Rant: “you look amazing”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are doing incredible mental gymnastics to justify your behavior of commenting on others’ bodies. But I am encouraged that most people get that it’s just flat out rude!

My kid's preschool teacher saw me shortly postpartum and told me I looked great--something like that is rude?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Thank you"

Then you realize that people are trying to be nice to you. You clearly don't deserve it. What a self-centered shrew!

I want to apologize. Now that I have read the other comments, I fully agree that you must be having some sort of post-partum issues and you should probably seek help. It is fully irrational to be offended by such a nice compliment. You should view your reaction as a red flag.

Perhaps you should view your knee jerk response to tell a post partum woman that she does not deserve kindness and is a "self-centered shrew" as a red flag and ALSO seek professional help.

It is a good point. I am just really upset about people who are so self-centered that they view common compliments as offensive. It not only brings negativity to the world in general, but it chills people from being nice. I hadn't considered that maybe the new mom was generally a wonderful person who appreciates people being nice to her but is currently suffering from mental illness.

Consider that is much more self centered to think anyone cares about your opinion of their body. Wanting to just be left alone/unbothered is not really self centered at all.

It actually is. Stay home if you can't handle people trying to be nice and polite to you. Please don't bring your negativity to others.

"You don't deserve human contact if you don't get narc supply from comments about your physical appearance."
"You're negative, never happy, the cause of depression, etc."

You don’t deserve human contact if you’re going to use those interactions to try to make everyone feel as miserable as you do.

Everyone deserves human contact but ESPECIALLY a woman who recently gave birth and is struggling emotionally.

But good job making this all about you and your feelings.

Some of you are insufferable, narcissistic drama queens. Look at the site you’re posting to. Most of the women posting have given birth before. Many of us multiple times. And many of us have experienced PPD. But there are always those bridezilla-esque new moms who demand to be treated as though they’re the first and only women to ever give birth!!

And many of us, who have given birth, who have experienced PPD, and have had the same experience as OP of having ourselves called “amazing” or validated for being thin, covering up major medical concerns, are empathizing with this new mother instead of calling her names.

How old are you?

Old enough to remember the good ole days before never ending therapy (administered by people I wouldn’t trust to walk my dog) ruined an entire generation through the encouragement of excessive navel gazing and framing victimhood as aspirational.

How old are YOU?

That’s what I thought.

I’m old enough to have been taught by my grandmother and by Emily Post that no lady or gentleman is so vulgar as to comment on the appearance of another.

I hope you never tell any moms that their babies are adorable, either.

Soon we can all live in the Emily Post approved Utopia populated by a bunch of Dwight Schrutes: “It is your birthday.”

You know what I usually say to new moms I see out socially?

“Gosh I’m so happy to see you! I’m glad you’re here!”

And then I ask if I can get them anything like a drink or shady chair.

It’s so easy to have good manners.

Regardless of anything else that has been shared in this thread, I just want to second the suggestion that the nicest compliment you can pay someone is "I am genuinely happy you are here."

As someone who has struggled with mental health at various points in my life, including postpartum, this is far and away the kindest thing someone can ever say to me, and the bonus is that there is absolutely no way to misconstrue it as an insult or an unreasonable expectation. People need to hear that that others are glad they exist. They especially need to hear it when they are going through a tough time. I am somewhat ambivalent on compliments on my appearance -- there are times when they are welcome but there are also times when I would really prefer people not focus on my body or how I look, even if they do it in a complimentary way. But if you are reading this thread and thinking "I give up! What are you supposed to say then?" I highly recommend just saying "It is really good to see you."

But poor depressed mom had just worked up the gumption to leave early, go home and get some much needed rest. But now you’ve placed this new burden on her by centering *your* happiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are doing incredible mental gymnastics to justify your behavior of commenting on others’ bodies. But I am encouraged that most people get that it’s just flat out rude!

My kid's preschool teacher saw me shortly postpartum and told me I looked great--something like that is rude?

So it seems based on this thread. Saying "You look great!" is equally as offensive as "Nice jugs!" I'm tired of this fragile victim brand of feminism that casts women as incapable of surviving a misguided compliment, even one that would be well taken by most women. I'm not going to spring to the defense of a woman who can't handle a little social awkwardness. Sorry, OP, but there are women in this world suffering true injuries and you aren't one.

[Anonymous]

I think it is normal to say that sort of statement in this context or not. I say it to friends I haven't seen in a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Thank you"

Then you realize that people are trying to be nice to you. You clearly don't deserve it. What a self-centered shrew!

I want to apologize. Now that I have read the other comments, I fully agree that you must be having some sort of post-partum issues and you should probably seek help. It is fully irrational to be offended by such a nice compliment. You should view your reaction as a red flag.

Perhaps you should view your knee jerk response to tell a post partum woman that she does not deserve kindness and is a "self-centered shrew" as a red flag and ALSO seek professional help.

It is a good point. I am just really upset about people who are so self-centered that they view common compliments as offensive. It not only brings negativity to the world in general, but it chills people from being nice. I hadn't considered that maybe the new mom was generally a wonderful person who appreciates people being nice to her but is currently suffering from mental illness.

