Vent about marrying someone from a very underdeveloped country

[Anonymous]

Op here. Pictures of the kitchen. I can take one of his house.

https://ibb.co/G2JDrbH
https://ibb.co/HNSKPsG
https://ibb.co/K2dtbM2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This reminds me of my SIL who insists on all organic for her, but her kids only eat chicken nuggets and a few other things. And this is in Peru which has the best food in the world IMO. I’m not from there but have visited many times.

I’ve done very rustic, but not for a month. That is indeed a long time. Why not bring a cutting board with you next time and a few other cooking implements? And buy a knife there. Or learn to use the “sword”. Does your husband think his family will be insulted if you bring stuff like that? That is so weird insisting on 2 suitcases for 4 for a month.

Op here. I have no idea. I'm exhausted from trying to figure it all out he didn't want me to bring pancake mix and a mini pancake mixer but I brought it anyway. Dh doesn't cook so it's all on me. He doesn't eat roti or a lot of Bengali food in the US. We eat a lot of South American food as we lived in Miami and we had hired help. A Peruvian lady would cook for us a few times a week and she taught me how to cook their dishes. We like food that's not as spicy as Bengali food but not as bland as American food. We went to Turkey and loved the food.

Wtf. You have half a suitcase per person and you brought a pancake mixer. What even is that? How about a bowl and a spoon? Also, don’t bring mix if you must have pancakes. They’re pretty easy to make from basic ingredients they have there

It's very small and more convenient. Much easier to clean. It's the size of a small plate. Looks like a waffle maker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are Bangladeshis mostly Bengali?

Not that OP would eat it, nor am I advising it but Bengalis are known for amazing desserts and also great fish. Fish curry and rice should be like the daily meal - and it's all cooked all the way through to the point that the fish falls right apart so I don't imagine it's unsafe. Hopefully DH is enjoying some of those foods from back home.

Op isn’t visiting a middle class Bengali Indian home where they will have awesome desserts and fish all the time and then retire to have chai and political/philosophical discourse/debate!

Sounds like she IS visiting a middle class Bengali home though. May not be UPPER middle class so they may not have those things daily, but seems middle class enough that they'd make fish a few times and cook awesome desserts a few times just bc their DIL and grandkids are visiting. Though they may not be doing this because these things are expensive so why bother if DIL and grandkids will just sit there eating ramen not even drying the fish curry or desserts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oookay.

Consider talking to your husband when you come back. Let him know that you wish you were better prepared.

Having to bathe out of the bucket is not the end of the world. Not eating chicken nuggets is not the end of the world. Being constantly cold would be, so keep your list reasonable, and see how you can work around it, the next time you go. Maybe he goes first and you join him later, to keep your portion of the trip shorter. Tell him you want to see the country, not just sit at home. This will automatically get you to places where you will have access to different food, shopping, etc.

And unless you have very young kids, work on expanding their palate. There are things you can do here to make your next trip easier.

OP here. Have you done this for a MONTH? I think not. Our kids are very young, and we were advised that boxed food would be better. We all got super sick during the last trip. Please let me know what we can do to make our trip easier... I planned how to make this trip easier for months.. there is only so much you can do. His family doesn't live close to a big city.. there isn't a lot of shopping and restaurants around... going out to restaurants and using a supermarket is a newer concept here...

I hear ya OP.

I think bathing out of a bucket 🪣 for an entire month would equate a second form of hell for me!

I would be so angry that your husband never cautioned you on the way things are in his country…I would definitely discuss it w/him because it was disrespectful of him to not tell you these things.

What do you think Americans in the us did 150 years ago?

We have become so soft as a people and nation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The key is to appear successful enough that your parents can brag about you to their friends but not so successful that it appears you have the means to support all the family members in their country.

That's the key according to my relative from Thailand.

Interesting

Makes sense

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Pictures of the kitchen. I can take one of his house.

https://ibb.co/G2JDrbH
https://ibb.co/HNSKPsG
https://ibb.co/K2dtbM2

Ok this is def not a poor Bangladeshi home

Op would go in shock if she actually saw real poverty

[Anonymous]

Why aren’t the ILs cooking good food for OP’s kids? Rice and lentils, pooris, curries where you take out the kid portion before adding the heat. Bengalis are famous for fish curry!! And these poor kids are surviving on random boxed crap

[Anonymous]

^ Are these ILs misinformed enough to think it’s posh to eat boxed crap?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are Bangladeshis mostly Bengali?

Not that OP would eat it, nor am I advising it but Bengalis are known for amazing desserts and also great fish. Fish curry and rice should be like the daily meal - and it's all cooked all the way through to the point that the fish falls right apart so I don't imagine it's unsafe. Hopefully DH is enjoying some of those foods from back home.

Op isn’t visiting a middle class Bengali Indian home where they will have awesome desserts and fish all the time and then retire to have chai and political/philosophical discourse/debate!

