Rant: “you look amazing”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yet more evidence that basic social skills are declining rapidly. Pretty soon no one will ever speak to anyone unless it’s a purposeful conversation. It’s not worth it if people are going to freak out over a simple benign comment in passing.

Agreed. This thread is bonkers. However, I am totally happy to use benign comments and a person’s reaction to them as a filter for whether I will choose to ever interact with that person again if I can help it.

Yeah, this. Going forward, I think I will decline to make eye contact with all postpartum women. I'm almost certain to get it wrong if I try to be nice, and they're not worth the trouble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Thank you"

Then you realize that people are trying to be nice to you. You clearly don't deserve it. What a self-centered shrew!

I want to apologize. Now that I have read the other comments, I fully agree that you must be having some sort of post-partum issues and you should probably seek help. It is fully irrational to be offended by such a nice compliment. You should view your reaction as a red flag.

Perhaps you should view your knee jerk response to tell a post partum woman that she does not deserve kindness and is a "self-centered shrew" as a red flag and ALSO seek professional help.

It is a good point. I am just really upset about people who are so self-centered that they view common compliments as offensive. It not only brings negativity to the world in general, but it chills people from being nice. I hadn't considered that maybe the new mom was generally a wonderful person who appreciates people being nice to her but is currently suffering from mental illness.

Consider that is much more self centered to think anyone cares about your opinion of their body. Wanting to just be left alone/unbothered is not really self centered at all.

It actually is. Stay home if you can't handle people trying to be nice and polite to you. Please don't bring your negativity to others.

"You don't deserve human contact if you don't get narc supply from comments about your physical appearance."
"You're negative, never happy, the cause of depression, etc."

You don’t deserve human contact if you’re going to use those interactions to try to make everyone feel as miserable as you do.

Everyone deserves human contact but ESPECIALLY a woman who recently gave birth and is struggling emotionally.

But good job making this all about you and your feelings.

Some of you are insufferable, narcissistic drama queens. Look at the site you’re posting to. Most of the women posting have given birth before. Many of us multiple times. And many of us have experienced PPD. But there are always those bridezilla-esque new moms who demand to be treated as though they’re the first and only women to ever give birth!!

And many of us, who have given birth, who have experienced PPD, and have had the same experience as OP of having ourselves called “amazing” or validated for being thin, covering up major medical concerns, are empathizing with this new mother instead of calling her names.

How old are you?

Old enough to remember the good ole days before never ending therapy (administered by people I wouldn’t trust to walk my dog) ruined an entire generation through the encouragement of excessive navel gazing and framing victimhood as aspirational.

How old are YOU?

That’s what I thought.

I’m old enough to have been taught by my grandmother and by Emily Post that no lady or gentleman is so vulgar as to comment on the appearance of another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yet more evidence that basic social skills are declining rapidly. Pretty soon no one will ever speak to anyone unless it’s a purposeful conversation. It’s not worth it if people are going to freak out over a simple benign comment in passing.

More gaslighting. I am *entitled* to make unsolicited complements about your appearance, and if you don't like it, you have the problem. I am the well adjusted social not-depressed adult here!

Yes because telling someone they look great is always gaslighting and can never simply mean you look great.

That is *not* what you are gaslighting. There are women in here saying these comments are unwanted, you are defending your "right" to make unwanted comments about physical appearance, and accusing the women who do not want comments of being the one to have the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Thank you"

Then you realize that people are trying to be nice to you. You clearly don't deserve it. What a self-centered shrew!

I want to apologize. Now that I have read the other comments, I fully agree that you must be having some sort of post-partum issues and you should probably seek help. It is fully irrational to be offended by such a nice compliment. You should view your reaction as a red flag.

Perhaps you should view your knee jerk response to tell a post partum woman that she does not deserve kindness and is a "self-centered shrew" as a red flag and ALSO seek professional help.

