Not sexually fulfilled in otherwise great marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like there’s some shame going on. Is there anything on his youth/childhood that might explain this?

Op here. Honestly I really don’t think so. He has done all these things before. I think he is really just stuck in his ways at this point. And now that others mentioned it, maybe he is afraid of not being able to perform in other positions. I really don’t know.

Dear OP, you must actually have the conversation with your DH, not with us. What is your plan to do so?

I have brought up many times that it upsets me. But clearly I have to be more direct in my questioning. I don’t even know how to ask something like that without hurting his feelings in some way though. But I guess that’s what needs to happen.

Why not just glance out say it? I want to do x position?

Oh I absolutely have directly said that. Multiple times. On multiple occasions. He either just ignores my request completely or says no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d figure out a way to get past this if I were you.

The idea that you might meet someone who checks all the boxes and is also indefinitely igniting passion is absurd.

Op here. Logically, I know you are right. I really do. Except it’s simply not that easy. Like I said, I fully acknowledge that nobody is perfect. I just wish it was something else that was the problem and not this. Because this is hard to get past when you are talking about the rest of your life.

If you divorce you will be very disappointed. The quality of men out there is very very low. Sex will be the least of your worries.

Not sure why you’re saying that as an absolute fact. It’s obnoxious.

It’s probably 99% certain. Even if you do find someone who isn’t a loser, he’ll likely have kids and baggage. You can’t date and find someone in your 40s and expect them not to have baggage.

Exactly. It sounds as though you must have read too many romance novels OP. Sex is overrated. Find other ways to satisfy yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see a therapist but my husband refuses . Normal therapy or sex therapy he refuses it all . That’s why I was saying my situation is similar to OP . No an AP is not the first route obviously but weve been bickering over this for a long time

I understand. After more than 10 years of problems (mostly no sex) I had an emotional affair and came VERY CLOSE to a PA, but I just couldn't do it. Our life is otherwise great but it makes you crazy to feel unloved and trapped. We nearly divorced but started counseling and are doing better now.

DH has also never gone down on me. I enjoy doing it for him. Honestly it's the least of our probems but I have never been with another man and it's a little sad that the things he totally refuses to do are things I may never do, ever. I am up for anything and everything, I just wish he were more enthusiastic and adventerous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d figure out a way to get past this if I were you.

The idea that you might meet someone who checks all the boxes and is also indefinitely igniting passion is absurd.

Op here. Logically, I know you are right. I really do. Except it’s simply not that easy. Like I said, I fully acknowledge that nobody is perfect. I just wish it was something else that was the problem and not this. Because this is hard to get past when you are talking about the rest of your life.

If you divorce you will be very disappointed. The quality of men out there is very very low. Sex will be the least of your worries.

Not sure why you’re saying that as an absolute fact. It’s obnoxious.

It’s probably 99% certain. Even if you do find someone who isn’t a loser, he’ll likely have kids and baggage. You can’t date and find someone in your 40s and expect them not to have baggage.

Exactly. It sounds as though you must have read too many romance novels OP. Sex is overrated. Find other ways to satisfy yourself.

Do you honestly think this is a helpful post?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d figure out a way to get past this if I were you.

The idea that you might meet someone who checks all the boxes and is also indefinitely igniting passion is absurd.

Op here. Logically, I know you are right. I really do. Except it’s simply not that easy. Like I said, I fully acknowledge that nobody is perfect. I just wish it was something else that was the problem and not this. Because this is hard to get past when you are talking about the rest of your life.

If you divorce you will be very disappointed. The quality of men out there is very very low. Sex will be the least of your worries.

Not sure why you’re saying that as an absolute fact. It’s obnoxious.

It’s probably 99% certain. Even if you do find someone who isn’t a loser, he’ll likely have kids and baggage. You can’t date and find someone in your 40s and expect them not to have baggage.

Exactly. It sounds as though you must have read too many romance novels OP. Sex is overrated. Find other ways to satisfy yourself.

Do you honestly think this is a helpful post?

Yes, I do. OP needs to get back to reality. She says she has a good life/family. There is no need to mess it up.

[Anonymous]

Literally grab him by his ball$ and tell him if things don’t change for the better, he won’t be needing these things anymore… Why stay and be unfulfilled?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see a therapist but my husband refuses . Normal therapy or sex therapy he refuses it all . That’s why I was saying my situation is similar to OP . No an AP is not the first route obviously but weve been bickering over this for a long time

DH has also never gone down on me. I enjoy doing it for him. Honestly it's the least of our probems but I have never been with another man and it's a little sad that the things he totally refuses to do are things I may never do, ever. I am up for anything and everything, I just wish he were more enthusiastic and adventerous.

I’m a guy in the mirror situation. Seems like a lot of men think getting oral is the best thing ever, but I’ll never know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see a therapist but my husband refuses . Normal therapy or sex therapy he refuses it all . That’s why I was saying my situation is similar to OP . No an AP is not the first route obviously but weve been bickering over this for a long time

I understand. After more than 10 years of problems (mostly no sex) I had an emotional affair and came VERY CLOSE to a PA, but I just couldn't do it. Our life is otherwise great but it makes you crazy to feel unloved and trapped. We nearly divorced but started counseling and are doing better now.

DH has also never gone down on me. I enjoy doing it for him. Honestly it's the least of our probems but I have never been with another man and it's a little sad that the things he totally refuses to do are things I may never do, ever. I am up for anything and everything, I just wish he were more enthusiastic and adventerous.