Consider that is much more self centered to think anyone cares about your opinion of their body. Wanting to just be left alone/unbothered is not really self centered at all.

It actually is. Stay home if you can't handle people trying to be nice and polite to you. Please don't bring your negativity to others.

"You don't deserve human contact if you don't get narc supply from comments about your physical appearance."
"You're negative, never happy, the cause of depression, etc."

You don’t deserve human contact if you’re going to use those interactions to try to make everyone feel as miserable as you do.

Everyone deserves human contact but ESPECIALLY a woman who recently gave birth and is struggling emotionally.

But good job making this all about you and your feelings.

Some of you are insufferable, narcissistic drama queens. Look at the site you’re posting to. Most of the women posting have given birth before. Many of us multiple times. And many of us have experienced PPD. But there are always those bridezilla-esque new moms who demand to be treated as though they’re the first and only women to ever give birth!!

And many of us, who have given birth, who have experienced PPD, and have had the same experience as OP of having ourselves called “amazing” or validated for being thin, covering up major medical concerns, are empathizing with this new mother instead of calling her names.

How old are you?

Old enough to remember the good ole days before never ending therapy (administered by people I wouldn’t trust to walk my dog) ruined an entire generation through the encouragement of excessive navel gazing and framing victimhood as aspirational.

How old are YOU?

That’s what I thought.

I’m old enough to have been taught by my grandmother and by Emily Post that no lady or gentleman is so vulgar as to comment on the appearance of another.

I hope you never tell any moms that their babies are adorable, either.

Soon we can all live in the Emily Post approved Utopia populated by a bunch of Dwight Schrutes: “It is your birthday.”

You know what I usually say to new moms I see out socially?

“Gosh I’m so happy to see you! I’m glad you’re here!”

And then I ask if I can get them anything like a drink or shady chair.

It’s so easy to have good manners.

Regardless of anything else that has been shared in this thread, I just want to second the suggestion that the nicest compliment you can pay someone is "I am genuinely happy you are here."

As someone who has struggled with mental health at various points in my life, including postpartum, this is far and away the kindest thing someone can ever say to me, and the bonus is that there is absolutely no way to misconstrue it as an insult or an unreasonable expectation. People need to hear that that others are glad they exist. They especially need to hear it when they are going through a tough time. I am somewhat ambivalent on compliments on my appearance -- there are times when they are welcome but there are also times when I would really prefer people not focus on my body or how I look, even if they do it in a complimentary way. But if you are reading this thread and thinking "I give up! What are you supposed to say then?" I highly recommend just saying "It is really good to see you."

But poor depressed mom had just worked up the gumption to leave early, go home and get some much needed rest. But now you’ve placed this new burden on her by centering *your* happiness.

If you’re so worried, use the passive voice “I am happy you were able to come out!” which places no burden of time or expectation of duration on the new mom.

But if you just want to be upset with being shown how to do better, may I suggest you go touch grass?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Thank you"

Then you realize that people are trying to be nice to you. You clearly don't deserve it. What a self-centered shrew!

I want to apologize. Now that I have read the other comments, I fully agree that you must be having some sort of post-partum issues and you should probably seek help. It is fully irrational to be offended by such a nice compliment. You should view your reaction as a red flag.

Perhaps you should view your knee jerk response to tell a post partum woman that she does not deserve kindness and is a "self-centered shrew" as a red flag and ALSO seek professional help.

It is a good point. I am just really upset about people who are so self-centered that they view common compliments as offensive. It not only brings negativity to the world in general, but it chills people from being nice. I hadn't considered that maybe the new mom was generally a wonderful person who appreciates people being nice to her but is currently suffering from mental illness.

Consider that is much more self centered to think anyone cares about your opinion of their body. Wanting to just be left alone/unbothered is not really self centered at all.

It actually is. Stay home if you can't handle people trying to be nice and polite to you. Please don't bring your negativity to others.

"You don't deserve human contact if you don't get narc supply from comments about your physical appearance."
"You're negative, never happy, the cause of depression, etc."

You don’t deserve human contact if you’re going to use those interactions to try to make everyone feel as miserable as you do.

Everyone deserves human contact but ESPECIALLY a woman who recently gave birth and is struggling emotionally.

But good job making this all about you and your feelings.

Some of you are insufferable, narcissistic drama queens. Look at the site you’re posting to. Most of the women posting have given birth before. Many of us multiple times. And many of us have experienced PPD. But there are always those bridezilla-esque new moms who demand to be treated as though they’re the first and only women to ever give birth!!

And many of us, who have given birth, who have experienced PPD, and have had the same experience as OP of having ourselves called “amazing” or validated for being thin, covering up major medical concerns, are empathizing with this new mother instead of calling her names.

How old are you?

Old enough to remember the good ole days before never ending therapy (administered by people I wouldn’t trust to walk my dog) ruined an entire generation through the encouragement of excessive navel gazing and framing victimhood as aspirational.

How old are YOU?

That’s what I thought.

I’m old enough to have been taught by my grandmother and by Emily Post that no lady or gentleman is so vulgar as to comment on the appearance of another.

