Drinks with female colleague

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Drinks with more than one business associate is okay.

Drinks with one business associate of the opposite sex is not okay.

I mean, this is nuts. A large part of my job is taking strange men out to dinner and drinks. If I couldn’t do that, I couldn’t do my job.

What field are you in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only people I have known who routinely hung out in an opposite-sex pair at work ended up banging, eventually.

Same. Every single time.

I agree. It starts innocently; then an emotional affair and then physical. I know someone who started an affair like this. It took 5 years but the friendship and bond grew over long lunches and after work drinks and eventually it happened.

5 years and your friend never put the brakes on anything. Some people just don’t have control of themselves or respect for their spouse.

I’ve seen this happen too. It’s a slippery slope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only people I have known who routinely hung out in an opposite-sex pair at work ended up banging, eventually.

Same. Every single time.

I agree. It starts innocently; then an emotional affair and then physical. I know someone who started an affair like this. It took 5 years but the friendship and bond grew over long lunches and after work drinks and eventually it happened.

5 years and your friend never put the brakes on anything. Some people just don’t have control of themselves or respect for their spouse.

I’ve seen this happen too. It’s a slippery slope.

It’s not a slippery slope if both parties are mature, committed, and loyal. It’s really not that hard to avoid having an affair. If you lack self-control, that’s a personal problem, not something everyone has.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Drinks with more than one business associate is okay.

Drinks with one business associate of the opposite sex is not okay.

I mean, this is nuts. A large part of my job is taking strange men out to dinner and drinks. If I couldn’t do that, I couldn’t do my job.

What field are you in?

“Service” industry obviously

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only people I have known who routinely hung out in an opposite-sex pair at work ended up banging, eventually.

Same. Every single time.

I agree. It starts innocently; then an emotional affair and then physical. I know someone who started an affair like this. It took 5 years but the friendship and bond grew over long lunches and after work drinks and eventually it happened.

5 years and your friend never put the brakes on anything. Some people just don’t have control of themselves or respect for their spouse.

I’ve seen this happen too. It’s a slippery slope.

It’s not a slippery slope if both parties are mature, committed, and loyal. It’s really not that hard to avoid having an affair. If you lack self-control, that’s a personal problem, not something everyone has.

That only works for ugly people though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only people I have known who routinely hung out in an opposite-sex pair at work ended up banging, eventually.

Same. Every single time.

I agree. It starts innocently; then an emotional affair and then physical. I know someone who started an affair like this. It took 5 years but the friendship and bond grew over long lunches and after work drinks and eventually it happened.

5 years and your friend never put the brakes on anything. Some people just don’t have control of themselves or respect for their spouse.

I’ve seen this happen too. It’s a slippery slope.

It’s not a slippery slope if both parties are mature, committed, and loyal. It’s really not that hard to avoid having an affair. If you lack self-control, that’s a personal problem, not something everyone has.

People with this attitude are sadly most likely to succumb to an affair. And it’s not intentional. They convince themselves they have self-control, therefore they don’t set appropriate boundaries. It takes only a hint of chemistry with another person for things to spiral out of control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only people I have known who routinely hung out in an opposite-sex pair at work ended up banging, eventually.

Same. Every single time.

I agree. It starts innocently; then an emotional affair and then physical. I know someone who started an affair like this. It took 5 years but the friendship and bond grew over long lunches and after work drinks and eventually it happened.

5 years and your friend never put the brakes on anything. Some people just don’t have control of themselves or respect for their spouse.

I’ve seen this happen too. It’s a slippery slope.

It’s not a slippery slope if both parties are mature, committed, and loyal. It’s really not that hard to avoid having an affair. If you lack self-control, that’s a personal problem, not something everyone has.

People with this attitude are sadly most likely to succumb to an affair. And it’s not intentional. They convince themselves they have self-control, therefore they don’t set appropriate boundaries. It takes only a hint of chemistry with another person for things to spiral out of control.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My job involves a lot of travel and a lot of cocktails and dinners, sometimes 1:1 and sometimes with a woman.

It has always been professional. I have a lot of strong business relationships with women and men, and have never considered banging any of them.

I am a very high performer with a high income.

The predominant attitude here that there’s something wrong with 1:1 mixed gender dinners or drinks is outrageous and toxic. Grow up.

No real question is how come no women ever made move on you? What does that say about you? Also, what does bold got to do with anything?

DP but similar - lots of travel, plenty of evenings in restaurants and bars with colleagues/peers with great socialization and no woman has ever made a move on me afaik. So what does it say about me? Either that I’m sending out “closed” vibes or I’m clueless or I’m unappealing, or some combination of these.

+1
NP and female who travels internationally 25% of the time and I have never either been approached or witnessed any funny business in 20 years of work travel. Of course everyone eats out and, no, I don’t only get dinner with female coworkers. Most people are just tried and want to FaceTime their partners and kids and go to bed. The single people tend to work out or work even more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only people I have known who routinely hung out in an opposite-sex pair at work ended up banging, eventually.

Same. Every single time.

I agree. It starts innocently; then an emotional affair and then physical. I know someone who started an affair like this. It took 5 years but the friendship and bond grew over long lunches and after work drinks and eventually it happened.

5 years and your friend never put the brakes on anything. Some people just don’t have control of themselves or respect for their spouse.

I’ve seen this happen too. It’s a slippery slope.

It’s not a slippery slope if both parties are mature, committed, and loyal. It’s really not that hard to avoid having an affair. If you lack self-control, that’s a personal problem, not something everyone has.

