I get upset when high-stakes things go wrong, husband doesn't care

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On the off chance this is real, if I'm at a Michelin starred restaurant, I don't care if I'm staring at a concrete wall.

OP here. I am not a troll! I'm not sure how else to prove it short of posting our vacation photos (which I obviously won't). Just to clarify, it's not the Michelin starred restaurant. We couldn't afford that one, and I'm not sure if it has views. It's the cheaper restaurant at the same hotel.

We've had a few 2- and 3-star Michelin meals in other countries in prior years, and trust me, the food was nowhere on that level. Our food was perfectly fine, but it did not justify those prices. On their website and various reviews, they highlighted the "jaw-dropping" view.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, IDK whether this will resonate, but in both of the situations you have described here the scenario has not just been that you want a peak experience made even peak-ier—it is that you are unhappy specifically because you think other people who are present are getting something better or faster than you are.

If that is in fact a common thread, worth noticing that they are distinct situations and modifying the latter involves some different work than modifying the former.

You're right, this is exactly it. It's really hard for me to get over perceived injustice. Like, if no one gets a view because it's foggy, whatever, it's bad luck. But to watch other people getting what I want and can't get is really hard for me.

Another post said I'm like a victim of Instagram, and it's true. I have really tried to step away from watching other people's perfect lives on social media, but you can't really get away from seeing them in real life.

(Side note, the table in front of us was this sugar daddy in his late 60s and his sugar baby, so to see my partial view, I had to also watch some nasty goings-on between them, and it was just objectively unpleasant).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, IDK whether this will resonate, but in both of the situations you have described here the scenario has not just been that you want a peak experience made even peak-ier—it is that you are unhappy specifically because you think other people who are present are getting something better or faster than you are.

If that is in fact a common thread, worth noticing that they are distinct situations and modifying the latter involves some different work than modifying the former.

You're right, this is exactly it. It's really hard for me to get over perceived injustice. Like, if no one gets a view because it's foggy, whatever, it's bad luck. But to watch other people getting what I want and can't get is really hard for me.

Another post said I'm like a victim of Instagram, and it's true. I have really tried to step away from watching other people's perfect lives on social media, but you can't really get away from seeing them in real life.

(Side note, the table in front of us was this sugar daddy in his late 60s and his sugar baby, so to see my partial view, I had to also watch some nasty goings-on between them, and it was just objectively unpleasant).

I think this post should be a wake up call you need therapy. Instead of thinking "wow I'm in in this great country enjoying vacation with my family, and now a romantic meal with my husband. Yeah, I wish I had a full view but at least I can see some of the view. Maybe we can walk around after and get in the full views.". you thought about how other people were getting what you wanted. It isn't healthy to live with this mindset, and frankly, you are far too old for it. I don't blame your DH for being annoyed. You need to learn to be grateful for what you have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, IDK whether this will resonate, but in both of the situations you have described here the scenario has not just been that you want a peak experience made even peak-ier—it is that you are unhappy specifically because you think other people who are present are getting something better or faster than you are.

If that is in fact a common thread, worth noticing that they are distinct situations and modifying the latter involves some different work than modifying the former.

You're right, this is exactly it. It's really hard for me to get over perceived injustice. Like, if no one gets a view because it's foggy, whatever, it's bad luck. But to watch other people getting what I want and can't get is really hard for me.

Another post said I'm like a victim of Instagram, and it's true. I have really tried to step away from watching other people's perfect lives on social media, but you can't really get away from seeing them in real life.

(Side note, the table in front of us was this sugar daddy in his late 60s and his sugar baby, so to see my partial view, I had to also watch some nasty goings-on between them, and it was just objectively unpleasant).

Um...there is no difference between the perfect life on insta and the perfect life that you think you see in person. I've been the person sitting at the full view table on a romantic night with DH. So maybe you think "wow I'm so mad that she gets that and I don't. Why does her life get to be perfect and mine not?" What do you don't see is my 20 year long battle with an eating disorder and the fact that I'm struggling while out to dinner because I feel guilty about the food and then feel guilty that I can't fully enjoy this because my mind is focused on the food and calories. You need to get over this notion that there is some great injustice done to you. Please get some therapy to learn to deal with this. Your life and your entire family's life will be better.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP! I also feel these things deeply and it’s hard to adjust your expectations in the moment. You very much want to, which makes the whole thing feel even worse. You get stuck in a negative thought spiral.

I would take a step back and not be so hard on yourself on how you should have felt, but really visualise what you really wanted out of the evening and take more ownership of that on the moment. And think about what would provide you with comfort in the moment and ask for that. Maybe. Your DH could give you a hug. Maybe you need to take a calming walk.