I hope you never tell any moms that their babies are adorable, either.

Soon we can all live in the Emily Post approved Utopia populated by a bunch of Dwight Schrutes: “It is your birthday.”

You know what I usually say to new moms I see out socially?

“Gosh I’m so happy to see you! I’m glad you’re here!”

And then I ask if I can get them anything like a drink or shady chair.

It’s so easy to have good manners.

Regardless of anything else that has been shared in this thread, I just want to second the suggestion that the nicest compliment you can pay someone is "I am genuinely happy you are here."

As someone who has struggled with mental health at various points in my life, including postpartum, this is far and away the kindest thing someone can ever say to me, and the bonus is that there is absolutely no way to misconstrue it as an insult or an unreasonable expectation. People need to hear that that others are glad they exist. They especially need to hear it when they are going through a tough time. I am somewhat ambivalent on compliments on my appearance -- there are times when they are welcome but there are also times when I would really prefer people not focus on my body or how I look, even if they do it in a complimentary way. But if you are reading this thread and thinking "I give up! What are you supposed to say then?" I highly recommend just saying "It is really good to see you."

But poor depressed mom had just worked up the gumption to leave early, go home and get some much needed rest. But now you’ve placed this new burden on her by centering *your* happiness.

If you’re so worried, use the passive voice “I am happy you were able to come out!” which places no burden of time or expectation of duration on the new mom.

But if you just want to be upset with being shown how to do better, may I suggest you go touch grass?

You are centering your own feelings though. The new mom should not have to hear about whether you were happy or not that she was able to leave her house. Do better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Thank you"

Then you realize that people are trying to be nice to you. You clearly don't deserve it. What a self-centered shrew!

I want to apologize. Now that I have read the other comments, I fully agree that you must be having some sort of post-partum issues and you should probably seek help. It is fully irrational to be offended by such a nice compliment. You should view your reaction as a red flag.

Perhaps you should view your knee jerk response to tell a post partum woman that she does not deserve kindness and is a "self-centered shrew" as a red flag and ALSO seek professional help.

It is a good point. I am just really upset about people who are so self-centered that they view common compliments as offensive. It not only brings negativity to the world in general, but it chills people from being nice. I hadn't considered that maybe the new mom was generally a wonderful person who appreciates people being nice to her but is currently suffering from mental illness.

Consider that is much more self centered to think anyone cares about your opinion of their body. Wanting to just be left alone/unbothered is not really self centered at all.

It actually is. Stay home if you can't handle people trying to be nice and polite to you. Please don't bring your negativity to others.

"You don't deserve human contact if you don't get narc supply from comments about your physical appearance."
"You're negative, never happy, the cause of depression, etc."

You don’t deserve human contact if you’re going to use those interactions to try to make everyone feel as miserable as you do.

Everyone deserves human contact but ESPECIALLY a woman who recently gave birth and is struggling emotionally.

But good job making this all about you and your feelings.

Some of you are insufferable, narcissistic drama queens. Look at the site you’re posting to. Most of the women posting have given birth before. Many of us multiple times. And many of us have experienced PPD. But there are always those bridezilla-esque new moms who demand to be treated as though they’re the first and only women to ever give birth!!

And many of us, who have given birth, who have experienced PPD, and have had the same experience as OP of having ourselves called “amazing” or validated for being thin, covering up major medical concerns, are empathizing with this new mother instead of calling her names.

How old are you?

Old enough to remember the good ole days before never ending therapy (administered by people I wouldn’t trust to walk my dog) ruined an entire generation through the encouragement of excessive navel gazing and framing victimhood as aspirational.

How old are YOU?

That’s what I thought.

I’m old enough to have been taught by my grandmother and by Emily Post that no lady or gentleman is so vulgar as to comment on the appearance of another.

I hope you never tell any moms that their babies are adorable, either.

Soon we can all live in the Emily Post approved Utopia populated by a bunch of Dwight Schrutes: “It is your birthday.”

You know what I usually say to new moms I see out socially?

“Gosh I’m so happy to see you! I’m glad you’re here!”

And then I ask if I can get them anything like a drink or shady chair.

It’s so easy to have good manners.

Regardless of anything else that has been shared in this thread, I just want to second the suggestion that the nicest compliment you can pay someone is "I am genuinely happy you are here."

As someone who has struggled with mental health at various points in my life, including postpartum, this is far and away the kindest thing someone can ever say to me, and the bonus is that there is absolutely no way to misconstrue it as an insult or an unreasonable expectation. People need to hear that that others are glad they exist. They especially need to hear it when they are going through a tough time. I am somewhat ambivalent on compliments on my appearance -- there are times when they are welcome but there are also times when I would really prefer people not focus on my body or how I look, even if they do it in a complimentary way. But if you are reading this thread and thinking "I give up! What are you supposed to say then?" I highly recommend just saying "It is really good to see you."

But poor depressed mom had just worked up the gumption to leave early, go home and get some much needed rest. But now you’ve placed this new burden on her by centering *your* happiness.

If you’re so worried, use the passive voice “I am happy you were able to come out!” which places no burden of time or expectation of duration on the new mom.

