Insisting that DC's college be within driving distance...reasonable or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it’s fully reasonable. DCUM is not at all representative of most parents.

No, it’s not reasonable. You and OP need to land the helicopter for the ADULTS you’ve raised. And yes, blah blah blah, brain isn’t fully developed until 26, blah blah blah — they are indeed ADULTS.

[Anonymous]

Be upfront. Give them a budget. Help them calculate the cost differences. But, don't use cost as an excuse for some other reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re the parents so you get to set the rules, unless she is now self-financing.

Bingo, end of thread.

You don’t decide when it’s “end of thread.” Do you say “thank you for coming to my TED Talk” too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We never went to parents weekend.
Work is always busy at that time and it was easier to save the $$. Not a big deal, my kid didn’t mind. We are obviously going for graduation, 4 years go by fast. I say let the kid go where they want but make sure they understand the logistical hurdles.

are they ok with not coming back home during Thanksgiving, Xmas, summer breaks? That's flight cost 3 round trips during the most expensive seasons for airfare.

I’ll give you Christmas and Thanksgiving are expensive times to fly but it’s not hard to find affordable flights for Christmas, particularly if you can travel on lower traffic days, which of course college kids can

It's still pretty expensive, and it adds up. I don't think what OP is asking is unreasonable at all.

Flights on Christmas Day and on New Years Eve/Day are cheap if you are willing to do it. DC can go to a friend’s house for Thanksgiving like many college kids going to school far away do.

The point of college is to get an education and build a career. Cut the cord!

Many dorms are closed over winter break, so the student wouldn't be allowed to wait until Christmas to leave or let back in the dorm on New Years. Sometimes the school will have a specific dorm they allow the student to move to if they absolutely have to stay over winter break-but they charge for it (at least at my kids' schools they did.) Also the dining halls are closed so the student would probably end up getting Door dash 3 meals a day. Not much of a money savings after all that.

[Anonymous]

Flight prices are more reasonable if booked early. If the Sunday after Thanksgiving is too pricy, look at Sat night prices. Christmas prices are less of an issue, as the finals schedule is often available well in advance and most colleges on semesters aren't butting right up against the holiday itself.

Consider the difference in price between round trip plane tickets plus ground transportation and the cost of round trip gas (and 1 night hotel, if the 7-hour distance stands). There will be a difference, but not something a 100-200k college decision should necessarily hinge on.

If 1k/year makes a huge difference for your budget, then let the child look for cheaper schools in their preferred states. Far too many financial factors for a college decision to hinge on the travel cost alone.

[Anonymous]

If it’s truly for financial reasons, then ok. If not, way too controlling. Let your kid have some independence.

[Anonymous]

It's not just the airfare that drives up the cost of being a flight away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not just the airfare that drives up the cost of being a flight away.

The average -- yes, there are exceptions -- cost of schools in the South and Midwest (including OOS tuition in state flagships) is thousands of dollars less than in the Northeast. That could could easily offset, and perhaps more than make up for, the transporation costs involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have asked that our DC choose a college within driving distance (6-7 hours). One, we just want to be able to get to her college at the drop of a hat in case of an emergency. We think it would also mean we'd see her, and she'd have the ability to come home, more often. And finally, there is the cost. We just can't afford air fare back and forth for DC on a regular basis, let alone my DH, me and sibling.

Thoughts? DC isn't pushing for the west coast, but certainly the midwest (like Indiana/Wisconsin) or the SEC schools.

Unreasonable. I think communicating financial support limitation is reasonable but distance should be up to your kid.

[Anonymous]

Fine if that is all you can afford. My parents gave me zilch and I did not qualify for aid. I commuted and hated it. Being poor sucks OP. It is what it is.

[Anonymous]

So I think the word "insist" is where your argument fails.

You should "encourage" your child to find a college within the distance you think will be easier to manage (for whatever reason: finances, emergencies, logistics, etc) that also meets whatever other criteria you and your child think are important (cost, specific programs, size, rural/urban, sports teams, etc)

If they are really interested in a college outside your encouraged geographic area, talk about WHY that college would be better than the closer option. IME, kids look at far-away schools that are big-name/popular (which may not meet your other criteria or may have low admit rates) or are located in a specific area they think they like (a big city or in the mountains/by the beach) but which, again, may not meet the more specific criteria for the school itself. If your child has real reasons to choose a specific school (like a specific program that is hard to find or is particularly prestigious) then let them share them with you so you can decide if the whole package of that particular far-away school is worthwhile.

[Anonymous]

OP this is an exceedingly long thread. You're perfectly fine insisting that the college your DC attends be within driving distance. You're paying for the college and everything that goes with that.

People on here are nuts.

[Anonymous]

The need to get there quickly is more a concern for kids who seem shaky (due to mental health, executive functioning issues, etc).

If you can’t afford multiple plane tickets a year, I think your parameters are valid.

The desire to see her often is something you have to put behind you. It will be a sign that she had adjusted well to the college transition if she only comes home for major breaks/holidays. Those come frequently. You have to transition yourself to the new normal.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you can limit where an adult goes to school. You can and should limit what you are willing to pay for.

[Anonymous]

I really have no dog in this fight, but it's hilarious that people can't see the difference in paying tens of thousands for tuition that can be funded by loans and needing to pay cash for plane tickets.