I get upset when high-stakes things go wrong, husband doesn't care

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I doubt most of the appetizers were 45.00 if the entrees were 60. Chill out.

Here is the menu for reference: https://cdn.chevredor.com/doc/carte-remparts-fr.pdf

Ooof, the French always put the Americans in the back corner w no view.
Next time use a French website to book

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I doubt most of the appetizers were 45.00 if the entrees were 60. Chill out.

Here is the menu for reference: https://cdn.chevredor.com/doc/carte-remparts-fr.pdf

You’re on vacation in France and whining on DCUM about some view you partially missed out on? And that rather than acting like a spoiled toddler along with you, your husband tried to enjoy the moment? You seriously need to grow up.

Posting a menu from a Michelin starred restaurant in the French Riviera? I smell a troll.

How do these trolls come up with these bizarre scenarios? It just seems so specific and ridiculous to not be true. But some DCUM trolls are definitely impressively creative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I doubt most of the appetizers were 45.00 if the entrees were 60. Chill out.

Here is the menu for reference: https://cdn.chevredor.com/doc/carte-remparts-fr.pdf

You’re on vacation in France and whining on DCUM about some view you partially missed out on? And that rather than acting like a spoiled toddler along with you, your husband tried to enjoy the moment? You seriously need to grow up.

Posting a menu from a Michelin starred restaurant in the French Riviera? I smell a troll.

How do these trolls come up with these bizarre scenarios? It just seems so specific and ridiculous to not be true. But some DCUM trolls are definitely impressively creative.

Sometimes when I'm driving home from a stressful shift, I've thought up some pretty creative posts. I've never posted them, but DCUM has a pretty easy formula to make a highly successful troll.

[Anonymous]

On the off chance this is real, if I'm at a Michelin starred restaurant, I don't care if I'm staring at a concrete wall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It took 3 seconds on the restaurant's page to see there are tables with a partial view. But you expected a full view for absolutely no reason and then got pissy that you didn't get one. Ridiculous.

+1, everyone thinks their special.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, your approach ... your intensity, you really should adjust your thinking

OP here. I know I should, esp after reading all the feedback here. I just don't know how yet.

My husband and I were in line for a boat ride the other day, and I was like, "Wow, how are we so far behind in line, we got here 30 minutes early!"

And he was like, "I think we're pretty far ahead in line."

And we realized that he was looking at the 30-40 ppl behind us in line, and I was looking at the 30-40 people ahead of us. And I was like, wow, this is so emblematic of the difference between how we think.

This is such a good example and shows strong self-awareness on your part. I imagine that you are conscientious, and probably good at preparing in advance and avoiding mistakes others of us make. I admire you for being open to dialogue about how you perceive experiences and react to "when things go wrong." This openness might save you some heartache and this is why.

I am your husband in the above scenario and here is what potentially is in store for you over the years, absent a turnaround: Your family won't *treasure* spending time with you. Maybe they will spend time with you and glean some positive things, but your family/friends are hiding some of their true feelings.

My husband and I still do a lot together but he doesn't know that secretly I usually would prefer not to go places with him. After many years, it is at a place that even if he doesn't end up making many negative comments (to him, he is just stating the facts of the situation), around him I am experiencing things "on eggshells" (I hope we don't run into traffic, I hope we can find a parking space, I hope there aren't 30-40 people in line in front of us etc. etc....) because I am worried about his reaction. Even if his comments are slight -- he is not a yeller or anything like that -- his negative comments are cumulative and his attitude and "frowny face" reactions dampen the entire mood. If I am by myself (or with one or more of my young adult kids), I don't worry about any of these things because we all expect imperfections and roll with it. We can have a sense of humor. So by myself I see the 30-40 people behind us but with him, I know I am going to see the 30-40 people ahead - it completely alters every experience. He's not fully aware because in the moment I usually try to ignore it and not let it ruin my experience. He is a loving father and I'm sure his sensitivities and tendency to hyper-focus has helped our family avoid experiencing certain negative things because he worries about things that we don't. But he is truly saddened at the unspoken pulling away he sees from me - and his children. I have tried to gently tell him why and he has tried a few things, but he seems to have concluded it is "just who he is." He's overall a good person so we aren't really mad at him....I think we pity him.....

Despite his deep love for his family, there is one thing that I don't think my husband has been able to "hear" or understand. His unspoken message to us at nearly every family restaurant dinner, family trip, etc., is that we are not good enough -- the enjoyment of spending time with us is not enough to override his funk from the fact that the view isn't as expected or that his entree was delivered late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I doubt most of the appetizers were 45.00 if the entrees were 60. Chill out.

