is anyone worried about their kid finding their spouse in college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone transferred to have better dating pool?

Oh Lawd, this stinks of total desperation. C'mon.

Who would know? Meaning if you realize they’re not your peers.

[Anonymous]

I started dating my spouse during my first year of college. We’ve been married 25 years. It’s an amazing loving partnership.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not something I'm worried about, but interestingly, for both of my daughters that is part of their "plan."

They have a lot of single older cousins so maybe that has influenced them plus the general societal angst about how hard it is to find someone and how horrible dating is in this day and age.

It’s also part of my daughter’s ‘plan’ which I find appalling and hysterical in equal parts. The girls is a planner and goal oriented so more power to her.

You raised an idiot.

No daughter's goal should be to marry right. It should be to take care of themselves.

DP here. It should be both. Girls should take care of themselves and also seek to marry equals. No scrubs. My girls know this for sure.

100%

I do hope my DD gets married someday, not in college. But starting to date someone in college who you later commit to for marriage is not a bad thing. It’s not too early to date in college. All those opposed to finding the right person in college, do you forbid your kid to date in college? If not and they do find the one, will you force them to break up just bc it doesn’t fit your plan? I find these comments very odd.
You can still figure out who you are and date at the same time. And it takes a lifetime to figure out who you are and that evolves. I don’t want my DD waiting decades.

If they meet on the younger side, I think they grow together. When you are older, there are so many restrictions and requirements.

I agree who they marry is the most important decision they make. And they will never have more free time than they do in college.

And dating helps you figure out who you are and what you want.

I’d even be fine if she marries her HS sweetheart. I wouldn’t have her choose her college based on him but if they stay together, I’m good with that. There’s no benefit to dating lots of people just for the sake of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not something I'm worried about, but interestingly, for both of my daughters that is part of their "plan."

They have a lot of single older cousins so maybe that has influenced them plus the general societal angst about how hard it is to find someone and how horrible dating is in this day and age.

Are they in college together now?




It’s also part of my daughter’s ‘plan’ which I find appalling and hysterical in equal parts. The girls is a planner and goal oriented so more power to her.

You raised an idiot.

No daughter's goal should be to marry right. It should be to take care of themselves.

DP here. It should be both. Girls should take care of themselves and also seek to marry equals. No scrubs. My girls know this for sure.

100%

I do hope my DD gets married someday, not in college. But starting to date someone in college who you later commit to for marriage is not a bad thing. It’s not too early to date in college. All those opposed to finding the right person in college, do you forbid your kid to date in college? If not and they do find the one, will you force them to break up just bc it doesn’t fit your plan? I find these comments very odd.
You can still figure out who you are and date at the same time. And it takes a lifetime to figure out who you are and that evolves. I don’t want my DD waiting decades.

If they meet on the younger side, I think they grow together. When you are older, there are so many restrictions and requirements.

I agree who they marry is the most important decision they make. And they will never have more free time than they do in college.

And dating helps you figure out who you are and what you want.

I’d even be fine if she marries her HS sweetheart. I wouldn’t have her choose her college based on him but if they stay together, I’m good with that. There’s no benefit to dating lots of people just for the sake of it.

[Anonymous]

I would be worried if they marry someone who has student loans. That is a huge burden in life. It wasn't such a big problem in the last generation, but nowadays no one can bear a 400K student loan in a marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not something I'm worried about, but interestingly, for both of my daughters that is part of their "plan."

They have a lot of single older cousins so maybe that has influenced them plus the general societal angst about how hard it is to find someone and how horrible dating is in this day and age.

It’s also part of my daughter’s ‘plan’ which I find appalling and hysterical in equal parts. The girls is a planner and goal oriented so more power to her.

You raised an idiot.

No daughter's goal should be to marry right. It should be to take care of themselves.

DP here. It should be both. Girls should take care of themselves and also seek to marry equals. No scrubs. My girls know this for sure.

