW, a friend of mine got gonorrhea from a guy before she had kids. She now has two healthy kids - 20 and 15.

How are you this stupid?

I sometimes wonder how such an educated area produces people who seem to know so little about fairly general things like this. Like it wouldn’t surprise if the person making that comment went to MIT or the like, But lacks the common knowledge to know how vastly different these two STI’s are.

Are you under the impression that everyone posting here is a) in DC, b) highly educated, and c) a mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His lying is deeply troubling. You are not being overly dramatic.

+1 He's had it for years but he never looked at the lab report? I call BS on that. The dr would've seen the results and called him.

He didn't want to tell you, full stop. He couldn't get erect because he knew he would have to eventually tell you because you are now pregnant, and this could put the baby's health in danger.

Did you get yourself tested?

Wednesday - I have my anatomy scan then, so I’m going to tell my OB what’s going on and get tested.

thinking good thoughts for you, OP.

FWIW, a friend of mine got gonorrhea from a guy before she had kids. She now has two healthy kids - 20 and 15.

How are you this stupid?

I sometimes wonder how such an educated area produces people who seem to know so little about fairly general things like this. Like it wouldn’t surprise if the person making that comment went to MIT or the like, But lacks the common knowledge to know how vastly different these two STI’s are.

Are you under the impression that everyone posting here is a) in DC, b) highly educated, and c) a mom?

Not everyone but yes I assume most are educated and from the general area at present or in the past. I mean it is a local board after all. And i’m not sure where you got that I was assuming everyone who posted here was a mom. Never mentioned that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Which version of it? One version is very common, something like 75% of peopel have it. HSV-1 I think?

Unfortunately a positive HSV1 can trigger a false positive for HSV2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you all not discuss STD's when you became sexually active? What did he say when you all became sexually active?

This. How are people still not requiring new partners to be tested? This is crazy to me. And yeah, herpes is a required test for me. It costs like $50 without insurance. There is no excuse.

It’s not a standard STD panel. Even when you’re pregnant they don’t test for it. Your partner can show you their medical history and it’ll more than likely not have herpes on it. Heck, for men they don’t even test for HPV.

But you can ASK to be tested for it. It’s not like it’s not available. So you ask for the test yourself and you have the person you are planning on sleeping with ask as well-it’s really not that complicated. There is no HPV test for men-that’s why they can’t test for it. But Herpes tests are widely available. You can go online right now, order a test, get a lab appointment the same day and have your results in 1-2 days.

I’m telling you, if doctors aren’t testing for it, and you don’t have symptoms most people don’t request the test.

Yet the OP’s fiancé was tested for it not once, but twice. Which begs the question…

Because the doctor included it, not because it was requested. I’ve had herpes tests done as well but not because I requested it. All the times I’ve been tested I can only think of a few times I’ve had a herpes test, which means most times, it’s the doctor deciding to add it. Like I said, it’s very telling that they don’t even test pregnant women for it, which most people would think it’s a part of the screen.

There is no way for you to know if he requested it or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Which version of it? One version is very common, something like 75% of peopel have it. HSV-1 I think?

Unfortunately a positive HSV1 can trigger a false positive for HSV2

Nope-the type specific tests are standard now and this is no longer an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Which version of it? One version is very common, something like 75% of peopel have it. HSV-1 I think?

I’m not sure. I was so shocked and angry that I haven’t asked. I know that I should’ve…

OP, you are wildly overdramatic. Your doctor will tell you this, so listen up, but there are two kinds, and one is more serious than the other. Also, there is a pill you can take while pregnant and it will be a non-event.

I got HSV-1 when I was a baby and a relative with a cold sore kissed me on the mouth. I was really sick at the time but recovered and ever since then I will have flare ups of cold sores maybe 1-2 times a year during periods of high stress. If I had them more I could take a daily pill, but as it is I just take some when I feel one coming on and it immediately goes away.

You sound very immature and frankly probably shouldn't be getting married (much less having a child!). Seek help.

I’m overdramatic because the person I trusted selfishly withheld important information from and removed my ability to consent to something, which makes me question what else is he hiding or could hide if we stayed together? Are you nuts?

Then call me over dramatic then.

I'm on your side. HPV for example is often asymptomatic with men and I don't think there is a test to test for HPV in men.

What else could he be lying about?

[Anonymous]

Something doesn't add up. He was attracted to you and was having erections no problem. Suddenly you are pregnant and now his pipi can no longer stand up straight. And his excuse he has herpes? Maybe he is looking for a way out. Yes the herpes is true but it's a continent excuse for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Which version of it? One version is very common, something like 75% of peopel have it. HSV-1 I think?

Unfortunately a positive HSV1 can trigger a false positive for HSV2

Nope-the type specific tests are standard now and this is no longer an issue.

PP here. Thanks for clarifying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Something doesn't add up. He was attracted to you and was having erections no problem. Suddenly you are pregnant and now his pipi can no longer stand up straight. And his excuse he has herpes? Maybe he is looking for a way out. Yes the herpes is true but it's a continent excuse for him.

It’s called guilt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something doesn't add up. He was attracted to you and was having erections no problem. Suddenly you are pregnant and now his pipi can no longer stand up straight. And his excuse he has herpes? Maybe he is looking for a way out. Yes the herpes is true but it's a continent excuse for him.

It’s called guilt

100%. His body was responding to his anxiety about the situation. It has nothing to do with attraction.

[Anonymous]

OP, how old are you and your DH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something doesn't add up. He was attracted to you and was having erections no problem. Suddenly you are pregnant and now his pipi can no longer stand up straight. And his excuse he has herpes? Maybe he is looking for a way out. Yes the herpes is true but it's a continent excuse for him.

It’s called guilt

Maybe he doesn't find OP attractive during the pregnant phase and that's ok. They should be more understanding and accepting of each other for sex.