Why do people change their mind and want to remarry again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s looking for a gesture of commitment beyond dating - whether it is legal marriage, moving in together, or buying a home together, or maybe even a non-legally binding commitment ceremony. Something that indicates that you won’t just walk out the door because the fight you both had one day was big. It doesn’t seem like you are ready to commit to her long term.

Gosh women can be so desperate and pathetic. I feel so sorry for OP’s girlfriend. If you don’t see being with me as a privilege, goodbye. 👋

A privilege? Are you that much of an empty shell of a person that you need to be pedestalized to such a degree to feel secure in a romantic relationship?

Goodbye, indeed!

[Anonymous]

Ido not agree that most men will leave if there is a serious illness. I am sorry if that has been your experience.

First I read this post as being about two people who divorced and decided to remarry each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a late 40s woman. I will never remarry. Hard no. I don’t think it’s common at all for people to change their minds.

But do you date? Have you found someone “prefect in every way?”

Once you do find someone perfect and date for a couple years, then what?

They ask what you are thinking after a couple amazing years?
You tell them marriage is not for you. But this and that. You have your guards up.
Then they reciprocate that.
The closeness disappears.
You break up.

Sometimes I date. If I date someone for a few years, why does anything have to change? You have your place. I have mine. We see each other when we want. Why is this hard to understand? No ONE needs (or should) get married past 40. It is completely unnecessary. And too legally complicated.

Because OP says they are each other's "person". I guess we don't really know what OP meant by that, but some level of bond and attachment.

What is OP's plan for life with a casual girlfriend forever? Casual dating relationships are all well and good, but when the time comes to do some serious caregiving and get each other through an illness or a surgery, it's not necessarily something you can expect from someone you're deliberately keeping at arm's length. Is OP fine with his girlfriend declining to do that, and also fine with letting her cope on her own if she's having a serious issue?

You don’t need to be married to take care of someone. Most men will leave their wives if there is a serious illness. You are naive if you think marriage has anything to do with this scenario. It doesn’t.

I'm asking what OP is expecting and whether it is reasonable. Some men will leave, others won't, but the advantage of marriage is that if you're left by the wealthier person you come out of it with some assets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If I want to get out I want to be able to just walk out a door.

Make sure to tell her this. And every future woman you meet.
I can promise you you'll never have this same problem again.

I am a woman and feel the same. A clean break up is better than a possible divorce. That is just logical!

Sure, that just means you can't fall in love anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a late 40s woman. I will never remarry. Hard no. I don’t think it’s common at all for people to change their minds.

But do you date? Have you found someone “prefect in every way?”

Once you do find someone perfect and date for a couple years, then what?

They ask what you are thinking after a couple amazing years?
You tell them marriage is not for you. But this and that. You have your guards up.
Then they reciprocate that.
The closeness disappears.
You break up.

Sometimes I date. If I date someone for a few years, why does anything have to change? You have your place. I have mine. We see each other when we want. Why is this hard to understand? No ONE needs (or should) get married past 40. It is completely unnecessary. And too legally complicated.

Because OP says they are each other's "person". I guess we don't really know what OP meant by that, but some level of bond and attachment.

What is OP's plan for life with a casual girlfriend forever? Casual dating relationships are all well and good, but when the time comes to do some serious caregiving and get each other through an illness or a surgery, it's not necessarily something you can expect from someone you're deliberately keeping at arm's length. Is OP fine with his girlfriend declining to do that, and also fine with letting her cope on her own if she's having a serious issue?

You don’t need to be married to take care of someone. Most men will leave their wives if there is a serious illness. You are naive if you think marriage has anything to do with this scenario. It doesn’t.

I'm asking what OP is expecting and whether it is reasonable. Some men will leave, others won't, but the advantage of marriage is that if you're left by the wealthier person you come out of it with some assets.

So just be honest with them and say you are in it for the money - even if you are the one leaving when you change your mind as you have demonstrated a propensity to do - and not for LoVe or whatever lie you are telling everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If I want to get out I want to be able to just walk out a door.

Make sure to tell her this. And every future woman you meet.
I can promise you you'll never have this same problem again.

I am a woman and feel the same. A clean break up is better than a possible divorce. That is just logical!