It is a good point. I am just really upset about people who are so self-centered that they view common compliments as offensive. It not only brings negativity to the world in general, but it chills people from being nice. I hadn't considered that maybe the new mom was generally a wonderful person who appreciates people being nice to her but is currently suffering from mental illness.

Consider that is much more self centered to think anyone cares about your opinion of their body. Wanting to just be left alone/unbothered is not really self centered at all.

It actually is. Stay home if you can't handle people trying to be nice and polite to you. Please don't bring your negativity to others.

"You don't deserve human contact if you don't get narc supply from comments about your physical appearance."
"You're negative, never happy, the cause of depression, etc."

You don’t deserve human contact if you’re going to use those interactions to try to make everyone feel as miserable as you do.

Everyone deserves human contact but ESPECIALLY a woman who recently gave birth and is struggling emotionally.

But good job making this all about you and your feelings.

Some of you are insufferable, narcissistic drama queens. Look at the site you’re posting to. Most of the women posting have given birth before. Many of us multiple times. And many of us have experienced PPD. But there are always those bridezilla-esque new moms who demand to be treated as though they’re the first and only women to ever give birth!!

And many of us, who have given birth, who have experienced PPD, and have had the same experience as OP of having ourselves called “amazing” or validated for being thin, covering up major medical concerns, are empathizing with this new mother instead of calling her names.

How old are you?

Old enough to remember the good ole days before never ending therapy (administered by people I wouldn’t trust to walk my dog) ruined an entire generation through the encouragement of excessive navel gazing and framing victimhood as aspirational.

How old are YOU?

That’s what I thought.

I’m old enough to have been taught by my grandmother and by Emily Post that no lady or gentleman is so vulgar as to comment on the appearance of another.

I hope you never tell any moms that their babies are adorable, either.

Soon we can all live in the Emily Post approved Utopia populated by a bunch of Dwight Schrutes: “It is your birthday.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yet more evidence that basic social skills are declining rapidly. Pretty soon no one will ever speak to anyone unless it’s a purposeful conversation. It’s not worth it if people are going to freak out over a simple benign comment in passing.

Agreed. This thread is bonkers. However, I am totally happy to use benign comments and a person’s reaction to them as a filter for whether I will choose to ever interact with that person again if I can help it.

Yeah, this. Going forward, I think I will decline to make eye contact with all postpartum women. I'm almost certain to get it wrong if I try to be nice, and they're not worth the trouble.

Spare us. Nothing cheaper than running your mouth for a few short seconds with a cookie-cutter insincere complement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yet more evidence that basic social skills are declining rapidly. Pretty soon no one will ever speak to anyone unless it’s a purposeful conversation. It’s not worth it if people are going to freak out over a simple benign comment in passing.

More gaslighting. I am *entitled* to make unsolicited complements about your appearance, and if you don't like it, you have the problem. I am the well adjusted social not-depressed adult here!

Yes because telling someone they look great is always gaslighting and can never simply mean you look great.

That is *not* what you are gaslighting. There are women in here saying these comments are unwanted, you are defending your "right" to make unwanted comments about physical appearance, and accusing the women who do not want comments of being the one to have the problem.

DP but you are aware that we have freedom of speech in this country, are you not? We actually DO have the right to make comments. You have the right to be offended. But YOP do not have the right to preemptively dictate what other people are and are not allowed to say.

So actually, if you are unable to accept that when you converse with another autonomous human being that they might make a comment you “don’t want” then you are in fact the one with the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yet more evidence that basic social skills are declining rapidly. Pretty soon no one will ever speak to anyone unless it’s a purposeful conversation. It’s not worth it if people are going to freak out over a simple benign comment in passing.

Agreed. This thread is bonkers. However, I am totally happy to use benign comments and a person’s reaction to them as a filter for whether I will choose to ever interact with that person again if I can help it.

Yeah, this. Going forward, I think I will decline to make eye contact with all postpartum women. I'm almost certain to get it wrong if I try to be nice, and they're not worth the trouble.