People with this attitude are sadly most likely to succumb to an affair. And it’s not intentional. They convince themselves they have self-control, therefore they don’t set appropriate boundaries. It takes only a hint of chemistry with another person for things to spiral out of control.

I agree with this. DH and I don’t travel frequently for work so I can’t speak to that but after work drinks one on one are a no go. It is situational so it’s not like there is a hard line in the sand but I would not feel comfortable with him or I meeting up after work to drink with a member of the opposite sex, especially on a repeated basis.

Work crushes can and do happen and I imagine spending extra time drinking with that person is a surefire way to escalate things. It’s hubris to think you’re immune feeling attracted to someone that isn’t your spouse. Even if it’s just flirting and not physical, it’s not a great position to put yourself in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My job involves a lot of travel and a lot of cocktails and dinners, sometimes 1:1 and sometimes with a woman.

It has always been professional. I have a lot of strong business relationships with women and men, and have never considered banging any of them.

I am a very high performer with a high income.

The predominant attitude here that there’s something wrong with 1:1 mixed gender dinners or drinks is outrageous and toxic. Grow up.

No real question is how come no women ever made move on you? What does that say about you? Also, what does bold got to do with anything?

DP but similar - lots of travel, plenty of evenings in restaurants and bars with colleagues/peers with great socialization and no woman has ever made a move on me afaik. So what does it say about me? Either that I’m sending out “closed” vibes or I’m clueless or I’m unappealing, or some combination of these.

+1
NP and female who travels internationally 25% of the time and I have never either been approached or witnessed any funny business in 20 years of work travel. Of course everyone eats out and, no, I don’t only get dinner with female coworkers. Most people are just tried and want to FaceTime their partners and kids and go to bed. The single people tend to work out or work even more.

We often travel in pairs and most of the time it’s a male coworker. No avoiding spending hours together alone. These days most of our time alone is at airports and then we are usually sitting next to each other on the flight. We also share a rental car so that leads to sharing music taste, podcasts, talking about our personal lives, etc.

I have a crush on one of the guys I travel with but would never act on it but it makes travel fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My job involves a lot of travel and a lot of cocktails and dinners, sometimes 1:1 and sometimes with a woman.

It has always been professional. I have a lot of strong business relationships with women and men, and have never considered banging any of them.

I am a very high performer with a high income.

The predominant attitude here that there’s something wrong with 1:1 mixed gender dinners or drinks is outrageous and toxic. Grow up.

No real question is how come no women ever made move on you? What does that say about you? Also, what does bold got to do with anything?

DP but similar - lots of travel, plenty of evenings in restaurants and bars with colleagues/peers with great socialization and no woman has ever made a move on me afaik. So what does it say about me? Either that I’m sending out “closed” vibes or I’m clueless or I’m unappealing, or some combination of these.

+1
NP and female who travels internationally 25% of the time and I have never either been approached or witnessed any funny business in 20 years of work travel. Of course everyone eats out and, no, I don’t only get dinner with female coworkers. Most people are just tried and want to FaceTime their partners and kids and go to bed. The single people tend to work out or work even more.

We often travel in pairs and most of the time it’s a male coworker. No avoiding spending hours together alone. These days most of our time alone is at airports and then we are usually sitting next to each other on the flight. We also share a rental car so that leads to sharing music taste, podcasts, talking about our personal lives, etc.

I have a crush on one of the guys I travel with but would never act on it but it makes travel fun.

Oh yeah, girl. Get back to us in 5-10 years.

[Anonymous]

Like I said, you lack self control. You probably can’t stop drinking when you have a couple either. There’s no excuse to cheat, whether you’re on work travel, dinner 1:1, etc. Have some discipline and stop blaming forces beyond your control. It’s 100% in your control and you’re just saying you have a weak mind or you just want to cheat and can’t admit you’re a dirt bag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if she’s married but works for him and is 5-10 years younger?

The colleague could be me. I’ve been married to my wife for several years now. I would have no interest in your husband/my colleague.

Okay, what if she is straight and attractive?

So what if she is? The question is why are you so insecure that you’re asking some anonymous board. Grow up. Either you trust him and the foundation of your marriage or you don’t. It’s just a drink.

Just stupid guy here but you sound awfully naive. Just sayin'

NP. People who are going to break the boundaries are going to do that. Spouses shouldn’t be in the position of putting leashes on them. So, yes, it happens. But with the people who do it, seems like they were going to stray given the opportunity.

LOL. You would think, right? When your di*k gets the control stick, game over. Women's mistake, IMHO, is that you seem to think there are two groups of guys. There isn't. Your faithful husband will be faithful no more if the mood is right. Don't get me wrong, i have never done it to my wife and i am aware enough not to put myself in that situation.

Hmm, I've long suspected this. Opportunities and all of that.

[Anonymous]

I’ve met all of the women in my husband’s office. No concerns at all, especially if they put it on the firm card.

[Anonymous]

I went out for drinks with a male colleague while at a conference. He had recently ended a long term relationship and ended just venting to me for a couple hours. I think the intimacy of a setting of 2 people leads people to feel they can open up or share more than they would in a group. Even in this scenario, I am sure he would not have unburdened his heart in a group. And while it wasn't anything inappropriate, it still isn't information I want to know about my colleagues. I try and avoid 1:1- not just to avoid impropriety but to avoid the closeness of 2 people alone talking over drinks.