Sure, that just means you can't fall in love anymore.

Who knows. Love doesn’t make everyone stupid. People can love a person and not be a romantic fool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ido not agree that most men will leave if there is a serious illness. I am sorry if that has been your experience.

First I read this post as being about two people who divorced and decided to remarry each other.

It’s not my personal experience. It’s well-known documented data.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/202503/why-more-marriages-end-when-wives-become-ill-than-when-husbands-do/amp

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a late 40s woman. I will never remarry. Hard no. I don’t think it’s common at all for people to change their minds.

But do you date? Have you found someone “prefect in every way?”

Once you do find someone perfect and date for a couple years, then what?

They ask what you are thinking after a couple amazing years?
You tell them marriage is not for you. But this and that. You have your guards up.
Then they reciprocate that.
The closeness disappears.
You break up.

Sometimes I date. If I date someone for a few years, why does anything have to change? You have your place. I have mine. We see each other when we want. Why is this hard to understand? No ONE needs (or should) get married past 40. It is completely unnecessary. And too legally complicated.

Because OP says they are each other's "person". I guess we don't really know what OP meant by that, but some level of bond and attachment.

What is OP's plan for life with a casual girlfriend forever? Casual dating relationships are all well and good, but when the time comes to do some serious caregiving and get each other through an illness or a surgery, it's not necessarily something you can expect from someone you're deliberately keeping at arm's length. Is OP fine with his girlfriend declining to do that, and also fine with letting her cope on her own if she's having a serious issue?

You don’t need to be married to take care of someone. Most men will leave their wives if there is a serious illness. You are naive if you think marriage has anything to do with this scenario. It doesn’t.

And women don't?

No, they don’t. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/202503/why-more-marriages-end-when-wives-become-ill-than-when-husbands-do/amp

There’s other data on this as well apparently people don’t read statistics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a late 40s woman. I will never remarry. Hard no. I don’t think it’s common at all for people to change their minds.

But do you date? Have you found someone “prefect in every way?”

Once you do find someone perfect and date for a couple years, then what?

They ask what you are thinking after a couple amazing years?
You tell them marriage is not for you. But this and that. You have your guards up.
Then they reciprocate that.
The closeness disappears.
You break up.

Sometimes I date. If I date someone for a few years, why does anything have to change? You have your place. I have mine. We see each other when we want. Why is this hard to understand? No ONE needs (or should) get married past 40. It is completely unnecessary. And too legally complicated.

Because OP says they are each other's "person". I guess we don't really know what OP meant by that, but some level of bond and attachment.

What is OP's plan for life with a casual girlfriend forever? Casual dating relationships are all well and good, but when the time comes to do some serious caregiving and get each other through an illness or a surgery, it's not necessarily something you can expect from someone you're deliberately keeping at arm's length. Is OP fine with his girlfriend declining to do that, and also fine with letting her cope on her own if she's having a serious issue?

You don’t need to be married to take care of someone. Most men will leave their wives if there is a serious illness. You are naive if you think marriage has anything to do with this scenario. It doesn’t.

I'm asking what OP is expecting and whether it is reasonable. Some men will leave, others won't, but the advantage of marriage is that if you're left by the wealthier person you come out of it with some assets.

So just be honest with them and say you are in it for the money - even if you are the one leaving when you change your mind as you have demonstrated a propensity to do - and not for LoVe or whatever lie you are telling everyone.

Yes, let’s not pretend to be romantic fools: life in general requires resources. Men typically date and remarry younger women which results in sticking your old age care to younger wife . Even if you don’t require care, the woman would be dealing with limited personal freedom to travel, will be your secretary and social organizer; dealing with his kids and aging parents. Most men are incredibly boring in old age and just want quiet and peace. I could see why a glamorous GF of a billionaire wouldn’t need marriage. They can provide security without marriage. But no woman would invest her time with an average Joe who just “wants to date”. This relationship “everything separate” would end when very first life storm hits them or they just start having differences how to spend retirement
Marriage can be beneficial to both parties of modest incomes as this is effectively caretaking contract. People can sign prenup to outline their “investments”.

