37 single, want a baby, make about 95k a year
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Anonymous
| I have a male friend, a 35 year old woman from out of town came here, met him at a bar, slept with him for a month, then disappeared. He thinks she used him to have a free baby. She does not return his calls. |
Anonymous
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Do it.ii was you 5 years ago. I let myself be talked out of it and be talked into trying to get a husband/ father.
5 years later no husband and no child and now at 42 it's too late. |
Anonymous
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OP, I definitely think you can do it if you have some support systems.... The following questions might help:
Money: I would look carefully at your budget: you mention equity so how much is your mortgage? Can you carve out 3k/month for expenses for the next few years? also, what school district are you in? Job: how stable is your job? how flexible is it? Do you have paid leave? Family/friend support: being a single parent is easier in some ways than co-parenting with a difficult ex, but the drawback is that your life and schedule revolves around your child. Its nice to have other friends, family, etc to help out. If you had parents who were able to help and willing to live nearby that would be ideal. Plus its also good for child to have an extended network. But family can be good friends, siblings, etc. but think about this: who takes care of kid if you are in hospital? who takes care of kid if you need to travel? etc. Dating/future: being a single mom definitely does not make dating easier and really you should take it off the table for several years. Are you okay with that? |
Anonymous
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The math probably doesn't work if your views about quality of life are conventional. While it's possible to live very inexpensively as an individual, and also as an individual with a child to support, it is extremely limiting. Plenty of people on welfare have multiple children, after all. If you're ok with the limits you'll face due to financial constraints, that's your choice and your trade-off.
Have a realistic budget in mind which incorpoprates the predictable impact of a child on your working future and prospects, and go from there. As a Plan B, go through the same exercise but with a more needy child in mind, since that's always a risk. If you'd very probably be reduced to poverty in either scenario, maybe think twice. |
Anonymous
How many woman with husbands have any of this? Going by this forum and what I see in real life the answer is less than 1% |
Anonymous
This op! Find a group in your area or even just start oni e to research. DCUM is not the best for this type of advice. |
Anonymous
Who do you think takes care of the child when both adults are working? |
Anonymous
Yes, the most likely reason this woman isn’t calling a guy back from a bar-based short term relationship is that she must have had a secret baby. lol! |
Anonymous
First of all it’s unlikely that a two adult house with a total HHI of 95-100k in this are would be structured with both adults working conventional full time hours and paying the resulting ~24k/year+ for childcare. At minimum many 2 adult households can structure their schedules to avoid having to pay for extended care throughout the daycare/elementary years and alternate taking time off for sick days, daycare/school closures, etc |
Anonymous
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I'm a SMBC. I had a slightly higher salary/retirement savings than you, but you can substitute other resources for cash if available. It's easier if
1) You get everything delivered. This usually isn't that expensive. 2) You live in DC, where free pre-school starts at age 3. You still have to pay for summer childcare, but my childcare expenses were halved. 3) You have family nearby for emergency care.(I didn't have this, so had to hire the odd sitter in emergencies). 4) Keep housing/transport expenses as low as possible. 5) Look for daycare centers that have space in churches or offices. They usually have lower fees, as their rent is low. In-home care is even lower cost. 6) Stick to one kid. Most of my married-with-two-kids friends are more frazzled than I am, due to the sheer number of potential scheduling conflicts. (Interestingly, a lot of energy goes into dealing with their husbands' families). Becoming a parent is the best thing I ever did, conjunctivitis notwithstanding. |
Anonymous
The biggest concern is OP’s retirement savings which at 35K are way below where they should be for her age/income. Yes in theory she has time to catch up but if that was as much as she was able to save without childcare expenses I worry how she will manage to maintain much less ramp up savings. |
Anonymous
What is his problem? A shot of donor sperm goes for $2500 so she doesn’t owe him much relative what he would have spent on a hooker in one month |
Anonymous
It’s not too late. Close friend had a baby on her own at your age with donor egg and donor sperm. |
Anonymous
There’s more to being a second parent than bringing in a paycheck. It’s backup health insurance; it’s flexibility if one person is sick or hospitalized; it’s one person grocery shopping while the other takes the kid to the doctor; it’s one person STILL HAVING A JOB if the other gets sick or fired, as a result of say, the time and energy required for parenting. OP probably has no idea how little sleep she will get for the first several years of a baby’s life and how hard it will be to also be the only income during that time. Doing this on her income is incredibly self-destructive for herself and a child. |
Anonymous
. exactly |