I’ll do the opposite. I’m going to keep interacting with them and they have to deal with normal human socialization.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Thank you"

Then you realize that people are trying to be nice to you. You clearly don't deserve it. What a self-centered shrew!

I want to apologize. Now that I have read the other comments, I fully agree that you must be having some sort of post-partum issues and you should probably seek help. It is fully irrational to be offended by such a nice compliment. You should view your reaction as a red flag.

Perhaps you should view your knee jerk response to tell a post partum woman that she does not deserve kindness and is a "self-centered shrew" as a red flag and ALSO seek professional help.

It is a good point. I am just really upset about people who are so self-centered that they view common compliments as offensive. It not only brings negativity to the world in general, but it chills people from being nice. I hadn't considered that maybe the new mom was generally a wonderful person who appreciates people being nice to her but is currently suffering from mental illness.

Consider that is much more self centered to think anyone cares about your opinion of their body. Wanting to just be left alone/unbothered is not really self centered at all.

It actually is. Stay home if you can't handle people trying to be nice and polite to you. Please don't bring your negativity to others.

"You don't deserve human contact if you don't get narc supply from comments about your physical appearance."
"You're negative, never happy, the cause of depression, etc."

You don’t deserve human contact if you’re going to use those interactions to try to make everyone feel as miserable as you do.

Everyone deserves human contact but ESPECIALLY a woman who recently gave birth and is struggling emotionally.

But good job making this all about you and your feelings.

Some of you are insufferable, narcissistic drama queens. Look at the site you’re posting to. Most of the women posting have given birth before. Many of us multiple times. And many of us have experienced PPD. But there are always those bridezilla-esque new moms who demand to be treated as though they’re the first and only women to ever give birth!!

And many of us, who have given birth, who have experienced PPD, and have had the same experience as OP of having ourselves called “amazing” or validated for being thin, covering up major medical concerns, are empathizing with this new mother instead of calling her names.

How old are you?

Old enough to remember the good ole days before never ending therapy (administered by people I wouldn’t trust to walk my dog) ruined an entire generation through the encouragement of excessive navel gazing and framing victimhood as aspirational.

How old are YOU?

Add ruined to the list
Depressed.
Victim-seeking
Entitled
Ungrateful
Not deserving of human contact
Not believing lived experiences (street harassment)
Self centred shrew
Bringing negativity to the world

What else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yet more evidence that basic social skills are declining rapidly. Pretty soon no one will ever speak to anyone unless it’s a purposeful conversation. It’s not worth it if people are going to freak out over a simple benign comment in passing.

More gaslighting. I am *entitled* to make unsolicited complements about your appearance, and if you don't like it, you have the problem. I am the well adjusted social not-depressed adult here!

Yes because telling someone they look great is always gaslighting and can never simply mean you look great.

That is *not* what you are gaslighting. There are women in here saying these comments are unwanted, you are defending your "right" to make unwanted comments about physical appearance, and accusing the women who do not want comments of being the one to have the problem.

DP but you are aware that we have freedom of speech in this country, are you not? We actually DO have the right to make comments. You have the right to be offended. But YOP do not have the right to preemptively dictate what other people are and are not allowed to say.

So actually, if you are unable to accept that when you converse with another autonomous human being that they might make a comment you “don’t want” then you are in fact the one with the problem.

Great! And now you get to hear how some of us perceive your amazing cookie cutter insincere comments about our bodies

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Thank you"

Then you realize that people are trying to be nice to you. You clearly don't deserve it. What a self-centered shrew!

I want to apologize. Now that I have read the other comments, I fully agree that you must be having some sort of post-partum issues and you should probably seek help. It is fully irrational to be offended by such a nice compliment. You should view your reaction as a red flag.

Perhaps you should view your knee jerk response to tell a post partum woman that she does not deserve kindness and is a "self-centered shrew" as a red flag and ALSO seek professional help.

It is a good point. I am just really upset about people who are so self-centered that they view common compliments as offensive. It not only brings negativity to the world in general, but it chills people from being nice. I hadn't considered that maybe the new mom was generally a wonderful person who appreciates people being nice to her but is currently suffering from mental illness.

