Vent about marrying someone from a very underdeveloped country
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Anonymous
Op here. They have a small gas stove and all the other usual things I.e. table, sofa etc. My sister-in-law who does almost all of the cooking pewter to do it outside since the kitchen is so small and gets smoky. The gas and smoke are much worse here compared to the US. |
Anonymous
Ah ok - never been. My parents are from madras so anything north of Bangalore seems alien to me even when people dump on India, I’m always like “this is not the India I know” - poverty in the south just is expressed differently I think Yeah India is super odd that even the most rural areas in India will have terrible infrastructure and water but will have pizza, Oreos, chips, pretty much all American junk food and high speed mobile internet Toxic combo imo |
Anonymous
Be thankful she uses propane/gas and not cow patties/chips like humanity did back in the day |
Anonymous
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Are Bangladeshis mostly Bengali?
Not that OP would eat it, nor am I advising it but Bengalis are known for amazing desserts and also great fish. Fish curry and rice should be like the daily meal - and it's all cooked all the way through to the point that the fish falls right apart so I don't imagine it's unsafe. Hopefully DH is enjoying some of those foods from back home. |
Anonymous
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The key is to appear successful enough that your parents can brag about you to their friends but not so successful that it appears you have the means to support all the family members in their country.
That's the key according to my relative from Thailand. |
Anonymous
Yeah I mean the toxicity is showing up in SKYROCKETING diabetes rates. It used to be more of a problem for the wealthy big city people - enjoying the fine dining in the luxury places all the time, but has spread to rural villages now too - bc people don't have enough to eat a good diet of fats/proteins etc. and yet when they have a few extra rupees laying around, well might as well grab oreos or pizza and sit here on my mobile phone for hours surfing the internet. Not saying it's necessarily good commercialization for the locals, but it does make it easier on Americans/American kids who have to go back to visit grandparents - they can definitely carve out a diet of cereal with shelf stable milk/oatmeal, toast with jam, pizzas, snacks like chips/crackers/oreos, and then rice/daal/cooked veggies/eggs - and make that work for weeks. And none of these need to be carried from the US as they are all available even in local village shops. I'm sensing visiting Bangladesh is a bit harder than that. |
Anonymous
Op here we can get chips and Oreos here but that's not super important for us. I went to one of the nicest restaurants called Serene Garden and they had good coffee. It's supposed to be the nicest restaurant they have but the sofa cushions were so dirty. Dh's family doesn't like going there. It's cultural. Some of the things that would be fun in the US I am being advised not to do like going out to restaurants. Dh family seems middle class. They have hired help. His nephew has a private tutor but the middle class in the US and Bangladesh look different. They also prioritize things differently. Most of their vegetables and fruits are homegrown. They have their chickens. I hear a rooster now. I don't think everyone strives to have an American lifestyle. If they got a washer and dryer for example where would it go? How would they power it? The electricity gets cut every evening for a hour by the government. It's not always a matter of having they money to buy something. They need space and also the house may not be able to sustain so much electricity. My small mini pancake maker broke the fuse. If they wanted any of these things I'm sure DH would happily purchase them. He used to send money home even when he was in grad school making a meager salary. I think that they are happy with their lifestyle. |
Anonymous
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I find it hard to believe OP.
I am Indian. My family in India is comfortably UMC but I know a lot of people my age who came from small villages and attained financial success in the US. They all send money back to their families and those homes have all the modern amenities like stoves, exhaust fans, Western-style bathrooms, nice furnishings and so on. Bucket baths are a reality because you don’t have good water supply in many places. And there are restaurants galore everywhere serving all kinds of cuisines, and delivery services that will bring hot food to your door in minutes. And everyone has maidservants and cooks are not uncommon. |
Anonymous
Op here. He has told me a billion times not to speak about owning a house. Here they don't get mortgages so if we tell them we bought a house they will think we bought it in cash. Dh works for a big pharm company as a researcher and I am a social worker in a hospital in the US. |
Anonymous
Op here. Yes, I am a troll  here you are woken up by roosters and the call to prayer. I have been waking up at 4-5 am every day. Some nights I never slept because I slept too much in the daytime or I was lying awake hungry and had to wait until , 4-5 am to get up. We all sleep in the same bed (dh and 2 kids) surrounded by a mosquito net and we need to secure it under the mattress whenever we get up. I have never been to India but I have been told it's more modern than Bangladesh. In Dhaka, the traffic is so crazy. There aren't crosswalks. You have cars coming at you while you're trying to get across the street.
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Anonymous
Right - they sound middle class with their hired help and tutoring and I'd venture to guess nephew goes to private school. OP this is just how it is in other parts of the world. This isn't as dire as you made it sound. I mean if you think this is bad, have DH/his family drive you through an actual village, you will be utterly shocked. Do you spend a ton of time on DCUM where people whine that making $600k/yr and living in Bethesda is a hand to mouth struggle and they'll never retire bc at age 40 they only have $4 mil in the 401k? In other parts of the world - this IS middle class. And yes infrastructure tends to suck so it's easier to have your cleaning lady do your wash by hand than to install a washer/dryer which will short out a thousand times bc the power and water infrastructure isn't there. I'd try to relax and enjoy it a bit esp since it seems like his family likes you. Eat some of the homecooked food, chat it up with his family about life there, ask them to take you out and show you around just a bit. And maybe start watching 90 Day Fiance when you get back here - you'll see for real how it is in poorer nations whether Asia or Africa or whatever. I don't think you understand how "easy" you have it being there in a middle class home vs. what it COULD have been if DH was truly from a village where you'd be sleeping on a mat on the floor and getting 1 roti per day, forget your pizza. |
Anonymous
Bangladesh is technically richer per capita than India But I think that’s because you have more indigenous people in India included in this So you might be right that “people in poverty connected to the outside world”, Bangladesh might be worse off |
Anonymous
Oh interesting. I always say India truly took a leap into the middle class once mortgages became available. Before that it was what Bangladesh is now - you worked your whole life saving up so that hopefully by retirement you could buy something in cash - so that you wouldn't have the threat of rent increases hanging over you in retirement; of course not everyone could buy so many do live their whole lives in a rental. But yeah in a place like that if you say you own a home in the US, people will legit believe you plunked down $1.2mil in cash for your home in Bethesda. |
Anonymous
Op isn’t visiting a middle class Bengali Indian home where they will have awesome desserts and fish all the time and then retire to have chai and political/philosophical discourse/debate! |
Anonymous
Wtf. You have half a suitcase per person and you brought a pancake mixer. What even is that? How about a bowl and a spoon? Also, don’t bring mix if you must have pancakes. They’re pretty easy to make from basic ingredients they have there |