But if you just want to be upset with being shown how to do better, may I suggest you go touch grass?

You are centering your own feelings though. The new mom should not have to hear about whether you were happy or not that she was able to leave her house. Do better.

I am happy to see you/pleased to meet you/thank you for coming are all polite things to say to someone. Comments on their physical appearance aren’t. If there is a postpartum mother here who was unhappy to hear any of the above they can say so and I’ll be interested to hear their take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Thank you"

Then you realize that people are trying to be nice to you. You clearly don't deserve it. What a self-centered shrew!

I want to apologize. Now that I have read the other comments, I fully agree that you must be having some sort of post-partum issues and you should probably seek help. It is fully irrational to be offended by such a nice compliment. You should view your reaction as a red flag.

Perhaps you should view your knee jerk response to tell a post partum woman that she does not deserve kindness and is a "self-centered shrew" as a red flag and ALSO seek professional help.

It is a good point. I am just really upset about people who are so self-centered that they view common compliments as offensive. It not only brings negativity to the world in general, but it chills people from being nice. I hadn't considered that maybe the new mom was generally a wonderful person who appreciates people being nice to her but is currently suffering from mental illness.

Consider that is much more self centered to think anyone cares about your opinion of their body. Wanting to just be left alone/unbothered is not really self centered at all.

It actually is. Stay home if you can't handle people trying to be nice and polite to you. Please don't bring your negativity to others.

"You don't deserve human contact if you don't get narc supply from comments about your physical appearance."
"You're negative, never happy, the cause of depression, etc."

You don’t deserve human contact if you’re going to use those interactions to try to make everyone feel as miserable as you do.

Everyone deserves human contact but ESPECIALLY a woman who recently gave birth and is struggling emotionally.

But good job making this all about you and your feelings.

Some of you are insufferable, narcissistic drama queens. Look at the site you’re posting to. Most of the women posting have given birth before. Many of us multiple times. And many of us have experienced PPD. But there are always those bridezilla-esque new moms who demand to be treated as though they’re the first and only women to ever give birth!!

And many of us, who have given birth, who have experienced PPD, and have had the same experience as OP of having ourselves called “amazing” or validated for being thin, covering up major medical concerns, are empathizing with this new mother instead of calling her names.

How old are you?

Old enough to remember the good ole days before never ending therapy (administered by people I wouldn’t trust to walk my dog) ruined an entire generation through the encouragement of excessive navel gazing and framing victimhood as aspirational.

How old are YOU?

That’s what I thought.

I’m old enough to have been taught by my grandmother and by Emily Post that no lady or gentleman is so vulgar as to comment on the appearance of another.

I hope you never tell any moms that their babies are adorable, either.

Soon we can all live in the Emily Post approved Utopia populated by a bunch of Dwight Schrutes: “It is your birthday.”

You know what I usually say to new moms I see out socially?

“Gosh I’m so happy to see you! I’m glad you’re here!”

And then I ask if I can get them anything like a drink or shady chair.

It’s so easy to have good manners.

Regardless of anything else that has been shared in this thread, I just want to second the suggestion that the nicest compliment you can pay someone is "I am genuinely happy you are here."

As someone who has struggled with mental health at various points in my life, including postpartum, this is far and away the kindest thing someone can ever say to me, and the bonus is that there is absolutely no way to misconstrue it as an insult or an unreasonable expectation. People need to hear that that others are glad they exist. They especially need to hear it when they are going through a tough time. I am somewhat ambivalent on compliments on my appearance -- there are times when they are welcome but there are also times when I would really prefer people not focus on my body or how I look, even if they do it in a complimentary way. But if you are reading this thread and thinking "I give up! What are you supposed to say then?" I highly recommend just saying "It is really good to see you."

But poor depressed mom had just worked up the gumption to leave early, go home and get some much needed rest. But now you’ve placed this new burden on her by centering *your* happiness.

If you’re so worried, use the passive voice “I am happy you were able to come out!” which places no burden of time or expectation of duration on the new mom.

But if you just want to be upset with being shown how to do better, may I suggest you go touch grass?

But haven't you now pressured her that she was expected to come out so that you could be happy, disregarding all the intenseness she is surviving and the fact that she really didn't want to come out at all, but is now forced to smile and pretend like everything is all right?? Really, your heartless disregard is horrifying. You should probably go flog yourself for a while and then come back and apologize, and then spend the remainder of your day facing the corner. For shame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Thank you"

Then you realize that people are trying to be nice to you. You clearly don't deserve it. What a self-centered shrew!

I want to apologize. Now that I have read the other comments, I fully agree that you must be having some sort of post-partum issues and you should probably seek help. It is fully irrational to be offended by such a nice compliment. You should view your reaction as a red flag.

Perhaps you should view your knee jerk response to tell a post partum woman that she does not deserve kindness and is a "self-centered shrew" as a red flag and ALSO seek professional help.

It is a good point. I am just really upset about people who are so self-centered that they view common compliments as offensive. It not only brings negativity to the world in general, but it chills people from being nice. I hadn't considered that maybe the new mom was generally a wonderful person who appreciates people being nice to her but is currently suffering from mental illness.