Consider that is much more self centered to think anyone cares about your opinion of their body. Wanting to just be left alone/unbothered is not really self centered at all.

It actually is. Stay home if you can't handle people trying to be nice and polite to you. Please don't bring your negativity to others.

"You don't deserve human contact if you don't get narc supply from comments about your physical appearance."
"You're negative, never happy, the cause of depression, etc."

You don’t deserve human contact if you’re going to use those interactions to try to make everyone feel as miserable as you do.

Everyone deserves human contact but ESPECIALLY a woman who recently gave birth and is struggling emotionally.

But good job making this all about you and your feelings.

Some of you are insufferable, narcissistic drama queens. Look at the site you’re posting to. Most of the women posting have given birth before. Many of us multiple times. And many of us have experienced PPD. But there are always those bridezilla-esque new moms who demand to be treated as though they’re the first and only women to ever give birth!!

And many of us, who have given birth, who have experienced PPD, and have had the same experience as OP of having ourselves called “amazing” or validated for being thin, covering up major medical concerns, are empathizing with this new mother instead of calling her names.

How old are you?

Old enough to remember the good ole days before never ending therapy (administered by people I wouldn’t trust to walk my dog) ruined an entire generation through the encouragement of excessive navel gazing and framing victimhood as aspirational.

How old are YOU?

That’s what I thought.

I’m old enough to have been taught by my grandmother and by Emily Post that no lady or gentleman is so vulgar as to comment on the appearance of another.

I hope you never tell any moms that their babies are adorable, either.

Soon we can all live in the Emily Post approved Utopia populated by a bunch of Dwight Schrutes: “It is your birthday.”

You know what I usually say to new moms I see out socially?

“Gosh I’m so happy to see you! I’m glad you’re here!”

And then I ask if I can get them anything like a drink or shady chair.

It’s so easy to have good manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yet more evidence that basic social skills are declining rapidly. Pretty soon no one will ever speak to anyone unless it’s a purposeful conversation. It’s not worth it if people are going to freak out over a simple benign comment in passing.

More gaslighting. I am *entitled* to make unsolicited complements about your appearance, and if you don't like it, you have the problem. I am the well adjusted social not-depressed adult here!

Yes because telling someone they look great is always gaslighting and can never simply mean you look great.

That is *not* what you are gaslighting. There are women in here saying these comments are unwanted, you are defending your "right" to make unwanted comments about physical appearance, and accusing the women who do not want comments of being the one to have the problem.

DP but you are aware that we have freedom of speech in this country, are you not? We actually DO have the right to make comments. You have the right to be offended. But YOP do not have the right to preemptively dictate what other people are and are not allowed to say.

So actually, if you are unable to accept that when you converse with another autonomous human being that they might make a comment you “don’t want” then you are in fact the one with the problem.

DP— the person you’re quoting didn’t say you don’t have the right. They’re saying it’s weird to defend your “right” to make someone feed badly. Especially a postpartum mom which is a weird degree of punching down to insist you’re entitled to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yet more evidence that basic social skills are declining rapidly. Pretty soon no one will ever speak to anyone unless it’s a purposeful conversation. It’s not worth it if people are going to freak out over a simple benign comment in passing.

Agreed. This thread is bonkers. However, I am totally happy to use benign comments and a person’s reaction to them as a filter for whether I will choose to ever interact with that person again if I can help it.

Yeah, this. Going forward, I think I will decline to make eye contact with all postpartum women. I'm almost certain to get it wrong if I try to be nice, and they're not worth the trouble.

I mean it’s actually better to say nothing at all than to be rude and weird, so this is a good solution!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Thank you"

Then you realize that people are trying to be nice to you. You clearly don't deserve it. What a self-centered shrew!

I want to apologize. Now that I have read the other comments, I fully agree that you must be having some sort of post-partum issues and you should probably seek help. It is fully irrational to be offended by such a nice compliment. You should view your reaction as a red flag.

