Rant: “you look amazing”

[Anonymous]

It bothers me so much when people make comments about my body post baby. Can we just stop this?

I have been told at least 10 times something along the lines of “you look amazing” or “did you really just have a baby?” I know they mean it as a compliment but it’s annoying.

I don’t feel amazing. I’m exhausted and struggling, so when you tell me I look amazing it feels weird because it doesn’t match how I feel.

It’s super awkward when people comment on my body. My friend’s husband made a comment and I just said “yes I just had a baby. Here she is”. I would never comment on his beer belly so why is he commenting on my stomach?

Don’t comment on anyone’s body ever, but especially a hormonal new mom. Rant over.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, get over yourself. Sorry people are making an effort to be nice to you. My grandma's comment to me at my baby shower was: "Wow, you are just big all over. Not just your belly but your ankles, your neck, your head. Wow." Why not just accept the good intentions and move on?

[Anonymous]

You’re so right OP! It’s never ok, honestly, to comment on someone’s body

[Anonymous]

Just let it go. You probably don't look all that amazing.But people are trying to be nice to you.

Why don't you say something like thanks, I don't feel so amazing and tell them how you Are actually doing

[Anonymous]

Humblebrag

[Anonymous]

OP I had this exact same experience and also hated it. I had PPD and felt horrible and people kept saying "but you look great!" like this would somehow resolve my postpartum symptoms.

Also I know for a fact I did not look "amazing" as I have seen the photos. I think what people were actually commenting on was the fact that I shed the "baby weight" pretty quickly. I went from looking 10 months pregnant to not looking pregnant, and people were like "oh you're not fat anymore, that's amazing!" But I looked tired and overwhelmed, not "amazing."

The fixation on weight post partum makes people overlook a whole host of other issues that are actually a lot more important than whether someone who just had a baby has lost 10 lbs or 30 lbs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just let it go. You probably don't look all that amazing.But people are trying to be nice to you.

Why don't you say something like thanks, I don't feel so amazing and tell them how you Are actually doing

I did this and people just glide right past it. "But you LOOK great!" and no follow up questions about why you don't actually feel very good.

I feel like I had to fight really hard to get my postpartum depression treated in part because everyone around me seemed to just assume I was blissfully happy and didn't believe me when I told them, directly, I was really struggling. They couldn't hear it.

[Anonymous]

It’s very weird and disturbing how obsessed our society is regarding women’s bodies, ESPECIALLY pregnant and postpartum women.

There are only winners and losers.

I get it OP. It’s gross.

[Anonymous]

Talk to your doctor about PPD and meds, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talk to your doctor about PPD and meds, OP.

+1

It is not the fault of the people trying to say nice that things that you are feeling this way. Stop blaming them and go see a doctor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to your doctor about PPD and meds, OP.

+1

It is not the fault of the people trying to say nice that things that you are feeling this way. Stop blaming them and go see a doctor.

+2

I also “looked great” but really I was depressed, anxious, and struggling. I wasn’t eating well, was breastfeeding constantly, exhausted 24/7, and barely weighed 100 lbs. No one, not doctors, spouse, friends, coworkers, noticed how bad I was doing.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, I can't stand people like you, OP, not being able to handle kindness and compliments. Your post sounds like a humble-brag disguised as a feminist rant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I can't stand people like you, OP, not being able to handle kindness and compliments. Your post sounds like a humble-brag disguised as a feminist rant.

The point is that it's not kindness. It is not kind to tell someone how great they look even when they are telling you that they don't feel right.

And also sometimes there's an expectation that goes long with "you look amazing." A lot of people expect new mothers to be happy and are angry when they are not -- there is still a pervasive cultural belief that a woman with a baby has achieved the apex of female life achievement, and therefore she better be happy. Despite greater awareness around PPD and maternal mental health issues. Sometimes people still get mad at postpartum women for not being content. "You look amazing" can also come with this pressure to be happy and have no complaints.

[Anonymous]

I hear you OP.

The only way my daughter slept in the first three months was if I walked her. So I walked her. For miles every day. And when I wasn’t walking I was nursing. And then my OB said what a “great job” I had done being under my pre-pregnancy weight at six weeks (I was a normal pre-pregnancy weight I had no need to be lower…) and then scolded me when she measured my blood pressure (dangerously low). Pick one lady. Society’s obsessive and reflexive notion that slim=perfect is dangerous to women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I can't stand people like you, OP, not being able to handle kindness and compliments. Your post sounds like a humble-brag disguised as a feminist rant.

The point is that it's not kindness. It is not kind to tell someone how great they look even when they are telling you that they don't feel right.

And also sometimes there's an expectation that goes long with "you look amazing." A lot of people expect new mothers to be happy and are angry when they are not -- there is still a pervasive cultural belief that a woman with a baby has achieved the apex of female life achievement, and therefore she better be happy. Despite greater awareness around PPD and maternal mental health issues. Sometimes people still get mad at postpartum women for not being content. "You look amazing" can also come with this pressure to be happy and have no complaints.

OP, you are setting impossible expectations for ordinary human interaction. If you think you are surrounded by misogynistic villains every time someone looks for something positive to say, you have a problem. Get off DCUM, take a breath, and go see a doctor. You're only hurting yourself.