Consider that is much more self centered to think anyone cares about your opinion of their body. Wanting to just be left alone/unbothered is not really self centered at all.

It actually is. Stay home if you can't handle people trying to be nice and polite to you. Please don't bring your negativity to others.

"You don't deserve human contact if you don't get narc supply from comments about your physical appearance."
"You're negative, never happy, the cause of depression, etc."

You don’t deserve human contact if you’re going to use those interactions to try to make everyone feel as miserable as you do.

Everyone deserves human contact but ESPECIALLY a woman who recently gave birth and is struggling emotionally.

But good job making this all about you and your feelings.

Some of you are insufferable, narcissistic drama queens. Look at the site you’re posting to. Most of the women posting have given birth before. Many of us multiple times. And many of us have experienced PPD. But there are always those bridezilla-esque new moms who demand to be treated as though they’re the first and only women to ever give birth!!

And many of us, who have given birth, who have experienced PPD, and have had the same experience as OP of having ourselves called “amazing” or validated for being thin, covering up major medical concerns, are empathizing with this new mother instead of calling her names.

How old are you?

Old enough to remember the good ole days before never ending therapy (administered by people I wouldn’t trust to walk my dog) ruined an entire generation through the encouragement of excessive navel gazing and framing victimhood as aspirational.

How old are YOU?

That’s what I thought.

I’m old enough to have been taught by my grandmother and by Emily Post that no lady or gentleman is so vulgar as to comment on the appearance of another.

I hope you never tell any moms that their babies are adorable, either.

Soon we can all live in the Emily Post approved Utopia populated by a bunch of Dwight Schrutes: “It is your birthday.”

You know what I usually say to new moms I see out socially?

“Gosh I’m so happy to see you! I’m glad you’re here!”

And then I ask if I can get them anything like a drink or shady chair.

It’s so easy to have good manners.

Regardless of anything else that has been shared in this thread, I just want to second the suggestion that the nicest compliment you can pay someone is "I am genuinely happy you are here."

As someone who has struggled with mental health at various points in my life, including postpartum, this is far and away the kindest thing someone can ever say to me, and the bonus is that there is absolutely no way to misconstrue it as an insult or an unreasonable expectation. People need to hear that that others are glad they exist. They especially need to hear it when they are going through a tough time. I am somewhat ambivalent on compliments on my appearance -- there are times when they are welcome but there are also times when I would really prefer people not focus on my body or how I look, even if they do it in a complimentary way. But if you are reading this thread and thinking "I give up! What are you supposed to say then?" I highly recommend just saying "It is really good to see you."

But poor depressed mom had just worked up the gumption to leave early, go home and get some much needed rest. But now you’ve placed this new burden on her by centering *your* happiness.

If you’re so worried, use the passive voice “I am happy you were able to come out!” which places no burden of time or expectation of duration on the new mom.

But if you just want to be upset with being shown how to do better, may I suggest you go touch grass?

But haven't you now pressured her that she was expected to come out so that you could be happy, disregarding all the intenseness she is surviving and the fact that she really didn't want to come out at all, but is now forced to smile and pretend like everything is all right?? Really, your heartless disregard is horrifying. You should probably go flog yourself for a while and then come back and apologize, and then spend the remainder of your day facing the corner. For shame.

+1 She is a new mom for heaven's sake. You should be grateful you are seeing her in public and other than "cute baby!" or an offer to do her dishes, keep your mouth shut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Thank you"

Then you realize that people are trying to be nice to you. You clearly don't deserve it. What a self-centered shrew!

I want to apologize. Now that I have read the other comments, I fully agree that you must be having some sort of post-partum issues and you should probably seek help. It is fully irrational to be offended by such a nice compliment. You should view your reaction as a red flag.

Perhaps you should view your knee jerk response to tell a post partum woman that she does not deserve kindness and is a "self-centered shrew" as a red flag and ALSO seek professional help.

It is a good point. I am just really upset about people who are so self-centered that they view common compliments as offensive. It not only brings negativity to the world in general, but it chills people from being nice. I hadn't considered that maybe the new mom was generally a wonderful person who appreciates people being nice to her but is currently suffering from mental illness.

Consider that is much more self centered to think anyone cares about your opinion of their body. Wanting to just be left alone/unbothered is not really self centered at all.

It actually is. Stay home if you can't handle people trying to be nice and polite to you. Please don't bring your negativity to others.

"You don't deserve human contact if you don't get narc supply from comments about your physical appearance."
"You're negative, never happy, the cause of depression, etc."

You don’t deserve human contact if you’re going to use those interactions to try to make everyone feel as miserable as you do.

Everyone deserves human contact but ESPECIALLY a woman who recently gave birth and is struggling emotionally.

But good job making this all about you and your feelings.

Some of you are insufferable, narcissistic drama queens. Look at the site you’re posting to. Most of the women posting have given birth before. Many of us multiple times. And many of us have experienced PPD. But there are always those bridezilla-esque new moms who demand to be treated as though they’re the first and only women to ever give birth!!