I don’t see why OPs GF would even want to marry him as she has a child out of nest and he has 2 kids at home. Bit I’m high NW myself . Maybe she thinks they could both benefit from a joint household.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am on team OP.

If OP were a woman and said never again all the women here would be on her side.

The issue is women take it personal when men don't want to marry them for whatever reasons. And for whatever reasons they somehow think that being married will make the man more faithful or more committed.

Plenty of women on this forum say never again to remarriage and other women cheer them on.

OP stick to your hard line. If you marry her you will resent her and end up divorced again. Don't do it.

Break up and move on.

There are other men she can meet for marriage.

+1 to all of this. I am surprised at the vitriol from a few people. Calling OP a loser?

Also, OP still has kids in middle and high school. I hear so many people on here saying it is unfair to your kids to remarry. I’m (mostly) happily married to my first husband and father of my kids but I definitely would not get remarried if we divorced with kids still at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am on team OP.

If OP were a woman and said never again all the women here would be on her side.

The issue is women take it personal when men don't want to marry them for whatever reasons. And for whatever reasons they somehow think that being married will make the man more faithful or more committed.

Plenty of women on this forum say never again to remarriage and other women cheer them on.

OP stick to your hard line. If you marry her you will resent her and end up divorced again. Don't do it.

Break up and move on.

There are other men she can meet for marriage.

+1 to all of this. I am surprised at the vitriol from a few people. Calling OP a loser?

Also, OP still has kids in middle and high school. I hear so many people on here saying it is unfair to your kids to remarry. I’m (mostly) happily married to my first husband and father of my kids but I definitely would not get remarried if we divorced with kids still at home.

People who are that rigid on never remarrying choose singlehood in elderly age. That’s okay but don’t try to drag long term partners into it under the sauce “it doesn’t matter”. It does!
OP should also be respectful of his GF choice to leave if he’s firm on marriage.
He seems to be bitter about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am on team OP.

If OP were a woman and said never again all the women here would be on her side.

The issue is women take it personal when men don't want to marry them for whatever reasons. And for whatever reasons they somehow think that being married will make the man more faithful or more committed.

Plenty of women on this forum say never again to remarriage and other women cheer them on.

OP stick to your hard line. If you marry her you will resent her and end up divorced again. Don't do it.

Break up and move on.

There are other men she can meet for marriage.

+1 to all of this. I am surprised at the vitriol from a few people. Calling OP a loser?

Also, OP still has kids in middle and high school. I hear so many people on here saying it is unfair to your kids to remarry. I’m (mostly) happily married to my first husband and father of my kids but I definitely would not get remarried if we divorced with kids still at home.

I don't think people are criticizing OP's choice to never remarry. I am not divorced but I have thought about if I were divorced or widowed, I don't think I'd want to remarry, especially because I'm done having kids. So I can appreciate where OP is coming from on that.

The issue is that everyone gets to decide for themselves, and if someone else wants to get remarried, I don't have a problem with that. OP is trying to make the argument that it is dumb or unacceptable for his GF to want to get remarried. It's not. It's not what I would want (especially with OP, who seems inconsiderate and difficult) but if it's what she wants, good for her. If she and OP can't see eye to eye on this, they should probably break up.

But OP seems to want me to say "no, she's stupid, you guys should stay together and she should just stop feeling like she wants to get remarried." That makes no sense. She has free will. She can want whatever she wants and it's not up to me (or OP) to decide whether that's good or bad. You only have control over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Q. Why do people change their mind?
A. Because they are flexible and adaptable at processing new information.

Q. Why do people want to remarry again?
A. See above. Plus a variety of other valid reasons (companionship, trust, personal & public commitment, care, legal or tax or health reasons, love, religion, beliefs, values, etc.).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ido not agree that most men will leave if there is a serious illness. I am sorry if that has been your experience.

First I read this post as being about two people who divorced and decided to remarry each other.

I believe it. They leave or dump everything on the adult children or do nothing.

Seriously. Change your PoA and health guardian to someone who cares and demonstrates care. Not just says they care. You need a real advocate with the doctors, hospitals and insurers.Plus a physical caretaker.

[Anonymous]

She’s gonna smoke you out OP. Your entire value system.

Report back in a few months when you’re back on the market for play time.