Perhaps you should view your knee jerk response to tell a post partum woman that she does not deserve kindness and is a "self-centered shrew" as a red flag and ALSO seek professional help.

It is a good point. I am just really upset about people who are so self-centered that they view common compliments as offensive. It not only brings negativity to the world in general, but it chills people from being nice. I hadn't considered that maybe the new mom was generally a wonderful person who appreciates people being nice to her but is currently suffering from mental illness.

Consider that is much more self centered to think anyone cares about your opinion of their body. Wanting to just be left alone/unbothered is not really self centered at all.

It actually is. Stay home if you can't handle people trying to be nice and polite to you. Please don't bring your negativity to others.

"You don't deserve human contact if you don't get narc supply from comments about your physical appearance."
"You're negative, never happy, the cause of depression, etc."

You don’t deserve human contact if you’re going to use those interactions to try to make everyone feel as miserable as you do.

Everyone deserves human contact but ESPECIALLY a woman who recently gave birth and is struggling emotionally.

But good job making this all about you and your feelings.

Some of you are insufferable, narcissistic drama queens. Look at the site you’re posting to. Most of the women posting have given birth before. Many of us multiple times. And many of us have experienced PPD. But there are always those bridezilla-esque new moms who demand to be treated as though they’re the first and only women to ever give birth!!

And many of us, who have given birth, who have experienced PPD, and have had the same experience as OP of having ourselves called “amazing” or validated for being thin, covering up major medical concerns, are empathizing with this new mother instead of calling her names.

How old are you?

Old enough to remember the good ole days before never ending therapy (administered by people I wouldn’t trust to walk my dog) ruined an entire generation through the encouragement of excessive navel gazing and framing victimhood as aspirational.

How old are YOU?

That’s what I thought.

I’m old enough to have been taught by my grandmother and by Emily Post that no lady or gentleman is so vulgar as to comment on the appearance of another.

I hope you never tell any moms that their babies are adorable, either.

Soon we can all live in the Emily Post approved Utopia populated by a bunch of Dwight Schrutes: “It is your birthday.”

You know what I usually say to new moms I see out socially?

“Gosh I’m so happy to see you! I’m glad you’re here!”

And then I ask if I can get them anything like a drink or shady chair.

It’s so easy to have good manners.

Regardless of anything else that has been shared in this thread, I just want to second the suggestion that the nicest compliment you can pay someone is "I am genuinely happy you are here."

As someone who has struggled with mental health at various points in my life, including postpartum, this is far and away the kindest thing someone can ever say to me, and the bonus is that there is absolutely no way to misconstrue it as an insult or an unreasonable expectation. People need to hear that that others are glad they exist. They especially need to hear it when they are going through a tough time. I am somewhat ambivalent on compliments on my appearance -- there are times when they are welcome but there are also times when I would really prefer people not focus on my body or how I look, even if they do it in a complimentary way. But if you are reading this thread and thinking "I give up! What are you supposed to say then?" I highly recommend just saying "It is really good to see you."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yet more evidence that basic social skills are declining rapidly. Pretty soon no one will ever speak to anyone unless it’s a purposeful conversation. It’s not worth it if people are going to freak out over a simple benign comment in passing.

Agreed. This thread is bonkers. However, I am totally happy to use benign comments and a person’s reaction to them as a filter for whether I will choose to ever interact with that person again if I can help it.

Yeah, this. Going forward, I think I will decline to make eye contact with all postpartum women. I'm almost certain to get it wrong if I try to be nice, and they're not worth the trouble.

I’ll do the opposite. I’m going to keep interacting with them and they have to deal with normal human socialization.

I’m just going to keep being someone with good manners. How weird to find that difficult. Maybe you were raised in challenging circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Some of you are doing incredible mental gymnastics to justify your behavior of commenting on others’ bodies. But I am encouraged that most people get that it’s just flat out rude!