And many of us, who have given birth, who have experienced PPD, and have had the same experience as OP of having ourselves called “amazing” or validated for being thin, covering up major medical concerns, are empathizing with this new mother instead of calling her names.

How old are you?

Old enough to remember the good ole days before never ending therapy (administered by people I wouldn’t trust to walk my dog) ruined an entire generation through the encouragement of excessive navel gazing and framing victimhood as aspirational.

How old are YOU?

That’s what I thought.

I’m old enough to have been taught by my grandmother and by Emily Post that no lady or gentleman is so vulgar as to comment on the appearance of another.

I hope you never tell any moms that their babies are adorable, either.

Soon we can all live in the Emily Post approved Utopia populated by a bunch of Dwight Schrutes: “It is your birthday.”

You know what I usually say to new moms I see out socially?

“Gosh I’m so happy to see you! I’m glad you’re here!”

And then I ask if I can get them anything like a drink or shady chair.

It’s so easy to have good manners.

Regardless of anything else that has been shared in this thread, I just want to second the suggestion that the nicest compliment you can pay someone is "I am genuinely happy you are here."

As someone who has struggled with mental health at various points in my life, including postpartum, this is far and away the kindest thing someone can ever say to me, and the bonus is that there is absolutely no way to misconstrue it as an insult or an unreasonable expectation. People need to hear that that others are glad they exist. They especially need to hear it when they are going through a tough time. I am somewhat ambivalent on compliments on my appearance -- there are times when they are welcome but there are also times when I would really prefer people not focus on my body or how I look, even if they do it in a complimentary way. But if you are reading this thread and thinking "I give up! What are you supposed to say then?" I highly recommend just saying "It is really good to see you."

But poor depressed mom had just worked up the gumption to leave early, go home and get some much needed rest. But now you’ve placed this new burden on her by centering *your* happiness.

If you’re so worried, use the passive voice “I am happy you were able to come out!” which places no burden of time or expectation of duration on the new mom.

But if you just want to be upset with being shown how to do better, may I suggest you go touch grass?

But haven't you now pressured her that she was expected to come out so that you could be happy, disregarding all the intenseness she is surviving and the fact that she really didn't want to come out at all, but is now forced to smile and pretend like everything is all right?? Really, your heartless disregard is horrifying. You should probably go flog yourself for a while and then come back and apologize, and then spend the remainder of your day facing the corner. For shame.

Nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Thank you"

Then you realize that people are trying to be nice to you. You clearly don't deserve it. What a self-centered shrew!

I want to apologize. Now that I have read the other comments, I fully agree that you must be having some sort of post-partum issues and you should probably seek help. It is fully irrational to be offended by such a nice compliment. You should view your reaction as a red flag.

Perhaps you should view your knee jerk response to tell a post partum woman that she does not deserve kindness and is a "self-centered shrew" as a red flag and ALSO seek professional help.

It is a good point. I am just really upset about people who are so self-centered that they view common compliments as offensive. It not only brings negativity to the world in general, but it chills people from being nice. I hadn't considered that maybe the new mom was generally a wonderful person who appreciates people being nice to her but is currently suffering from mental illness.

Consider that is much more self centered to think anyone cares about your opinion of their body. Wanting to just be left alone/unbothered is not really self centered at all.

It actually is. Stay home if you can't handle people trying to be nice and polite to you. Please don't bring your negativity to others.

"You don't deserve human contact if you don't get narc supply from comments about your physical appearance."
"You're negative, never happy, the cause of depression, etc."

You don’t deserve human contact if you’re going to use those interactions to try to make everyone feel as miserable as you do.

Everyone deserves human contact but ESPECIALLY a woman who recently gave birth and is struggling emotionally.

But good job making this all about you and your feelings.

Some of you are insufferable, narcissistic drama queens. Look at the site you’re posting to. Most of the women posting have given birth before. Many of us multiple times. And many of us have experienced PPD. But there are always those bridezilla-esque new moms who demand to be treated as though they’re the first and only women to ever give birth!!

And many of us, who have given birth, who have experienced PPD, and have had the same experience as OP of having ourselves called “amazing” or validated for being thin, covering up major medical concerns, are empathizing with this new mother instead of calling her names.

How old are you?

Old enough to remember the good ole days before never ending therapy (administered by people I wouldn’t trust to walk my dog) ruined an entire generation through the encouragement of excessive navel gazing and framing victimhood as aspirational.

How old are YOU?

That’s what I thought.

I’m old enough to have been taught by my grandmother and by Emily Post that no lady or gentleman is so vulgar as to comment on the appearance of another.

I hope you never tell any moms that their babies are adorable, either.

Soon we can all live in the Emily Post approved Utopia populated by a bunch of Dwight Schrutes: “It is your birthday.”

You know what I usually say to new moms I see out socially?

“Gosh I’m so happy to see you! I’m glad you’re here!”

And then I ask if I can get them anything like a drink or shady chair.

It’s so easy to have good manners.

Regardless of anything else that has been shared in this thread, I just want to second the suggestion that the nicest compliment you can pay someone is "I am genuinely happy you are here."

