My successful and charming brother met an amazing woman but said he's breaking up with her because

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay. Two things, unpalatable but true.

1. Single childless women should marry single childless men. It is a bad deal for a childless woman in her prime fertility years to marry a guy with children. It just is. Marrying widowers/divorced men with children has always been the choice for the unmarketable. If this woman is as great as you say, she can do better finding a childless never married man who can focus 100% of his resources on their marriage, family and children.

2. Men who need women to be just so to be turned on by them have low libido. A man in his prime with a high libido may have a preferred type but will generally find most women attractive and will want to sleep with them. The woman will need to be practically deformed to be unattractive to him. Men with stringent standards for women's appearances have low libido.

Are you by chance a single mom? Single mothers really hate when high caliber men their age date younger women without their baggage.

I don't know about PP but I'm the younger woman in this situation and I think she's spot on.

+1. DP, also agree 100%.

[Anonymous]

I'm with a divorced dad with older kids. The serious relationships he had post-divorce prior to me were with childless women. He says that the problems that arise when trying to incorporate a childless woman into his family life were the main reason those relationships ended. Now that he's with me, a mom (albeit with kids out of the house already), he sees clearly that there's no way someone who hasn't had children can ever understand the parent-child bond and all the issues it entails. Only a mom can truly understand why a parent would do the sorts of crazy things we're willing to do for our children. Only someone who has parented understands that you can't always "make" a teen do something they don't want to do, and that you certainly can't change a teen's attitude toward something.

Even though I get miffed when he has to cancel plans or rearrange them because of his kids, I fully support him doing so since that's exactly what I would do in his position. I also get that his money needs to be primarily oriented toward the kids and household at this point in time rather than on fun sprees to the Caribbean with me, and that some of our together time will include a kid. All of this is to day that OP's brother is not as great of a catch as OP might believe since he's got parent baggage. And it sounds like his kids are several years away from being out of the home, so there's no waiting it out for just a year or so.

OP should encourage dropping this childless woman and finding a relationship with another mom. I don't know whether in all the comments OP mentioned whether her brother wants more kids, but if he doesn't (and I wouldn't think we does) this will create a serious issue for any woman under the age of 45 who does eventually want to give birth.

[Anonymous]

I'm PP. Another thing to keep in mind is that if OP's brother's ex-wife was smart, she tied up a significant amount of his future earnings in ways that directly benefit her children in her divorce settlement. This means that any new wife and any children she has with the brother will not have access to all of his income and assets. Retirement funds, child support, life insurance policy premiums, obligations to cover college tuition, and so on will eat into wife #2's funds. In my own divorce, I had my ex commit to specific amounts of money that would be placed in a 529 for the benefit of my own kids. (It was enough to pay for 4 years at an elite private school like those he and I attended, so about $400K). If he has more children, he may or may not be able to afford to give them as much money, especially if he doesn't marry a higher earning woman like I am. These financial obligations make him much less appealing to a woman of child bearing age who wants to have his babies.