Thanks for writing this . It gives me hope that maybe I could be more forward in how I’m really about to walk out on him and convince him to go to counseling . I understand some sexual things may be unfulfilled for you and I do hope he comes around

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see a therapist but my husband refuses . Normal therapy or sex therapy he refuses it all . That’s why I was saying my situation is similar to OP . No an AP is not the first route obviously but weve been bickering over this for a long time

I understand. After more than 10 years of problems (mostly no sex) I had an emotional affair and came VERY CLOSE to a PA, but I just couldn't do it. Our life is otherwise great but it makes you crazy to feel unloved and trapped. We nearly divorced but started counseling and are doing better now.

DH has also never gone down on me. I enjoy doing it for him. Honestly it's the least of our probems but I have never been with another man and it's a little sad that the things he totally refuses to do are things I may never do, ever. I am up for anything and everything, I just wish he were more enthusiastic and adventerous.

That sux… Life is too short. Enjoy your same, plain cereal and not the variety packs!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like there’s some shame going on. Is there anything on his youth/childhood that might explain this?

Op here. Honestly I really don’t think so. He has done all these things before. I think he is really just stuck in his ways at this point. And now that others mentioned it, maybe he is afraid of not being able to perform in other positions. I really don’t know.

Dear OP, you must actually have the conversation with your DH, not with us. What is your plan to do so?

I have brought up many times that it upsets me. But clearly I have to be more direct in my questioning. I don’t even know how to ask something like that without hurting his feelings in some way though. But I guess that’s what needs to happen.

Why not just glance out say it? I want to do x position?

Oh I absolutely have directly said that. Multiple times. On multiple occasions. He either just ignores my request completely or says no.

So why don't you just ignore his no and hop on where and when you want?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like there’s some shame going on. Is there anything on his youth/childhood that might explain this?

Op here. Honestly I really don’t think so. He has done all these things before. I think he is really just stuck in his ways at this point. And now that others mentioned it, maybe he is afraid of not being able to perform in other positions. I really don’t know.

Dear OP, you must actually have the conversation with your DH, not with us. What is your plan to do so?

I have brought up many times that it upsets me. But clearly I have to be more direct in my questioning. I don’t even know how to ask something like that without hurting his feelings in some way though. But I guess that’s what needs to happen.

Why not just glance out say it? I want to do x position?

Oh I absolutely have directly said that. Multiple times. On multiple occasions. He either just ignores my request completely or says no.

So why don't you just ignore his no and hop on where and when you want?

Imagine giving this “advice” to a man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like there’s some shame going on. Is there anything on his youth/childhood that might explain this?

Op here. Honestly I really don’t think so. He has done all these things before. I think he is really just stuck in his ways at this point. And now that others mentioned it, maybe he is afraid of not being able to perform in other positions. I really don’t know.

Dear OP, you must actually have the conversation with your DH, not with us. What is your plan to do so?

I have brought up many times that it upsets me. But clearly I have to be more direct in my questioning. I don’t even know how to ask something like that without hurting his feelings in some way though. But I guess that’s what needs to happen.

Why not just glance out say it? I want to do x position?

Oh I absolutely have directly said that. Multiple times. On multiple occasions. He either just ignores my request completely or says no.

So why don't you just ignore his no and hop on where and when you want?

Imagine giving this “advice” to a man.

Op here. This is exactly what I was gonna say. There is such a double standard. I would do never something after someone said no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like there’s some shame going on. Is there anything on his youth/childhood that might explain this?

Op here. Honestly I really don’t think so. He has done all these things before. I think he is really just stuck in his ways at this point. And now that others mentioned it, maybe he is afraid of not being able to perform in other positions. I really don’t know.

Dear OP, you must actually have the conversation with your DH, not with us. What is your plan to do so?

I have brought up many times that it upsets me. But clearly I have to be more direct in my questioning. I don’t even know how to ask something like that without hurting his feelings in some way though. But I guess that’s what needs to happen.

Why not just glance out say it? I want to do x position?

Oh I absolutely have directly said that. Multiple times. On multiple occasions. He either just ignores my request completely or says no.

So why don't you just ignore his no and hop on where and when you want?

Yeah, spousal SA is always a good plan. “Ignore the no,” threaten to leave, coerce consent…

This thread is wild.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like there’s some shame going on. Is there anything on his youth/childhood that might explain this?

Op here. Honestly I really don’t think so. He has done all these things before. I think he is really just stuck in his ways at this point. And now that others mentioned it, maybe he is afraid of not being able to perform in other positions. I really don’t know.

Dear OP, you must actually have the conversation with your DH, not with us. What is your plan to do so?

I have brought up many times that it upsets me. But clearly I have to be more direct in my questioning. I don’t even know how to ask something like that without hurting his feelings in some way though. But I guess that’s what needs to happen.

Why not just glance out say it? I want to do x position?

Oh I absolutely have directly said that. Multiple times. On multiple occasions. He either just ignores my request completely or says no.

He’s said no.

Will you respect it or not?

[Anonymous]

I think if you did a poll there are many men and women out there who don't have the perfect ideal sex life in their marriage - their wives and husbands don't have sex as frequently as they wish or do the sex acts they wish or meet all their sexual needs and keep them always feeling sexually satisfied.

I would say you are far from alone OP. Given everything else is good, I am not sure what you have is worth giving up. You have an active sex life and it sounds like everything else is great.

It would be interesting to poll middle age men and women and see what percent say they have the sex life they want and feel sexually fulfilled and satisfied by their spouse. My guess is that number would be quite low.