As someone who has struggled with mental health at various points in my life, including postpartum, this is far and away the kindest thing someone can ever say to me, and the bonus is that there is absolutely no way to misconstrue it as an insult or an unreasonable expectation. People need to hear that that others are glad they exist. They especially need to hear it when they are going through a tough time. I am somewhat ambivalent on compliments on my appearance -- there are times when they are welcome but there are also times when I would really prefer people not focus on my body or how I look, even if they do it in a complimentary way. But if you are reading this thread and thinking "I give up! What are you supposed to say then?" I highly recommend just saying "It is really good to see you."

But poor depressed mom had just worked up the gumption to leave early, go home and get some much needed rest. But now you’ve placed this new burden on her by centering *your* happiness.

If you’re so worried, use the passive voice “I am happy you were able to come out!” which places no burden of time or expectation of duration on the new mom.

But if you just want to be upset with being shown how to do better, may I suggest you go touch grass?

You are centering your own feelings though. The new mom should not have to hear about whether you were happy or not that she was able to leave her house. Do better.

I am happy to see you/pleased to meet you/thank you for coming are all polite things to say to someone. Comments on their physical appearance aren’t. If there is a postpartum mother here who was unhappy to hear any of the above they can say so and I’ll be interested to hear their take.

But, now that you've said you're happy to see me, haven't you looked at me, determined me to be physically pleasing, and thus displayed your grotesque evaluation of my physical appearance? From what I can tell, the OP-approved greeting would be: "Hello, I understand you just had a baby, and you therefore are exhausted and struggling. That really sucks. Have a nice day."

[Anonymous]

Didn’t read whole thread. Will say that people like OP are just unhappy people, postpartum or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are doing incredible mental gymnastics to justify your behavior of commenting on others’ bodies. But I am encouraged that most people get that it’s just flat out rude!

It’s mostly older people choosing to hang out on a postpartum moms forum. Not representative of actual humans society, self-selective for disordered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Thank you"

Then you realize that people are trying to be nice to you. You clearly don't deserve it. What a self-centered shrew!

I want to apologize. Now that I have read the other comments, I fully agree that you must be having some sort of post-partum issues and you should probably seek help. It is fully irrational to be offended by such a nice compliment. You should view your reaction as a red flag.

Perhaps you should view your knee jerk response to tell a post partum woman that she does not deserve kindness and is a "self-centered shrew" as a red flag and ALSO seek professional help.

It is a good point. I am just really upset about people who are so self-centered that they view common compliments as offensive. It not only brings negativity to the world in general, but it chills people from being nice. I hadn't considered that maybe the new mom was generally a wonderful person who appreciates people being nice to her but is currently suffering from mental illness.

Consider that is much more self centered to think anyone cares about your opinion of their body. Wanting to just be left alone/unbothered is not really self centered at all.

It actually is. Stay home if you can't handle people trying to be nice and polite to you. Please don't bring your negativity to others.

"You don't deserve human contact if you don't get narc supply from comments about your physical appearance."
"You're negative, never happy, the cause of depression, etc."

You don’t deserve human contact if you’re going to use those interactions to try to make everyone feel as miserable as you do.

Everyone deserves human contact but ESPECIALLY a woman who recently gave birth and is struggling emotionally.

But good job making this all about you and your feelings.

Some of you are insufferable, narcissistic drama queens. Look at the site you’re posting to. Most of the women posting have given birth before. Many of us multiple times. And many of us have experienced PPD. But there are always those bridezilla-esque new moms who demand to be treated as though they’re the first and only women to ever give birth!!

And many of us, who have given birth, who have experienced PPD, and have had the same experience as OP of having ourselves called “amazing” or validated for being thin, covering up major medical concerns, are empathizing with this new mother instead of calling her names.

How old are you?

Old enough to remember the good ole days before never ending therapy (administered by people I wouldn’t trust to walk my dog) ruined an entire generation through the encouragement of excessive navel gazing and framing victimhood as aspirational.

How old are YOU?

That’s what I thought.

I’m old enough to have been taught by my grandmother and by Emily Post that no lady or gentleman is so vulgar as to comment on the appearance of another.

I hope you never tell any moms that their babies are adorable, either.

Soon we can all live in the Emily Post approved Utopia populated by a bunch of Dwight Schrutes: “It is your birthday.”

You know what I usually say to new moms I see out socially?

“Gosh I’m so happy to see you! I’m glad you’re here!”

And then I ask if I can get them anything like a drink or shady chair.

It’s so easy to have good manners.

Regardless of anything else that has been shared in this thread, I just want to second the suggestion that the nicest compliment you can pay someone is "I am genuinely happy you are here."

As someone who has struggled with mental health at various points in my life, including postpartum, this is far and away the kindest thing someone can ever say to me, and the bonus is that there is absolutely no way to misconstrue it as an insult or an unreasonable expectation. People need to hear that that others are glad they exist. They especially need to hear it when they are going through a tough time. I am somewhat ambivalent on compliments on my appearance -- there are times when they are welcome but there are also times when I would really prefer people not focus on my body or how I look, even if they do it in a complimentary way. But if you are reading this thread and thinking "I give up! What are you supposed to say then?" I highly recommend just saying "It is really good to see you."