100%

I do hope my DD gets married someday, not in college. But starting to date someone in college who you later commit to for marriage is not a bad thing. It’s not too early to date in college. All those opposed to finding the right person in college, do you forbid your kid to date in college? If not and they do find the one, will you force them to break up just bc it doesn’t fit your plan? I find these comments very odd.
You can still figure out who you are and date at the same time. And it takes a lifetime to figure out who you are and that evolves. I don’t want my DD waiting decades.

If they meet on the younger side, I think they grow together. When you are older, there are so many restrictions and requirements.

I agree who they marry is the most important decision they make. And they will never have more free time than they do in college.

And dating helps you figure out who you are and what you want.

I’d even be fine if she marries her HS sweetheart. I wouldn’t have her choose her college based on him but if they stay together, I’m good with that. There’s no benefit to dating lots of people just for the sake of it.

Are they in college together now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:or is that outdated now? it seems much less common than it was, say 30 years ago.
If you are, is it worth making sure their school is the right fit for it and if not, transfer?

Currently have a HS senior interested in big rah rah and greek life...

Yes, I would absolutely be worried about my kids getting married out of college!

I do know a small handful of people my age who have settled down with college sweethearts and they seem to have good, happy marriages. Oh , and I know one long married couple who split when he came out as gay (hopefully younger folks today feel more comfortable coming out). But for most of the people I know...oh my god...our early (sometimes late) 20s were filled with bad choices and bad people no matter where we went to school!

[Anonymous]

Go to a school where there are mostly intellectual peers: the friends and possible spouses will be smart enough for your kid, more likely to be ambitious with their goals, ie pHD, MD,JD, or top jobs in tech, finance either startups or best companies. For 99th%ile kids, the T15/ivy or even T20 undergrad choice sets them up to be among similar intellectual peers for most of their 20s and into early 30s. Perfect bestie/mate finding years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do parents worry about kids date/marry different races? For example, do white parents here worry that their ivy kids marrying tech immigrants’ kids since now there are over 40% of them at Harvard.

Good question. As a non-White, non-Christian, rich tech legal immigrant - I am interested in finding the answer to this question. I am not interested in my hard earned fortune going to certain groups of people after my demise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wouldn't say I'm worried, but it's definitely something I think about. College is where they should have a chance of meeting a future partner, or at least a chance of meeting the kind of lifelong friends who will eventually introduce them to that partner.

Valid reason to choose ivy+: the need to maximize the chances they end with someone of similar smarts. No better way than stack the deck with smart college friends who lean into brain-power required careers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL DD's are not going to college after 2028 so what will they do then?

Yeah you didn't read Trump and The Heritage Foundation's fine print. They are already building maternity homes for your DD's.

Seriously, no women are going to college after 2028.

Can you give a link? I would be interested in knowing about this. As it is, we have dual citizenship. Our kids and their spouses can transfer to the old country if need be.

[Anonymous]

lol this thread is tilting towards selective/private colleges as choice bc peer groups matter for future spouse options who are intellectually on level aren’t debt ridden and who are upper or upper middle class.
So much for all the ‘it doesn’t matter where you go to college’ drumbeats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go to a school where there are mostly intellectual peers: the friends and possible spouses will be smart enough for your kid, more likely to be ambitious with their goals, ie pHD, MD,JD, or top jobs in tech, finance either startups or best companies. For 99th%ile kids, the T15/ivy or even T20 undergrad choice sets them up to be among similar intellectual peers for most of their 20s and into early 30s. Perfect bestie/mate finding years.

What if they don’t get in those schools? They’re smart but not super studious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:lol this thread is tilting towards selective/private colleges as choice bc peer groups matter for future spouse options who are intellectually on level aren’t debt ridden and who are upper or upper middle class.
So much for all the ‘it doesn’t matter where you go to college’ drumbeats.

Agree. I think this is only wise choice. Otherwise it’s big state schools. What about Wisconsin Michigan UGA etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:lol this thread is tilting towards selective/private colleges as choice bc peer groups matter for future spouse options who are intellectually on level aren’t debt ridden and who are upper or upper middle class.
So much for all the ‘it doesn’t matter where you go to college’ drumbeats.

This Is DCUM, after all.