[Anonymous]

OP, Did you grow up modest income or poor? I am not saying this in a derogatory fashion.

[Anonymous]

Restaurant with a view is not high stakes. Cancer, career, health of children are high stakes.

Your husband is right that you shouldn’t do these super special nights out if getting a partial view is devastating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP! I also feel these things deeply and it’s hard to adjust your expectations in the moment. You very much want to, which makes the whole thing feel even worse. You get stuck in a negative thought spiral.

I would take a step back and not be so hard on yourself on how you should have felt, but really visualise what you really wanted out of the evening and take more ownership of that on the moment. And think about what would provide you with comfort in the moment and ask for that. Maybe. Your DH could give you a hug. Maybe you need to take a calming walk.

Meh. Unless she could snap out of her funk after the hug, this isn’t good advice. If I were the husband, I would be highly annoyed to be at an expensive dinner without someone who is upset at a partial view and a cold server.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, IDK whether this will resonate, but in both of the situations you have described here the scenario has not just been that you want a peak experience made even peak-ier—it is that you are unhappy specifically because you think other people who are present are getting something better or faster than you are.

If that is in fact a common thread, worth noticing that they are distinct situations and modifying the latter involves some different work than modifying the former.

You're right, this is exactly it. It's really hard for me to get over perceived injustice. Like, if no one gets a view because it's foggy, whatever, it's bad luck. But to watch other people getting what I want and can't get is really hard for me.

Another post said I'm like a victim of Instagram, and it's true. I have really tried to step away from watching other people's perfect lives on social media, but you can't really get away from seeing them in real life.

(Side note, the table in front of us was this sugar daddy in his late 60s and his sugar baby, so to see my partial view, I had to also watch some nasty goings-on between them, and it was just objectively unpleasant).

See, depending on what was going on at that table my husband and I would have gotten a story out of watching them. Not if one of them were beating the other or wev, but—think of that scene in Moonstruck where the young woman throws the drink in the older guy’s face. It’s an experience! That’s what vacations are for.

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine how miserable it must be to go through life like this. I actually feel bad for OP. She's probably robbed herself of so many good memories and experiences because she feels she deserves what someone else has and is mad about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, IDK whether this will resonate, but in both of the situations you have described here the scenario has not just been that you want a peak experience made even peak-ier—it is that you are unhappy specifically because you think other people who are present are getting something better or faster than you are.

If that is in fact a common thread, worth noticing that they are distinct situations and modifying the latter involves some different work than modifying the former.

You're right, this is exactly it. It's really hard for me to get over perceived injustice. Like, if no one gets a view because it's foggy, whatever, it's bad luck. But to watch other people getting what I want and can't get is really hard for me.

Another post said I'm like a victim of Instagram, and it's true. I have really tried to step away from watching other people's perfect lives on social media, but you can't really get away from seeing them in real life.

(Side note, the table in front of us was this sugar daddy in his late 60s and his sugar baby, so to see my partial view, I had to also watch some nasty goings-on between them, and it was just objectively unpleasant).

See, depending on what was going on at that table my husband and I would have gotten a story out of watching them. Not if one of them were beating the other or wev, but—think of that scene in Moonstruck where the young woman throws the drink in the older guy’s face. It’s an experience! That’s what vacations are for.

Oh 100%. Dh and I would have created this completely ridiculous back story about them.

[Anonymous]

This is not high stakes. You are acting like a petulant child. Grow up. High stakes is you don’t want to move and does not care and makes you. Or having a medical issue and he does not care how you feel about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, Did you grow up modest income or poor? I am not saying this in a derogatory fashion.

Wonder if you're on to something. I have a former friend who grew up poor but had a scholarship to an elite private high school so she was surrounded by the uber wealthy. She was so bitter and felt like she deserved things more than others. She was completely incapable of having joy for others successes or things in their life. Instead she whined about why that couldn't be her and how they already had W, X, Y, so why should they get to have Z too?

[Anonymous]

OP you’re really, really out there. Like questionable sanity.

[Anonymous]

It sounds to me that if you're "chasing experiences" that you're unhappy in day to day life. Work on that first.

When I was at my worst with a kid with special needs, I was beyond devastated when a 4 day weekend alone with DH was canceled. It wasn't about the trip exactly, it was that everything else around me sucked and I put that simple trip so high on a pedestal and was crushed when it was canceled because of my daughter. I put way too much stock in the trip and felt like it was all I had to look forward to. It was never about the trip. It was was about everything else crashing down around me.