But poor depressed mom had just worked up the gumption to leave early, go home and get some much needed rest. But now you’ve placed this new burden on her by centering *your* happiness.

If you’re so worried, use the passive voice “I am happy you were able to come out!” which places no burden of time or expectation of duration on the new mom.

But if you just want to be upset with being shown how to do better, may I suggest you go touch grass?

You are centering your own feelings though. The new mom should not have to hear about whether you were happy or not that she was able to leave her house. Do better.

I am happy to see you/pleased to meet you/thank you for coming are all polite things to say to someone. Comments on their physical appearance aren’t. If there is a postpartum mother here who was unhappy to hear any of the above they can say so and I’ll be interested to hear their take.

We literally just told you. What part of “don’t make a postpartum mom responsible for your happiness” don’t you understand? Stop acting so entitled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Thank you"

Then you realize that people are trying to be nice to you. You clearly don't deserve it. What a self-centered shrew!

I want to apologize. Now that I have read the other comments, I fully agree that you must be having some sort of post-partum issues and you should probably seek help. It is fully irrational to be offended by such a nice compliment. You should view your reaction as a red flag.

Perhaps you should view your knee jerk response to tell a post partum woman that she does not deserve kindness and is a "self-centered shrew" as a red flag and ALSO seek professional help.

It is a good point. I am just really upset about people who are so self-centered that they view common compliments as offensive. It not only brings negativity to the world in general, but it chills people from being nice. I hadn't considered that maybe the new mom was generally a wonderful person who appreciates people being nice to her but is currently suffering from mental illness.

Consider that is much more self centered to think anyone cares about your opinion of their body. Wanting to just be left alone/unbothered is not really self centered at all.

It actually is. Stay home if you can't handle people trying to be nice and polite to you. Please don't bring your negativity to others.

"You don't deserve human contact if you don't get narc supply from comments about your physical appearance."
"You're negative, never happy, the cause of depression, etc."

You don’t deserve human contact if you’re going to use those interactions to try to make everyone feel as miserable as you do.

Everyone deserves human contact but ESPECIALLY a woman who recently gave birth and is struggling emotionally.

But good job making this all about you and your feelings.

Some of you are insufferable, narcissistic drama queens. Look at the site you’re posting to. Most of the women posting have given birth before. Many of us multiple times. And many of us have experienced PPD. But there are always those bridezilla-esque new moms who demand to be treated as though they’re the first and only women to ever give birth!!

And many of us, who have given birth, who have experienced PPD, and have had the same experience as OP of having ourselves called “amazing” or validated for being thin, covering up major medical concerns, are empathizing with this new mother instead of calling her names.

How old are you?

Old enough to remember the good ole days before never ending therapy (administered by people I wouldn’t trust to walk my dog) ruined an entire generation through the encouragement of excessive navel gazing and framing victimhood as aspirational.

How old are YOU?

That’s what I thought.

I’m old enough to have been taught by my grandmother and by Emily Post that no lady or gentleman is so vulgar as to comment on the appearance of another.

I hope you never tell any moms that their babies are adorable, either.

Soon we can all live in the Emily Post approved Utopia populated by a bunch of Dwight Schrutes: “It is your birthday.”

You know what I usually say to new moms I see out socially?

“Gosh I’m so happy to see you! I’m glad you’re here!”

And then I ask if I can get them anything like a drink or shady chair.

It’s so easy to have good manners.

Regardless of anything else that has been shared in this thread, I just want to second the suggestion that the nicest compliment you can pay someone is "I am genuinely happy you are here."

As someone who has struggled with mental health at various points in my life, including postpartum, this is far and away the kindest thing someone can ever say to me, and the bonus is that there is absolutely no way to misconstrue it as an insult or an unreasonable expectation. People need to hear that that others are glad they exist. They especially need to hear it when they are going through a tough time. I am somewhat ambivalent on compliments on my appearance -- there are times when they are welcome but there are also times when I would really prefer people not focus on my body or how I look, even if they do it in a complimentary way. But if you are reading this thread and thinking "I give up! What are you supposed to say then?" I highly recommend just saying "It is really good to see you."

But poor depressed mom had just worked up the gumption to leave early, go home and get some much needed rest. But now you’ve placed this new burden on her by centering *your* happiness.

If you’re so worried, use the passive voice “I am happy you were able to come out!” which places no burden of time or expectation of duration on the new mom.

But if you just want to be upset with being shown how to do better, may I suggest you go touch grass?

But haven't you now pressured her that she was expected to come out so that you could be happy, disregarding all the intenseness she is surviving and the fact that she really didn't want to come out at all, but is now forced to smile and pretend like everything is all right?? Really, your heartless disregard is horrifying. You should probably go flog yourself for a while and then come back and apologize, and then spend the remainder of your day facing the corner. For shame.

+1 She is a new mom for heaven's sake. You should be grateful you are seeing her in public and other than "cute baby!" or an offer to do her dishes, keep your mouth shut.

Actually I don’t think you can say “cute baby!” Maybe just “baby.” (Definitely no exclamation point. What if mom isn’t excited?)