Sounds like she IS visiting a middle class Bengali home though. May not be UPPER middle class so they may not have those things daily, but seems middle class enough that they'd make fish a few times and cook awesome desserts a few times just bc their DIL and grandkids are visiting. Though they may not be doing this because these things are expensive so why bother if DIL and grandkids will just sit there eating ramen not even drying the fish curry or desserts.

op here. desserts are always bought outside. there are enough people around that they are cooking a lot. i haven't seen any fish but I'm sure they have it. i think dh has a hard time eating the food here. i have friends who have told me they were forced to eat the local food when they visited India in the summer and it was very hard for them. at least I am not being forced to eat food I don't want to eat. dh mentioned before the tip we could bring the kids shopping for clothes and now that we are here he being a hypocrite and saying they don't need clothing. I am so mad, and I can't just grab an Uber and go to Aarong. I love shopping here for gifts for my family and friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ Are these ILs misinformed enough to think it’s posh to eat boxed crap?

The ILs have nothing to do with it. My kids refuse to eat their food, and we aren't going to force them. We were also advised by doctors in the US that boxed food would be better for most of the trip. Our kids won't even eat oatmeal and bananas in the US. It sucks, but what can you do other than force them to eat other foods? They did eat Turkish lentil soup and other Turkish food when we visited Turkey at the start of our trip. I am starting to feel sick today, and our 3-year-old is also. It's hard to enjoy food when you are constantly worried about getting sick. It's much easier for me to prepare noodles or pancakes and be done with it.

[Anonymous]

I think you should stay home and let your husband take the kids without you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's Bangladesh people. This is OP, her update from this year is on page 6.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/90/751488.page

My spouse was sent to Cox Bazar when with the UN. I could have moved with our infant at the time and I said no way. He started there for a few months and we decided it was best for him to stay alone. At the time if he had a medical issue/ emergency he would have been flown to Thailand.

We lived in Afghanistan (in a mud hut with open sewage) together many years prior (before kids) so I am no diva about where I live. We were worried about the development and the food our kid would have to eat while there if we extended and made it long term.

Get medicine and antibiotics from the doctor. Make sure you’re up to date on vaccines. Bring luggage with food in it! Things in case you need for emergency some kid friendly healthy bars. Vitamins. Bring those individual powder packs of pedyatle and liquid Iv packs for diarrhea or sickness.. Bring bug spray. Maybe bring some fancy soaps for your on laws?

I had major stomach problems when I lived in Afghanistan. I knew many people who had to take cipro but that caused them issues too. I always brought vitamins and I ate lots of fruit and vegetables there. I just learned to live with my stomach constantly hurting but it is different when you have kids. Messing with your gut microbiome is no joke.

Take your kids to a decent hotel for a few days or ask your husband if you can all go to Thailand or somewhere for a few days and bring his family.

I wouldn’t stay a month. Can you have your husband go first? Can you stay for a week or 10 days and then go somewhere else for a few days?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Pictures of the kitchen. I can take one of his house.

https://ibb.co/G2JDrbH
https://ibb.co/HNSKPsG
https://ibb.co/K2dtbM2

Ok this is def not a poor Bangladeshi home

Op would go in shock if she actually saw real poverty

Agree. Those pictures look like most middle class kitchens in poorer countries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ Are these ILs misinformed enough to think it’s posh to eat boxed crap?

OP started a long thread a few weeks ago asking which foods she could easily transport in her suitcase. Sounds like it is OP’s choice not to eat her IL’s food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oookay.

Consider talking to your husband when you come back. Let him know that you wish you were better prepared.

Having to bathe out of the bucket is not the end of the world. Not eating chicken nuggets is not the end of the world. Being constantly cold would be, so keep your list reasonable, and see how you can work around it, the next time you go. Maybe he goes first and you join him later, to keep your portion of the trip shorter. Tell him you want to see the country, not just sit at home. This will automatically get you to places where you will have access to different food, shopping, etc.

And unless you have very young kids, work on expanding their palate. There are things you can do here to make your next trip easier.

OP here. Have you done this for a MONTH? I think not. Our kids are very young, and we were advised that boxed food would be better. We all got super sick during the last trip. Please let me know what we can do to make our trip easier... I planned how to make this trip easier for months.. there is only so much you can do. His family doesn't live close to a big city.. there isn't a lot of shopping and restaurants around... going out to restaurants and using a supermarket is a newer concept here...

I hear ya OP.

I think bathing out of a bucket 🪣 for an entire month would equate a second form of hell for me!

I would be so angry that your husband never cautioned you on the way things are in his country…I would definitely discuss it w/him because it was disrespectful of him to not tell you these things.

What do you think Americans in the us did 150 years ago?

We have become so soft as a people and nation

Dolly Parton grew up in a house without running water.