Here is the menu for reference: https://cdn.chevredor.com/doc/carte-remparts-fr.pdf

Ooof, the French always put the Americans in the back corner w no view.
Next time use a French website to book

So… none of the apps were $45. It feels so good to be vindicated on anonymous message boards.

[Anonymous]

CBI, OP?

[Anonymous]

OP-/ your husband is too good for you. The solution here is to divorce him so that I can marry him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, your approach ... your intensity, you really should adjust your thinking

OP here. I know I should, esp after reading all the feedback here. I just don't know how yet.

My husband and I were in line for a boat ride the other day, and I was like, "Wow, how are we so far behind in line, we got here 30 minutes early!"

And he was like, "I think we're pretty far ahead in line."

And we realized that he was looking at the 30-40 ppl behind us in line, and I was looking at the 30-40 people ahead of us. And I was like, wow, this is so emblematic of the difference between how we think.

This is such a good example and shows strong self-awareness on your part. I imagine that you are conscientious, and probably good at preparing in advance and avoiding mistakes others of us make. I admire you for being open to dialogue about how you perceive experiences and react to "when things go wrong." This openness might save you some heartache and this is why.

I am your husband in the above scenario and here is what potentially is in store for you over the years, absent a turnaround: Your family won't *treasure* spending time with you. Maybe they will spend time with you and glean some positive things, but your family/friends are hiding some of their true feelings.

My husband and I still do a lot together but he doesn't know that secretly I usually would prefer not to go places with him. After many years, it is at a place that even if he doesn't end up making many negative comments (to him, he is just stating the facts of the situation), around him I am experiencing things "on eggshells" (I hope we don't run into traffic, I hope we can find a parking space, I hope there aren't 30-40 people in line in front of us etc. etc....) because I am worried about his reaction. Even if his comments are slight -- he is not a yeller or anything like that -- his negative comments are cumulative and his attitude and "frowny face" reactions dampen the entire mood. If I am by myself (or with one or more of my young adult kids), I don't worry about any of these things because we all expect imperfections and roll with it. We can have a sense of humor. So by myself I see the 30-40 people behind us but with him, I know I am going to see the 30-40 people ahead - it completely alters every experience. He's not fully aware because in the moment I usually try to ignore it and not let it ruin my experience. He is a loving father and I'm sure his sensitivities and tendency to hyper-focus has helped our family avoid experiencing certain negative things because he worries about things that we don't. But he is truly saddened at the unspoken pulling away he sees from me - and his children. I have tried to gently tell him why and he has tried a few things, but he seems to have concluded it is "just who he is." He's overall a good person so we aren't really mad at him....I think we pity him.....

Despite his deep love for his family, there is one thing that I don't think my husband has been able to "hear" or understand. His unspoken message to us at nearly every family restaurant dinner, family trip, etc., is that we are not good enough -- the enjoyment of spending time with us is not enough to override his funk from the fact that the view isn't as expected or that his entree was delivered late.

This is a great perspective. My mom is a lot like OP and its exhausting. Going places with her is stressful because there is always something negative for her to set in on.

[jsteele]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I doubt most of the appetizers were 45.00 if the entrees were 60. Chill out.

Here is the menu for reference: https://cdn.chevredor.com/doc/carte-remparts-fr.pdf

You’re on vacation in France and whining on DCUM about some view you partially missed out on? And that rather than acting like a spoiled toddler along with you, your husband tried to enjoy the moment? You seriously need to grow up.

Posting a menu from a Michelin starred restaurant in the French Riviera? I smell a troll.

How do these trolls come up with these bizarre scenarios? It just seems so specific and ridiculous to not be true. But some DCUM trolls are definitely impressively creative.

The poster is posting from France and doesn't appear to be using either a proxy or a VPN. So, at least that much looks legitimate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I doubt most of the appetizers were 45.00 if the entrees were 60. Chill out.

Here is the menu for reference: https://cdn.chevredor.com/doc/carte-remparts-fr.pdf

You’re on vacation in France and whining on DCUM about some view you partially missed out on? And that rather than acting like a spoiled toddler along with you, your husband tried to enjoy the moment? You seriously need to grow up.

Posting a menu from a Michelin starred restaurant in the French Riviera? I smell a troll.

How do these trolls come up with these bizarre scenarios? It just seems so specific and ridiculous to not be true. But some DCUM trolls are definitely impressively creative.

LOTS of time on his hands! (One troll in particular)!

[Anonymous]

Op I would look into an ocd diagnosis and potentially therapy or medication. You are making yourself and likely those around you very unhappy for no reason. It’s anxiety based. Get to the root of it. Has nothing to do with your restaurant window it’s all you.

[Anonymous]

You were alone in a nice place with your DH, and you chose to focus on the table and crap over the whole evening.

[Anonymous]

you should have just gotten up and walked out and done something else